| How do you break an obsession with someone?
Posted: 7/9/2006 4:08:52 AM | | well accept its over, stop daydreaming about the way things were in the past she don,t feel the same, you cannot go back, look at what is happeniing now. you will meet someone lovely if you look, their are some lovely single women around and their will be one for you, just make friends and let it happen. don,t dwell on the past, let it go life is too short. | |
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| How do you break an obsession with someone?
Posted: 7/9/2006 4:12:31 AM | | you will meet someone who loves you in time, their is someone for everyone, out their somewhere, someone special who will love you as much as you love them don,t be a pessimist, just because you lost love once does not mean you will again. put it down to experience we have all been hurt someone, don,t go on a pity parrty move on and catch your dreams and be hopeful and make friends concentrate on friendship, their are many people alone nad looking for love just like you and people who will appreciate and love you so have hope, don,t look back look ahead. have hope. | |
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| How do you break an obsession with someone?
Posted: 7/9/2006 7:59:20 AM | I'm going through the same thing right now. I even started a thread about it a few months ago.
My way of coping with it was to start a relationship with someone new and move on.
Unfortunately, now I'm finding that I still can't keep my mind off of the first man. I used to give gifts and things constantly to the first man and find I have no desire to give to the second.
Moving on and keeping busy is proving to be useless for me.
If someone finds the solution... let me know too. | |
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| How do you break an obsession with someone?
Posted: 7/9/2006 8:12:06 AM | Unfortunately Journalist, I personally do not think you do break it.
I know what your talking about exactly, and its a real **** to go through..
Time is the only thing that will make it easier and then it only serves to dull the need it never really goes away.You must have have cared for this person a great deal for it to be on your mind so much the length of the relationship doesn't matter 2 weeks, 2 month, 2 years, when you find someone that causes those feeling, you know no matter the length of time.. So my friend, just keep on keeping on, its all you can do.. | |
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| How do you break an obsession with someone?
Posted: 7/9/2006 8:16:38 AM | Come on Balletdancer..
You sound cold, easier said then done sometimes to accept not being with someone you care for.. Its called being Human, not to feel the those things would be far worse.. | |
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| How do you break an obsession with someone?
Posted: 7/9/2006 10:07:21 AM | freelancer i am not being cold, do you think i have not been hurt before, of course i have, unlike yourself you seem to think you are the only one who has exprience of these things,
the guy needs to accept things i want him to get over his hurt and pain. I want him to get over it for his own sake. but then you seem to think you are the only one with experience. | |
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| How do you break an obsession with someone?
Posted: 7/10/2006 8:21:31 AM | Hello=) Obssesion are hard to break, especially the ones that hurt the most. But in my opinion obssessing over someone or something is to yearn for that experience again, and realizing it is gone and there might not be a chance to get that back, but what I have come to realize is that there are new experiences that are good that can make the other obssession/s go away, it just a matter of finding out what the obssession was about and why is lingering and slowly tormenting. | |
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| How do you break an obsession with someone?
Posted: 7/10/2006 8:44:41 AM | You really have to come to grips with what it is you are really obsessing about. Is it the real person, or the thoughts of what might have been? Or something specific, like the time you spent together? Usually when that happens, you slowly begin to realize that this person wasnt 'the one', and you eventually lose some of that craving for them. Good luck OP..  | |
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| How do you break an obsession with someone?
Posted: 7/10/2006 8:46:33 AM | | I just have a question thats along similar lines..... What do you do when they flaunt their new relationship in front of you but are determined to keep you involved in their lives? Its what Im encountering now and no matter what I do contact is made again on his part. I never start conversations nor do I look to talk to him but he will find a way to let me know what's going on in his life. Thus making it tough to get him outta my life. Thanks for any input. | |
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| How do you break an obsession with someone?
Posted: 7/10/2006 9:13:03 AM | The old saying "Time heals all wounds" Everything happens for a reason". I too Lost the love of my life.We were together for 12 years. I thought my heart was going to break in two.But I saw him smile when he wasn't with me..It made me happy for him. There is not a person on this earth that can tell you how to let go of someone, that comes from within you.Being with someone else after a break up is only a quick fix. If you love someone with all your heart and they choose to walk away from you, that is on them, it just wasn't meant to be at that time.Maybe they need to go to see what they had with you was good or bad. Don't be sad don't be angry just try and remember why you loved this person and hold the happy times in your heart, I think if you hold the bad parts with you it hurts the next person you are with, To love someone I mean really love them their happiness is yours. Laugh as often as you can even if its not funny! Laughter is the best for your sole! | |
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| How do you break an obsession with someone?
