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Show ALL Forums  > Ontario  > WHY DON'T MEN TAKE THE FIRST STEP ANYMORE???      Home login  
 AUTHOR
 My I
Joined: 1/23/2007
Msg: 226
WHY DON'T MEN TAKE THE FIRST STEP ANYMORE???Page 10 of 13    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13)
As a test:

For those who read/deleted you, maybe send them a message stating you were happy she ignored you. "I ran across a friend of yours. Your friend recommended I not pursue you. In fact, your friend recommended I not send you this message."

Women are curious and defensive by nature... when she responds to you - "read/delete"

Don't respond

**feel like shit disturbing today**
 Bach2010
Joined: 8/5/2006
Msg: 227
WHY DON'T MEN TAKE THE FIRST STEP ANYMORE???
Posted: 7/13/2007 1:01:23 PM

The problem is the number of males to females on these sites...perhaps it's time males take their place as the selective species, since world population numbers show there are more females than males




Bingo!
 Love_on_fire
Joined: 12/31/2006
Msg: 228
WHY DON'T MEN TAKE THE FIRST STEP ANYMORE???
Posted: 7/13/2007 1:30:03 PM
The problem is the number of males to females on these sites...perhaps it's time males take their place as the selective species, since world population numbers show there are more females than males






Bingo!


Double Bingo!!....very true. I personally always use to take the first step like two years ago, even last year....but sometimes some of us can get discouraged too, and when that happens, we may not intiate a message as much as we normally would. This has happened with me. I was one that always liked to contact someone and get a conversation started and so forth, just to show that I am interested? .....Now I still do.....but I honestly havn't been sending NEARLY as many initial e-mail to ladies, infact this year like in the past 7 months or so I probably sent maybe alittle more then a handful like 7 or 8 initial e-mails to others, also, it has been ladies sending me the initial messages or IM-ing me and so forth most of the time,....and I think it's ok sometimes. Infact the last time I actually initiated an IM with someone who I didn't chat with before was last year in December. I just don't do that....sometimes you just get down and discouraged and you just almost feel like you want to give up, and wait for the ladies to initiate something, and that has worked pretty well. But I do agree that 'traditionally' it is better for the guy to initiate things.

 Arlo Troutman
Joined: 11/16/2006
Msg: 229
WHY DON'T MEN TAKE THE FIRST STEP ANYMORE???
Posted: 7/13/2007 4:34:44 PM

As a test:

For those who read/deleted you, maybe send them a message stating you were happy she ignored you. "I ran across a friend of yours. Your friend recommended I not pursue you. In fact, your friend recommended I not send you this message."

Women are curious and defensive by nature... when she responds to you - "read/delete"

Don't respond


BUA-HA-HA-HA!!!

Oh, man, that's PRICELESS!!!

!Les
 citizenoftheworld
Joined: 6/11/2007
Msg: 230
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WHY DON'T MEN TAKE THE FIRST STEP ANYMORE???
Posted: 7/13/2007 4:46:13 PM

mind you it's very difficult to do when they reply with closed ended answers...


Yep, they should teach communication courses in high school.
 Smalltwngurl
Joined: 7/8/2007
Msg: 231
WHY DON'T MEN TAKE THE FIRST STEP ANYMORE???
Posted: 7/13/2007 5:10:18 PM
Yes, men are shy for the most part unless u get a total sex freak which they get deleted real fast. I don't know what the deal is and you can see how many times they look at ur profile so it's like COME ON GUYS!!!!!!!!
 mietzele2
Joined: 4/28/2007
Msg: 232
WHY DON'T MEN TAKE THE FIRST STEP ANYMORE???
Posted: 7/13/2007 5:26:17 PM
I find I have enough e-mail to answer, considering my profile is hidden from general search.
Maybe it's just one of those things that happen when you aren't really looking? Anyway, I find the gentlemen I have had contact with so far, tend to be traditional in taking the first step.

*C*
 Arlo Troutman
Joined: 11/16/2006
Msg: 233
WHY DON'T MEN TAKE THE FIRST STEP ANYMORE???
Posted: 7/14/2007 1:26:22 PM

... I strictly reply and attempt to keep the conversation going, mind you it's very difficult to do when they reply with closed ended answers ...


There's your answer right there. "They" use closed-ended answers? They're not interested in keeping the conversation going.

Personally? I don't wanna get emotionally attached and involved, putting in all the work and investing all the time in getting her emotionally stable again, only to be chucked aside for the first "Bad Boy" to come along and woo her!

!Les
 Infinitenesse
Joined: 10/10/2004
Msg: 234
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WHY DON'T MEN TAKE THE FIRST STEP ANYMORE???
Posted: 7/14/2007 2:52:19 PM

they do not think ahead of after the first contact email and if "Said" woman does reply he is not prepared to continue a conversation let alone a date/meeting.


