| True or False, Men turn pages. Women close books.
Posted: 2/18/2008 7:54:36 AM | I remember breaking up with my ex husband and during a talk he said ''well I think we should break up, date other people and then we can still have sex though." I said i dont want to have sex with you now, why would I want to later? His third ex wife put him through hell, tormented him, stole his vehicle and mucked up his house, and still a couple years later he tried to take her back forgetting she'd gone psycho on him. Of course it did not work out.
But there are exceptions. I have a friend who kept taking her ex husband back. He was basically using her for sexual purposes while her heart was still entangled. many years later they tried to get back together even though he'd put her through hell with child support, etc. I think some people would just rather have what they know than venture out into the great unknown. | |
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| True or False, Men turn pages. Women close books.
Posted: 2/21/2008 8:28:44 AM | Hmmm, interesting observation,and I'd have to say, in my experience, it's pretty accurate. It DOES take a lot to get me to the point that I close that book- but once it's closed, it's closed. It is very difficult for me to make up my mind or come to a final, concrete decision about anything, so when I finally have arrived at my final conclusion, that's it. No more chances.
Men, on the other hand, always will turn back a page or two-or several chapters-for sex. | |
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| True or False, Men turn pages. Women close books.
Posted: 2/21/2008 3:45:59 PM | | I close the book if I feel there is nothing positive left to be gained from the relationship. Other than that, I'm more of a "let's stay friends" type of person. If I valued a person enough to be intimate with them and probably tell them I love them, why would I throw them away just because the relationship changed? | |
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| True or False, Men turn pages. Women close books.
Posted: 2/21/2008 5:39:42 PM | Very interesting post, thank you for that.
You have made a very astute observation about women and for the most part I think at least from my standpoint it is true. It does take a lot for me to truly turn my back completely on someone, but once I do that's it..it's done and over. I think bad relationships are like milk--they both need to be put out in the trash when they reach their expiration date.
I've asked male friends of mine and they told me this:
Once a man sleeps with a woman once, they think they can go back and have her anytime they want...I don't know if this is true but I've heard it more than once..so I ask men is this true?? Be honest. | |
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| True or False, Men turn pages. Women close books.
Posted: 3/13/2008 9:51:23 PM | Turning pages or closing books are not a gender specific orientation.......
What is real with most of us is reality and how it hits us, when, where, and with whom. Some times we try to mend, other times we try to escape, and even more times we try to just look at it all and see what options may exist.
I guess I am more of one to work harder at writing the books over reading them......and that my friends can make all the difference........
Just my opinion........   | |
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| True or False, Men turn pages. Women close books.
Posted: 3/16/2008 7:11:23 PM | From my personal experience, when it's over it's over. If there were any spark left, I wouldn't have closed the book in the first place.
I tend to keep spraying the water long after the house is a pile of smoldering rubble. By the time I give up, there's nothing left.
And in my experience, whatever friendly feelings were there are destroyed in the aftermath of the breakup. | |
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| True or False, Men turn pages. Women close books.
Posted: 3/16/2008 7:14:53 PM | | i think it is definitely true.. takes me a while to get to that point.. but i will NEVER go back.. EVER... but have had past bf's who wanted to.. even just for sex.. and i cant help but shake my head... wondering why... coz one or two of them were really bad break ups.. selective amnesia for a night of sex.. | |
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| True or False, Men turn pages. Women close books.
Posted: 3/17/2008 5:23:46 PM | Personally, I have to get to the point where I close the book. I want to make it a 'soft' closing, or as soft as it can be... granted, that doesn't always work. But the book should be closed.
Someone else here pointed out you can't drive down the road well looking in the rearview mirror. That's a great thing to remember, IMHO. | |
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| True or False, Men turn pages. Women close books.
Posted: 3/19/2008 10:08:00 AM | i have to admit, i've been guilty for digging that book out from behind the closet door and always wished i hadn't afterwards. the problem is that i allow the book to 'linger' rather than donating it to the amity...out of sight, out of mind idea. so, yep, my new goal is to ensure that i don't go rummaging into the past again...read it once and then when it is finished, THE END, means the end.
so, i have to say, false...cause i have reopened books again | |
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| True or False, Men turn pages. Women close books.
Posted: 4/25/2008 11:56:37 AM | I`d say i`m 50/50 lol
I`ve turned pages and closed books !