Posted: 7/10/2006 9:25:28 AM | People come into your life for a REASON, a SEASON or a LIFETIME. When you know which one it is, you will know what to do for that person. When someone is in your life for a REASON, it is usually to meet a need that you have expressed. They have come to assist you through a difficulty, to provide you with guidance and support, to aid you physically, emotionally or spiritually. They may seem like a godsend and they are. They are there for the reason you need them to be. Then, without any wrongdoing on your part or at an inconvenient time, this person will say or so something to bring the relationship to an end. Sometimes they die, sometimes they just walk away or sometimes they act up and force you to take a stand. What we must realize is that our NEED has been met, our desire fulfilled, their work is done. The prayer you sent up has been answered and now it is time to move on….
Someone emailed this to me at the perfect time. I am dealing with an obsession and I have to read this every now & then. I do not understand what went wrong or what I did wrong. I just know that I am miserable.... | |
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| How do you break an obsession with someone?
Posted: 7/10/2006 9:28:13 AM | Trust me --its called excessive compulsive attitude and co-dependancy.. Been there and done that...Unfortunatly I have lost my love via ovarian cancer just last month. IF there is a pain tolerance I have been there and wrote the book.
My suggetion is to go see a mental health clinic or see if your doctor will prescribe medicine for you such as an anti depressant. ITs the chemicals in your body like seratonin that are out of balance and can cause your mind to just go crazy with agony and loss even if the person just jilted you and left its as if they took a chunk or your soul with them..when in fact they were jerks to begin with...That one I found out many years ago when I found out I had excessive compulsive disorder...Only medicine and talk therapy brought me out of it. Now once again I have to endure loss...not by them just leaving but by death...the worst of all. SO take solice in the fact she may have been here for a few months or days...but there is more out there who will appreicate your kind of personality. Thank god she did not die as mine did...as we were both still in love. | |
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| Ambyrcat, How do you break an obsession with someone?
Posted: 7/21/2006 12:26:56 PM | Wow, another scorned would-be lover. How exciting. I see he also bravely deleted his profile. Oh well, he who snipes and runs away, lives to snipe another day.
Anyone wondering why Rennik's single? Show of hands? Naw, me neither. Sorry, OP. | |
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| Ambyrcat, How do you break an obsession with someone?
Posted: 7/21/2006 12:45:51 PM | | I really don't have any new ideas. But there are some good books out there on letting go. You can try a new hobby. Exercise do something you've always wanted to do but haven't. It does get better but it takes some time. | |
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| Limerance
Posted: 7/21/2006 3:26:35 PM | Trying to control anyone else but my self can only lead to misery. I don't want to hang on to misery any more.
I learned about Limerance and it set me free to give in to it and just feel love for that person, for my self, for everyone. I am happy to feel it now, it doesn't make me miserable because I stopped trying to control it. I love to love and I like it. I send my love out on the wind to all, and happy to know you are all following your bliss, as you should.
It's so easy, a simple shift in perspective and you are free again. | |
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| How do you break an obsession with someone?
Posted: 7/21/2006 4:17:49 PM | Dear Journalist,
I think you're seeing that there are lots of folks who have gone through what you're experiencing or that they are going through it now. You are NOT alone.
I think the best thing to do is to "fake it until you make it". Pretend you feel good about yourself and, in time, you WILL feel good about you. Remember, it was HER loss to lose a nice man like you. Send her a mental sympathy card every day that she isn't with you. Realize that her leaving you may have been a blessing in disguise - perhaps she wasn't what she appeared to be.
Don't ask yourself not to think about her - you will no matter what so stop beating yourself up for thinking about her alot. It's human.
Remember that "only love can break a heart and only love can mend it again."
Hang in there. You'll make it. | |
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| How do you break an obsession with someone?
Posted: 7/21/2006 5:48:15 PM | well, I see the OP hasn't even been in here for months, so now we're just talking to hear ourselves talk... but I'll do it anyway.
I really think we need to be very thoughtful and really Identify our termonolgy. When I see words like 'Obssession', these are very heavy duty words to me. These are the kinds of words we use with.. mental disorders, ect. Not normal. Not your regular run of the mill loss, and grief stuff.
Whether the OP is actually obssessed or not, is an unanswered question. Perhaps he needs to see a professional just to define that, if nothing else. I know how powerful loss of love can be...even if was only a percieved love... the loss is not less great. I know how, for what seems like a long time... the world seems to be filled with nothing but triggers which can set this off. I know how you can feel sick and fractured inside. I know how you can ache for someone, in a way that nothing will lessen. All of this is normal. It is not, in my opinion, obssession. We're even allowed a certain ammount of dysfunction while we recover. But there are limits to this. If anyone, including the op, really feel they are exceeding these limits... then they need some kind of help. It is foolish and even dangerous to try and do it all alone. | |
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| How do you break an obsession with someone?
