| True or False, Men turn pages. Women close books.
Posted: 4/25/2008 1:20:44 PM | I've done both. But the older I get the less crap I take, the drama makes me ill.
When I'm really done, I'm freaking DONE. Not only is the book slammed closed it's bind, burnt and pissed on. | |
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| True or False, Men turn pages. Women close books.
Posted: 4/25/2008 2:45:44 PM |
Have you found this to be true with your personal relationships or in observing your friends?
No.
Look at any male or especially female who can't seem to 100% end it with the ex. They either keep going back to try again or make a fcukbuddy arrangement with said person.
I hear about so many couples that constantly break up and make up, as well as people sleeping with their exes even though the relationship is over. Both genders do this.
Only time would I see any validity in "Men turn pages. Women close books." is more in the initial meet and "get to know" phases of dating. There women are more quick to reject and close the book on someone while men are willing to overlook a lot or even downgrade the woman from "possible girlfriend" to "possible fcukbuddy".
Not saying that's a good solution...but in my travels women seem more cut and dry with a man until she has emotions for him. Probably why so many guys try to sleep with the girl as soon as possible...so she'll get attached and thus won't easily dump the guy for whatever valid or invalid reasons she has. | |
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| True or False, Men turn pages. Women close books.
Posted: 4/26/2008 9:08:22 AM | False. I could fill pages dealing with female friends that I know that have gone back again and again and again.
Then again, perhaps it is more like "they enjoy reading a book over and over again". | |
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| True or False, Men turn pages. Women close books.
Posted: 4/26/2008 5:01:15 PM | | I always thought the opposite. My guess is that it would depend on the reason the relationship ended. If the guy cheated on you you probably would detest him. If you ended it because he watched too many sports on TV while you wanted to get out of the house more often you may turn back to him after dating a few lousy guys. I myself have never gone back after the end, but I would go back to the 1 guy that ended it with me. Maybe that's more of what it is. If you're the one that ended it you don't usually go back and vice versa. If they left you sometimes you're left still wanting them. Simple ramblings ... | |
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| True or False, Men turn pages. Women close books.
Posted: 4/26/2008 8:29:53 PM | | My old boyfriend and I were more like exclusive friends where we rarely spent time with other people apart. We also recovered quickly from fights for this reason-- even though we may have had ugly differences, the next day we were both eager to get back to the routine of the adventurous stuff we did together. When we broke up and I was willing to accept it-- he kept coming back around. I amused him sometimes-- we broke up in January and after about a month or so I'd get an email and we'd end up spending time together again until we got restless and ended it for months again. I cared about him enough to give him my undivided attention but the substance of the relationship never progressed. Once I was willing to sacrifice any part to him to have all of what I wanted in a real relationship, I was able to fully move on. Well recently he turned the page back again-- this time for my birthday. Any other time I would have amused it but I didn't see the point since there was no desire for him to restore or acknowledge the problems we could prevent from having in the future. Basically, he wants all the benefits of a relationship to me without the obligation because he loves me but not enough to change to be what I need. That chapter is closed and sealed for me-- but I know that if I wanted to see him he'd jump at the opportunity. Not having it. I think I could be his friend again after he comes to me having matured-- but I know he's too proud to ever tell me he made some avoidable poor decisions. | |
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| True or False, Men turn pages. Women close books.
Posted: 4/27/2008 8:38:27 AM | Couldn't have said it better myself Whole 9 Yards.. That would be the only reason I'd turn back the pages as well... for any other reason, I'd have to say the book is best shelved.
Recently I closed a 'book'...and if I thought the ending could be re-written, I'd likely reopen it. There are certain things (ie cheating)that would have me shelving the book permanently... | |
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| True or False, Men turn pages. Women close books.
Posted: 5/9/2008 6:12:13 PM | "True or False, Men turn pages. Women close books."
False, the analogy is inappropriate. Men and women are not books to be used and discarded or kept for later after you are finished obtaining what you want from them, even though some people treat others as such. To me this is similar to the used car approach to online dating analogy or the saying “You can’t judge a book by its cover.” Basically, these analogies imply a self centered, one-sided, approach to relationships without considering the other person as an actual human being.
