|
|
|
|
|
| How do you break an obsession with someone?
Posted: 7/3/2006 11:09:50 PM | MsAphrodite,
"This person represents to me the Unclaimed parts of myself that are deeply soulful, musical, whimsical, romantic. What I feel for him is just a PROJECTION of what my soul is telling me I really need for myself. So I will develop that part of myself, that this person has brought to my attention (that which I need to develop in MY OWN LIFE) and not have it met by someone, who would not be good for me in the long run. So I see him as somewhat of a Messenger... a message from the soul that there are parts of me yet unfulfilled that I need to do for myself. So I can thank him (and the Universe) for this valuable message."
FitnFeisty,
This sounds like it could be what my ex-girlfriend is going through.
Once you have comes to terms and/or figured out on YOUR OWN what he awakened in
you, why couldn't you reconcile w/ him? If you truly loved him, and wanted to be with him, but felt you were not ready for whatever reason[s], wouldn't you give yourself a chance w/ him? | |
|
| How do you break an obsession with someone?
Posted: 7/4/2006 12:30:35 AM | | I wish someone could help me out as well with getting over someone i curently lost my gf and she says we just grew apart from each otherbut yet shes all ways told me that no matter what ahppend she will always love me and that she can never pic. her self with someone besides me and then she tells me that she doesnt like to go out all the time with her friends but soon as she turned 18 she did the complet opp. she broke up with me saying she just lost feelings and that I can never change(she claims all people can change but me)and all she does is hang out every night with her friends and tells me after i try my hardest to get her back saying everything possiable that she does not see us getting back and she knows i love her to death i stoped doing alot of things just for her and then to find out that she called me annoying behind my back when i asked her if i was bothering her she lied and said she was talking about someone else and then shell call me for 5 sec to say hi and just hang up knowing i wanna talk to her. We both where each others first and everything is she really over me? and what should i do? girls please help me out! | |
|
| How do you break an obsession with someone?
Posted: 7/4/2006 7:42:00 AM | I can't believe i am reading someone elses words, sound like i had written it myself ...
I am pretty much in the same situation as you are . I met this man on the net for 6 or 8 months we were great on line friends , then we decided to meet , ( mind you he only lives 5 miles away) . Before we met we had both dediced that the sparks had to be there on both sides or we would just remain friends and not try to make something there that wasn't . Well from the git go he said and so did I there sure was sparks ... Here is the Kicker he is married , and I live with someone I met in another dating service , he is from the UK . We both agreed to share what time we could together with out hurting anyone ... This went on for a few months chatting on yahoo , meeting a couple times a week , and calls on the phone everyday....... which is all great .., Until one day we talked as always . and agreed to call each other the next day ....Here it is 3 weeks later and not heard a word .... Finally I sent an email to him with a big WHY??????/
I got back a short note saying " I am sorry i hurt you , I did enjoy our time together , but have issues in my life """ Is that a crock of BS or what .. I won't say I am obsessed with this man ,, I just don't understand how one day he could say i love you and the next day never hear from him again ...
I guess he was just another in a long line of PLAYERS...
Geezzzzzzzzzz you would think i would learn ......
But life goes one ....... | |
|
| How do you break an obsession with someone?
Posted: 7/4/2006 7:54:35 AM | I had a relationship that lasted for 3 years..and he was my first..
i couldnt let go..
I did after a while but only with feelings of hate..
How he could betray me like that.. And how stupid i was ..for only noticing certain things aftre 3 whole yrs.
I'm single for 3 yrs now.. and still not okay.. i have dated several times.. but did not feel any conection towards them .. so it stayed by that 1 date.
Personally i do not think about him as much as i used 2.. i dont think about him at all up till now..
I geuss u could try dating again..
That person you've dated cannot possibly be the onliest person that makes you feel happy..
You will find that even better person.. and wonder why u were stuck 2 the 1 you've dated for soo long..
She wouldnt matter no more..
i geuss you'll realise that sooner or later you will be able to move on.. it just needs some time.. | |
|
| How do you break an obsession with someone?
Posted: 7/4/2006 2:42:50 PM | | I'm wondering what will help. My ex and I were so different, we started growing apart the day he moved in with me. Within a month of us breaking up (while I was 6 months pregnant with his baby), he started seeing someone. I do NOT want him back, at all. But what obsesses me is that he's doing things with her that he wouldn't with me. He actually TALKS to her, they spend time together, etc. All the nice stuff he avoided with me. The pain of that is what I can't get over. | |
|
| How do you break an obsession with someone?
