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Show ALL Forums  > Ontario  > WHY DON'T MEN TAKE THE FIRST STEP ANYMORE???      Home login  
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 Firmbear8
Joined: 2/12/2006
Msg: 26
WHY DON'T MEN TAKE THE FIRST STEP ANYMORE???Page 2 of 13    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13)
Well Wbgrrl74 it is not us men nervous about being rejected at all.
It is the boredom of the read& no reply or the deleted not read that alot of us men are getting tired of on here.
How can we make first contact when all we get is the no reply or just deleted when we try ????
 Webgrrl74
Joined: 1/29/2005
Msg: 27
WHY DON'T MEN TAKE THE FIRST STEP ANYMORE???
Posted: 4/25/2006 4:12:15 PM
I see what you mean firmbear, but the read/no reply or read/delete is the same as being rejected...hence, they just don't even start or..maybe they just aren't into us. Which is fine too *shrugs*
 My_Island
Joined: 12/10/2005
Msg: 28
WHY DON'T MEN TAKE THE FIRST STEP ANYMORE???
Posted: 4/25/2006 4:26:42 PM

maybe they just aren't into us


Maybe.

or

Maybe you are into us.... that book shouldn't be gender specific... it takes responsibility from women. I gather from the premise of that book, women are supposed to do nothing but sit around, wait... wait some more.... wait even longer and when a man does pass by and ignores the woman, you all take solice in the book and state "Well... he's just not that into me!"

In my opinion, that book promotes laziness on the woman's behalf.
 Webgrrl74
Joined: 1/29/2005
Msg: 29
WHY DON'T MEN TAKE THE FIRST STEP ANYMORE???
Posted: 4/25/2006 4:30:18 PM
when I said "us" it wasn't meant to be implied as gender specific in this instance.
Sorry for the confusion.
 mirage9
Joined: 12/2/2005
Msg: 30
WHY DON'T MEN TAKE THE FIRST STEP ANYMORE???
Posted: 4/25/2006 4:37:37 PM
well Classy..I think if something you see on here makes you think of contacting them, then do so. It does not have to be a man's responsibility to get the communication going.

Try messaging them first....if they dont have a picture and this is one of your deal breakers then dont message them based solely on the profile.....

I dont have a problem with men messaging first or vice versa...the problem is finding the quality one's!
 pearl13
Joined: 3/12/2006
Msg: 31
WHY DON'T MEN TAKE THE FIRST STEP ANYMORE???
Posted: 4/25/2006 7:54:38 PM
@The Lady... You make a very valid point. The OP is 56 yrs. old, and her dating reality is a fair bit different than those who are significantly younger. I would bet that asking a man out is not exactly in her repertoire....... now, I may be quite wrong on this, but it is not the same pond for her as it is for many others..... no need to bash her, she is merely stating what has been her experience...... JMHO.... ~R

 GUMMLE
Joined: 10/15/2005
Msg: 32
WHY DON'T MEN TAKE THE FIRST STEP ANYMORE???
Posted: 4/25/2006 8:40:33 PM
I admit that I very seldom initiate contact...
For two reasons...
One...
I tend to choose badly...
And two...
All this equal rights stuff...
Women been fighting for...
Means that they now get...
To share in the asking out stuff...
With equal rights comes equal responsibility...
IMHO...

(Runs for cover...)
 Firmbear8
Joined: 2/12/2006
Msg: 33
WHY DON'T MEN TAKE THE FIRST STEP ANYMORE???
Posted: 4/25/2006 8:51:36 PM
Well ladies ever since women wanted equal rights on everything men had I became one of those guys who wants a woman to make first contacts with me now. As that shows your interested !! And that also shows me your someone I respect more.Yes I know you ladies will say its kinda awkward for the lady to be making first contacts . But you women wanted equal rights so come on use them now okay!
Stop blushing or squirming in that chair laughing at what I write here and Just Do It !!
 Lil,blonde
Joined: 4/2/2006
Msg: 34
WHY DON'T MEN TAKE THE FIRST STEP ANYMORE???
Posted: 4/26/2006 2:58:13 PM
Oh My God.......I am so sorry to have offended so many. I think I worked my post wrong. Well maybe I should shut up from now on. All I wanted to know was " Is this the norm for dating sites?" And perhpas have a few people n( gents perhaps) tell me why pictures "Are Not Posted"........ I by no means intended to offened anyone and I do apoloigize. My gosh everyone is so rude. All I did was ask for feedback, not intending to start a war, or have my face chewed off.
I promise not to post anymore........honest.
Thanks so much for all your input and feedback.
Best Regards to all. And once again my aplogies to all.
classyplus
 Jetplague
Joined: 4/4/2005
Msg: 35
WHY DON'T MEN TAKE THE FIRST STEP ANYMORE???
Posted: 4/26/2006 3:14:56 PM
I just got here...what happened? Who stepped into what now?


