| Why do women chicken out when comes time to meet?
Posted: 4/30/2006 10:59:16 AM |
Because the sooner the meet, the better. Because if you let her do the "Let's get to know each other more" you'll end up getting to know about each other for 3 months, and you'll never wind up meeting.
I used to stretch it 2 to 3 wks before I was comfortable anough to meet. I generally nipped the making suggestions to meet in every conversation thing in the butt in the first conversation. I told my potentials that my entire purpose for bothering to sign up for dating sites at all was to meet and if I'm chatting with them, chances are great that we'll meet, but it'll be a few weeks before I'd feel comfortable. The only guys who had a problem with this were only looking for sex anyway.
My "system" worked real well in that anyone I met wasn't a nutcase. I may not have connected in person with every guy I met, but I felt comfortable about the whole thing. Which was the point. | |
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| Why do women chicken out when comes time to meet?
Posted: 4/30/2006 5:53:55 PM |
I used to stretch it 2 to 3 wks before I was comfortable anough to meet. I generally nipped the making suggestions to meet in every conversation thing in the butt in the first conversation. I told my potentials that my entire purpose for bothering to sign up for dating sites at all was to meet and if I'm chatting with them, chances are great that we'll meet, but it'll be a few weeks before I'd feel comfortable. The only guys who had a problem with this were only looking for sex anyway.
My "system" worked real well in that anyone I met wasn't a nutcase. I may not have connected in person with every guy I met, but I felt comfortable about the whole thing. Which was the point.
That sounds like a good system, and it is a great system if you are open to making friends and not just in search of a long-term relationship. | |
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| Why do women chicken out when comes time to meet?
Posted: 4/30/2006 6:13:30 PM | | women chicken out...well so do guys. we write, then we agree to meet. they ask for my # and i never hear from them ..ever. is this an ego thing?? i'm finding this whole thing amusing. | |
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| Why do women chicken out when comes time to meet?
Posted: 5/2/2006 9:52:05 AM | Hi Mig
I think that you are right on alot of points on why we women chicken out when we meet men...There is alot of fear not only because you dont know the person but I think its self concious...how do we look...if the guy will like us...is it gonna be awkward? all things like that and I think (well in my case anyways) that its because the society has become too superficial. People have this idea of the perfect man or woman that they're too blind to see that the perfect person for them is right in front of them. Well thats just my point of view. Does it make sense to you? I hope it helps you understand a bit more why us women just prefer not to show up rather than risking looking like a fool. | |
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I Spy
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Joined: 4/7/2006
Msg: 55 | |
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| Why do women chicken out when comes time to meet?
Posted: 5/2/2006 6:42:05 PM |
women think that they have to choose between:
a) a one-handed-internet-surfer (aka a WUSS)
or
b) a player or Jerk
You make a good point here. Neither a or b are going to be the ideal male partner for the woman. The wuss acts needy and too desperate to attract a women. These guys act really nice to women and will bend over backwards for any beautiful woman they see. Even though they act really "nice" most woman can sense that this is not how they naturally behave and sense that they may only being acting nice to get in the woman's pants (which they usually are). The worst part is that guys like this are not being their true selves if they act much nicer to woman they find hot than they do anybody else. In a way this is manipulative and women do not like it. A wuss is also boring, and boring people can not find interesting ways to make a date fun and exciting. Guys like this are usually blown off by the woman because women see them as better friend material than sexual partners.
Players or jerks are also not completely desirable by women. These are the kind of guys that women are attracted to but can not explain why. They wish he would treat her better, but at the same time she is totally in love with him. This group b may be good lovers but rarely make great boyfriends or husbands. Some women though will stay with a guy that may not treat her the best because she thinks that he will eventually change into an ideal man once he settles down.
Women have to be choosey when it comes to men because men that fall into the ideal part of the spectrum (confident men who treat women well) are not always easy to come by. So many men are either too nice and lack confidence, or are just arrogant and don't treat women well. If a woman fears that the man has not given her reason to trust he is not a jerk or a wuss, she can often flake at the last minute.
I treat women well but expect their respect in return. | |
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| Why do women chicken out when comes time to meet?
Posted: 6/23/2008 9:28:23 PM | [quoteI think that fear is not really a valid excuse. Although I do understand some women having a legitiamate reason to fear strangers, I think there is more to it than that. Everyone who signs up on POF has some idea of a disired outcome or an expectation on why they are on a dating system. That being said, I personally think there are two root causes: a lack of committment, and people not being mature or realistic when using this site. I often find people living in a kind of dream state, and the idea of meeting someone special supersedes their reality of actually meeting that person. Imagine a scared ostrich with it's head in the sand...