Posted: 7/4/2006 5:58:57 PM | | I have been wondering how for two years to get a woman out of my head. I can understand some of the replies from the younger people on here that it is easy. They have never truly loved another. I was married for 9 years and have three kids and she left me for another man. That closure came quickly after the day she married him. I realized that I did not truly love her but was willing to be there forever at the time. Here comes the hard part. I met a girl 5 years ago that became my best friend. I fell hard in love with her. When we met in person it was wonderful to be with her. I really think it was for her as well. We finally got together for a year and everything was great. Then along came a man that seemed to push her to be with him. She is still with him. We have spoken many times over the last 2 years and over and over again she has told me that there has never been anyone that could take my place. That she could only marry again if it was me. That I am wonderful, her best friend, to have hope for us, and would still tell me today that she loves me. How do you get over that? I am not sure. Everything I do she is not far from my mind. I think it gets better and I am feeling pretty good only to have bad days. Holidays are the worst! So many use the words "I love you" to loosely. Do not ever say those words unless you know you mean it! The other person will believe you if you tell them that! My advice though is to never loose hope of finding the right one for you! And dariqueen, remember this: All that glitters is not gold! He only does those things because he knew he should have with you! In time you will see that he is no different afterall! It is still new and believe me that new will wear off! | |
|
| How do you break an obsession with someone?
Posted: 7/5/2006 3:00:28 AM | meet someone else! and that is hard!! i had an 8 year obsession with this guy i met and became great friends with, we almost dated, but didnt. it drove me up a wall. we had sex once, i just couldnt get him out of my system. i tried hooking up with other guys to get him out of my system and it didnt work. finally i met a guy that i had a fling with for 9 months, that i thought was a relationship, he didnt.but it helped wiped away the feelings, i went out for karaoke, he is a dj, and saw him, and i had no feelings for him anymore THANK GOD!~ (funny cuz as im typing this a song is on the radio that he sings karaoke, and it finally doesnt phaze me anymore). it took alot of work, but it finally went away. we have a great friendship that doesnt haunt my heart anymore.
now to break the connection between the x fling that keeps haunting me. | |
|
| How do you break an obsession with someone?
Posted: 7/5/2006 3:09:17 AM | | hey misty got a similar situation, met a new guy at the bar, after he told the dj he thought i was hott. i kind borrowed him one night to try and get over my x, ended up really liking him, he told me he wanted a relationship, even talked about moving in, and i had just met him, and it felt like we know each other forever, very strange, i said as friends at first, and took a little time, as he was trying to get rid of an x girlfriend from his house, who was staying there. we had sex twice, he came over helped me clean my house, started to come over when i had a bad blood sugar attack, and ended up getting a flat tire, which now i believe was a lie. anyway, everythign was fine and he quit calling me, 2 weeks later i ran into him at the bar, and he was like im sorry, i was going to call you, everything was moving too fast and you scared me, and im like you scared me to with the moving in stuff. so we agreed on being friends, he said that he still was attracted to me, and maybe in time we could have something, we kissed goodnight, and lots of hugs, this was on friday night, he called me on sat. to give me details on this contest at the bar, and i said i would come up there, so i called him cuz i got lost, he said he would be up there soon, he had to run home first. so he gets to the bar and totatally ignores me the whole time! i drove 40 mins to see him and to get into the contest, luckily i won the contest. so i have a cold, i get up to say bye to him, and he shakes my hand and says he doesnt want to get sick. shakes my hand after i have slept with him. i was shocked. its amazing how quickly guys can change! between this one and my x, oh my god. i need xantax lol! | |
|
| How do you break an obsession with someone?
Posted: 7/5/2006 3:54:56 AM | This is a great thread. Thanks for those of you who responded - it is a much needed help to me right now.
I know what has to be done. What someone wrote about getting rid of every shred of evidence of that person is so true. And being disciplined enough to get out and see friends, stay active, church, it all helps. And time helps.
What someone else said about listing all the good and bad things about the person and putting it in a bible and giving it to God...I think that's a great idea and something I'm going to do.
There are some very insightful and compassionate people on here...thanks to all of you. | |
|
| How do you break an obsession with someone?
Posted: 7/5/2006 4:44:42 AM | Being crazy in love blinds us to the faults of a relationship! If that person so easily leaves, then their love for us is not as strong as we would hope. It takes two people to make a relationship and if that other person isn't willing to put in the effort, it is beyond our control. Accepting that decision and moving on is healthier than holding on to a fantasy. In the long run, it is best that they are being totally honest about their feelings and leaving, than living a lie and have both of your time wasted. There is that saying "Don't cry over someone who isn't crying over you". Had my heart broken recently, not bitter, just sad, but surviving. This is very thereputic, thanks to everyone for your valuable input. "Blessed are the flexible for they shall not break".
smiles and bear hugs, keep on dancing... | |
|
| How do you break an obsession with someone?
Posted: 7/7/2006 4:04:55 PM | I don't think too many of the people who responded read your message very closely.