All that aside...it's as someone said before. Just like women, men have a fear of being rejected at any given time as well. I know I do...I mean...I don't fear it to death...but I do chalk up most of my nervousness to ask as being the cause of it.
 My_Island
Joined: 12/10/2005
Msg: 36
WHY DON'T MEN TAKE THE FIRST STEP ANYMORE???
Posted: 4/26/2006 3:38:00 PM

Oh My God.......I am so sorry to have offended so many. I think I worked my post wrong


You have not offended anyone. There are some a-holes that need to demean a new poster because they are so busy sucking hickies on the ass of others.

They're not offended... they're just pissed with themselves... treat them accordingly.



On topic:

I believe the conduct of women has created a certain environment within the dating world. Their complaints (justified or not) of mistreatment, etc, is treated as if they would never lie and the male is left in a vulnerable position - public lynching. It's not fair to put all women in that category because most women are not like that, but sifting through the ranks and discovering who isn't/is like that sometimes is not worth the bother.

As well, there is a large ratio of men in comparison to women and I believe that some men lack trust in women because of that difference. Cheating is no longer a male dominated activity.

Men are now becoming less trusting in women.
 Firmbear8
Joined: 2/12/2006
Msg: 37
WHY DON'T MEN TAKE THE FIRST STEP ANYMORE???
Posted: 4/26/2006 4:45:48 PM
Well men do make the first contacts in most cases . Yes some women make a first contact .
Sure some guys wont bother and thats just cause their tired of the read deletes or the rudness of some women .
And yeah some fear the ol rejection too.
Well not me I don't care if I get rejected as theres always someone else down the ol pof pond that just might love an email from me so reject me if you wish but don't expect this fish to cry over it as I won't !!
 kendo³
Joined: 5/1/2005
Msg: 38
WHY DON'T MEN TAKE THE FIRST STEP ANYMORE???
Posted: 4/26/2006 5:08:18 PM
People may seem offended, but I think some of us just get frustrated.
 ~Jenni-pooh~
Joined: 7/24/2005
Msg: 39
WHY DON'T MEN TAKE THE FIRST STEP ANYMORE???
Posted: 4/26/2006 5:17:17 PM
Okay, maybe I'm just a loser... ha! But I don't get all that many emails. I've been in touch with several people through this site, but I can't say that there has been any sort of overwhelming effort shown by many guys or initiative being taken. I'm not whining about it, but just an observation that it's easy to sit back and wait for someone to chase you (for men and women) but I think we should be mature enough to let someone know if we're interested in them or not! Either way, the best policy is to be upfront and not hold back.

I was told the other day by a kind man that he almost didn't reply to my initial email because he found my profile to be intimidating. :( I'm still not sure what is so intimidating about it! Profiles are great and everything, but no one should ever make a snap judgement about a person based on that, even though that's exactly what a site like this is designed to do...

So what is my point? You get what you put into it!! When it's no longer enjoyable and more of a frustration, then it might be time to either adopt a new outlook or move on to another way of meeting people.

 kendo³
Joined: 5/1/2005
Msg: 40
WHY DON'T MEN TAKE THE FIRST STEP ANYMORE???
Posted: 4/26/2006 5:25:18 PM
I don't think I have ever met anyone without meeting them at a POF party first. Profiles suck and pictures can be way off. Good and Bad. I like to make my decision in person. Easier that way.

Its hard to take allot of effort to someone you don't really know. A few pics and a few words, it's not enough.
 ~Jenni-pooh~
Joined: 7/24/2005
Msg: 41
WHY DON'T MEN TAKE THE FIRST STEP ANYMORE???
Posted: 4/26/2006 5:29:59 PM
Kendo... But isn't that what this is all about? Putting in a little effort to get to know someone who seems like the type of person you could be interested in? What about a couple of chats? A few phone calls? Then if all goes well, hanging out sometime with no pressure and NOT using the word "date"!! ha!

