| Initially Dealing With Break Up
Posted: 8/13/2006 11:21:03 PM | | just been reading this. My ex split with my yesterday. said he had met someone and that after 2 years he had tried and tried but couldnt love me, we spoke and spoke then he walked away, but he was really gutted, he cried and cried, we both cried, then he rang me and he was going through what i was going through, then we both cried again. What i cant understand is why he is so upset when hes met someone and within 2 days he says he loves her. Do you know he didnt even think i lived him then when i explained things he kept saying 'what have i done', i have to now deal with my grief and his too. What i want help in dealing with is when i look round the house and everything reminds me of him, even stupid little things .... how do i deal with that? | |
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| Initially Dealing With Break Up
Posted: 8/13/2006 11:34:51 PM | | It has been a month now, and I kept holding onto the hopes of him realizing that after us not spending time together, he would realize how much he really missed me?........I have let go finally I think, its hard to do at times......but he notified me recently that he was leaving for work on the 20th of this month to Alberta again.....he moved on I think before we split....and I was at a standstill....he is a great guy and I felt the chemistry the first day we met in person....but to be in a good relationship, it requires two willing individuals and my partner decided he wasn't ready at the time....could be other issues...but the fact remains, you can't MAKE someone be with you........they either "Want to" or "Bail".......I know how can I say this after a break up...but I think back to our relationship and we did have alot of good times while we were together....I am just sorry that things didn't work out for the best....but everything happens for a reason and I am sure later on down the road....I will get the answer.....but you can't dwell on the past or it will get the best of you.....you have to "Want" someone in ur life NOT have the "NEED" to have someone in ur life........ | |
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| Initially Dealing With Break Up
Posted: 8/30/2006 9:59:08 PM |
And dude, you are only 26. You have plenty of time to be spreadin all that love around. Get out there and be adventurous. See what is really out there.
Why does that chestnut keep coming up? | |
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| Initially Dealing With Break Up
Posted: 8/30/2006 10:15:58 PM | | I've been having relationship issues myself this past week...I usually give myself a day, two days tops to wallow in misery and drink all the rum I can get my hands on....and then I move along healthier means of healing. The most important thing is to distract yourself, whether that means getting out with your friends, exercising, whatever...And I REALLY like what a previous poster said about keeping it all in perspective...I eat every day, I am employed, roof over my head. etc....AND, I have a terrific kid who is the light of my life...It feels like Hell, but you'll get through it, I promise. | |
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| Initially Dealing With Break Up
Posted: 8/31/2006 1:00:35 AM | | ian- You sound like you are in touch with your feelings....and that is key. It is necessary to know where you are, so that you can take each step forward. People on this thread have given great suggestion. For my part, I would just say to you that keeping busy helped me deal with my recent heartache. If the pain of it comes back once in a while, it is not a failure on your part, these things take time. I am still trying to come out from under my heartache, and so I wish you well brother. | |
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| Initially Dealing With Break Up
Posted: 8/31/2006 1:36:12 AM | Sorry about your agony! I've been there and yes, I could feel like it hit me on a physical level too. I was so sorrowful that the whole chest/heart area felt physically weighed down.
1. Believe you will get over her!
2. Don't believe those thoughts that tell you, you'll never meet anyone like her again.
3. Put away all those things that remind you of her.
4. Stop hoping - it prolongs the agony.
5. Cease ALL contact with her no matter how painful, it will shorten the painful phase considerably. Number 5 is extremely important.
You'll get over this, I promise  | |
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| Initially Dealing With Break Up
Posted: 8/31/2006 8:41:00 AM | | I don't know if moaping helps but I know with my last boyfriend I cried straight for two days....I started crying the second day while watching Pirates of the Carribean with my friend. But I honestly don't think that I could have handled my feelings differently than just going through the phases. | |
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| Initially Dealing With Break Up
Posted: 8/31/2006 11:17:21 AM | What kind of break up? They come in all shapes and sizes. Post high school standard variety breakups? The 3 month and "Sex Was Great But Let's Not Pretend Anymore" breakups? The 5 year someone decided to move to another city for their career kind of breakup?
How vicious a breakup will be often relies on
1) Who did the "breaking"
2) If there was cheating involved
3) The reasoning involves a factor you cannot control (age, height, balding, inlaws, etc)
So if a woman dumps you because she's screwing your best friend and thinks your 50 year old short bald butt isn't worth the trouble of your nagging mother, then yes, you are probably going to be in a world of shit.
The things I have learned about breakups and dealing with it are -
A) Time heals all wounds.
