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| When to bring it up [Exclusive Dating]
Posted: 5/6/2006 11:00:27 PM | | I do find that a good question, when I know there are times you just want to be sure where the two of you stand. Most times (as others posted here) it should just be known...but then again, how certain can you be of the other persons thoughts? Too many guys out there are players. I think I've been asked offically only twice in my life...I thought that was really nice. It doesn't seem too many men out there do this. I can't really help, but it is a good question. | |
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| When to bring it up [Exclusive Dating]
Posted: 5/15/2006 7:09:51 PM | When you feel it is when it is right. You want to go steady? Ask.
If the person feels the same then I am sure he will be happy, if not its his loss | |
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| When to bring it up [Exclusive Dating]
Posted: 8/7/2006 12:43:11 PM | | When being around the other person, and the thought of it, makes you happier than the thought of being able to see other people. | |
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| When to bring it up [Exclusive Dating]
Posted: 8/7/2006 12:46:24 PM | If things are all moving along nicely and you each are comfortable with each other, you shouldnt need to ask/think that question. everything should all just fall into place naturally.
Through actions and words you would know where you stand and where you 'fti into' his life.
good answer. I'm going to take this to heart as well. | |
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| When to bring it up [Exclusive Dating]
Posted: 8/21/2006 2:12:18 PM | | I want some feedback on my situation, that I'll give a brief history. I met this wonderful girl that we hit it off pretty much from the beginning, we had two dates of which the second date got hot & heavy, by the third date we had sex. As far as our sex chemistry goes, we are good, but on our personalities I still need to explore. Mind you we been together 1 month. My question is; since we started to have sex, should I ask for exclusivity? though I have asked if she is dating other people, and she said no. For one I believe we rushed things, but we couldn't keep our hands to ourselves, there was so much sexual tension that we acted on it. I would like to ask for exclusivity, but don't know if it is the right time, I don't want to come off as 'needy' or 'clingy', but I would like to believe that I am the only person she is having sex with. What should I do? | |
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| When to bring it up [Exclusive Dating]
Posted: 8/27/2006 11:44:53 AM | I may sound old fashioned....if so I will let another say it.
Ms. Hepburn wrote : I like to bring it up when the relationship becomes sexual. I think that for obvious reasons this is smart.
Ms. Hepburn is again SPOT ON! there is no other reason that makes this question/request a must do at this time.
I do remember when sex was a fun thing and fun to do, but now is the time when the fun thing can KILL you.
Be careful, be exclusive, be happy and be ALIVE!!! 
Words from the greyknight847
from the castle in the
Kingdom of JimShoe | |
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| When to bring it up [Exclusive Dating]
Posted: 8/29/2006 10:21:40 AM | | Thanks for the reply. I did bring the question up, and yes we only see each other, we don't date other people. But I still have to bring up the exclusivity part, I wonder at this stage be a moot point? I mean we will be meeting parents early next month, just to know them and see how we interact with them, I suppose if we all get along, then we can become "official exclusive", if that is a term..lol. I would like to see other opinions. | |
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| When to bring it up [Exclusive Dating]
Posted: 8/29/2006 10:57:57 AM | In short if you are having sex then it is time to be excusive. If not then the one that is not is a Slut / Player. Sure I am going to catch slack from the sluts and the players, but that is how it is.
As for the how long; How many? It might be right off the bat or it might be a couple weeks. Any more then that and someone is not serious.
What really surprises me is the people that want to "play the field", then when they stop, they want a wedding tommorow. IMO you should be a couple for one and a half to two and a half years before you hear bells. | |
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| When to bring it up [Exclusive Dating]
Posted: 8/29/2006 12:13:59 PM | druidlawyer:
You nailed it perfect! 
(I posted this responce at another thread of the same topic, but I think it is good for all to read, geezzeee I should be more humble......Naw.)
Again more of the reason to get exclusive. BTW most men ( usually) also want to be exclusive too. Unless they are the "Player/score card " type. Beware!
Oh yes and gals if you want to sample more of the field the losen up on the restriction of who you talk to and get messages from. Remember that is why God and the people at the Fish created the DELETE KEY.
To the point, Ladies, we men are a bit ....err...slow..cautious...scared? it's just men may want to be the "ONE" but sometimes don't want to scare you away. So just ask. If the answer is no then,gals, use the best form of birthcontrol/saftey there is in the world.
