| What is learned in relationships?
Posted: 4/19/2006 6:16:51 PM | | As long as you don't repeat the same mistake over and over and over... you get the point. My grandfather says "A fool learns from their own mistakes and a wiseman learns learns from others" Take what you've learned and use it from there on. | |
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| What is learned in relationships?
Posted: 4/19/2006 6:41:07 PM | Yep...agree.
I let a very selfish girl tear me down because I couldn't finance her lavish lifestyle.
My self esteem went to the toilet as I handed over my paychecks...even missed some child support payments. I learned that those "red flags" came up often...and too that I was chasing a fantasy that had little to do with love. I learned that love never takes. I got out...wish her well, but what a ride! I don't think she ever figured out what she wanted...
I know now what I don't want again! | |
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| What is learned in relationships?
Posted: 4/19/2006 7:40:21 PM | I learn that i give way to much of myself in a relationship.
I am either in to them or not there is no grey areas. Which is my biggest flaw at this time in my life.
I know what unconditional love and support is ... for I once had it.
I've learned that that I usally am attracted to the ones that can not give of themself emotionally, for whatever reason.
I talk to much but i also listen just as much.
I am learning to go with my gut no matter how painful it is.. My gut is talking for a reason.
I also learned that my spelling sux.... :) | |
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Migi
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Joined: 12/20/2005
Msg: 30 | |
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| What is learned in relationships?
Posted: 4/19/2006 9:44:29 PM | Red Flags... hmmmm
they change as time erodes your passion
you compromise to the point of almost disappearing
you have to work together
you have to play together
you have to relax together
and still maintain personal space
and like its been said
never go to bed and sleep
if your angry, hurt or sad
or if your feeling mad
the bad will fester overnight
soon your love will be out of sight.
Love is blind for some time
then is when you decide
do you work to make it work
or do you let it slide.
I saw my own red flags
and ignored them for too long
now things can really drag
feelin those hurtin songs
I learned if you cut an artery
you bleed to death fast
if you break a heart
your bleeding will last
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| What is learned in relationships?
Posted: 4/19/2006 10:41:03 PM | For me, every relationship I've been in has been about self discovery. I find out a bit more about me, my needs, wants, and how I am with another person.
I've learned what many of my limitations are, what I will truly put up with and what I won't. What I can and can not live with.
Putting the other person first, doesn't mean forgetting about what's important for you. You need to be sure your needs are being met also.
If you don't love yourself first, how will you be able to love someone else.
I'd rather be alone than in a bad relationship.
Just because you care about a person and they care about you, doesn't mean that you're good for each other, need to be together or even should be together. Sometimes leaving is the best thing for you both.
I had to learn not to try and fix what was ailing my partner. Whatever issues they have, I can't fix them. I can only offer encouragement, if they want to fix them.
And last but not least: Life is too short to sweat the small stuff. Have some fun in life.
These lessons have been very helpful to me. They've help me to mature and improve over the years. Hope they can help you too. | |
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| What is learned in relationships?
Posted: 4/19/2006 11:13:25 PM | I think that people who push people away are doing it as a preventative measure, you know like waiting for the "boot to drop". Push them before they push you.
It may be a self-esteem issue, it was for my boyfriend. He always had this thought that I was going to leave him, so he pushed first and then blamed me. But its all good.
you know some good advice, "Dance like nobody is watching, and love like its never going to hurt", or you could be missing out on a chance of a lifetime. So if you get hurt, no big deal pick yourself up, brush yourself off and move on, you will never have to wonder "what could have been". | |
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tazgal
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Joined: 1/18/2006
Msg: 34 | |
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| What is learned in relationships?
Posted: 4/20/2006 6:31:09 PM | | Hi, everyone=) your insights have been helpful but I have a really weird dilemma so to say. I will try to explain it; I phsyically died (honoestly) and I've been through two other near death experiences, here is the weird part, I don't know who I am, not as being adopted or anything along that line. Inside I don't know who I am, I still have my memories of the past but they seem like they are not mine, I know that I shouldn't be entering in a relationship this way, and I'm not schizophranic or anything, I'm a strong, intellegent, nice man and that about all I know about who I am, sometimes I feel as if I don't exsist, as well as other things. Here is the question about relationships(if you were wondering where I was going with this) How do I describe myself and even be myself around my partner if I don't know who I am? In my profile I used my past memories to explain who I was, but that not who I am I feel like I have to recreate myself in order to be myself, because my past holds way too many traumatic experiences, I guess in a way its a good thing because how many chances do you get to recreate yourself. I would very much appreciate any responses, Thank you=) What a dilemma huh=) | |
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| What is learned in relationships?
