| Child Support - not paid or expected
Posted: 5/11/2007 7:07:23 PM | boogahwoman: Thanks for the support there. Just to be clear, its not about the money really, its about being fair. I will ultimately always follow the law. Most of my divorced female friends have commented that they should have married and divorced me! Ha!
If both parents have equal custody (and thus equal households to maintain) then child support should be minimal, maybe just enough to even the playing fields between the two households (albeit it still bothers me that my ex is 3 - 5 times more formally educated than I am, refused to be considered a homemaker, and still conciously decides not to earn as much as me).
If one parent insists upon (and gets) a greater amount of time with the child, they should pay an equally greater share. This includes custodial parents. If a non-custodial parent is deprived of equitable time for any reason (other than something criminal) then they should pay less.
If one parent abdicates their responsibility (ie: non-custodial parent decides not to see and/or share living responsibilities with their children) they should pay full calculated child support, as if they were paying to have someone else take care of their children for them.
Sigh...I can't wait until I am crowned king! | |
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| Child Support - not paid or expected
Posted: 5/12/2007 4:15:34 AM | I do not receive support for my youngest son-never will even though there is a court order. Sole custody and visitation at my own discretion(which is never) made a whole lot easier by the fact that he gets sentenced on Tuesday for yet another crime.
It's not easy-so many more things could be enjoyed with that extra money but we have fun with what we can do. | |
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| Child Support - not paid or expected
Posted: 5/13/2007 4:29:01 AM | | I know a lot of people who choose not to take child support. I'd say it's very much a personal decision between the two parents and what's best for the kids. If you have a good relationship with the ex, and you are all happy with the arrangement then that's what matters. I guess my main question is....how would anyone even know he's not giving child support? You said a ton of people look down on him for it, but how would they know unless one of you tells them? It's in the divorce decree I guess, but other than that how would anyone know? | |
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| Child Support - not paid or expected
Posted: 5/13/2007 7:54:48 AM | boogahwomen: If I only had a $ for everytime a woman said that to me...I'd have at least enough to buy breakfast, maybe even lunch at McDonalds! 
Who's da' king, baby!  | |
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| Child Support - not paid or expected
Posted: 5/13/2007 8:20:46 AM | child support should be paid.
the question is how much and under what circumstances. it's a relatively simple assessment if you have the sole custody. if not, i don't believe one formula solves all, even though that's the case applied in divorce court.
I once learn from statistics that the child wanted most is to see the parents, not how much toys you can buy for them. That certainly isn't 'all' the argument to convey a conviction one way or the other. But it does show the origin of the support: for the child. when a single dad/mom bought a 'no-name' roller blade for the unfortunate child, it's only natural that he or she would hope to buy a Nike next time. in the joint custody case, don't forget the child also needs to live/enjoy at the other parent's place at almost equal amount of time. ultimately, it comes down to honest consideration for the child. technically, flexibility, flexibility, ... poor child, poor child,  | |
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| Child Support - not paid or expected
Posted: 5/13/2007 2:48:02 PM | It's so good to see someone on the same boat...
My son's dad is very active in our son's life...Never misses a visit with him...But never pays his child support...
I try to tell myself that Maintenance Enforcement will eventually *giggles* to their job and enforce his maintenance payments...
I don't bring it up with the guy, it's not worth the trouble - I am more than able to support our son on my own, but just can't move ahead at the same time...
Honestly, I'm with you on arguing about it - Totally not worth it...
In my eyes, seeing my son gets excited about getting to see his Dad on the weekends he's with him is my silencer...
You've got to pick your battles wisely...Is it worth the $200/month (or w/e your ex pays) to upset a working parenting relationship that you two might have or to hurt your child(ren)? | |
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| Child Support - not paid or expected
Posted: 5/13/2007 9:38:00 PM | My ex pays support as it is his responsibility to do. Raising children is expensive and I although I am very independant and get no government assistance it would be tight without the child support. The kids would have to do without sometimes. Not things that they really need but things that they might like to have.
