| Child Support - not paid or expected
Posted: 5/25/2006 7:44:59 PM | | I think your kids' father doesn't necessarily pay for child support but to at least help you out with SOME of the expenses such as diapers if necessary or clothes and shoes. At the same time, I think money doesn't really matter with kids just as long as there is time spent evenly with each parent. Children will remember the time you spend with them as opposed to the material things you buy. | |
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| Child Support - not paid or expected
Posted: 5/25/2006 11:55:33 PM | | Well i agree with you its more important for your children to have dad in their lifes than too have his money, i also am a single parent and my ex doesn't pay me any support,i would rather us get along and him spend time with the kids,without all the fighting,i work and dont need his money,he is not makeing that much anyway but we agreed out of court that he would take them shopping for school clothes in september and pitch in for extra costs like if they are in sports or whatever when he has the money this is working fine i know if he had tons of money he would spend more on his kids but his time is much more important. | |
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| Child Support - not paid or expected
Posted: 5/26/2006 5:58:45 AM | | My situation is kinda unique I guess. Daddy dearest didn't see my son for 3 and a half years (his choice, I tried to contact him several times...eventually getting through to him in a POF email in January) he sent me a msg back saying he was sorry for what he had done (abandoning us) but that he wanted to make up for it (emotionally and financially). We met for coffee where I gave him pictures, showed him baby paraphanalia etc. I was so excited that he actually wanted to be part of our sons life. But then a couple months later we weren't getting along so well after I told him that I'd like to get something legal written up. I need to establish custody for when my son goes to school and yes I would also like support since daddy wanted to be around. Now because of the money...he isn't around. I still haven't even filed against him, but he hasn't called and wants nothing to do with my son anymore. Money is nice and everything, but it causes rifts. I'm a college graduate (just this april) but still have no employment. It's rough and shouldn't be about the money. I'm dirt poor and don't want his money if it matters to him that much. He can keep it...but he can keep away from us too then. | |
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| Child Support - not paid or expected
Posted: 5/26/2006 8:32:51 AM | | I think in some weird sense, your ex is being selfish and isn't thinking of the consequences such as missing out on the most wonderful gift that was given to him, which is your son. I don't like to speculate, but maybe he might've felt attacked in some way when you had mentioned about child support and figured the best way out is to be out of the picture. But whatever the reason is, it's no excuse for him to be out of your son's life for an extensive amount of time. If your ex thinks he's punishing you for running out like that, then he has his priorities wrong because in reality, it's his son he's punishing and it's not fair for your son stuck in the middle. If you ever encounter your ex again, instead of asking for child support you probably could ask if he could pay for little stuff like clothes or shoes. Start off something small like that and see where it can go from there. | |
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| Child Support - not paid or expected
Posted: 6/13/2006 1:39:52 PM | | What about the guys that pay support and alamony and the ex keeps them distant from the father,I had to go to court to get my kids for over night visits,I have paid from the day I left(4 1/2 years ago)but still have probs with trying to see them when we want to see each other. .She wont answer the phone so I can talk with them(Stupid caller I.D.)Since I have taken her to court a few years ago all she lets me have them is on court order dates,and even those are canceled sometimes for different reasons.But everyone sides on the mother,,So I just try and enjoy what time I do get with them.She even canceled this Sunday(fathers day ) witch was supposed to be my weekend but now just get them on Sat. for 7.5 hours,so my ex can go to see her father on Sunday..What about what the kids want,,Signed frustrated with the system | |
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| Child Support - not paid or expected
Posted: 6/13/2006 4:24:57 PM | | I understand completely. I hate people that assume my son's father is a "deadbeat" because I don't get child support from him. As I've said a million times, when he has money, I get money. It is completely informal, and on a casual basis. Also, I know if I'm really stuck for something, I can go to him, and if he can help, he will. He is an amazing father, I will stand firm in that. Financial support isn't the only kind my son and I need, and his father is there for every other important type of support. | |
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| Child Support - not paid or expected
Posted: 6/14/2006 4:43:36 PM | | Well, I may be a little biased because my father always paid child support and visitation was every other weekend but even with that if it wasnt his weekend I didn't get to see him. So what does that say? My mom was upset with him and took it out on me. I am sure there are plenty of men that pay it and still don't get to see their kids as mich as they would want. My dad had to file for joint custody. So I would never keep my kids from their father even if he never paid me a dime. Luckily I am married but if that were to happen and I have the choice I will always choose my childrens happiness not the money. | |
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| Child Support - not paid or expected
Posted: 6/14/2006 4:44:00 PM | | Well, I may be a little biased because my father always paid child support and visitation was every other weekend but even with that if it wasnt his weekend I didn't get to see him. So what does that say? My mom was upset with him and took it out on me. I am sure there are plenty of men that pay it and still don't get to see their kids as mich as they would want. My dad had to file for joint custody. So I would never keep my kids from their father even if he never paid me a dime. Luckily I am married but if that were to happen and I have the choice I will always choose my childrens happiness not the money. | |
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| Child Support - not paid or expected
Posted: 6/14/2006 5:59:09 PM | Im going thru this now......