Have to disagree with you hungry eye: it is not the fear of meeting strangers (that can be overcome easily as to the place one meets ie: public place. It is the fear of not meeting up to his/hers expectations. This effects both genders. I also disagree on the point that it is lack of commitment. I think in most case especially concerning woman it is lack of self confidence and or self esteem. There is way more pressure on woman (i believe they put on themselves) to be more visually attractive. Sometimes woman are their own worst enemies. Outer beauty becomes passe the inner beauty always stays. | |
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| Why do women chicken out when comes time to meet?
Posted: 6/23/2008 9:45:47 PM | I don't get it. How can someone be frightened to meet a person during daylight hours in a public venue? I guess it's possible that a person has a phobia of some sort, but why even agree to meet? Why not just do emails and talk?
I think one of the other posters was correct. The level of interest just isn't high enough to make the effort to meet. | |
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| Why do women chicken out when comes time to meet?
Posted: 6/23/2008 10:22:41 PM | | I give females a 2 chance rule about " chicken out " if she can't handle to meet me after we talked on the phone for a week, I'd really want to know what her intentions are of meeting me? and if she doesn't want to meet me, then lose my number. | |
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| Why do women chicken out when comes time to meet?
Posted: 6/23/2008 10:43:08 PM | | It's because they are hiding behind a computer. They are afraid of actually meeting someone who may be dissapointed. They would rather engage in "psuedo relationships" online. Its the safe way to do it rather than experiance actual life, human connection and interaction. | |
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| Why do women chicken out when comes time to meet?
Posted: 7/18/2008 7:18:26 PM | | It's not the just the women who are chicken out when it comes to meeting, I've experience a man as well. we talked 4 about a week I had 2b the one 2 sugguest so when are we going to meet. His answer was it don't matter to me,I thought that was very unconfident on his part a waste of time and a big turn off. The bottom line was he had built his own ego and could'nt carry his own weight. Hiding something he had betrayed 2 be and know he was going to get reject upfront in person..so I tell be be yourself and honest u may just get that special person that u longer 4 ! | |
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| Why do women chicken out when comes time to meet?
Posted: 7/19/2008 2:46:55 AM | I guess I'm guilty of agreeing to meet and then ringing and cancelling the day before. I've done it twice and it's because I've pushed - he ''doesn't like the internet'' or whatever and wants to speak on the phone. I've agreed and found it was less than scintillating conversation. While on the phone, I've been asked out for coffee and said ok. Then after I thought about the telephone conversation, I decided I wasn't all that interested in meeting face-to-face.
I'm sure I could have said "nah" when asked to meet face-to-face but I hadn't decided "nah" at that stage. I decided it later.
I can see it would be disappointing at the worst, and a little puzzling at best, for the guys. | |
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| Why do women chicken out when comes time to meet?
Posted: 7/19/2008 4:34:59 AM | I try to keep first meetings painless and do them as soon as possible. I usually suggest lunch or coffee after work. But there also has to be a level of comfort with the person before we meet. I rarely cancel a meet at the last minute, but if I have, it is b/c something TRULY came up or I felt pushed like the poster above said and I was feeling uneasy.
I've also had my fair share of guys cancel on me at the last minute (I've never stood or been stood up before thankfully). You'd be surprised how many people get sent on last minute business trips.  If a guys calls/emails me and tells me that, I know I'll never hear from him again. | |
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| Why do women chicken out when comes time to meet?
Posted: 7/19/2008 5:28:37 AM |
I would say #1 & 2 have a 50/50 split. I agree, the internet is not a good place to meet someone what so ever. It's reflects the laziness for one. Since you don't have to leave the comfort of your home.
Well, I had someone tell me, "We are getting wiser and weaker" , with all these new technologies...or for that matter, "distancing technologies" it's making it harder and harder to form stable relationships.
I think some women, some that I have noticed that don't like being approached in public (if they are 'busy' shopping or wherever), then go home after all that, and close/lock the door and jump on the computer to find someone to date online.
I even had some women admit that they prefer ONLINE dating over some real life party or social function. Though sometimes it wasn't directly admitted, but they did indeed allude to it.  | |
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| Why do women chicken out when comes time to meet?
Posted: 7/19/2008 5:49:05 AM | Sometimes I think that they think that it's the whole anxiety of meeting a total stranger and has nothing to do with the person they are meeting.
I personally had to reschedule my first dating experience a couple of years ago because I hadn't talked to the person very long and I just felt apprehensive. So anyway I kept the 2nd but than I still felt nervous and apprehensive and so I babbled non-stop. I was waiting for the person to tell me to please stop!  I had not been on a date with a stranger in many years and I just needed to get some sea legs. I am a very outgoing person so this through me for a loop. All in all I think a little compassion is in order here the person probably really wanted to go just was a little scared. If that isn't true than consider yourself lucky that you didn't spend years just waiting around for this person to throw you a crumb once in awhile. | |
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| Why do women chicken out when comes time to meet?