If we didn't put any effort into learning about people we don't know, that would make it kind of difficult to ever meet new people, no?!? Okay that made sense in my head...

 kendo³
Joined: 5/1/2005
Msg: 42
WHY DON'T MEN TAKE THE FIRST STEP ANYMORE???
Posted: 4/26/2006 5:38:01 PM
Now that I think of it, I have, but a while ago. I don't date to meet people, I date people I already like. I have done the email thing and it dies after a few weeks. The odd ones that don't die, usually just become friends after a while (some on MSN). Don't worry, I met my last GF at a POF party, so its a good thing, I just have my way of doing it. Emails are ok, but I don't have alot of confidence in it. Alot of dissapointments. I am sure I dissapoint others too.
 Stillalicious
Joined: 2/9/2005
Msg: 43
WHY DON'T MEN TAKE THE FIRST STEP ANYMORE???
Posted: 4/26/2006 6:24:26 PM
You could never disappoint kendo! you are way too much of a sweetheart ;)
 power832
Joined: 1/24/2006
Msg: 44
WHY DON'T MEN TAKE THE FIRST STEP ANYMORE???
Posted: 4/26/2006 7:46:23 PM
Ok so if "read, deleted" and "unread, deleted" is a rejection, then what is "read, and NEVER deleted"? Like for 2 months?!?!!??
 SnS
Joined: 3/3/2006
Msg: 45
WHY DON'T MEN TAKE THE FIRST STEP ANYMORE???
Posted: 4/26/2006 8:13:38 PM

Ok so if "read, deleted" and "unread, deleted" is a rejection, then what is "read, and NEVER deleted"? Like for 2 months?!?!!??


For me it means I've either a) forgotten to write back and I'd send another email or b) I had nothing to write back at the time and would try another email.

If the second email sits there 'read' for two months, I'd take it as a rejection.
 Firmbear8
Joined: 2/12/2006
Msg: 46
WHY DON'T MEN TAKE THE FIRST STEP ANYMORE???
Posted: 4/26/2006 8:52:32 PM
Well any that are read and not deleted are probbly classed as something to read again when your bored emails !!
 kitkat45
Joined: 6/18/2005
Msg: 47
WHY DON'T MEN TAKE THE FIRST STEP ANYMORE???
Posted: 4/26/2006 9:18:26 PM
Hey Classy? Please do not be discouraged by what has been posted here hun! I totally understood what you meant...that you were not male bashing....I am a teeny bit younger than you (although not by much) and have found the dating scene has truly changed over the years...I admire you for being here on the net...I know many men and women who would never even try this venue! I think it goes both ways....both sexes afraid of rejection...I know that when I send an email to someone new..I am always timid....that is why I do not do it so much! And I know that a lot of my friends would find that hard to believe cuz I am a regular chatterbox! Please stay girlie and feel free to post away! I have been bashed before....but heck, tis only the net hun!
 My_Island
Joined: 12/10/2005
Msg: 48
WHY DON'T MEN TAKE THE FIRST STEP ANYMORE???
Posted: 4/26/2006 9:35:27 PM

Ok so if "read, deleted" and "unread, deleted" is a rejection, then what is "read, and NEVER deleted"? Like for 2 months?!?!!??


Actually, deleting mail is rather redundant because it gets deleted automatically after a certain amount of time passes. There may be other personal reasons for deleting the mail, but either way, it will get deleted eventually.

Don't over-analyse, it seems to be a syndrome... "Over analyse syndrome - O.A.S."
 justastudent
Joined: 10/19/2005
Msg: 49
WHY DON'T MEN TAKE THE FIRST STEP ANYMORE???
Posted: 4/26/2006 10:15:30 PM
In my opinion, that book promotes laziness on the woman's behalf.



Just wanted to say that I think the book promotes the opposite. I think it encourages women to take a bit more control over their lives, instead of waiting for the man/men in it to make the decisions. I'm not trying to assume anything, but I will say that it's hard to have an opinion on something you haven't yet read. And if it has been read by males, then it should be easy to see how it can be applied to their own lives....

OP: I'd be interested to know how many men have tried to make the first step, and have had disappointment. And perhaps, we've reached a period in time where the sterio types need to be erased, without the double-standard.
 Jetplague
Joined: 4/4/2005
Msg: 50
WHY DON'T MEN TAKE THE FIRST STEP ANYMORE???
Posted: 4/27/2006 7:31:33 AM
Didn't you get my email justastudent? *Bats his eyes* Just kidding.

I've had women email me...but rarely follow through on their chit chats. I try to keep it going but then I'm tossed aside like the leftovers I've come to expect I am. I have attempted to be bold and take the first step...but more often then I'd like...I'm stepping into something that leads me no where. Women complain about men making some effort or following through...but women are just the same in that issue. Men seem to be growing weary of the chase ladies...time to turn the tables and chase us.
Show ALL Forums  > Ontario  > WHY DON'T MEN TAKE THE FIRST STEP ANYMORE???