"Have you found this to be true with your personal relationships or in observing your friends?"
I have found this true with everybody rather than skewed towards one gender.
Men (and women) break off contact, or contact is broken off for them, then they return attempting to obtain their own gratification or seek to meet their own needs.
Women (and men) sometimes have a stable of opposite sex “friends” or “ex’s that are just friends.” No matter how many times you tell yourself you are just friends, or how much like siblings you are, there will always be the potential (if not currently desire) for more.
"I don't care for broad generalizations because you can find an exception to every rule."
Even though you wrote one as your header? Just because you find an exception doesn’t mean the generalization isn’t true. That’s why it’s a generalization rather than a law.
"However, I do believe that our culture begins working on us from day 1 and women and men are definitely encouraged to be very different. I guess that is why I always like to seek out the anomalies because they are normally fascinating people."
Yes, society via our parents and primary social groups support the development of how we see the world and our place in it where we form stereotypes and generalizations to help us actually interact within the place (social group) we ultimately choose to be identified by. Where are the anomalies?
"I think you close books when you aren't enjoying the story. 2 schools of thought: 1) If something didn't work out then why go back to it because the same problem will rear it's head and you break up again. The old adage is fairly accurate, "People don't change." Thus, the possessive control freak who you once dated hasn't suddenly become Mr. I won't be jealous anymore. 2) Circumstances such as maturity or other factors, not the person, dictated why a relationship ended so why not open the books back up now that we're older and wiser. "
You close books when your expectations for the books content aren’t met, or don't have time to read, again one sided, and purely solipsist. I will not bring up those that only read in the bathroom.
There are other adages as well: “once bitten, twice shy,” and, “fool me once shame on you, fool me twice shame on me.” Back to social training; if something hurts you don’t do it again without proper equipment.
I agree that people don’t change. They generally either mature and know themselves better or get better at hiding the fact they haven’t matured. It is my opinion that people don’t inherently or internally change, they just come to realize their own strengths and limitations and how to responsibly live up to them; maturity. People dictate why a relationship ends, the two people in the relationship. You cannot (even though some do, it's still wrong) blame external factors or circumstances (outside of death or some horrendously debilitating disease) for why a relationship doesn’t work. You will or will not reopen that “book” if your paradigm has changed due to maturing, on both sides. The opener has potentially matured, and the book has potentially matured. Therefore it may be a completely different reader, and completely different book. The book hasn't changed, but your ability to understand it and it's ability to communicate itself has.
Based on your analogy and subsequent posts it seems, to me, you are saying something more along the lines that men will throw away the book then rummage around in the garbage if he thinks there might be a dollar between the pages. If he doesn’t find the dollar, he looks in the next book or for a new one.
"…unlike bound paper aren't lives that are ongoing all about rewriting chapters? It's almost like the book is a part of a virtual reality thing and you are attempting to rewrite the ending. A bound and closed book cannot be rewritten. Life and relationships are all about rewriting."
Are you retarded or god? You can’t rewrite life or experiences. If something happens, it happens, it’s called reality. Subconsciously you can reinterpret things for mental stability but with greater self-awareness, acceptance, and growth of your personal core of beliefs/identity you can only accept something closer to the truth of what historically transpired. A bound and closed book can be rewritten; authors do it all the time. Hell, look at movies made from books. There’s some rewriting going on there. However, life experiences and relationships cannot be rewritten, they can only ultimately be accepted, and potentially learned from.
So no, I haven’t noticed a gender bias towards having people on the back burner. I find your analogy false. At most I may accept men and women allow someone else to write a personal (sometimes short) story in the book of their life but they dictate how many pages you get to write on, what font you can use, as well as maintain editorial control. | |
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| True or False, Men turn pages. Women close books.
Posted: 5/9/2008 8:28:18 PM | | Although I think this is true for most I am an exception. I don't like to fail in anything and will go back a second and maybe third time to check and re-check before moving on. Not very productive usually but as I stated before I don't like to fail and the end of any relationship....his fault , my fault, no ones fault is a failure of some sort. | |
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| True or False, Men turn pages. Women close books.