What is it,you ask? Two asprins and a tootsie roll pop.
Just hold them (asprins)1) between your thighs 2) the other between your knees
I think you know where the pop goes. 
and don't let go! Works each and every time, ALL the time.
Worfs from the greyknight847
in the Kingdom of JimShoe | |
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| When to bring it up [Exclusive Dating]
Posted: 6/19/2007 11:01:49 PM | | It seems to me you already asked for exclusivity!!! You asked if she was dating other people and she said NO, meaning you are the only one she's interested in. But a good way to confirm and say how you feel "that things have progressed and you don't want to come off as clingy, but you think she's pretty cool and want to know if she has any desire to still date others sexually so you know where you stand at the moment. If not, then see how things develop over the next couple of months and if it's still going strong then only time will tell from there. Communication is always key!!! If you want to see other people after 2 months then give her the same right of way. Vice versa, no hard feelings... | |
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| When to bring it up [Exclusive Dating]
Posted: 6/20/2007 3:27:33 PM | There is no definitive answer to this one. I guess if it feels right it is and if it doesn't. it isn't. (for me its one date at a time)
I do doubt the likelyhood of success though for a relationship to develop where your date is one of several being compared against each other.
After all it's not like taking a car for a test drive is it? | |
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| When to bring it up [Exclusive Dating]
Posted: 6/21/2007 7:29:59 AM | If you have been dating a while and its heading in the direction of intimacy or is there already, I feel at this point its a good idea to define your relationship. If that person is someone you only want to be with and you are happy with just them. Ask them if they are they still dating around or are truly ready to be exclusive. Personally, I wouldn't want someone who is sleeping around and I wouldn't sleep around for obvious reasons.
Talk about the motives and concerns in being a "main" person. Do it lightly, no ultimatum such as, "you're with me or not at all". If they choose to date around I would definantly guard my heart and my body. Use protection and be prepared! He may be looking for something different or new and you could get hurt or he wants to be with you and is not ready to commit yet. Just have to accept what is and give him his space.
You get to make the choice in each and every situation. Talking is important, it should be done candid, with or without merit. Nobody who speaks their mind should be put down for their thoughts or feelings.
Many peoples fate, as it may....will prevail. | |
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| When to bring it up [Exclusive Dating]
Posted: 8/9/2007 8:07:30 PM | Well, was about to post something similar - okay, I see it does pay to check threads!
This one is a year old and was revived back in June '07 it appears... so let's just see where this goes.
Oh dear... this can be a let the games begin subject sometimes, isn't it?
This could go on and on (my rant of opinion below)... so tell us o' wise ones out there - at what point, be it a matter of time, # of dates, level of connection, physical involvement... however you want to define it, does or should dating become exclusive?
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Usually it seems the person wondering most about exclusivity (? - did I just make up another word!) is likely to be the one who is feeling "it" a bit more than the other. And think that person needs to stop and ask themselves why? Do you actually feel something for him/her, or just get along and don't want to be sitting home bored alone posting in forums! hahaha. Do you feel an emotional void from a prior dating relationship and are possibly trying to fill that void too soon? Or, are you really ready?
P.S. - When not really ready have you noticed "we" tend to pair ourselves with somebody more elusive, unattainable... trying to buy ourselves time? Or protecting ourselves so that if/when it doesn't work out, we can safely say, Ah I wasn't ready anyway.
Those of us in our 40's plus - just an example I can relate to and speak of, not excluding anyone, mind you - have likely come off of a divorce, long term relationship(s) and are sorely out of practice when it comes to dating. Think many of us are just trying to get our footing again and feel comfortable. For some I've met it's been 20+ years and they had married a highschool sweetheart! It was hard enough as a teenager, but at least we were naive then, for the most part. Dang, most of us know way too much now!
Meet on a dating site.... stands to reason one or the other or each is "dating" a number of different people at varying degrees... meaning searching here, there (the other 2 or 3 sites they are on?) sending emails, chatting, talking on the phone, meeting, dating, dating more frequently, seeking out some lovin affection - not necessarily in any given order, mind you.
Rather than misconception or misperception... just candidly communicate from the get go. If his profile reads "dating" and makes no mention of expounding that into a relationship... and hers reads long-term, and that's all she's searching for, then what is she expecting with that guy? a committment? Admittedly, chemistry is the glue, but it's all in the timing to keep it together.