I think you are right, rowdycowboy. I get many emails and I respond in kind and then the communication ends!
GO FIGURE!
 26yearoldguy
Joined: 3/22/2006
Msg: 235
WHY DON'T MEN TAKE THE FIRST STEP ANYMORE???
Posted: 7/14/2007 4:26:53 PM
After getting tons of "read" but not deleted and "read deleted". While never ever getting almost any replys back or people losing interest after 2 or 3 replys. It no longer feels rewarding to take the first move. Especially after putting so much energy into reading profiles and actually writing in correlation to what was read in the profile.

If I don't write enough no one will reply to me. If I write as much as is expected no one will write back and I will just become very exaushted and lose time that was could've been used to move on to the person that actually will write back.

So why bother making the first move. Eventually a guy feels like he's going to get rejected no matter what he does.
 Aaron3209
Joined: 2/6/2007
Msg: 236
WHY DON'T MEN TAKE THE FIRST STEP ANYMORE???
Posted: 7/14/2007 4:56:44 PM
another thing is also that perhaps either a guy or girl in question has been taking steps all their lives to get somewhere, only to find that those steps haven't really lead anywhere but in an aimless direction so they may feel rather dismayed and a lil on the shy side that if their past experiences have been such that they would rather have someone else step towards them one solution that may work, altho rather ludicrous and impossible of ever happening....everyone just take the same step at the same time and see what happens???
 Xtrasensory
Joined: 1/6/2006
Msg: 237
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WHY DON'T MEN TAKE THE FIRST STEP ANYMORE???
Posted: 7/14/2007 5:29:07 PM
^^^ Everyone STOP sending emails!!!!! *couldn't resist*
 Arlo Troutman
Joined: 11/16/2006
Msg: 238
WHY DON'T MEN TAKE THE FIRST STEP ANYMORE???
Posted: 7/14/2007 6:21:20 PM
*shrug* Because it seems that almost all women write, "Looking for that special man-blah-blah-blah"; they seem to think that this "special man" will just fall into their laps if they do the "read/deleted" thing often enough.

Remember, if one guy is writing about it, there's probably 100 more who can't be bothered to write about it, but just don't bother making contact at all -- and there's been more than one guy writing words to this effect...

!Les
 mrdilute
Joined: 10/30/2006
Msg: 239
WHY DON'T MEN TAKE THE FIRST STEP ANYMORE???
Posted: 7/14/2007 6:55:57 PM
alot of woman on pof dont return email so some of we men dont have time to waste with pepole like that we are single but not fool
 burlingtonkiss
Joined: 4/2/2005
Msg: 240
WHY DON'T MEN TAKE THE FIRST STEP ANYMORE???
Posted: 7/14/2007 11:09:01 PM
OP, I don't know if you have changed the content of your profile since you initially posted this query, but why would you expect men to take a first step when you state that you are "basically here for the forums and friends I have made".

That alone would indicate to me that you aren't looking to date, so wouldn't a "first step" be inappropriate? That is how I read it anyway.

Now off to bed for me!
 cmp1988
Joined: 2/24/2007
Msg: 241
WHY DON'T MEN TAKE THE FIRST STEP ANYMORE???
Posted: 7/25/2007 7:21:49 PM
I would say my reason for not taking the first step is because I'm a shy person to begin with; this is the only area that I'm particularly shy about.
 BlindLucky
Joined: 10/16/2006
Msg: 242
WHY DON'T MEN TAKE THE FIRST STEP ANYMORE???
Posted: 7/25/2007 7:32:17 PM
From the get-go this thread has been focused greatly on 'gender'...just to touch on CMPz statement(see above)...I don't think our 'selectiveness' has to do w/ what planet we hail from (Mars or Venus...haha). It has more to do with Personality Types. The number of personalities that 'do take initiative' vs those that don't. I'm sure we can all think of examples of males & females of whom are extremes of those very personality traits.

Ciao,
BlindLucky
 Lil,blonde
Joined: 4/2/2006
Msg: 243
WHY DON'T MEN TAKE THE FIRST STEP ANYMORE???
Posted: 7/28/2007 7:35:39 PM
Ok we
Well I guess I asked for it. I have read and re read all that was posted....and want to thank all those who took the time to respond. I found the responses helpful and enligntning. I am although shocked at "some " of the clearly obtuse comments. All I asked for was feed back, not an attack on my person. "But as I said, I guess I ask for it."
Next time I will think before I post, and re-think my post before I click the post.
Again thanks for your response.
Regards to all
classyplus
 JonathanTCU
Joined: 8/31/2007
Msg: 244
WHY DON'T MEN TAKE THE FIRST STEP ANYMORE???
Posted: 9/8/2007 5:18:29 AM
I'm an observer more than an actor, so to speak. I have made too many mistakes in my teen years with attracting and showing off to women that I hold my breath now and give them their space. I've told many girls this, at workplaces and in school too. It's better to watch a woman, see who she hangs out with, watch her personality as often as possible and pay attention to body language as much as possible. If I get the look sometimes, I'll suspect there is an attraction. I will not make a move or approach a girl, unless I feel more confident and secure that she has been giving me some limited subtle looks or other moves. I don't take the first step because I firmly believe that most women nowadays already have their man of their choice and I dare not step around that. It's to avoid rejection altogether in my view.
 Cunning
Joined: 5/1/2007
Msg: 245
WHY DON'T MEN TAKE THE FIRST STEP ANYMORE???
Posted: 9/20/2007 8:36:58 PM
Surely the first step is putting up a profile and entering the pond. The second step is to perhaps find someone you like the look of (although there is rarely enough to go by, just from a profile), and perhaps you send a message. The third step depends entirely on the kind of response one gets from step 2. Likewise, the following steps to a large extent in the beginning, depend on the immediately preceeding step by the other side.

