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Show ALL Forums  > Ontario  > WHY DON'T MEN TAKE THE FIRST STEP ANYMORE???      Home login  
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 pearl13
Joined: 3/16/2007
Msg: 176
WHY DON'T MEN TAKE THE FIRST STEP ANYMORE???Page 8 of 13    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13)
oops....... it double posted
 pearl13
Joined: 3/16/2007
Msg: 177
WHY DON'T MEN TAKE THE FIRST STEP ANYMORE???
Posted: 6/2/2007 2:35:20 PM
boots.... when Cassandra says, "Both men in women in this day and age of the pre-tribulation have fallen so low it's almost hopeless for them to be saved." .... I think she means being saved by God.... read a few of her posts, you will get the general rant structure.
 generation_t
Joined: 3/20/2007
Msg: 178
WHY DON'T MEN TAKE THE FIRST STEP ANYMORE???
Posted: 6/2/2007 5:15:02 PM
Not sure why...I get the distinct feeling that there are alot of men on here that are trolling, daily. I too send emails, ask for numbers, etc. We ARE all here for a reason, correct. It is frustrating, I sometimes feel like giving up but I know that eventually I will win and find someone. I bet some men on here feel the same way as this and feel that this situation is reversed.
 boots.
Joined: 4/8/2007
Msg: 179
WHY DON'T MEN TAKE THE FIRST STEP ANYMORE???
Posted: 6/2/2007 5:39:11 PM
my bad , i tend not to follow posters around this site... the bible pimp prospective is typical...
 Urban Wanderer
Joined: 11/27/2006
Msg: 180
WHY DON'T MEN TAKE THE FIRST STEP ANYMORE???
Posted: 6/2/2007 6:14:13 PM
Hi Everyone,

Perhaps the OP has found in her own experience that men do not take the first step. Therefore I don't think she can generalize and say all men do not make the first step. Many men do. Some with some success and some with no success.

When I first signed up I made every effort to take the first step. After quite a few months on here, I have now stepped back quite a bit. All my emails are deleted without any kind of acknowledgement. No one seems courteous enough to even email a "thank you" for emailing. I've also had many of my emails unread deleted. After all this I'm now kind of reluctant to put any effort into this, as others are not interested in putting any effort either. Much of my personal time that I dedicated to writing to people all went to waste. I've had my profile blocked for just emailing and saying not more then "hi" "how are you"? "I really liked your profile"..... I can't understand why I would be blocked for this. I can just assume people are being very superficial and judgemental. My profile is well written, complete with picture and allot about my qualities, values , morals and interests.

Again, I can only speak of my own experience and do not want to generalize for all. This probably happens to women as well. They make an effort to email guys and they get no repsonse whatsoever.

I guess all I can say to the OP is that many people are taking the first step. The problem may be that people are not couteous enough to respond, even if not interested, in turn which makes for a very bad experience for many on here. Therefore we are more and more reluctant to make any effort. I'm sure many would like to find someone and get off of there.

Anyhow, that is internet dating for you. You really can't have any success if you don't make an effort and you really don't have any success if you do make an effort it seems. It's a roll of the dice on the most part or having the same odds of winning a major lottery.

OP, I wish you all the best.
 Bluejaysfan2007
Joined: 4/10/2007
Msg: 181
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History
WHY DON'T MEN TAKE THE FIRST STEP ANYMORE???
Posted: 6/2/2007 7:49:41 PM
You see there are thoose men like me who r the good guys and always are last, women always go for the bad asses who end up being the wrong choice and bein an ass themselves. Yes booth parties are to blame but I think women need to have more insight before geting hurt them selves by these A holes
 motownmaniax
Joined: 8/13/2006
Msg: 182
WHY DON'T MEN TAKE THE FIRST STEP ANYMORE???
Posted: 6/6/2007 11:15:16 AM
Just a general observation, but I get the distinct impression some people evidently believe you just need to put up a profile and your soulmate comes running. I'm curious, does ANYTHING in your life work that way, or is that easy? I know in my life it isn't....lol.

Anything worthwhile takes effort, and finding a compatible partner and creating a happy relationship, though not akin to scaling Everest, is pretty darn near the top of the list.

If you lament the quality of choices that are answering your profile, get off your duff and be proactive. Do some searches and contact people YOURSELF, ones YOU find appealing.

If you're constantly turned down, ignored, or outright blocked, don't blame everybody else. Try looking at yourself and examine the reasons why. They're usually right at your doorstep.

