| Self Harm
Posted: 2/7/2008 11:56:19 AM |
The world is full of people who have no interest in the odd or wierd ways of others...why should they?
In my opinion everyone on here could come up with a list of excuses as long as your arm why they feel justified in self harming...My mum and dad got divorced..i,ll cut myself....my g/f left me i,ll cut myself....my cat or dog died..i,ll cut myself...the list is endless as to what one person perseieves as a crisis another would simply deal with...apart from a few cases where the formation of peoples brains is physically different to those of most humans the brain of one person is exactly the same to that of another...so basically we are all apart from those mentioned responsible for our own thought processes with exactly the same tools.....so really its very unfair of you to expect others to feel in the slightest sorry for you because you choose to hurt yourself...lots of people with the same brain as you have been attacked...molested..etc etc and dont go on to self harm...
as usual frankie... your posts suck... you have no idea... go foooookkkkk yourself..... good for you not having been raped from the age age 5 years old until 13 years old... good for you... you wouldn't feel sorry for yourself... great..... let others deal with what they know for a fact is disgusting and immoral and can't accept what happened to them.... I didn't ask or deserve it.... my now wee daughter is affected by it as I can't trust men to be with her on her own.... HEY... DEAL WITH IT LEIGH.... that is life... fooookkkk offff... y ou have no idea and get sick of you posts just lately.... wouldn't it be great to be perfect like you??? NOT.... would rather be me... at least I have sympathy and empathy and willing to help others.... that is more of a gift than you will ever know | |
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Anneri
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Joined: 5/17/2007
Msg: 27 | |
| Self Harm
Posted: 2/7/2008 12:08:51 PM | Dont rise to it Leigh :(
Some people are very ignorant about things they don't understand.
Yes some people can go through similar circumstances as Leigh for example has and not self harm but it doesn't mean they are coping any better than she is. Going through something as traumatic as that is going to have an effect no matter what direction it takes.
I have known a few self harmers, most within my daughters friends to be honest, she has several friends who have self harmed at one time or another, only one did it for attention, she didnt self harm properly it was more a cry of ' look what i did daddy now can i have that horse'
But a few have done so and one so seriously that she died, intentional? maybe not, we will never know and we have no idea why she did this to herself, not one of the genuine self harmers that i have met have done so as a means of gaining attention, thats the last thing they have wanted, only two have sat down and spoken properly to me and my daughter about it, one hated herself so much she saw it as a punishment, she was sexually abused as a young child and blamed herself, the other was male and he said his felt like a release, that pent up emotions made him feel like his head and body would burst, as though he was overflowing and by cutting himself he felt he was relieving that pressure, he said it didnt hurt it was a relief and a pleasure, i saw him a few weeks ago and he told me he doesnt self harm now and is eating normally ( he was also anorexic) he is happier and more settled and puts it down to an age thing, which it is in some cases but not all.
I don't think anyone can actually understand why people self harm unless they have been there. | |
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| Self Harm
Posted: 2/7/2008 12:11:26 PM | Some people have some pretty hurrendous stuff happen to them in life, some people don't. Some people drink, take drugs, work, spend money, self harm, watch TV, clean obsessively to deal with life...some people don't.
From the little contact I have had with people who have self harmed, attention seeking is the least of their reasons. It may be true for some, but in my limited experience, it is not something that has been advertised, in fact is has been something very hidden. There are various reasons, the main one that I have come across is that 'it is real...it is a pain which i can control...if i feel this then i am feeling something...'...almost like a physical expression of something which contact with another person cannot grasp.
I admire those who are able to express their feelings honestly in this thread.
I wish hugs could be transmitted thru text. | |
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| Self Harm
Posted: 2/7/2008 12:15:19 PM | you know what, i would of loved a life as simple as some of you lot.... fookin hell!!!!!
Frankie?? wtf are you on??
Mr Divine... having worked in the mental health field for the 11 years, you stated, you should know that dealing with 'issues' isnt as simple as just flicking a switch..... you have to be mentally stable ideally for 6 months before comensing therapy, you should also know people take steps back as they undergo this. So how does one take the first steps?