Posted: 5/10/2008 10:14:55 AM | NO-- my ex's all RUN FOR THE HILLS! LMAO
grin... really I dont think you can peg this either way-- there have been ex lovers whom I would have LOVED to get back together with but they just closed the book -- I on the other hand would have been happy to turn the page... so you can judge this as a failure on my part or you can see this as an experience that simply refuses to quantify your declaration! lol | |
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| True or False, Men turn pages. Women close books.
Posted: 5/10/2008 10:24:27 AM | Just from my own experiences, I have to say that your post rings true. I know once I finally end a relationship for good, I don't go back...and certainly not just for sex.
My ex on the other hand, when we decided to split, asked if he could "come around" once in awhile. I don't remember what my expression was, but I do remember laughing hysterically....umm ya, that would be a definite NO.. | |
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| True or False, Men turn pages. Women close books.
Posted: 5/10/2008 10:48:54 AM | Not even close to my reality OP.....
I have had "ex's" that have come back over and over to try again, or to just enjoy a short term connection. There have been some that moved on dated and married others, and returned hoping to rekindle something, even if just for the short term benefits, and maybe the security of it all.
I believe both men and women turn pages and continue reading that book, just depends if they are on the last page, and the book is now over, or somewhere in the middle and ending just a chapter.
The biggest difference I have seen for many, is that most women will be reading "novels", and most men seem to get caught up with "comic books"........ 
Just my opinion........   | |
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| True or False, Men turn pages. Women close books.
Posted: 5/10/2008 3:38:35 PM | I must be a woman then !
I never go down the sane street twice, once a relationship has gone bad I just let it go and move on.
New relationships are much more exciting than one you have got bored with.
Next ! | |
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| True or False, Men turn pages. Women close books.
Posted: 5/11/2008 6:42:41 AM | | Women close books on lames because lames aren't interesting or creative. In my experiences, my exes all tried to get back with me and keep the relationship going at least on a friendly level. | |
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| True or False, Men turn pages. Women close books.
Posted: 5/11/2008 8:06:09 AM | in my opinion or experiences i have found that men and women both turn pages for a while. It could be that we are convinced that it may have a different ending. It could be because we don't want to face anything new and are comfortable in what feels familiar. Or we think that there is no one else out there. But in general i have found that women have closed the book before the man does. Maybe women are willing to accept change quicker and move on quicker then men.
But in the end we don't change who we are no matter how we read the book the ending is sure to be the same.
We have to change not ourselves but to realize who we are and what we can do to improve our happiness. After all if we are happy, all falls into place doesn't it?  | |
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| True or False, Men turn pages. Women close books.
Posted: 5/11/2008 9:48:24 AM | Yep. It is true. My ex husband insisted for almost three years after we split that he could " fix" whatever was wrong in our relationship. He seemed to think that I was merely angry at him for the way he treated me; he failed to comprehend that the way he had treated me, over time, caused my feelings for him to change, and what was lost could not be gotten back. All the positive changes he made toward the end really just pissed me off, because it was so frustrating to realize that he had been capable all along of being a great partner, but witheld that from me until I had my hand on the door, ready to leave. His efforts were not necessarily too little, but far too late.
As far as sex goes, I had sex with my ex a few times after the split, and it was always good. I had to stop doing that, though, because I didn't want him to think I wanted to get back together.
I have to say, though, that his feelings have made me a bit wary of believing other men when they say they are over their wives. My ex husband has a steady girlfriend, but told me just weeks ago, that all I have to do is say the word, and he'll break it off with her, and put our family back together. I would hate to be in the position of being the girlfriend, as I suspect she thinks he is fully invested in his relationship. I think that there are some men who, when they fall in love, stay in love. I dunno...if I meet a man who is divorced or separated, I really only feel secure if the ex wife is remarried, or has has children with a new man. | |
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| True or False, Men turn pages. Women close books.