Internet dating is NOT going to do all this work for you. It's just a tool to bring (hopefully) like-minded people together in a common forum so they can interact and (hopefully) find a connection. For many of us this process may take months or years. Some may NEVER find a partner? Is that Internet's fault? Of course not.
 Grant P
Joined: 9/1/2006
Msg: 183
WHY DON'T MEN TAKE THE FIRST STEP ANYMORE???
Posted: 6/9/2007 6:19:27 PM
I have taken so many, i give up.
 Xtrasensory
Joined: 1/6/2006
Msg: 184
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History
WHY DON'T MEN TAKE THE FIRST STEP ANYMORE???
Posted: 6/9/2007 6:22:43 PM

I have taken so many, i give up

Exactly! How many first steps can one take to get the same result as not taking any? I would rather focus my energy on something else than people who don't appreciate the first steps taken. Ummmm, ya, I think that sums it up lol
 Grant P
Joined: 9/1/2006
Msg: 185
WHY DON'T MEN TAKE THE FIRST STEP ANYMORE???
Posted: 6/10/2007 9:14:13 AM
Hey gen t

your so right
 Garthane
Joined: 5/15/2005
Msg: 186
WHY DON'T MEN TAKE THE FIRST STEP ANYMORE???
Posted: 6/10/2007 10:54:48 AM
Forcryingoutloud, guys - it's not easy, I understand....I've had a large share of frustration and even confusion on this site, too.

But give up? C'Mon!!!!

Yes, there are women on here that put up a profile, and because of their e-mail box filling up sooo fast with all these compliments or all these turds, they find one of two ways to deal with it...one, if they seem to get all these compliments and men wanting them, their ego goes up and they get pickier than normal. I had a friend do just that when I got her signed up. And two - there's so many guys screwing it up for us that some of these girls REALLY put up a lot of quick defence walls.

I mean, how many profiles have you seen where the girl must rationalise why she can't answer all the e-mails, warn guys not to get mad, etc? It's because there's A S S H O L E S that have made her write that!

So it makes it twice as hard for any other guy - as it is, when a girl hits that point of feeling a bit desparate or lonely (which many I've heard mention before or while they're making their profiles) then she's really sticking her neck out, not to mention everybody's told how many losers and rapists and creeps and whatever are on the internet.....so she comes on here thinking "If I'm going to do this, I'm going to make my goal be THE ONE, and I don't want to settle like I did a bunch of times before and got hurt."

OR, like some girls I've spoken to, or met, or even know - if there's a dozen men a week that message you, you're the Queen of the World, and whoever you choose to be with better be DAMN amazing, 'cause it's just too damn easy to go right back online....

But if you guys just give up, you'll go nowhere. Maybe you got to be a little more relaxed about the whole thing....
 motownmaniax
Joined: 8/13/2006
Msg: 187
WHY DON'T MEN TAKE THE FIRST STEP ANYMORE???
Posted: 6/14/2007 5:13:30 AM
Completely agree with above.

Look guys, women get much more attention on these dating sites then men, and good-looking women get tons more than that!...lol. So if you write these women and they don't return your messages don't get bitter, or go into deep therapy, or throw your hands up in despair, just move on. Take a break if you have to and come back with renewed optimism, but be more realistic about all this. DO NOT blame all your troubles on women.

Now, you women have some responsibility in this, too. I can't tell you how many times I've heard and read women criticize the quality of responses they get and even lower quality of men doing the responding. I then find out in the vast majority of cases the women don't search out and write men that fit their criteria. They're content to sit back and apparently believe Mr Wonderful is endowed with ESP and will pick them out of the crowd with laser precision. Some women are even brazen enough to say they don't write men, period. They're so hot, beautiful, and sexy men fall over themselves to shower them with attention, anyway, so why should they have to work at this? It's the guys job to pursue them, not the other way around. How quaint...lol. Well, if you're angry about the responses you get then DO something about it. Take some initiative and write men yourselves.

Sheesh, this isn't rocket science, people…lol

Mo
 livinglife4real
Joined: 8/31/2006
Msg: 188
WHY DON'T MEN TAKE THE FIRST STEP ANYMORE???
Posted: 6/14/2007 5:22:31 AM
woooohooooo! good answers above Mr. Motown!

Not all the men's fault....but the ones that do write arent really looking for what they say! I ALWAYS respond to every email whether or not i'm interested. Just a 'kind thanx" is all u need to do...2mins...REPLY....thats it!!

The HOT SEXY LADIES that have tonsssssss of emails....wellllllllllllll 'no comment' on those ones..hahhaha.....let just say...'umm helllooooooooooo men..there are some of us AVERAGE sexy women out there too....that WILL SPEND THE TIME to write, connect etc.....allllllllllllllllll depends what your looking for......but never get discouraged! LIKE MOTOWN Says..'not rocketscience' no response----------------NEXT!!!

Have FUN is what i say...if your not.....then your doing something wrong!!

KEEP SMILIN everyone......and getttttter done!!!