I also tried socializing with others, working more, staying busy, exercising and getting rid of his pictures and things. That just simply did not work. Socializing with someone you can have no real feelings for will only make you obsess for that person more.
There was one reply that I read that I think might really be a good one. It is the one that says you should feel the pain and go through the grieving process. That might be all we can do, but I haven't tried that yet. I just know I have not wanted to feel the pain, and I have resisted it. I think another option would be to meet someone who can sweep us off our feet, but that rarely ever happens to most people.
Socializing would only work if you meet someone else who you could really feel the same kind of passion for. Should we really call it an obsession? Feeling passion means you are alive. I would rather feel passion than have no feelings even if passion creates pain.
I really wish I knew a quick answer, but I don't think anyone really addressed it with a real solution. Our soul is a complexity that we have little understanding of. I am not sure professionals even understand it like they should. | |
|
| How do you break an obsession with someone?
Posted: 7/7/2006 6:05:15 PM | | Dear journalist,I would like to start by telling you about that I definitly understand what you are going thru,as I have been there myself a few times.The short answer is that there is nothing you can do,time will heal all wounds.I have been in the same spot as you over and over it seems.I was married at 24,and divorced at 26.Now I am 29 and honestly I still think about my ex-wife at least every 10 minutes or so,I can get thru the day without breaking down and criing but she is still on my mind,the worse part about that is we have a 5 year old daughter so I still speak to her at least 3 times a week.I wish I knew the answer to getting over another person.So far the only thing that has helped me is to spend time alone and if you need someone to talk to God is allways listning.Paul | |
|
| How do you break an obsession with someone?
Posted: 7/7/2006 10:54:52 PM | This thread certainly seems to be helping a lot of people out and I'm glad I read it. I do get obsessed sometimes, mostly over guys I don't know very well. I'm sure I'm projecting Mr Right qualities on them and I'm well aware that they don't truly carry them. I decided that I need to take more control over my life and my thoughts. I do believe you are what you think, so I write affirmations to myself every night. We all have horrible self-talk; okay most of us do. If you listened carefully to what you say to yourself all the time, you would probably stop liking yourself (you probably don't like yourself that much anyway). It's terrible stuff we say. My affirmations are wonderful thoughts on paper about none other than me. Build your self esteem and watch the rest of your life come together. Realize and acknowledge that you deserve better than the people you are obsessed with and see what new, quality people you start attracting. Go through if you need to and make a list of the qualities of your perfect person and then mark off the ones that your obsession had; I bet there aren't many marks. Remember, this is about honesty and not the qualities you projected, but the ones that person really has. Now, go back to your list of qualities and write them again. Keep them by you and constantly remind yourself of the qualities you are looking for whenever you start to think of the obsession. Start treating yourself with the respect and love you deserve and you will find that someone who will treat you as well as you treat yourself. Maybe that's it right there....we are and have been attracting people who treat us as well as we treat ourselves. That in itself should be an eye opener.
All the best.
M  | |
|
| How do you break an obsession with someone?
Posted: 7/8/2006 8:33:27 AM | | Welcome to the wonderful word of online dating. I was married for a very long time. I waited until the divorce was final (3 years) beforel I even entertained the idea of seeking male companionship. I put all my energy and efforts into work and getting my head cleared out. I finally decided I had lived without a social life long enough, but didn't know where to start to look for dating partners. Someone suggested online dating. I thought I would give it a try. At first it was nice to have someone to talk to at the end of the day. I had several people I chatted with online. I e-mailed back and fourth with one man for about 2 months before I agreed to meet him for coffee. I agreed to the meeting, scared to death and wondering if I was making a huge mistake, but went anyway. I was't impressed with the man at all at our first meeting. I was't attracted to him physically. I did however enjoy the conversation, and his quirkey sense of humor. He was a total free spirit, an artist and musician. I agreed to go on a first date about 2 weeks later. We were together alot after that. I have grown very fond of him. Because of our different backgrounds, I think our realtionship is over. I think about him all the time. We still talk occasionally on the phone, but have nothing in common. it's been pretty painfull but I really do need to move on and find someone I have more in common with. I have no idea on how to break the connection I have with him in my head. I guess you just have to stay busy and time with take care of the rest. | |
|
| How do you break an obsession with someone?
Posted: 7/8/2006 8:44:28 AM | Hello=) I can relate to alot of the posts, but I just thought of something, please humor me, When you obsess of someone ask yourself what part am I obsessing about?, For example
is it the feeling of the experience at the time, or is it a certain characteristic about that person, or is it that the feeling that you had that is just simply missed. Please let me know I would like to hear your opinions.
2a. | |
|
| How do you break an obsession with someone?