B) Always keep your composure in public/outwardly no matter what
C) Burn all bridges with the person
D) Stay busy | |
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| Initially Dealing With Break Up
Posted: 8/31/2006 2:26:48 PM | Go and take a very long cold shower. Then sit on the floor naked and meditate. Lose all the negative thoughts. Think about your future and think about yourself. Be selfish.  | |
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| Initially Dealing With Break Up
Posted: 8/31/2006 3:36:31 PM | | For me i think of all the good things and all the bad things. More bad than good came up. Just keep yourself busy and keep thinking if it wasnt ment to be it wasnt ment to be. You cant make someone love you and would you rather be in a relationship where the peoson didnt love you or they just really liked you? Keep yourself busy and everytime she pops up in your head give your head a shake and think there is someone out there for you. good luck!!! | |
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| Initially Dealing With Break Up
Posted: 8/31/2006 3:46:57 PM | When my husband left me 2 years ago, it felt like a bomb exploded inside me, and all the little fragments of me were splattered bloody on the wall. I couldn't eat--literally--for weeks. I couldn't sleep. I'd rock in my rocking chair in the dark all night, because I couldn't bear to lay in the bed we once shared. So, I know how heartbreak feels.
The day after he left, I started a journal. I'd had one in the past, but had gotten away from using it during my marriage. I poured out all my thoughts and feelings in that journal--things I couldn't say out loud, because they were so awful. Sometimes I'd go back to read what I'd written, and I'd see the flaws in my reasoning, and learn from them.
That journal was my lifesaver. My friends and family were wonderful, but they would get sick of hearing me go on and on about the same old sh*t, like a broken record. My journal was ever-patient and ever-listening.
Maybe this could help you. I'm sending healing thoughts your way. | |
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| Initially Dealing With Break Up
Posted: 8/31/2006 3:48:42 PM | Ian,
> Lose the "If only" phrase from your vocabulary and all your thoughts. Never use it or think it again.
> Sign up for a class in philosophy or meditation, yoga, energy healing, anything! Change the thought processes, it's one of the best times in your life to reset your parameters and kick your blues right up the ar5e.
This is a fantastic thread, thanks for posting the question and to all you posters who've responded with all the great suggestions. | |
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| Initially Dealing With Break Up
Posted: 8/31/2006 6:07:31 PM | Hurts like hell hun BUT time does heal all wounds and what doesnt kill us does make us stronger..yada yada...all that good stuff. Dont try to avoid feeling it before you move on...and when cheesecake doesnt cut it move on to chocolate!  | |
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| Initially Dealing With Break Up
Posted: 8/31/2006 8:05:34 PM | | much libation and some form of body art. i don't reccomend the body art. i had nightmares of myself at age 80 with a tattoo on my lower back. | |
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| Initially Dealing With Break Up
Posted: 9/3/2006 1:27:48 AM | | Believe in me, everthing happens for a reason. Take the pain and move on. Something always turns out for the good sooner or later. If your friends know ya when you blew up at them then they should understand what you are going through and it's ok to release your steam. I know and share the same feelings... | |
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| Initially Dealing With Break Up
Posted: 9/3/2006 1:39:56 AM | .... like I said in another thread...
Burning party... invite friends, bring alchohol (if you don't drink it helps with the burning)... burn everything she/he gave you (except children)... cut all ties afterwards if you can (except children)... any friends the both of you have that want to be both your friend and hers, give up.
Go through the entire rebound process without dating... develop a hobby, emmerse yourself in work... usually it takes just a little over half the time (in months) of how long the relationship lasted to get over her... so if you were with her for 2 years, it'll take just over one year to get over her...
when you can look at another woman and think of cuddling with her (not just sex) and you aren't clouded with thoughts of the ex, you're ready to move on. | |
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| Initially Dealing With Break Up
Posted: 9/3/2006 1:16:51 PM | The hardest bit for me I think is trying not to compare others to your ex. It takes time to move from the comfort zone into new territories. I am going through this too and its hard ! Especially as every time I try to move on he turns up in some way shape or form. | |
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| Initially Dealing With Break Up
Posted: 9/8/2006 8:56:45 PM | Sometimes the intial break up can feel like the greatest relief, free from the burden and emotional suffering of a broken promise of love. On the other hand break ups can be the beginning of a long painful process, depending on the circumstances.
It's hard sometimes letting go of who we were with just as much as it is for us to face the future without the ones we cared about. Then over time, hopefully, we come to realize that not everyone was meant to stay in our lives. Maybe meant to be there but just not in the capacity we once knew or had hoped. And then, maybe we come to think as well that perhaps these people that were simply not meant to be, were in fact meant to be, but in the sense that they were there for a purpose....that is to teach us things we never knew before. From our experiences, striving to become stronger and better people in the process.
Over time, hopefully we come to know just how precious life is, how valuable each and every moment is in life, and hopefully make the most of things. | |
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