 FryGuy
Joined: 2/12/2005
Msg: 189
WHY DON'T MEN TAKE THE FIRST STEP ANYMORE???
Posted: 6/14/2007 10:23:52 AM
Why don't men take the first step? Because it's a doozy. :)
 NaiveAndWitty
Joined: 4/14/2007
Msg: 190
WHY DON'T MEN TAKE THE FIRST STEP ANYMORE???
Posted: 6/14/2007 12:29:47 PM
I realize that this is an old post; but it’s interesting.

I hear different things. Some women say that the men here e-mail them too much. Others say that they get no mail at all. One particular woman opened a thread griping about why it is that men look at her pic but never contact her. That came across to me as being a little too self conscious, but whatever!
 williegogo
Joined: 12/27/2006
Msg: 191
WHY DON'T MEN TAKE THE FIRST STEP ANYMORE???
Posted: 6/15/2007 12:57:05 AM
I'm not sure why men don't contact you first. But I know why I am not prone to doing it to some women ( not all though). I am a learner of life. I am well adept at reading and seeing the picture in the words long before I even email a prospective mate. I'm not sure if it is just me or not yet. But I also see quite a lot of pain in the profiles in here. Form my simple observations in POF I have seen the spurned and burned thing to death. I as a male really don't perfer to see to much of the past in the woman's profiles. Quite frankly I find it a huge turn off just knowing that I am being judged on your last relationships. All men are not the same. Although some are. Unfortunatly for a man like myself who happens to not of the norm in that respect. I also feel people have a tendency to attract in habit form. The theory there is. If you start life with one typ of person as a mate then most not all people tend to attract the same type in other relationships along the way. These are my theories though but your welcome to help me figure them out if you wish. I have the same similar situation as you with women. Have a great day. williegogo:
 goaliebns
Joined: 1/29/2007
Msg: 192
WHY DON'T MEN TAKE THE FIRST STEP ANYMORE???
Posted: 6/15/2007 3:51:42 AM
I agree with willie.. Easy to pick up on a woman, eg. if she is going to be high maintenance.. I like making my own "Honey Do" list. So to leave that would require a special woman.. I only email those few.
 Kultured1
Joined: 6/5/2007
Msg: 193
WHY DON'T MEN TAKE THE FIRST STEP ANYMORE???
Posted: 6/15/2007 4:32:11 AM
Well from my experience Classy, Some of them are just fed up.

Like myself, I have made many "first moves" only to not be responded to at all....Remember, this is an internet dating site...not the supermarket or laundromat. There is much to be said about the woman who doesn't respond to messages even if it's to say they're not interested....a lot of women talk about integrity as a desired characteristic in their profile, however, when it comes time to exude the same, they sheepishly hide behind their computers.

Also, check out the times and trends....women have been fighting for equality with men for decades, and they have come a long way. With this in mind, is it so wrong for a man to expect some initiative on the womans part?
 Kultured1
Joined: 6/5/2007
Msg: 194
WHY DON'T MEN TAKE THE FIRST STEP ANYMORE???
Posted: 6/15/2007 4:47:34 AM
As for the men who only respond to women with beautiful pictures, well I agree with Motown, A little faith goes a long way. Some women are bombarded with messages and do not have the time to respond to all. Especially if they find your pic to be (for lack of better words ) "not their type"

When I talk about my experience on sites, I have come across women who respond to all messages and some that say they only respond to messages of profiles with pictures...some will, some won't so what, NEXT! I respect the ones who have responded to me with "pursuing another relationship" and it's always good to keep in mind that some will respond, but just not when you expect them to....so patience is a good quality to put in practice here. Without turning this thread into "why don't women respond to messages" let's get back to the original subject "why don't men take the first step anymore".
 codtrid
Joined: 5/14/2007
Msg: 195
WHY DON'T MEN TAKE THE FIRST STEP ANYMORE???
Posted: 6/15/2007 5:42:09 AM
if i make anymore steps ill need to grow an extra leg
 motownmaniax
Joined: 8/13/2006
Msg: 196
WHY DON'T MEN TAKE THE FIRST STEP ANYMORE???
Posted: 6/15/2007 6:08:58 AM
I hear what you're saying, Kultured, but again, keep in mind gorgeous women with great pics get so many emails that to answer them all would literally become a fulltime job. In some cases, women have told me they get "on average" 20 to 30 emails a day. I don't know about you, but there's no way I'd respond to everyone if I got that many.

We also have to recognize the "Jerk" factor. Apparently many guys can't take no for an answer, no matter how politely a woman puts it. If a woman shows courtesy and answers, even just once, to say thanks for the message but she's not interested, guys (too many, it seems) will run with it and keep responding back. They must think, "Hey, she responded so she must be interested, regardless of what she says?" They use it as a foot in the door and never let up. In a word, they become pests....lol.

Or some go ballistic over the rejection and write back nasty comments that are completely uncalled for.