Posted: 7/21/2006 10:39:50 PM | Very profound response Paul...what a soft heart you have...dont let the bad days hang around too long... I love the saying "Dont cry when its over....be glad it happened" the sun always comes out eventually - just be open to opportunities! | |
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| How do you break an obsession with someone?
Posted: 7/21/2006 10:46:26 PM | The fastest way to break an obsession with a woman is realize how many men go to jail for 30 days just for phoning the ex woman . They were charged with harassment for just leaving messages asking her to call them back. Obsession is the most dangerous emotion to have for yourself because it almost always gets you in jail. I have 3 people I know personally who spent time in jail for obsessing over their spouse after she said leave her alone. One buddy described how he was beaten to a pulp for nothing while in jail for 30 days. He has many stitches all over his face from men beating him and no one cared to help him. Once his 30 days were up, he wasn't allowed to be in the same city and was forced to quit his job and move out of his home town as her. He had to do many horrible dehumanizing things for his future just because of some phone calls to her . Obsessing is an emotional ambush for men. We can't do it. We have better things to do. Anything is better than going to jail and being beaten and robbed of our dignity and being stuck with a criminal record for life and forced to move from our own city. You have to realize Obsessing is a simple emotional option nothing more. Crying is an option. Missing someone is a simple option we can avoid when we consider the possibility of jail and a ruined life while she can laugh and date whom ever like nothing happened. While she is getting screwed by anyone she chooses, you will be behind bars, in a dangerous setting with criminals who pack together like hounds for a show of force. You are no longer a man able to protect your children or loved ones, just like an unwanted gofer in a cage.
BELIEVE that OBSESSING is just an immature waste of time and a bad option not to choose. Don't mess with obsessing. Just be YOU and love YOU and don't be a hero or someone different. Breath, and stay out of trouble. | |
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| How do you break an obsession with someone?
Posted: 7/21/2006 11:04:29 PM | Buddy... we've all been there. Nothing worse than being dumped, rejected, abandoned, betrayed... whatever. You're in the thick of it right now. No matter where you go, she's on your mind... rignt? You see a movie, something reminds you of her. Drive down the street, you see a vehicle just like hers. Every other song on the radio is yours... right?
Yep... been there.
You can't stop thinking about her... you can't believe it's over... your life is shattered... you need closure; you obsess; you wonder why, why, why.
Blah.. blah... blah.
The best way to get over a broken relationship is to hit fast forward. Put yourself in that better place, where you're long past heartache and THIS IS ALL BEHIND YOU. It's not as hard as you think. Just look back on your life. Surely there has been something else that happened in your past that you survived. Maybe it was ANOTHER breakup. Maybe it was a job loss. The point is, it's ancient history, isn't it? It doesn't matter today. You're over it.
Use that experience to help you through this one. Remind yourself that you have weathered other storms--you'll weather this one, too. The biggest mistake you can make is to hang on to her because you don't want to let go. My advice: let go. Allow people and events to leave your life. It may be painful but you'll be amazed at what doors open as a result. Sometimes the worst thing that happens to us turns out to be the best. Three years ago, I caught my boyfriend cheating. To say I was shattered is an understatement. I lost 25 pounds. I cried all the time. I drank myself into a stupor. My body reacted to the emotional stress by delivering me a whallop that laid me up in bed for eight days. I had never been sick--EVER. I developed SHINGLES and stayed in bed for EIGHT days! My friends and family were at a loss at how to help me. I thought I'd never get over him. I didn't want to get over him; it was almost as if doing so would diminish the importance of what we had.
Uhhh... yeah. I realize now that getting over someone is a skill you learn through hard-won experience. I hung on to the pain because I didn't know how to let go.
It's easy.
Just let go.
Hanging on to a bitter, painful, dying relationship is like hanging on to razor wire. You hang on, because you're afraid of falling into the unknown. Just let go. You'll find that in doing so, you let go of the pain. And the landing--I SWEAR--is worse in your imagination than it is in real life.
Because my relationship ended, three years ago, my world opened up in ways that I never could have imagined. That all-important, earth-shattering relationship doesn't even register a blip on my emotional richter scale today.
So fast forward, my friend. Spare yourself the ridiculous, soul-destroying, painful wondering, agonizing obsession. Stop weeping about the vacancy in your life. See it as wonderful, wide open possibility, just waiting to be filled. But it won't be filled, as long as you hang on to this agony.
Let it go. You deserve better than aching over someone who didn't appreciate or care enough about you. Raise the bar. The universe tends to bring us what we expect to receive. Expect this breakup to be painful... and it will be. Flip it around. Decide that you're finished with the pain. You've done all the hurting you need to do. Now... Look forward to what comes next in your life.
It's a big world... and there are plenty of fish in the sea. wait a minute... that sounds like a great idea...
Good luck. | |
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| How do you break an obsession with someone?