So, why worry about who makes the first step, when the whole journey of several steps, no matter how long, is the thing to look forward to? Why is that first step so important? What is really important is whether you are still walking, dancing, talking together several steps from now. If you can't take a little tiny step because you are afraid, then you go nowhere, and you are not ready to walk with someone.

Maybe you are just not compatible in the other person's eyes. Don't take it personally; it is their decision. If your journey has been very short to that point, why worry it came to such a premature end? If it has been a longer journey, then take what good you can, keep that in mind, and step out on a new journey with someone else. And if you both really like each other, you won't be thinking in terms of who takes the next step, ever. Who took the first step won't matter, because it never should have mattered.
 CatPatience
Joined: 5/17/2007
Msg: 246
WHY DON'T MEN TAKE THE FIRST STEP ANYMORE???
Posted: 9/22/2007 12:31:10 AM
What the #@^& good does it do? All the poor, wounded little recipients of these messages usually respond to the sweet-talking cons, anyway. Any cons out there want to make some money ghost writing?

Oh, we wonder why you have a *motorcycle* in the picture. Why aren't you smiling? (What at?) Etc, etc, etc. Gimme a break.

This truth thing can be fun.
 goaliebns
Joined: 1/29/2007
Msg: 247
WHY DON'T MEN TAKE THE FIRST STEP ANYMORE???
Posted: 9/23/2007 2:57:56 PM
smalltwngrl:

we look at your profile so many times as we have a short attention span and forget what you look like or want

 NotPerfectYet
Joined: 8/7/2007
Msg: 248
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WHY DON'T MEN TAKE THE FIRST STEP ANYMORE???
Posted: 9/23/2007 5:53:57 PM
The reasons that "men" don't take the "first step" anymore:

Shy...yep, we have all had a touch of this happen at some point in our lives.

Rejection...yep, we've all been rejected in one way or another.

Fear of the Unknown...yep, we've all been afraid at some point during our lives.

So what is left? Just this...

Why do men have to be the first ones to take any steps anyways? We've created monsters in our own houses and we expect them to take the first step?? It's not happening ladies!?!?! So, instead of lying, posting old or out of date (let me say at least 3 years or more!) pics, confusing them with a school of other fish around, and being just plain old lazy isn't going to cut it. Get off yer proverbial a$$es and let your fingers fly over the keys.

Had I not made contact with some of the funniest people on this site...I would not have talked to nary a one of them. I took the time to read their last posts, I took the time to let them know I visited their profile, I took the time to write back...I TOOK THE INITIATIVE. I've had plenty of READ/DELETED or NOT READ/DELETED. In no way am I so ugly or so nasty in the morning that anyone has chewed their arm off yet, so if they have no interest in me, that is fine. Reminds me of something a friend said from POF...it's like coffee...there is always another coming up!

I would, however, appreciate a note telling me that you are not interested or that you feel we don't match, not dating or whatever...but please don't assume that I am chasing you when in fact, my first e-mail contact has a disclaimer in it with regards to S/O's and being friends. I'm not jumping into any lake nor do I wish to fish in someone else's pond either!! Two's company and more than that, it's a party!!

To the women and the men of POF...if you take the first step...GREAT...but if you don't and someone contacts you...be polite. If you can't be polite, then sit on your hands for a few minutes...it might make the blood flow reverse itself to the brain! YOU are your own problem and YOU are your own solution.

As Always,
NPY
 jeeprennie
Joined: 3/20/2007
Msg: 249
WHY DON'T MEN TAKE THE FIRST STEP ANYMORE???
Posted: 9/24/2007 8:51:58 AM
The idea that men are required to take "the first step" is old-fashioned and out-moded. Its a changing world deeply effected by the changing roles of women in society. Taking initiative in anything should never be determined by gender.
 ervinnn
Joined: 12/9/2007
Msg: 250
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WHY DON'T MEN TAKE THE FIRST STEP ANYMORE???
Posted: 6/14/2008 1:11:44 PM
Men are more likely to be rejected then women, so it is more economical for women to start. In that case, men ago and self confidence can be preserved.
It is a win-win situation.

However it gives more responsibility to the women, start and continue a contact only if it is likely to be continue in the future.
I don’t really know what I am talking about, both men and women should be able to make the first step.

One more thought, if women do make the first step, that gives confidence to men, and they more likely make the first step (with a different woman) in the future. It is a win-win situation again.
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