Went back to a ex over and over, until i realised no matter how many times we got back , it just wasn`t going to work. I`d of probably still been with him now if i didn`t get my head on track over it.
Dated guys that messed with my head so i close that book! Just don`t need any of that in my life.
To be honest i think it depends on the situation and circumstances of the individuals , life isn`t a easy ride at the end of the day . But yes i`ve definately done both. | |
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| True or False, Men turn pages. Women close books.
Posted: 4/25/2008 1:20:44 PM | I've done both. But the older I get the less crap I take, the drama makes me ill.
When I'm really done, I'm freaking DONE. Not only is the book slammed closed it's bind, burnt and pissed on. | |
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| True or False, Men turn pages. Women close books.
Posted: 4/25/2008 2:45:44 PM |
Have you found this to be true with your personal relationships or in observing your friends?
No.
Look at any male or especially female who can't seem to 100% end it with the ex. They either keep going back to try again or make a fcukbuddy arrangement with said person.
I hear about so many couples that constantly break up and make up, as well as people sleeping with their exes even though the relationship is over. Both genders do this.
Only time would I see any validity in "Men turn pages. Women close books." is more in the initial meet and "get to know" phases of dating. There women are more quick to reject and close the book on someone while men are willing to overlook a lot or even downgrade the woman from "possible girlfriend" to "possible fcukbuddy".
Not saying that's a good solution...but in my travels women seem more cut and dry with a man until she has emotions for him. Probably why so many guys try to sleep with the girl as soon as possible...so she'll get attached and thus won't easily dump the guy for whatever valid or invalid reasons she has. | |
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| True or False, Men turn pages. Women close books.
Posted: 4/26/2008 9:08:22 AM | False. I could fill pages dealing with female friends that I know that have gone back again and again and again.
Then again, perhaps it is more like "they enjoy reading a book over and over again". | |
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| True or False, Men turn pages. Women close books.
Posted: 4/26/2008 5:01:15 PM | | I always thought the opposite. My guess is that it would depend on the reason the relationship ended. If the guy cheated on you you probably would detest him. If you ended it because he watched too many sports on TV while you wanted to get out of the house more often you may turn back to him after dating a few lousy guys. I myself have never gone back after the end, but I would go back to the 1 guy that ended it with me. Maybe that's more of what it is. If you're the one that ended it you don't usually go back and vice versa. If they left you sometimes you're left still wanting them. Simple ramblings ... | |
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| True or False, Men turn pages. Women close books.
Posted: 4/26/2008 8:29:53 PM | | My old boyfriend and I were more like exclusive friends where we rarely spent time with other people apart. We also recovered quickly from fights for this reason-- even though we may have had ugly differences, the next day we were both eager to get back to the routine of the adventurous stuff we did together. When we broke up and I was willing to accept it-- he kept coming back around. I amused him sometimes-- we broke up in January and after about a month or so I'd get an email and we'd end up spending time together again until we got restless and ended it for months again. I cared about him enough to give him my undivided attention but the substance of the relationship never progressed. Once I was willing to sacrifice any part to him to have all of what I wanted in a real relationship, I was able to fully move on. Well recently he turned the page back again-- this time for my birthday. Any other time I would have amused it but I didn't see the point since there was no desire for him to restore or acknowledge the problems we could prevent from having in the future. Basically, he wants all the benefits of a relationship to me without the obligation because he loves me but not enough to change to be what I need. That chapter is closed and sealed for me-- but I know that if I wanted to see him he'd jump at the opportunity. Not having it. I think I could be his friend again after he comes to me having matured-- but I know he's too proud to ever tell me he made some avoidable poor decisions. | |
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| True or False, Men turn pages. Women close books.
Posted: 4/27/2008 8:38:27 AM | Couldn't have said it better myself Whole 9 Yards.. That would be the only reason I'd turn back the pages as well... for any other reason, I'd have to say the book is best shelved.
Recently I closed a 'book'...and if I thought the ending could be re-written, I'd likely reopen it. There are certain things (ie cheating)that would have me shelving the book permanently... | |
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| True or False, Men turn pages. Women close books.
Posted: 5/9/2008 6:12:13 PM | "True or False, Men turn pages. Women close books."