Posted: 4/20/2006 7:14:09 PM |
(Msg 36) In my profile I used my past memories to explain who I was, but that not who I am I feel like I have to recreate myself in order to be myself...
That may be to your advantage. Many people are only too sure of who they are, so they believe, and become set in their ways.
One thing I have learned is a romantic relationship is not a friendship. I, like most others, looked for someone like me. Someone similar. Someone who enjoyed the same activities and held the same beliefs. A buddy. A pal. I was wrong.
I have since learned a friendship grows out of a romantic relationship. A romantic relationship does not grow out of a friendship. If I am drawn to a person I will want to be with that person regardless of what activities we may be doing. That is the "trick" to a happy relationship. There are less disagreements and power struggles (one wanting their own way) because the enjoyment is not in doing what I want to do but in doing anything with that person. The focus shifts from selfishness to selflessness.
The point? If/when you cross paths with someone who wants to get to know you, give it a try. If you meet someone you would like to be with then go for it. Go out a few times and see how you feel even if you think you have nothing in common. If the connection happens it won't make any difference if you have things in common or not. You will start to do things together and then you will have things in common. Really quite simple and it has worked in my relationship. If two people love each other that's all the "things in common" they need. | |
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| What is learned in relationships?
Posted: 4/20/2006 7:20:29 PM | | I HAVE LEARNED THAT A PERSONS PAST SHOULD STAY THERE, EVERYONE MAKES MISTAKES AND ITS NOT BAD AS LONG AS YOU LEARN FROM THEM. | |
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| What is learned in relationships?
Posted: 4/20/2006 7:46:36 PM | Hi 2a4r5i225,
Pretend your at a funeral. All your closest friends and family are there. They are not there to morn poor uncle Bob. Who smoked 3 packs a day and who's best friends were John Walker and his brothers Black and Red (George Thurogood). It's "Your Funeral". And uncle Bob is at the podeum ready to speak about his nephew. What would you like to hear him say? In effect, what do you want to be remembered by? More importantly, what type of person do you want to be! Start from the end and work back wards. As Covey says in his book Seven Habits of Highly Successfull People. "Begin with an end in mind" Define who you want to be and make it happen!
Jerry. | |
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| What is learned in relationships?
Posted: 4/20/2006 10:50:03 PM | Hi, everyone, that was helpful points, Thank you all=). Mommyf25, I agree that the past is past but in my case if I let go, my past is dead, I will literally have no past, which isn't easy to let go of especially, I have a daughter, that means she would be dead to me because that is part of my past memories, that is not an easy thing to let go of., Don't get me wrong I love and miss my daughter very much, and there is a chance that I might or might not see her again someday, I see and understand what everyone is saying, and I agree, since I died I can't let go of the memory of my daughter and my daughter being dead to me, I guess what I'm trying to get at is how do I let go? Thank you again for all of your responses, If you have any options of how I can let go, please feel free to respond.=) another on the brightside what was your best relationship like? If you don't mind answering=)    | |
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| What is learned in relationships?
Posted: 4/21/2006 12:48:45 AM | A relationship is something you both have to work on. Just like a garden, you have to water and feed it. It needs sunlight, rain and a little fertilizer every now and then. Find someone who wants the same kind of garden you do and you will be OK..Don't go to bed angry and be as honest as you can. Try not to step on your mates buttons. You just might get lucky...  | |
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| What is learned in relationships?
Posted: 4/21/2006 1:14:01 AM | The main thing Ive learned is not to assume that you need to be in a relationship to be a whole person. Make the most of the time on your own, with friends*, and while you may want someone to share time with but you dont NEED someone.
*unfortunately you may have to put up with being the token single guy/girl at any parties and yes there will myseriously be a single of the opposite sex of who your friends think "you'll really like her" | |
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| What is learned in relationships?