Posted: 5/11/2008 11:34:13 AM | | whats the point in turning the pages, when the chapter is closed??? i would and always have done (as you've said) finished with the book, and moved on.....nice way of putting it... | |
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| True or False, Men turn pages. Women close books.
Posted: 5/14/2008 8:58:19 AM | Yup. When I am done I am done. That's why men should take it slow with women like me. If you push the envelope and it was so so. As much as you would call or want to get together I'd be done. I'd have you over, but there would probably be another guy over or a whole bunch of friends just to make sure you don't have an opportunity to flirt or push the envelope again. If the feelings aren't there their not. The sex isn't as good for me. I can't get excited or wet, so what is the point? I'd rather wait until I find someone that I am interested in.
I don't watch movies or read a book twice unless I thought I missed something. The problem is I have got a good memory so it is rare I do go at it again. It's boring and dull. When it becomes so it's work. | |
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| True or False, Men turn pages. Women close books.
Posted: 5/16/2008 10:31:07 AM | | I agree with guitarman and ashley, books "re-read" are usually the most interesting ones. I've closed books, and re-read others. There is no mystery to re-reading, only enjoyment. You kinda figure, unless you are hopeless, that it is ___ that keeps bringing you back. That ____ can be anything from family, sex, security, money, loneliness, or whatever. But if that book offends or brutalizes you enough- you will finally close it for good!! Better not to teeter totter on a dangerous novel. | |
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| True or False, Men turn pages. Women close books.
Posted: 5/16/2008 12:21:10 PM | There is only one man-er book-I have read many times that I would read once more. All other books were returned to the library, and have never been signed out by me again.
I think the OP's anaogy is correct for most women, for most of thier relationships...but there is always an exception...like my 'one book' above. Good reading that one was! | |
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| True or False, Men turn pages. Women close books.
Posted: 5/16/2008 9:33:08 PM | “Men turn pages … Women close books”
I think for the most part, there’s a lot of truth in this analogy.
Women typically develop an emotional connection with a partner far sooner than a man does. When one relationship ends, a woman may be heartbroken, but only until an emotional connection is established with someone new. Hence the old adage “the quickest way to get over someone is to get under someone else.” Once that new connection happens, she usually doesn’t have any interest in returning to a former partner, and any feelings she may have had for that person will have been replaced by feelings for someone new.
Men however, develop that deep emotional connection over a longer period of time. Once they do, they tend to find it very difficult to let that go and move on. A man is much more likely to “carry a torch” for a woman, long after the relationship is over and therefore is more likely to turn back a page because he still feels a connection. Especially if he has yet to develop that connection with someone else.
Of course there are exceptions and the circumstances of a breakup and subsequent relationships will dictate whether there are any feelings remaining, on either side, to go for round two (or three or four )
LH | |
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| True or False, Men turn pages. Women close books.
Posted: 5/17/2008 2:17:10 PM | I definitely close books.
It takes a lot for me to get to the point where I am 'done,' but it isn't like there wouldn't be any warning about it.
I NEVER threaten about anything.
If I say I am done, it is because a lot of thought and soul-searching, and reason, and tears have gone into it actually being the end of the relationship.
--It isn't something to ever to be taken lightly.
There is that part of me that has remained friendly with my exes.
Now, it isn't always possible to keep in contact with them
(like weirding-out my ex-husband's new wife, so I no longer call to wish him a happy birthday, or anything, to be respectful of her),
but if we were in a relationship to begin with, we would have had enough love and respect for each other to remain civil to each other after the relationship is over.
To me, it is only right.
It isn't like we try to hang out with one another, or anything like that...
'Just say "hi" to your mom for me' is sometimes plenty.
I can't answer for anybody else but me. | |
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P.P.
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Joined: 3/2/2008
Msg: 90 | |
| True or False, Men turn pages. Women close books.
Posted: 5/17/2008 3:36:40 PM | This is a great topic! I can say I have always closed the book, not that I didn't consider turning a page but I never thougth I could do it with out getting my feelings involved again.
I think I am the only one of my girlfriends that has never used a spin ticket...
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