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| Why men wont date independant women
Posted: 5/5/2006 1:08:22 AM | | I think too many people misinterpret the word independent when it comes to, not only a woman, but also the man. Most seem to think independent equates to mean alone, or on their terms and no one else’s. I believe it means to live independently, while sharing a life together. We’re all independent if you really want to get technical. We each have our thoughts, beliefs, morals, etc. It’s finding someone who’s lifestyle is in sync with our own. I want someone who wants to share in my life, not dictate it. I’m hoping they feel the same way. | |
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| Why men wont date independant women
Posted: 5/5/2006 1:13:57 AM | Good point Bel, but... being independent is supposed to be a good thing nowadays for women... you know.. so we can escape the whole "golddigger" phenom.?.. does it mean we don't need a man? Yes, in such as money terms. Does it mean we don't need a man's love, warmth, touch, contributions, opinions, help etc etc? NO.
You're right though, it is all so misunderstood between the genders. Where I once thought it was a bonus to be "independent", I am less than wanting to use that term nowadays for a lack of total misunderstanding. | |
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| Why men wont date independant women
Posted: 5/5/2006 1:24:13 AM | | I think in realistic, yet simple terms. Everyone wants to make life so complicated. Life is hard for sure, but not as complicated as many would like to believe. I find that a woman who knows what she wants in life, but not giving up who she is(her independence), is very appealing to say the least!!! | |
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| Why men wont date independant women
Posted: 5/5/2006 7:30:53 AM | | You guys spend too much time worrying about this....there'sso much beer too drink, so many waves to catch and tons of women to fondle...quit worrying | |
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| Why men wont date independant women
Posted: 5/5/2006 8:11:43 AM | Personally I'd rather date an independant woman... one who wants me rather than needs me.
That said, I do like being the center of mypartners attention, and devoting similar attention to her; so it would be quite possible for me to find someone so focused on things like her career that I didn't think there was enough time left for the relationship (I avoid jobs that would put me in the position of not having time for a life, but not all people do). | |
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| Why men wont date independant women
Posted: 5/5/2006 8:27:41 AM | | Dustin, women (and you should know this) don't get into relationships soley for sex or money or home repairs to be done. Nowadays, a woman can read on how to do a tune up on a car and be out there fixing it the next day, make a very adequate income, and thanks to the sex toys we have now, they don't even need men for that. lol. Most women are seeking a man for simple companionship. Just someone to share their free time with, to feel connected and to feel loved by someone. | |
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| Why men wont date independant women
Posted: 5/5/2006 8:50:20 AM | I am looking for an independent woman mainly because I want to be able to live my own life and not have to mold my life to fit hers. I went through many relationships where the woman wanted me to be with her all the time, I had to entertain her and keep her “amused” and had to give up most of the things I enjoy doing because they would get upset if I wanted to go off on my own without her, and she refused to go because what I wanted to do didn’t interest her.
I want to be able to come and go without a woman raising holy heck about why I have to go do “X” and am leaving her alone. A woman who has her own interests and has her own life would be perfect. She can do the things she enjoys, I can do the things I enjoy and then there will be things we both enjoy doing together… That would be the perfect relationship…
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| Why men wont date independant women
Posted: 5/5/2006 8:59:22 AM | I would like to have someone I could depend on to share the load at times
This applies to both, because a man could be the only one carrying the load. With this kind of mentality (like mesna's), there's a guarantee of being successful in a relationship. Now there's another aspect: spiritual. What I see is a lot of ladies looking for a balance between spirituality and responsibility. | |
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| Why men wont date independant women
Posted: 5/5/2006 8:41:50 PM | | Having someone to share the responsibilites is good. So to be more balanced.. I do agree two peole need to be spiritually involved with each other.. they need to feel a part of the other person and yet can still be their own person and not completely dependant on their SO for the happiness in their life. | |
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| Why men wont date independant women
Posted: 5/5/2006 9:16:22 PM | [I can get through life without a man - but .. I still want one around.. huh? To fix the porch steps? ]
I don't think being independant means we can get through life with outta man and all that jazz more to do with having a good sense of self not needing to defer to the man in their lives about every little thing from what the wear to what to do or what opinion to have,
sure i have my own job, money, car, house and life and enjoy my solo time doesn't mean I don't enjoy company while doing or sometimes not doing anything at all but sitting and talking. the Girls that need to brag about their independance I think need some self esteem casue if it was there then it there and you know it who care if anyone eles does | |
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Xavi
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Joined: 1/6/2006
Msg: 37 | |
| Why men wont date independant women
Posted: 5/5/2006 10:08:26 PM | Wow, you waited a whole seven minutes before grouching that no-one stepped up...