False, the analogy is inappropriate. Men and women are not books to be used and discarded or kept for later after you are finished obtaining what you want from them, even though some people treat others as such. To me this is similar to the used car approach to online dating analogy or the saying “You can’t judge a book by its cover.” Basically, these analogies imply a self centered, one-sided, approach to relationships without considering the other person as an actual human being.
"Have you found this to be true with your personal relationships or in observing your friends?"
I have found this true with everybody rather than skewed towards one gender.
Men (and women) break off contact, or contact is broken off for them, then they return attempting to obtain their own gratification or seek to meet their own needs.
Women (and men) sometimes have a stable of opposite sex “friends” or “ex’s that are just friends.” No matter how many times you tell yourself you are just friends, or how much like siblings you are, there will always be the potential (if not currently desire) for more.
"I don't care for broad generalizations because you can find an exception to every rule."
Even though you wrote one as your header? Just because you find an exception doesn’t mean the generalization isn’t true. That’s why it’s a generalization rather than a law.
"However, I do believe that our culture begins working on us from day 1 and women and men are definitely encouraged to be very different. I guess that is why I always like to seek out the anomalies because they are normally fascinating people."
Yes, society via our parents and primary social groups support the development of how we see the world and our place in it where we form stereotypes and generalizations to help us actually interact within the place (social group) we ultimately choose to be identified by. Where are the anomalies?
"I think you close books when you aren't enjoying the story. 2 schools of thought: 1) If something didn't work out then why go back to it because the same problem will rear it's head and you break up again. The old adage is fairly accurate, "People don't change." Thus, the possessive control freak who you once dated hasn't suddenly become Mr. I won't be jealous anymore. 2) Circumstances such as maturity or other factors, not the person, dictated why a relationship ended so why not open the books back up now that we're older and wiser. "
You close books when your expectations for the books content aren’t met, or don't have time to read, again one sided, and purely solipsist. I will not bring up those that only read in the bathroom.
There are other adages as well: “once bitten, twice shy,” and, “fool me once shame on you, fool me twice shame on me.” Back to social training; if something hurts you don’t do it again without proper equipment.
I agree that people don’t change. They generally either mature and know themselves better or get better at hiding the fact they haven’t matured. It is my opinion that people don’t inherently or internally change, they just come to realize their own strengths and limitations and how to responsibly live up to them; maturity. People dictate why a relationship ends, the two people in the relationship. You cannot (even though some do, it's still wrong) blame external factors or circumstances (outside of death or some horrendously debilitating disease) for why a relationship doesn’t work. You will or will not reopen that “book” if your paradigm has changed due to maturing, on both sides. The opener has potentially matured, and the book has potentially matured. Therefore it may be a completely different reader, and completely different book. The book hasn't changed, but your ability to understand it and it's ability to communicate itself has.
Based on your analogy and subsequent posts it seems, to me, you are saying something more along the lines that men will throw away the book then rummage around in the garbage if he thinks there might be a dollar between the pages. If he doesn’t find the dollar, he looks in the next book or for a new one.
"…unlike bound paper aren't lives that are ongoing all about rewriting chapters? It's almost like the book is a part of a virtual reality thing and you are attempting to rewrite the ending. A bound and closed book cannot be rewritten. Life and relationships are all about rewriting."
Are you retarded or god? You can’t rewrite life or experiences. If something happens, it happens, it’s called reality. Subconsciously you can reinterpret things for mental stability but with greater self-awareness, acceptance, and growth of your personal core of beliefs/identity you can only accept something closer to the truth of what historically transpired. A bound and closed book can be rewritten; authors do it all the time. Hell, look at movies made from books. There’s some rewriting going on there. However, life experiences and relationships cannot be rewritten, they can only ultimately be accepted, and potentially learned from.
So no, I haven’t noticed a gender bias towards having people on the back burner. I find your analogy false. At most I may accept men and women allow someone else to write a personal (sometimes short) story in the book of their life but they dictate how many pages you get to write on, what font you can use, as well as maintain editorial control. | |
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| True or False, Men turn pages. Women close books.
Posted: 5/9/2008 8:28:18 PM | | Although I think this is true for most I am an exception. I don't like to fail in anything and will go back a second and maybe third time to check and re-check before moving on. Not very productive usually but as I stated before I don't like to fail and the end of any relationship....his fault , my fault, no ones fault is a failure of some sort. | |
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