My field we recomend medication, and treatment way, and i mean way down the line.
Passing judgment on others... If you havent lived a life like they have..... you have no right too... | |
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44Boz
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Joined: 6/22/2007
Msg: 30 | |
| Self Harm
Posted: 2/7/2008 12:15:42 PM |
whilst i personally feel pity [...]
Haven't read any post asking for that.
[...]for those that self harm i can fully understand [...]
That might go down a little better. | |
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| Self Harm
Posted: 2/7/2008 12:25:53 PM | "Self harmers in the truist form do it as a coping mechanism, whether it be done for distraction purposes or for release. Those who do it for attention wouldnt that be a form of munchousen?"
Nail hit squarely on the head. People believe self harm is done for attention, you could not be any further away from the truth, the marks are covered, not displayed. | |
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Anneri
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Joined: 5/17/2007
Msg: 32 | |
| Self Harm
Posted: 2/7/2008 12:28:24 PM | Frankiei2007 was your post aimed at me?
If so then noone is pandering to anyones behaviour, but to make them out to be pathetic and weak for dealing with things the way they are isn't a way of helping them is it?
Ok so you don't understand why they do what they do, neither do i as i haven't done it but listening to why they do it and accepting it, hoping that the day comes that they can stop and move forward is alot better than just saying 'deal with it' because if it was that easy don't you think that those who self harm wouldn't? | |
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| Self Harm
Posted: 2/7/2008 12:36:14 PM | | lostleprichaun - Cheers mate! :o) | |
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| Self Harm
Posted: 2/7/2008 12:46:01 PM | | I sometimes think people who cut themselves, are in so much emotional pain that they cut themselves to feel physical pain and therefore, for at least a little while, it takes their mind off of the emotional pain. | |
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| Self Harm
Posted: 2/7/2008 12:48:34 PM | You're welcome Fiona, no probs.
The problem we have with todays society is the misconceptions that go on about things we do not understand, things move along at such an alarming rate nowadays that we tend not to stop and take in our surroundings, we become naive in what we do not know or understand.
Without witnessing or living an account, or researching, no matter what it is, we cannot honestly form an opinion of any credance, blind "faith" (or should that be "panic") gives the view that comes from our mouths. | |
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| Self Harm
Posted: 2/7/2008 12:53:59 PM | Msg 39 maybe a little insight may at least arm you with some empathy for people that do such things.
Go watch the documentary that made me resurrect this thread.
http://www.bbc.co.uk/iplayer/page/item/b008j3d4.shtml?filter=txdate%3A06-02&filter=txslot%3Aevening&start=4&scope=iplayerlast7days&version_pid=b008j3cq | |
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44Boz
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Joined: 6/22/2007
Msg: 37 | |
| Self Harm
Posted: 2/7/2008 1:10:12 PM |
do you never speak on any subject where you dont have 100% of an understanding?
Not with a closed mind, no. | |
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| Self Harm
Posted: 2/7/2008 3:02:34 PM | | I've just read this thread through and felt that as a self harmer i needed to comment. This is the thing with mt situation.....i had a good upbringing, nothing bad happened to me growing up. So why from the age of 35 did i started to self harm....answer...i don't know or thought i didn't. I know its not an attention thing because i'm happy in my life right now. But i needed to be in control of something. I came to that conclusion with a friend who was trying to help me... for me its about the blood. To see it flow to know that yes, i'm alive in there. Everyone has their reasons for self harming...whatever they maybe and they all have my empathy. | |
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| Self Harm
Posted: 2/8/2008 1:36:53 AM | Cinderfcknrella= from my personnal experience, iam not saying your wrong but i have to differ with you which will remain private i have known them to do that for attention seeking purposes.
I believe this to be just a perception of others who struggle to understand the true emotions of a self harmer.
I can imagine thier is a culture of younger people who now seem to be doing it for attention but i dont believe that to be the case, it is just a more open illness now and when people seem to do something in front of the eyes of others it is percieved as attention seeking.
It depends how you define attention seeking!