If you can afford to provide well for your kids and do not need the support - what should you do? Well that depends on the situation and what the other parent will do with the money that should go for the kids. If it makes his life a little easier and therefore he can afford to do more with them and for himself. Great. If he is going to use the money to furture support bad habits -drugs alcohol abuse etc. Then the money is being thrown away and should be given to the children. | |
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| Child Support - not paid or expected
Posted: 5/14/2007 8:14:52 AM | Supersize the fries and I'm so there!
Yeah, that's what I need...another failed marriage and more child support! Ha! | |
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| Child Support - not paid or expected
Posted: 5/14/2007 9:40:42 AM | You got it, super size, and I will even throw in a pie, giggle... 
I got a letter again today asking me if I knew where my EX is...... this time I have no clue. I keep finding him, on the internet. I think this time they put all the bills in someone else's name. I have looked for his name, and her name on line and I can not find them. (By her I mean his wife now)
The kids keep asking where he is, I just tell them the truth: "I don't know."
To find your lost ex's, you can google them, or go to google or ask, and look up people search. Some of them are free. I use info space . com also. I hope I helped someone.
Boogahwomen
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| Child Support - not paid or expected
Posted: 5/14/2007 9:42:49 AM |
If you can afford to provide well for your kids and do not need the support - what should you do?
How about setting up an ed. fund, whatever you can think of for the long term prospect of the child. May sound great but if your ex has some solid info of a stock shooting up xxx% in the next 6 months. And, that return could be used for .... "For the sake of the child" may not be such an obvious statement to make. When the time comes for them to take on the world, a large percentage of us will ask, "Have I done all I can?" Hopefully, we all answer this within in the positive... | |
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| Child Support - not paid or expected
Posted: 5/14/2007 9:54:15 AM | To me child support is very important, even if you don't need the money. It's your kids money... put it in an account to save up for college or for when they get older and get married.
The father of my kid has not been allowed in my childs life becuase he does not pay child support. He knows why I barred him from seeing his son and he understands but he still makes no moves to pay for his kid. He is quite the dead beat though (he has 2 other kids and doesn't pay for them either...).
I would really recommend you to make him pay, don't bar him from your children but limit his visits. Remind him that it is for your children, not you to spend on whatever you like. Don't settle for anything less. | |
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| Child Support - not paid or expected
Posted: 5/14/2007 10:27:32 AM |
The father of my kid has not been allowed in my childs life becuase he does not pay child support.
...
Don't settle for anything less.
Sorry to comment on this very personal issue. But, don't settle for anything less for your child. IF he's a good/reasonable father, I think the child would want to see his/her dad, than for him to buy his Wii... Then again, I'll be very to try to defend for the father. Hope the child 'wins out' in the end... | |
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| Child Support - not paid or expected
Posted: 5/14/2007 10:44:09 AM | Well as of right now my child is still really young. And the father is not a good father, he was a very abusive druggie, hence why I left him. I couldn't raise a son in that kind of world. The situation I'm in right now, my child is winning out, he's being raised in a home where there is no anger, only love and happiness. Everyone around him loves him to pieces and he isn't in any kind of imminent danger (although I still have to childproff the house). If I let the father see him, the father would A. kidnap him B. put him in imminent danger... his friends are very reckless.