Posted: 4/21/2006 10:28:27 AM | Curtis...you are sounding more and more like you really need professional help. Group therapy might work for you. near death experiences cause a form of shock and as to how long it takes to recover is different with everyone.
About your past ... when I was near your age i left my past in the past and made a new life then after that made another ... life is a sucession of changes ... nothing stays the same.
You cannot selectively not remember things from your past ...
you can put them in context of that was then but now you are different.
everyone goes throught that ...not just you.
As you age its funny but your childhood memories start to return more often and your 20's and 30's memories fade. Memories are like dreams and not always real or true. The sooner you come to grips with that the better your life will be. We try to remember the good and forget the bad but it doesn't always work that way. Take what you have and use it to the best possible end you can think of. Don't dwell ... sleep on a problem and write the morning answer down then move on.
Your daughter will always be your daughter but remember she has her own life to live and will.
If you start building things it will make you feel like you are acomplishing things because you will be and then you won't be nothing in your mind anymore. Because that's all that is ... its in your mind and attitude is everything.
good luck. | |
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| What is learned in relationships?
Posted: 4/21/2006 2:46:22 PM | We gather different perspectives on what life and the world is about. We solve the riddles of the soul, the spirit and time. We learn how others relate to the world and each other.
If you're not curious, it has no value at all. | |
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| What is learned in relationships?
Posted: 4/21/2006 6:15:07 PM | I learned that pretty isn't always better..if a person seems attractive on the outside has a good "personality' and is fun..it doesn't mean that they really are.
Do not jump into the water without testing it with your toe first cause odds are it's ice cold and your going to freeze your ass off! I think that's the look before you leap thing coming into play. Don't rush into it all trusting and blind it's a huge mistake to wear blinders and rose colored glasses. | |
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| What is learned in relationships?
Posted: 4/21/2006 8:00:16 PM | I have learned a few things;
Never go to bed angry with each other... you always wake up to a situation that is worse then it was the night before.
Pick your battles... there are some things worth fighting over, but there are so many things that are not.
Don't try to become what someone wants you to be... be true to yourself always, if you lose touch with that then you won't know who you are if the relationship ends. | |
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| What is learned in relationships?
Posted: 4/21/2006 9:48:03 PM | I know I'm going to sound like a paranoid stalker when I say this, but...
1.) Take your time & observe whom you wish to date for a while. You can learn a lot from a distance if you keep your eyes & ears open while pretending not to notice. Try this when you next order Chinese carry-out & arrive a little early. Sit down in the middle of the bar and see what you can learn about the people around you just by casual observation & listening. Pay particular attention to conversations they may be having, but DO NOT jump into one unless you have information that is relevant to it.
2.) Know your "breaking points" -- the things that, to you, will kill a relationship dead in its tracks -- and watch for telltale signs of their occurrance.
3.) Listen to how your potential LTR talks about his/her family. Anger or resentment  towards those they are closest to will 100% guaranteed be reflected towards you as well. You don't want this.
4.) Does your potential LTR introduce you to their circle of friends within the first two or three months of the relationship? If he/she doesn't, what might they be afraid of?
5.) WHEN your potential LTR finally introduces you to the family/friends, how comfortable do you feel around them? If you feel like the only Art History major at a Hell's Angel's hangout, you may want to remember that birds of a feather flock together.
I guess what I'm trying to say is that his/her words & actions are a reflection of how they want you to view them, while who and what they surround themselves with may be a much more accurate of what they're really like where the rubber meets the road.
Yes, I know... I sound like a spy. | |
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| What is learned in relationships?
Posted: 4/21/2006 9:51:34 PM | | Well I have learned alot from my relationships, what qualities I do and don't like in a potential boyfriend -- I learned to always let yourself fall in love, never hold back because you could be missing out on something good. Be careful who you trust. Be strong. Never let anyone change the person that you are. I could probably go on foreverrr lol | |
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| What is learned in relationships?
Posted: 4/22/2006 5:18:24 PM | I've learned I have selective hearing just like my dog
I've learned I'm not easy to live with but too easy at times.
[just haven't got the timing down pat]   
I'v learned ... "whatever" is a warning sign.
and
if you stop gazing into eachother eyes .. problems arize.
love without passion in the kiss ... well , can it be love? | |
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