Posted: 7/19/2008 10:31:59 AM | I'm going to throw something else out there: Any halfway decent girl out there that is over 30, and not already attached (technically this could be said for the men also), has issues; ie. character flaws, unrealistic expectations, to many children, negative past, limited schedule. If they didn't then some serios person would have snapped them up already. If a woman sports a really attractive picture but then must resort to the internet to date, that should be a red flag. The "chickening out" is simply a symptom of the larger problem. Even halfway decent girls get interest (how far they choose to go with it is their choice) everyday. I know, I'm very outgoing, work retail so I have manners, and people these days are not chatty in public. Ten years ago I couldn't walk down the street and not meet a least one decent girl a month. 2008 is simply not a good time for anything.
I was hoping for a travel partner that played tennis, and I'll admit it now lasting true love, now I'd be thrilled with coffee at Starbucks. | |
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| Why do women chicken out when comes time to meet?
Posted: 7/19/2008 10:45:10 AM | a_sweet_fishy on 4/29/2006 3 56 PM
Subject: Why do women chicken out when comes time to meet?
Message: Actually, the fear part is right, but most of really is fear of psychos. Even the ones who seem decent can easily be hiding a few bodies in their freezer. My acronym for my online friends is PMKCM (Psychotic Mommy Killing Canabilistic Manaic). This stands until they have PROVEN they are not.
Here is a simple solution to solve this fear issue, agree to meet at a location at the local mall. Most major malls, have a coffee shop, bar, or restaurant inside. Park where you would enter the mall from an entrance away from the agreed spot. Would be much easier to be able to leave without the PMKCM seeing what kind of car you drive and thus following you home. | |
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| Why do women chicken out when comes time to meet?
Posted: 7/19/2008 10:51:41 AM | I do agree there is a great deal of "fear of the unkown" . I don't agree with the "it's mens' fault" nor "women have lost faith in men". That's a pretty big generalization!
I do agree with #2 to a certain degree; meeting and messaging too many at once and agreeing to a date a small handful. The problem with dating too many people at once is finding 2 or more good people that you like; if guy #1 is picked because she chose him for whatever reason, #2 is left hanging wondering "what the hell happened? I thought things were going well!" Unfortunately, this is something that both sexes do when it comes to dating! Best thing is don't give up! If you've had a string of really bad dates, then take a break for a while. I understand it's frustrating at times especially when the date never happens. Deal with it! Move on! Good luck Fishing! | |
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| Why do women chicken out when comes time to meet?
Posted: 7/19/2008 12:24:00 PM | In my experience just as many men chicken out of dates.
A female friend of mine used to go out to meet people on dates.
Men would pull up close to her, take one look, and they were off !
I am getting to the point now where I have almost given up on dating.
The last two people who wanted a date with me I refused them.
Once a date looks likely I am off.
This is due to a bad marriage and a very expensive divorce.
I really do not want to go there again........... | |
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| Why do women chicken out when comes time to meet?
Posted: 7/19/2008 12:58:37 PM | I don't think it is fear in all cases. How scary is it to meet someone for coffee during daylight hours anyway? !
Other possibilities:
1) boyfriend or husband found out about her internet fun
2) never intended to meet anyone anyway, just wants to see how many ask
3) she is dating several guys (not necessarily getting intimate with them) and she has decided she likes someone else better but is too chicken to say so
4) 'she" is really a man
5) she has put out deceptive information regarding anything on the profile, including pics
6) just had second thoughts
I am not being judgmental on any of these scenarios, but it seems that honest communication would resolve all of them.
Jennyrose | |
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| Why do women chicken out when comes time to meet?
Posted: 7/19/2008 1:01:54 PM | With some women fear plays a role significantly, if they're somewhat new to the whole "online thing".
However, if you get the vibe that all women are chickening out... it may be on your end. I've never got that impression, really. You may be too aggressive to meet, or in the beginning you have your 'introductory' hat on, then after talking for a bit you put on your real hat, which they find to be very very different and that scares them away.
But regardless of the woman's situation, there's always going to be one thing that affects them. A lot more options than you. Whether it's for validation or for meeting, they've got a lot more choices, and you could have been a top choice, but bumped down to some other guy who said the right thing.
At a bar or any other physical location, a gal can't talk to 5 guys at once every time she walks in. However, online she can. They have other stuff going on, and they're not going to tell you when they really like and have gotten to know Johnny and Bob, and that they may blow you off if a date goes really well with one of them. If you're chasing gals with 200+ favorites who could be super models, then this would probably be the norm I imagine. They will be very very picky and change their options when they get 20 emails a day. | |
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