I have shared custody of my girls.......1 who is mine by choice but unfortunatley....
not by blood....and one by blood
I get them roughly 43% of the time.......
I pay half or more of both of my girls extracurricular activities....
Clothes .....school ....toys etc........always have....always will........
My closets and toy bin are just as full as Moms
Now she wants MO MOney..................
for years I was contributing hundreds of dollars a month on top of every thing else....
but I finally had it......
we make similar money............
but she gets baby checks and support for my oldest daughter...........in the
amount of about $900.00 per month........
My attitude is why should I pay.........
I have the kids half the time............pay for everything thats needs to be payed for
sports....guides stc................
Keep a larger home for them.......etc
shes getting funds for having the children...............but only has them half the time
As I have them wed morning to thursady evening
and saturday morning till sunday at 4:00
I get every weekend...............when I think the majority of the amusement dollar is spent
now she is trying to get our court order changed to every other weekend...
why.............????????
because I have said no to paying.....
(presently Im not obligated to pay)
She says its becaause most fathers do every other weekend so...........so should I...
but we have had the same schedule for 3 years...........
My girls have never ever gone more than 36 hours without seeing me........
all of this is about the cash...........
Im sorry if Im rambling but.......this situation has me rattled....
If a man or women spends enough time raising their children...........
and theirs equal division in extracurricular etc........
and they make similar saleries........
then i Believe it should be zero........
Im probably way off topic but............
I feel like she is putting my childrens happiness and well being
behind her desire for cash..........
good luck..........
Im too frustrated to continue.......
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| Child Support - not paid or expected
Posted: 6/15/2006 9:02:03 AM | | There are obviously instances when the mothers do not pay child support or do not provide access to the child(ren) and it is unfortunate if the court systems do not enforce visitation the same way they do child support. In the state of Texas, visitation is guaranteed even if support is in arrears. What I find sad is that so many men fail to really understand the joys and responsibilities of childrearing that so many women have mentioned that they would give up the child support if the fathers were more involved and do not pursue what is their child's right because the father is not man enough to be in the child's life and pay the support that will help their child live the best life he can. I am fortunate, I receive my child support and I receive it on time but when we split, although he makes twice as much as I, I retained the van which has a payment twice as high and I buy all of their clothing and pay for all extra-curricular activities. There seems no way to make it fair and many courts are inequitable but I can't imagine the situation in which most mothers would find themselves without it. As for fathers receiving child support, I have been there too. When we got custody of my stepson it was not worth the hassle to pursue child support from his mother, even though we had not only paid the child support but purchased most of his clothing as well as paying for other things. People need to do what is best for them and others should refrain from judging as long as the children are cared for. | |
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| Child Support - not paid or expected
Posted: 6/15/2006 9:12:35 AM | | see the way i see it is my 7 year old son his dad pays nothing and does not see him my daughters dad pays nothing seems to always make sure he looses his job when the court finds him and starts taking his money but he does not buy her anything and sees her when and if it is convinent for him only but if he does not get his own way with me then he doesn't come around for her i personally think my sons dad is ok with not paying but the way i see it is if you are in your childs life and not paying your support look at if you pay/buy them anything diapers clothes anything if you don't then take a leap | |
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| Child Support - not paid or expected
Posted: 6/15/2006 10:14:01 AM | ooohhlala
IMO, as long as your ex contributes equally in the financial area of child raising, then good for you two for being able to do that.