After putting up with a few of these idiots I'd absolutely sympathize if a woman says "No More!", and makes it her policy to only answer messages from guys she's truly interested in.

I know not getting a response back feels cold and cruel, and many believe they're entitled to a response out of common courtesy, but I never obsess over it. I know there could be legitimate reasons why I never get one.

One more thing. Nobody is OBLIGATED to respond on dating sites. It's up to the individual. No one can "force" a person into liking them. As for me, maybe she read something in my profile that turned her off, or she's not attracted after seeing my pics, or she's not in dating mode right now ..... whatever. Don't get angry or hurt over it, move on. There are a hundred dating sites out here with literally thousands of choices.

Mo
 Xtrasensory
Joined: 1/6/2006
Msg: 197
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WHY DON'T MEN TAKE THE FIRST STEP ANYMORE???
Posted: 6/15/2007 7:38:47 PM
Well, all I know is the few women (all of three) that I chat with from here, ALL contacted me. I stopped making the effort eons ago. It doesn't mean that for shits and giggles I won't send a message here and there just to see if it actually gets read, I've had ONE that got read and she responded saying there was no dating interest but we could still chat and be friends, and we continued sending messages. Every other message is unread/deleted, at one time I was getting anywhere from 6-10 messages a day (a long time ago) I still responded to them all, it doesn't matter how many I get, I would answer them, at the very least anybody can be respectful enough to do that.

It's the same in the real world, you say hello and smile to a woman, and she gives the cold shoulder.
You say goodmorning on your way to work, and they look at you like you're crazy.

Well **** it, now it's the womens turn to make an effort for once, in reality, there's nothing wrong with a woman showing interest, unless they're insecure about something.

Then again I'm blind to "womens" signals, so they HAVE to take the first step with me or I'll never know they had interest at all to begin with!
 retrogirl44
Joined: 9/13/2004
Msg: 198
WHY DON'T MEN TAKE THE FIRST STEP ANYMORE???
Posted: 6/16/2007 5:38:40 AM
I need to take back one comment I made earlier in this thread
the no pics no responces
I do respond but I ask for a pic and if I dont get a responce back then its all good
I will respond to every message weather Im interested or not
and I always say things in a nice manner
mostly I have to respond as I host too and alot are just for questions on the venue etc.
so there Ive retracted my past statement lol
 Wanda49
Joined: 4/30/2007
Msg: 199
WHY DON'T MEN TAKE THE FIRST STEP ANYMORE???
Posted: 6/17/2007 4:23:26 PM

The trouble is they are all going after the same pretty faces who get hundreds of e-mails and of which, far too many are using stock photos of models! The women are responding to the same pretty faces who get hundreds of e-mails and of which, far too many are using stock photos of models!

You are very close.. There may be people posting 'stock photos' because they think that is the only way anyone is ever going to get any messages in here - and they are right. It doesn't get them anywhere because at some point they will have to consider meeting the person. It is a waste of time but it gets rather boring to sit looking at an empty mail box every day if you don't have a picture of yourself looking like a model.

Most guys are only looking for a pretty face with the body of a model. If you don't look like that, you aren't going to get any man to take the first step. If you do look like that, you won't have time to respond to any messages because every time you log on, their computer freezes up with 100s of guys wanting to talk to them at the same time. Some guys don't bother to contact girls like that beacause they know it is probably a good chance she won't have time to talk to them, but most guys don't want to lower their standards to consider messaging or talking to anyone who doesn't look like that. They would rather take their chaces going after the pretty face and hope some day she will have time for them at some point, because they think are better than the next guy who is after her and she will choose him over the 100os of other guys who is after the same 'pretty face' because he is so very special. ... 'Pretty faces' are really busy, but they are busy for the wrong reason. The sad reality is - they are the only kind of people who will ever get anywhere in a place like this.

Look at the profiles of the girls who have the 'pretty face' and the girls who don't and see how many friends they have. The pretty faces have 100 or more - the average looking girls have 4 or 5 at most. It is pretty clear what the problem is. If you are lucky enough to be able to talk to the girl with 0ver 100 friends, you will probably find out she is can't keep up with the mail in her mail box.

It isn't fun not to be popular at all and be treated like you shouldn't be alive because you don't look good enough for anyone, but I wouldn't want to be too popular for the wrong reasons either.
 Stardust
Joined: 2/27/2003
Msg: 200
WHY DON'T MEN TAKE THE FIRST STEP ANYMORE???
Posted: 6/17/2007 4:31:50 PM
ok here is a different perspective for you smiling...................

how about all the guys that dont take the first step because they dont see the first step...................

how many times have you heard, 'well why didnt you hit me over the head'................smiling

I still say patience, timing, being in the right place at the right time, being in a place where you are open to accepting (so to speak)................(or receiving).................

I have sent mail out and had no responses..............oh well.................I still say it comes down to timing
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