Did they start self harming to gain attention, i dont believe so. it can become mixed up as attention seeking but if this was attention seeking in its truest form then there would be no underlying reasons!
it depends how you class attention seeking and whether you belive attention seeking to be a bad thing!
Those who seek attention have something missing, usually that which is missing is the essence of the problem but to seek attention in Britain is seen as such a bad thing we tend to focus on the attention seeking rather than the cause of it.
Self harm is not always a visible thing it comes in many forms and understanding it is the key to moving on from it.
It is difficult to move past an illness when those around you are reluctant to fully understand it.
With regard to Leigh's post and the reactions to it.
Why has it become culture to judge people on thier coping mechaniscms (sp) yes some folk will cope better but everyone is individual and coping is something we learn, we are not born with it, as human beings we require nurture and guidance to live in the society we live in today, too many people are quick to judge instead of offering a helping hand. | |
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| Self Harm
Posted: 2/8/2008 4:37:43 AM | Some sail through all the problems of life and cope and some have trouble coping.
Whatever way their problems manifest themselves, they certainly don't need the sort of criticism being posted on these forums.
One day these people criticising are going to fall down big-time, for one reason or another.
No one goes through life without some pretty major catastrophies, and those that have problems coping with life (and life does throw a lot of nasty happenings to us), do not need the likes of one or two on these forums, who show no empathy and understanding and, in fact, show their immaturity in those posts.
Pam xx | |
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| Self Harm
Posted: 2/8/2008 5:01:07 AM | | Hazel-eyes- i don't think you need to criticize or preach to people who have NO interest an NO sympathy, or can show empathy to "people" who's only coping mechanism is self harming, we all at some point do suffer big time, but the majority do in other ways, Self Harmers need Learn to put up with their hobby or find other coping ways,and realise theres no need to suffer this on their own,but get help for this tragic way dealing with stuff. | |
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| Self Harm
Posted: 2/8/2008 6:37:31 AM | | ^^^ I think when someone who is troubled or has had trouble in the past, comes on here, what they don't want to hear is the sort of posts that have been posted here and on other threads. There are ways of saying things, and quite a few on these forums are completely tactless, and some others also downright cruel. | |
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| Self Harm
Posted: 2/8/2008 9:56:07 AM |
the fact remains that self harming is stupid regardless of the reasons for doing it...it certainly doesnt help anyone unless you believe that hurting yourself is help..
if you self harm or are emotionally weak/disturbed...which self harming clearly is...
i'm sorry but again as a self harmer..yes hurting yourself does help any self harmer will tell you that ...it just does and that is speaking from experience and i'm really sorry to have to break this to you but not all self harmers are emotionally weak or disturbed
to be honest you shouldn't really preach about something you clearly know nothing about. I know these are your opinions and everyone is entitled to their opinions but get some knowledge behind you before you do. | |
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| Self Harm
Posted: 2/8/2008 10:12:23 AM | | you know don't ever be sorry for me about my self harming. I didn't ask you for it. and yes i re-read that statement again and those that don't self harm wouldn't have a clue what goes through a persons head . As for my definition of emotionally weak or disturbed.... i'd like to hear what yours is, because i for one am neither emotionally weak nor disturbed. | |
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| Self Harm
Posted: 2/8/2008 10:39:18 AM | Self Harm is a lot of times the only control they have over their lives or pain.
By hurting themselfs when they choose to , they regain control, relaxation and calm.
With a lot of these people everything in their life has become to painful, to far out of control and not managable. | |
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| Self Harm
Posted: 2/8/2008 10:42:56 AM | This is going to drag on and on.
Frankie - there are a lot of people with a lot of problems.
Some bottle it up, some don't.
Some problems are manifested in various ways. Drugs, alcohol, eating disorders, violence, self-harm, and lots of other ways.
When someone bears their soul on here, can you not at least be a little more tactful. Why don't people at least post some sort of sympathetic post rather than criticising. How can you be so heartless? | |
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| Self Harm
Posted: 2/8/2008 10:44:15 AM | You don't deserve an answer from me.