I hear many people saying they dont get child support cause its too much hastle. I think people need to look at what it costs to raise a child for one, and for two ... why the hell shouldnt bother parents be financially responsible.
As for the point of accepting any money gives them more power .. bull ... In Canada, unless you have an oder otherwise ... you cant stop a parent from "open and liberal access" ... doesnt matter if they give you a dime or not
LULU
Your Lawyer is handing it to you by the bucket load. Yes you CAN go before the courts and request no child support, but you have to have a valid reason why. Dont just trust your lawyer ... do the research yourself. I think my biggest question is, if their father makes so much more money than you do, why would he NOT want to help out finacially. Divorce get ugly and people want to try and hurt one another ... talking to the kids about all this only hurts them ... tug-o-war ..
Remember though ... it takes two to fight | |
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| Child Support - not paid or expected
Posted: 6/16/2006 6:47:59 AM | | North Exposed, your attitudes are refreshing. I have come across so many men who seem to think that child support is an evil thing that was invented to create problems in their lives, that it is a tool their x uses to stick it to them. One of the reasons that child support was developed was because in the olden days, divorced women often received nothing because until someone "made" them be financially responsible, the mother was left holding the bag and the children suffered for it. | |
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| Child Support - not paid or expected
Posted: 6/16/2006 9:02:57 PM | Blah..
The money is for the betterment of the kids. even if it goes to rent hydro and cable.. it's aroof over their head and light in their bedroom and a show to watch when they miss me.
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| Child Support - not paid or expected
Posted: 6/16/2006 9:20:37 PM | | um ok first dont justify your decision to anyone else. money is nothing .. it comes and goes, but having your childrens father be there for them, its worth more then any child support check could ever show .. its priceless. i tried making the deal you have with my babys dad, he said no. So right now im getting ready to sue for child support and i havent seen the loser or even heard from him in months. Money is useless to me, I have a job, make my own money, but he has to be a jack ass | |
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| Child Support - not paid or expected
Posted: 6/17/2006 8:03:23 PM | | I've never recieved any child support from my no-job having sperm donor, butI picked him therefore I must live with the consequences. Hopefully one day things will change...he will get off his ass and get a job, but if they dont I am more then prepared to be both Mommy and Daddy. | |
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| Child Support - not paid or expected
Posted: 6/18/2006 4:12:10 PM | Its such a shame when children have to suffer from the hostile environments of parents who are no longer together.
While I don't have children (I am pregnant with my first), I am somewhat aware of the costs associated with raising one. However I think I would choose the emotional supportive/good Dad over the one who just sends a cheque every month if given the option. I don't know how any respectable person (man or woman) couldn't contribute financially to their child. I would work my ass off to ensure my child had everything it needed. | |
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| Child Support - not paid or expected
Posted: 7/21/2006 12:22:56 AM | i am in the same boat as you hon..