Independant = capable of taking care of herself; would enjoy having a partner but doesn't NEED a man to make her life complete.
AKA not a gold digger, clingy, or insecure. | |
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| Why men wont date independant women
Posted: 5/5/2006 10:11:21 PM | That is something I've tried to explain to men.
If I am with you it is because I WANT to be with you not because I NEED you.. some men don't understand that and will take it all wrong. | |
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| Why men wont date independant women
Posted: 5/6/2006 12:32:08 AM | I guess the real problem lies with the fact that a great number of men feel threatened
when confronted by an "independent" woman. The dictionary's meaning of Independent (correct spelling)is--- quote --"not depending on authority or control...self governing...not depending on another person for one's opinion or livlihood......unwilling to be under an obligation to others."
So you see girls you are dealing with "MAN".
A man is a human being showing the characteristics accociated with males, and distinct from a woman,
Now does that not tell you again, exactly what you all seemed to have learned in "growing up" ? From time in memorial these humans that are distinct from the women have tried so hard to prove their dominance 
But think just how far you have come. No longer will you allow a human who is "distinct from a woman" to drag her by the hair. No sir ! beg you pardon(s)....No maam(s)..many of you have shown your total equality.....You've learned the Martial Arts....made us change diapers....and my goodness...you have over the years even taken over that male thing...driving an automobile. Have you ever seen the look on the faces of some of us man, when you have stepped out of the car...and for goodness sake, changed a tire.
(although ladies, and this is where the brains step in....when it is pouring down cats and dogs you show us that side that we love...you become a little less independent...and you "allow" us to change the tire.
Let's face it....A man is a man....and a woman is....well! gorgeous. You are all just gonna carry on strengthening your Independence...and Yep ! man will always continue with a man's view.
BUT HEY !! AINT IT ALL PART OF LIFE ? AIN'T IT ALL FUN.? Long live the Battle of the sexes.
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Xavi
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Joined: 1/6/2006
Msg: 41 | |
| Why men wont date independant women
Posted: 5/6/2006 12:37:36 AM |
Sorry for the spelling errors in the above. We could do with a Spellcheck on PoF.
In lieu of same, a suggestion: compose the post in Word or a similar program, spell-check, then copy/paste here. Also keep in mind that the 15 minute editing window is a good thing! | |
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| Why men wont date independant women
Posted: 5/6/2006 3:36:12 AM | Thanx Xavi,
But I did not mention that I have severe (non virus related) troubles with this computer.
Through trying to be "clever", I tried to reinstate, Outlook EXpress which was taken off and replaced with "OUTLOOK". The reason was then because O Xpress refused to SEND/RECEIVE mails. Outlook was not too bad, but I had become so used to using Xpress that I tried putting it back so I could choose which I wanted to use. Then BOTH refused to send/receive. I have corrupted things, and can now only use my Yahoo Browser. This will send etc, but I cannot send attachments. Copy and Paste will not work either.
It took me three weeks before I could manage to get photos into PofF.. The only time I have been able to do this. The sound has GONE. Yep....trouble. But the upside is that I hope to buy a new PC in early June. Oh yes I can compose in word But thaat is all. What exactly is the 15 minute editing window said this "Obviously"computer stupid oldie. | |
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| Why men wont date independant women
Posted: 5/6/2006 4:19:43 AM |
Dustin, women (and you should know this) don't get into relationships soley for sex or money or home repairs to be done. Nowadays, a woman can read on how to do a tune up on a car and be out there fixing it the next day, make a very adequate income, and thanks to the sex toys we have now, they don't even need men for that. lol.
True. Well, I still don't know much about tuning a car and as far as the sex toys--they cannot take the place of the real thing-- but sometimes a lot less trouble. 