Posted: 7/8/2006 9:18:10 AM | | oh i suffer with you... it is horrible to be heart broken! but i promise it will pass, even though it might take months. the best is to find a strategy to not let the obsession take over your life. you can't control your thoughts, they will always be there, but you can control your actions. like everybody else here is saying... do other things, MEET PEOPLE, go out. come up with things you should do when your heart is hurting too much, things that you enjoy and distract you. you were probably doing okay before you met this person, so you should be able to do okay now too... try to get something good out of it: analyze why it hurts so much, what it is this person gave you that you like so much, and analyze what went wrong. what can you do better next time you meet someone? | |
|
| How do you break an obsession with someone?
Posted: 7/8/2006 9:26:56 AM | | Dear Sir, happened to me, then I realized it was an addiction, I was like an addict. And I kept at it, kept pulling him in, until one day, the pain was too great for me, he was too mean, and, I didn't want him anymore. Stupidly, I had to do it my way, not cold turkey, I am not good at cold turkey. But, it worked, finally. When there is more pain then joy, your brain will kick in, and you'll be out of there. | |
|
| How do you break an obsession with someone?
Posted: 7/8/2006 2:49:48 PM | There are some great answers here. Other than the smoking crack idea, which would work a treat but obviously has its downside.
I use a number of techniques with my clients including most of the above. Obsession is learned behaviour in the same way that fear of flying is learned behaviour and it can be unlearned very, very quickly using the techniques promoted by people like Paul Mckenna.
What changed my life was working with lots of different people as a coach, getting them to apply the reprogramming techniques, seeing them break the habit quickly and then realising that I didnt have to cry over my broken heart either.
Now Ive got the antidote I can face anything, take on any challenge because at worst I will fail and get over it. At best..well...watch this space
Good luck sweetheart, it doesnt have to rule your life xx | |
|
ousu
|
Joined: 6/2/2005
Msg: 69 | |
| How do you break an obsession with someone?
Posted: 7/8/2006 2:59:14 PM | | I continued reminding myself about those things I did not like in a person. Every time there was a moment of weakness I reminded myself about something negative. Attitude change or self-manipulation you can call it. - Also, trying to keep the mood up, I reminded myself about another case telling to myself "I forgot that one, so the same will happen with this one". | |
|
| How do you break an obsession with someone?
Posted: 7/8/2006 3:07:32 PM | | Its tough is not it, carn,t you phone the smaritans or someone with how you are feeling, you obviously need to talk to someone, about all of this as its affecting you. I think we all have had times when we have been a bit obessed with someone, but yu have to accept it is over and start looking fo rsomeone else. Just cos she don,t love yo don,t mean someone else wont. Life is short don,t stay locked in the past. for your own sake. | |
|
| How do you break an obsession with someone?
Posted: 7/8/2006 3:15:04 PM | | stop trying to think about all the lovely times when she was loving and good to you, she don,t feel that way no more you have to accept it. you may be alone but lots of people are lonely and alone, try reaching out to them they could do with a friend and someone could even do with a boyfriend like you. don,t feel sorry for yourself reach out to others, their are so many lonely people in this world, who need a bit of love and care, look outward not inward. on your problem. as we try to make others happy we can become happy. theirs an old saying selfish people end up lonely people so reach out. take care. | |
|
| How do you break an obsession with someone?
Posted: 7/8/2006 3:27:01 PM | I just recently read of a technique for breaking habits ( and an obsession is a HABIT-you can change it).
It's called the STOP technique and it is simple. YOu DECIDE that EACH and every time you bring her into your thoughts you will STOP...take a breath and DO SOMETHING ELSE. You set and intention to do this and decide WHAT you will do or think about instead. If you forget to do it, just re-set your intention and keep trying. Be forgiving of yourself and offer yourself a reward at the end of every day...such as a piece of candy or something simple like that.
I know it sounds simplistic, and I do know the pain you speak of. But I say...try it and see.
Good luck
A | |
|
| How do you break an obsession with someone?
Posted: 7/8/2006 3:35:56 PM | | Determination. Do not allow yourself to have any contact, or any communication with the person. Keep moving forward, and fill your life with distractions. This site probably a good move. | |
|
myna
|
Joined: 6/14/2006
Msg: 74 | |
| How do you break an obsession with someone?
Posted: 7/8/2006 4:27:45 PM | | Its true is not that easy, I dated my xbf for 2 and 6 months . I tried every thing like cleaning my room every single day,watching t.v ,walking to the Park,going shopping it didn't work at all . Well meeting people its not my thing . I think the best thing to do is ask the person again if the if he /she wanna try again, or pray that the person you love will change his/her mind to love you again. | |
|
| |
|
| Page 3 of 6
|
1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6 |
|
Home
login 