After a few dates, I've previously been asked if would consider focusing... over the course of the next month, or so and then reevaluate the situation to decide what, and if the next step - whatever that might be. I thought that was a great idea! Okay, but then some of us don't have the time nor inclination to be a dating juggler anyway. The point is, we agreed upon a set amount of time to work toward positive results together. Now when taken off the market... best pay attention and keep each other busy! | |
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Siena
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Joined: 8/4/2007
Msg: 39 | |
| When to bring it up [Exclusive Dating]
Posted: 8/9/2007 8:18:58 PM | I agree that a person can SAY anything. "We are exclusive, I love you , Nobody but you" but having said it does not make it true. I have found that you really can't control anyone with words (and shouldn't want to or need to) and if they want to be exclusive , you will know by their actions. People generally do exactly what they want to do.. so it is best when it a decision of the heart. | |
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| When to bring it up [Exclusive Dating]
Posted: 8/11/2007 12:42:14 PM | Wondering why am getting some very wise input offline about this... but since they didn't choose to share, I won't begin to paraphrase here and now.
But it has given me pause to think about "it" (and didn't necessarily want to!)
Have concluded that there is no magic formula(s) to any of this... and all preconceived notions about dating/relationships should be thrown out with the bath water!
Especially for anyone seeking new and improved companionship from a dating site, a singles mixer, a bar, a coworker or business associate, the produce section of the grocery store... whatever.
If find yourself in a (re)seeking mode... then obviously anything previously utilized and thought to be a working blueprint, didn't work!
The success of any relationship, romantic or otherwise crumbles down to the foundation laid... if built of quality materials, it will sustain most anything... time, changes in the weather or the unforseen natural catastrophe...
just food for thought, will come in handy when we decide we're hungry. | |
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| When to bring it up [Exclusive Dating]
Posted: 12/13/2007 9:25:51 PM | QUOTE : mzalleycat
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Oh I'm so confused...
So many threads suggest that you are not exclusive until you have "the talk". Now this thread is suggesting to avoid "the talk" at all costs.
For myself, I will date more than one person at a time, only because these people are virtual strangers and we have no idea if we will have chemistry in person. However, if one of these people strike my fancy, then I would eventually drop off the others and just put my time into this one person. At some point, say after 2,3,4 months or so, you start to open up your heart abit to them and I for one, don't want to start investing emotions into someone until I know for certain they are not still multiple-dating. I don't care about such things as removing profiles and logging into dating sites at this point, but I would expect for them to hide their profile and date only me. Am I being too demanding? too naive? too quick to jump the gun?
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^^ Words right out of my head.
I have to say, I am a diehard romantic with sensitive emo marshmallow insides. I keep reading 'it will happen naturally / it will all fall into place' - and these are the sort of things I want to believe in. But these marshmallow insides have been roasted over some open flames before, and I'd like to protect my gooey heart from getting black and cold damn it! 
I think that all solid relationships are built on great communication and respect. You aren't best friends with your pal because you hate talking to them and don't trust them around your shit - right?
However, you can't assume anything when you are hanging out/dating/seeing each other, and you can't play the naive 'ignorance is bliss' card - you'll only drive yourself mental wondering what the other person is thinking. No one is a mind reader.
If you aren't taking things far sexually, then just *try* living in the moment and enjoy those tingles you get when you feel your chest swell up and your eyelids flutter every time you are around them and in their embrace. 
If either person has any respect for the other's mental and physical health and is dying to make sweet music in (and around) the Garden of Eden, - you should probably have a little chat! They should either let you know (or YOU let them know) an impact on emotions has been made and you just want to protect one another as you value the friendship you've already created.
Next comes the fun part, wholesome good time honesty! Time to drop the big guns about anything else that maybe you (or they) have been keeping in the back pocket ... kids, other lovers, boundaries, fetishes/kinks, drug/alcohol issues, prescriptions, health concerns, commitment/attachment phobias etc.
Any true friend/decent human being will appreciate that you cleared up these matters sooner rather than having them invest their time into something only to find themselves feeling misled or their trust abused.
I think that is what "the talk" is more about - safety, although if you are really into someone, wouldn't you be flattered and feel even more respect for them that they were open and mature enough with you to have the cajones to let YOU know?!
I'd like a set of those cajones. | |
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