In my case, I had to become independent or completely lose myself forever.
I chose to make it on my own before I was married and was successful. After the marriage ended, rather than taking the easier/faster route in having a man to help me out of the mess I was left in, I chose to pull myself up. In hind sight, perhaps, that would have been the easier route -- saddling some poor guy with all my baggage. However, that is not my way and even though it took considerably longer to accomplish, I made it. I am proud of what I've been able to do: Stand on my own two feet.
Most women are seeking a man for simple companionship. Just someone to share their free time with, to feel connected and to feel loved by someone.
And that describes me completely. And in that type of relationship, the loving, giving kind-- I still don't expect a 24/7 togetherness. In my opinion, each needs to be learning, doing, and acomplishing, on their own; which in turn, will bring more to the table to be enjoyed and shared by the two as a couple. It is that separate independence by both men and women, that brings freshness and interesting aspects of their individuality into the friendship/relationship. | |
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| Why men wont date independant women
Posted: 5/6/2006 4:52:11 AM | Well, according to the definition of "independence" I would have to say I am not independent. I need a woman for the simple fact human beings are not hermaphroditic beings.
As for dating an independent woman I consider the word is used to say they are financially independent. They don't need a man to look after them.
On the other hand I would be wary of dating a woman who doesn't need a man in her life for any reason. The chances of a long term relationship improves if there is some need present.
Co-dependence is another word that's got a bad rap lately. I see no problem in depending upon each other in a relationship. That is what a couple is, IMO.
I suppose in today's world of temporary relationships one is better off not needing someone. The question I have is, "Are relationships temporary because one remains independent or does one become independent because of having had temporary relationships?" | |
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I Spy
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Joined: 4/7/2006
Msg: 45 | |
| Why men wont date independant women
Posted: 5/6/2006 4:54:53 AM | your original post and your headline don't match up. First you wanted to know why women need to say they're independent and what makes them independent, yet your subject line is mocking these independent women that men won't date them.
I can only explain from my own experience. Despite what you say, I don't announce to the world I'm independent. I'm proud of it because I worked hard, fight hard to reach the point in life where I don't have to depend on a man for money or to feel good about myself. I do want companionship with the right man some of the time, but not all the time, that would be too smothering! btw some independent women do get asked out on a date a lot.  | |
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| Why men wont date independant women
Posted: 5/6/2006 6:48:11 AM | | kame, I agree with you on that. I am very independent but I still want to have a woman in my life. What value is there in a great job or money if you do not have someone to feel good about? Shucks, keeping things simple is great but having someone to share life with, well now that my friend, is the essence of life :) (Smile) | |
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| Why men wont date independant women
Posted: 5/6/2006 6:56:02 AM | I've never found that any man has had a problem with my independence. Probably because I Don't go around singing destiny child's independent woman and doing karate kicks in the air like charlies angels! (though that would be a neat trick ....hmmm)
I think women for some reason have to say they are independent all the time , oh no can't say we actually need someone for something! well I need people for things damnit! I needed someone to fix my computer (give me a sucking chest wound and I'm good , talk about modems and connections and uhhh duh!) and okay yes I may not "need" a man but I sure want one around!
I think men dig a woman who thinks on her own and who is capable , at the same time don't we all want to be needed from time to time? | |
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| Why men wont date independant women
Posted: 5/6/2006 8:39:46 AM | Miffy's: "An independent woman is one who does not need a man to satisfy her needs..."
But she'll get bored real fast of the vibrator very soon she'll be out looking for a man in no time. | |
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| Why men wont date independant women
Posted: 5/6/2006 9:45:42 AM | Great points. I was confused as to why someone has to announce their independence as a personality trait. It seems that some women serve it up as a warning - or at least thats the way I had read into it and then pass over - thinking Well shes got everything she wants. I dont want to be something that matches her shoes for the time being - or good for taking out the trash on wed. mornings. : )
I find in the context of some of these posts that independence, within being a couple, a partnership, looking in the same direction, makes for strong and lasting relationship.
I wanted to get a strong reaction from the fiercly independent.
Its about balance, give and take, responsibilty, creativity and self esteem -
I think... maybe? | |
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