i really could care a less if he pays me child support or not. I make enough to lead a comfortable life without it, and since we broke up I haven't seen anything, nor do i expect it from him. He is very active in her life and loves to see her, and when he does he takes her swimming, skating, to the park, he buys her things she needs. He's a wonderful dad, just wasn't a wonderful husband. I don't need the money, so why not let him spend it on her when she is with him. It seems logical. If one day I was in financial hardship i am sure he would help us out, but honestly..... There is no need for child support from him right now. we are newly seperated (one year) so maybe things will change over time, we are both getting settled in our new lives... I don't know. If i need it i'll ask, but until then, i am fine with the way things are. | |
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| Child Support - not paid or expected
Posted: 7/21/2006 12:40:00 AM | | My ex and I have 50/50 custody and he doesnt give me any help with $. He is supposed to give me half or the cost of clothing, etc, but I rarely see it , but I dont stress too much about it..but I get the same reaction from some ppl..think he's not being a stand up guy, I think tho that if Im ok with it .who cares what anyone else thinks..if it works for u guys thats all that counts, if he's there for the kids, and you're not struggliing to make ends meet, make it work!! | |
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| Child Support - not paid or expected
Posted: 8/12/2006 5:54:22 PM | | ooh girl dont get me started on that subject!! well i think all fathers should pay child support. There is too many men out there that get women pregnant, whether there in a relationship or not, and then expect us to pay for everything!! Now, men that cause a fuss and give us grief about paying for THEIR children are losers. If they were a man they would not question how much and when they are going to support there children. Look at it this way: if they were living with you and the kids, they would be paying a whole lot more than for arguments sake £20 a week. God if thats all i had to pay out a week i could afford to socialise with the likes of Victoria Beckham !! lol . So come on men show your sons the right way in life!!!!!!!!!!!!! | |
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| Child Support - not paid or expected
Posted: 5/11/2007 7:53:56 AM | My ex had not given my a dime. It was okay until my late husband passed from Leukemia. My late husband took over the job as father and loved and took care of all of us. Now that he has passed... our lives have greatly gone down hill, and their bio father is no where to be seen. The Bio father has remarried and has at least (Because there may be more) 4 children with his current wife.
I get angry, I get mad. I have had such a hard time making ends meet since Mark's death. We had no life insurance so life has been terrible. The Child support office can't seem to find my ex husband. Funny thing I have found him 14 times using the internet, Why can't they?
I am so happy so many of you other single parents are making it okay! It gives me hope for myself and my children.
I have never bad mouthed their Bio father infront of them. Now that they are getting older, they are angry at him. He is just not there, with money or in their lives. I too have no idea what to do.
I am glad to know there are others like me, and in the same boat. | |
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| Child Support - not paid or expected
Posted: 5/11/2007 9:46:21 AM | | my kids dad isnt involved at all and i still hear it all the time dont u get support u should personally i am too lazy to deal with his headaches and dont see the need to put myself or my duaghter though going to court. even if others think i should. i have always managed i get my bills paid she has more then what she needs i have clothes we r happy so why bother stiring the fish bowl.. u dont need to justify ne thing to anyone its really not their business | |
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| Child Support - not paid or expected
Posted: 5/11/2007 12:46:04 PM | Shoot I have gone to court 3 times now. My ex never shows up. They arrest him, he servers 6 months, he gets out and knocks up his wife again. It is a pattern now. I know I am never going to get a dime.
Going to courts is a pain. | |
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| Child Support - not paid or expected
Posted: 5/11/2007 1:17:38 PM | I think child support should be primarly based on the amount of custody you share with the custodial parent. I say that, because I currently share half of the week (or roughly thereabouts) of custody with my ex. Not only do I have to pay child support to her for room, clothing, board, extracurricular activities, etc at her place, but I then have to pay a roughly equivalent amount for the same at my place. Certainly she doesn't pay me anything to help cover that cost for our daughter.
How is this fair again? I could see paying some additional amount to even out the difference in our salaries (albeit with 3 masters degrees its been her choice entirely to earn less than this bumpkin), but I pay almost a third of my take home salary just in child support.
Things that make you go "hmmmm" about the "justice" system. | |
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| Child Support - not paid or expected
Posted: 5/11/2007 6:06:11 PM | Oh you are so tight that is not fair.
My ex never sees my kids. I have lived in the same plase for 6 years now, he knows where they are but never shows up.
wow 1/3 that is a lot.
I would be happy with 400 a month. | |
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