Posted: 7/21/2006 11:04:56 PM | Buddy... we've all been there. Nothing worse than being dumped, rejected, abandoned, betrayed... whatever. You're in the thick of it right now. No matter where you go, she's on your mind... rignt? You see a movie, something reminds you of her. Drive down the street, you see a vehicle just like hers. Every other song on the radio is yours... right?
Yep... been there.
You can't stop thinking about her... you can't believe it's over... your life is shattered... you need closure; you obsess; you wonder why, why, why.
Blah.. blah... blah.
The best way to get over a broken relationship is to hit fast forward. Put yourself in that better place, where you're long past heartache and THIS IS ALL BEHIND YOU. It's not as hard as you think. Just look back on your life. Surely there has been something else that happened in your past that you survived. Maybe it was ANOTHER breakup. Maybe it was a job loss. The point is, it's ancient history, isn't it? It doesn't matter today. You're over it.
Use that experience to help you through this one. Remind yourself that you have weathered other storms--you'll weather this one, too. The biggest mistake you can make is to hang on to her because you don't want to let go. My advice: let go. Allow people and events to leave your life. It may be painful but you'll be amazed at what doors open as a result. Sometimes the worst thing that happens to us turns out to be the best. Three years ago, I caught my boyfriend cheating. To say I was shattered is an understatement. I lost 25 pounds. I cried all the time. I drank myself into a stupor. My body reacted to the emotional stress by delivering me a whallop that laid me up in bed for eight days. I had never been sick--EVER. I developed SHINGLES and stayed in bed for EIGHT days! My friends and family were at a loss at how to help me. I thought I'd never get over him. I didn't want to get over him; it was almost as if doing so would diminish the importance of what we had.
Uhhh... yeah. I realize now that getting over someone is a skill you learn through hard-won experience. I hung on to the pain because I didn't know how to let go.
It's easy.
Just let go.
Hanging on to a bitter, painful, dying relationship is like hanging on to razor wire. You hang on, because you're afraid of falling into the unknown. Just let go. You'll find that in doing so, you let go of the pain. And the landing--I SWEAR--is worse in your imagination than it is in real life.
Because my relationship ended, three years ago, my world opened up in ways that I never could have imagined. That all-important, earth-shattering relationship doesn't even register a blip on my emotional richter scale today.
So fast forward, my friend. Spare yourself the ridiculous, soul-destroying, painful wondering, agonizing obsession. Stop weeping about the vacancy in your life. See it as wonderful, wide open possibility, just waiting to be filled. But it won't be filled, as long as you hang on to this agony.
Let it go. You deserve better than aching over someone who didn't appreciate or care enough about you. Raise the bar. The universe tends to bring us what we expect to receive. Expect this breakup to be painful... and it will be. Flip it around. Decide that you're finished with the pain. You've done all the hurting you need to do. Now... Look forward to what comes next in your life.
It's a big world... and there are plenty of fish in the sea. wait a minute... that sounds like a great idea...
Good luck. | |
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| How do you break an obsession with someone?
Posted: 7/21/2006 11:21:34 PM | I am the fellow who started this thread, and I am pleased to report that I found something that DID help me with my obsession. And maybe it will help some of you who are going through the same problem. In short: I went back to college this summer for the first time in 13 years, and made an A in the 5-week course I took! Studying for tests, and making a 75-mile round trip to the college each day, distracted me somewhat from my obsession.
I was stunned to see that people were still responding so long after I'd made my post. I'd even forgotten till tonight that it was on here! Thanks to all of you who have given responsible answers, and please keep them coming. I haven't had time to read them all, but I appreciate the encouragement. And yes, I am seeing other women, and that DOES help, too. | |
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| How do you break an obsession with someone?
Posted: 7/21/2006 11:37:18 PM | I think anyone with any maturity has experienced this feeling. The first time I was kicked to the curb, I was devastated and ended up in a chair sitting across from someone I was paying to listen to my heartache. The most important words she said to me were, "do you really want to be with someone who doesn't want to be with you". If we think about that logically, of course we don't.
My opinion is jumping into another relationship will not end the emotions you feel. And quite possibly could escalate them.
Re-discover yourself.... You will live through this and know yourself a little bit better. This will also make you a better 'catch' for someone else. Could you put anyone through what you are experiencing?
Find someone who needs you because they love you.
Not someone who loves you because they need you.... | |
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| How do you break an obsession with someone?
Posted: 1/10/2007 5:51:57 PM | I was a psychotherapist for 25 years. Usually, if you can't break this type of obsession, it's because it's repeating a childhood attachment to a parental figure. I would suggest seeking out a good therapist. Also, going to someone who does past life regression can help, as well, because the energy attachment may be related to a karmic past with this person.
Judith. | |
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