Those that dont harm? do you mean normal people? because thats what they are...normal...they are in the majority and as defined by the dictionary are normal.
you say i'm not normal to you ...maybe... but "normal " is subjective...... everyones "normal" is different.
definition of normal:according with, constituting, or not deviating from a norm, rule, or principle b: conforming to a type, standard, or regular pattern
so do you think thinner people are a normal? or fatter ones are? blonde hair? dark hair?
So can you quantify normal for me??
theres this definition too......conforming with or constituting an accepted standard, model, or pattern; esp., corresponding to the median or average of a large group in type, appearance, achievement, function, development, etc.; natural; usual; standard; regular
conforming??? isnt that communism?
normal implies conformity with the established norm or standard for its kind normal intelligence; regular implies conformity with the prescribed rule or accepted pattern for its kind
so tell me where the yard stick of normal starts and stops. | |
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| Self Harm
Posted: 2/8/2008 10:49:41 AM | MSG 54
would like "normal" defined.....
its subjective to each area of life/psyche.
do you take sugar? if you do i would say you're not normal, because i don't, therefore you may say i'm not normal.
everyone's normal is different. as is everyone's lifestyle, dress sense, empathic ability, sexual orientation.
to me, someone who lacks empathy (note NOT sympathy) is a little shallow in their thinking.
self harm is usually caused by grief, anger, fear, rejection. some kind of traumatic experience.
it doesn't mean they are not "normal"
please note also...... it is "caused" thus implying something happened.
thank god/dess you have never been affected by life (or have you?) | |
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| Self Harm
Posted: 2/8/2008 10:58:12 AM | No one would feel happy to know someone feels so low that they harm themselves.....people hurt by others is bad enougth but people hurting themselves is clearly upsetting
10/10 .. so why attack those that are brave enough to contribute an honest answer..
No-one knows what makes another be what they are, but to judge and to answer in such away seems to me to be a rather sadistic trait to ones nature..
There are many things that we do not understand about other's behaviour, listening to the experiences of those that are going through this particular point of debate is an education, and should not be dismissed as self pity ..
You never stop learning, and knowledge provides an understanding, although not necessarily an agreement, of said actions..
Edit............................
You wouldnt ask a person on the verge of suicide to list all the things they want to live for...........
Wrong so wrong ..
Actually that is exactly what is done..
It puts things and situations for the VICTIM into perspective, thus leading to a far more rationalised way of thought ..
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| Self Harm
Posted: 2/8/2008 11:15:20 AM |
You wouldnt ask a person on the verge of suicide to list all the things they want to live for
I'm suprised...... no really... i am.
because thats exactly what the treatment is in "some" cases.
nor would you ask a person with the so called multiple personality disorder which was their favourite colour...
why not? it may change from day to day but they would pick one.
another one for you....... definition of a psychopath. someone who is self opinionated and self prasing. text from a psychology book.
in the The Mask of Sanity Cleckley introduced behavioral characteristics of a psychopath that he derived from clinical interviews and other corroborating sources.[5]
Superficial charm and good intelligence
Absence of delusions and other signs of irrational thinking
Unreliability
Untruthfulness and insincerity
Lack of remorse and shame
Inadequately motivated antisocial behavior
Poor judgment and failure to learn by experience
Pathologic egocentricity and incapacity for love
General poverty in major affective reactions
Specific loss of insight
Unresponsiveness in general interpersonal relations
Fantastic and uninviting behavior with drink and sometimes without
Suicide rarely carried out
Sex life impersonal, trivial, and poorly integrated
Failure to follow any life plan
normal is with the majority of people who either abuse themselves or dont..
a little bit of history for you......
are you left handed? i am, in my early school years i was branded abnormal. because confrmity was the in thing. its been seen since that left handed people are possibly more intelligent because they use the right side(logic) side of the brain.
another bit......
do you masturbate? well in times gone by masturbation was seen as self abuse.
as for the rest..... all i can say really as a qualified person. you want other people to conform to YOUR normalcy. isn't that a little ummmm..... weird?
shouldn't people just be allowed to "be"? otherwise we'd all be selfish arrogant pigs and think that we're the only person on this planet that matters.
you can (believe it or not) push people over the edge on matters such as this with the words you've used.
would you desire that on your conscience? | |
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