The father lost track of life a while back, and I will let the father into my sons life as soon as he gets his life on track again... and atleast pay minimal child support so I can put it into a savings account for my son to use in the future. Plus he is not fighting to see his child... I just told him the terms on which he can see his child, he agreed but has done nothing, so it really is his fault that he is not seeing his son. | |
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| Child Support - not paid or expected
Posted: 5/14/2007 1:52:04 PM | | AHHHHHHHH,, Don't ya just love the parents who say, " you want to see your k ids, pay your support. No support, no kids. To some that would sound like someone else is useing the kids as hostages. Its not an uncommon tactic used. Sounds more like a terrorist tactic to me. But then what do i know. | |
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| Child Support - not paid or expected
Posted: 5/14/2007 2:11:31 PM | | im glad he is a great dad...but part of that is financially supporting your kids...no i dont think a parent should refuse visits because he isnt paying.(why should the child suffer)....but he should be paying. | |
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| Child Support - not paid or expected
Posted: 5/14/2007 3:22:01 PM | well i guess i will start out by saying the to each their own...... in my case and yes everyone is different....... my kids dad is really good with the kids and loves my oldest even though she is not biologacally his....... that is why in our custody child support case even though i was entitled to claim all the kids i let him claim one of them ...... and cause he does take the oldest i took 200 $ less then what i was entitled to ........ thought i was being nice ......... we have never had a good relationship but you know i did love him ....... and he is my kids dad......so i thought that i was doing right by him since then he has done nothing but pull strings and try to control my every move and now not even two months later he has not taken the oldest and he would but his girlfriend has been somewhat rude to my kids and the oldest is 9 and says that when the new g/f is sone then she will see him..... not till then .....but he should give you something atleast to put back for the kids for college or what not ...............even if he want to start the account ................. but something ................ my ex likes to play disney land dad with my kids and his new woman and its really not fair i gve up so much for him and he dont even help out with the stuff he is suppost to !!!!! gotta go later sharon
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| Child Support - not paid or expected
Posted: 5/14/2007 6:07:27 PM | DeadBoltDad: You got me going in two different directions on this one. 1st...yep, it does sound like holding the child hostage, absolutely. 2nd...why would a dad who is chumping out on his responsibilities, not paying his child support and/or not taking proper care of his child expect to see his child anyway? If a father wants the benefits of seeing their child then he should own up and fulfill his responsibilities like a man.
Sounds like a comedy of errors to me. | |
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| Child Support - not paid or expected
Posted: 5/14/2007 7:19:55 PM | If someone don't want to pay for the kids they helped you make, they should not be able to see them. WHY is that holding the kids hostage? There have been times when I have had to go with out eating, so my kids could eat. There have been other times, I had to give up coffee at work, and only take an apple to eat, because one kid need money for a school field trip. IT is unfair for any parent to go their marry way and not help out. I have done my best to make sure my kids did not suffer due to no child support, but I sure have. I know child support is not for me, but I would not have had to suffer so much if I got any! (They could have had year books, played more sports, and eat better if I had some help)
I wonder howmany kids he has now anyhow? | |
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| Child Support - not paid or expected
Posted: 5/15/2007 7:03:10 AM | | ^^^^^its wrong because while u are doing it to prove a point to the ex in turn your child suffers...and thats not fair....its not the childs fault...but in a way he/she is being punished for their dads doings...take him to court....dont take the kids father away from them...thats horrible | |
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| Child Support - not paid or expected
Posted: 5/15/2007 7:48:37 AM | I no longer recieve child support for the two children the ex and I had together, by choice. In our agreement we share joint custody and when the children are with either parent, that parent is responsible for providing all the necessities while with them..
We each have our own clothing, toys, etc at each home for the children and we split their school supplies, pictures, activitiy fees, etc.
Works quite well for us! | |
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Pucks
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Joined: 10/14/2006
Msg: 73 | |
| Child Support - not paid or expected
Posted: 5/15/2007 9:37:20 AM | Child support should be paid to the parent who is doing the care.
In my situation the care is equal...50/50. I do not pay child support. I am very involved in the care and upbringing of my daughters and would not have it any other way. My ex and i share any extra ordinary expenses, communicate and take turns with any other child expenses.
The best solution is to get along with your ex. Number 1...this is what is best for the children. Number 2... it makes financial sense as well. | |
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| Child Support - not paid or expected
Posted: 5/22/2007 8:03:02 PM | The father of my child has 2 kids other than my own, preceeding my child. He doesn't do anything for them either.
Anyways, my child would suffer more with the father in his life. I do not want my child to see what his father is like. If I let the father into my childs life I could guarentee that my child would start smoking, have sex and start doing drugs by the time he is 8. That's when his father started it all. And I don't want that for my child, and I don't think I would be able to handle the stress. No influence is better than bad influence. | |
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| Child Support - not paid or expected
Posted: 5/22/2007 8:30:32 PM | Shee-it, I have primary custody but I've been paying her bills just so they can see her twice a month - if they're lucky.
If I demanded child support, she'd just end up in jail - not sure how I'd explain that one to the kids. She's getting kicked out now for other reasons, so no telling when they'll see her again. | |
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