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| Why men wont date independant women
Posted: 5/6/2006 10:09:32 AM | Well, while there is always a bit of social interpretation on terms, I'm rather analytical and thus, I find it helpful to define a term Webster's style. So...
Independent - Free of or needing no outside control.
And given that definition, I would have to say that independence goes beyond "not needing" a man and is a bit more specific. It is "not needing a man to be in control". Now, of course, needing and wanting are two very different things. Oddly enough, I should think that a woman could be independent and still WANT a guy to be in control within a relationship too.
On a bit more personal thought, I think that women project independence as a personality characteristic because they want to be clear in being viewed as an equal in life. Just as a man doesn't want to be viewed as someone to fix the car and take out the trash, a woman doesn't want to be viewed as a maid, chef, and sex toy. | |
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| Why men wont date independant women
Posted: 5/6/2006 10:13:28 AM | a woman doesn't want to be viewed as a maid, chef, and sex toy
What should they be viewed like then?? The reason I ask is because we could have the wrong image. Some of us think we have it right, or have an idea, so let the women type. Afterall, don't we read/hear the "you never listen" phrase many times?? | |
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| Why men wont date independant women
Posted: 5/6/2006 10:35:09 AM | What should a woman be viewed as?...Well, I suppose that various men and women would extend rather different answers. To me, though, a woman should be viewed as an equal partner in a relationship, yet unique in needs and desires from her man's...She should be seen for her sexual appeal, but not purely her body-her mind, heart and soul as well. Not only that, but partner's should see physical intimacy as a way to express love to one another, and thus, each person should seek to please the other. Or in other words, women are not put on this earth to sexually satisfy men...She should be seen as her own person, independent and strong, yet yours to love, cherish, and protect...
Perhaps a better way to sum that question up without cascading into a spiral of thoughts and imagery is this...Women should be seen as equals in a relationship on all levels including everything from physical intimacy to housework, but at the same time understanding that men and women are also unique in thought, communication, and needs. | |
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| Why men wont date independant women
Posted: 5/6/2006 11:31:02 AM | | I'd like to be with someone I want, not someone I need. Whoever I meet that doesn't get that can just go on with his life. | |
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Xavi
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Joined: 1/6/2006
Msg: 55 | |
| Why men wont date independant women
Posted: 5/7/2006 2:10:26 AM | My apologies for going off topic, but I'm taking a techie moment here.
What exactly is the 15 minute editing window
Britprince, once you make a post here you have fifteen minutes during which you can come back to it and edit it. On the left side, under where your photo shows up, there will be a line of text that says "edit post." If you click on that text, it will re-open your post and let you make changes, which is handy.
If you can compose in Word, have you tried running a spell-check on things there, then using the toolbar in that program and under "edit", "Select all," "copy"? Even if you can get it to highlight all the text for you, you should then be able to use "ctrl+c" to copy it and "ctrl+v" to paste it into the window here. (Hopefully I haven't muddied things up worse.) If the "ctrl+c" and "ctrl+v" key combinations won't work for you, then I wish you all speed in getting a new PC! | |
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| Why men wont date independant women
Posted: 5/7/2006 2:55:57 AM | | i love independent girls. when i look for a girl im looking for a PARTNER not a sidekick. independent women i find much more attractive, their not clingy and have their own opinions and are alot more fun in general! | |
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| Why men wont date independant women
Posted: 5/7/2006 3:20:19 AM | | Some men/women are of the belief that they are a half a person looking for their other half to make them complete. I don't subscribe to that view, rather believing that I am a complete person who would love to meet another complete person, if that makes me independant then so be it!! | |
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| Why men wont date independant women
Posted: 5/7/2006 4:33:27 AM | I don't know about the rest of you women...but I'm sick I'm unemployed mommas boys... why don't men date independant women... BECAUSE THEIR EMBRASSED BY THE FACT THAT THEIR USELESS AND HAVE NOTHING TO OFFER TO THE RELATIONSHIP!!!!! I can't remember the last time I met a man that made more than me or even lived on their own!!! | |
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| Why men wont date independant women
Posted: 5/7/2006 5:22:25 AM | @dustinjames......I don't know many independent women that actually 'announce' it as a personality trait... but it is not something you miss either....... and the fact that you pass over them, tells me that you probably have the need to be needed anyway... would probably just antagonize them anyway.
You missed it completely saying you don't want to be something that matches her shoes, etc..... but ended up redeeming yourself by getting it right at the end.....
Its about balance, give and take, responsibilty, creativity and self esteem
If you truly believe in yourself... you do not NEED a man in your life... but that does not mean you don't WANT a man in your life..... it isn't about a vibrator, or not, as the case may be... it is about WANTING to share .... but I personally find too many men are intimidated by my independence... WHY????... in my opinion, it is because holding onto an independent woman is not necessarily easy..... you have to be just as strong within yourself as she is!
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| Why men wont date independant women
Posted: 5/7/2006 5:28:40 AM | well i say it cause it took me awhile to become an independant women and i'm very proud of it. Being able to do the things you want on your own is a great feeling and there is nothing wrong with sharing that.
K | |
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| Why men wont date independant women
Posted: 5/7/2006 6:16:57 AM |
(Msg 60) . in my opinion, it is because holding onto an independent woman is not necessarily easy.....
Ahhhhh. I think you just hit the nail on the head. It's the "holding on" part. People don't like to feel they are "holding on". It denotes a struggle, an effort, an unsure situation.
I think it's reasonable to say a person who goes into business is independent, however, some people only go into business with a partner. They need someone to discuss ideas with. They need someone to give them a pep-talk every now and then, a little reassurance things are going OK. They need a partner.
The other side of the coin is the person who wants to be in business alone. They do not want interference. They insist on making all the decisions. Their way or the highway type of attitude.
When it comes to romantic relationships we also see the two different types. Someone who is independent but needs or requires the companionship of another individual to round out ther lives and others who are loners. Both are self-sufficient, independent. Both can function but one is missing something in their lives.
Regardless of what we have in our life we are going to appreciate and look after something we "need" more than something we merely want. The less important being in a relationship is to someone the less importance they will put on the relationship. If one has a take-it-or-leave-it attitude chances are, if problems arise, they will leave it. Therefore, people who value relationships will avoid those who do not. | |
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| Why men wont date independant women
Posted: 5/7/2006 8:35:15 AM | She's independent
No one wants a girlfriend they have to baby-sit. Once in a while, like if she's had a rough day at work, it's great to be her shoulder to cry on, but if she can't seem to function without you and is constantly after you, she will eventually make you feel like you're suffocating, which is a surefire way to get you running out the nearest exit.
On the other hand, if she has her very own personality and opinions, can stand on her own two feet, both financially and emotionally, and is able to enjoy time away from you -- while still missing you, of course -- then she must be a great girlfriend. | |
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| Why men wont date independant women
Posted: 5/7/2006 8:41:22 AM | Independant=I don't need a man to complete me or my life. I choose to be happy with or without one. I choose whom I get involved with. My decisions are "independant" of what others think of me. I earn my own way through life. I take care of my own offspring (deadbeats notwithstanding). Self-sufficient, able to rely on herself to get the job done, whatever the job may be.
There is a difference between independant and someone who has issues with commitment or getting involved. I've seen some use that term "independant" when they actually CAN'T get close to the opposite sex because they have issues surrounding their ability to get intimate or decide what they want from that.
INTERdependant is the ultimate choice, I think. I can do for myself, but I would also like to have a man I can depend on when I need help or want help with something. Someone I can lean on. That doesn't mean I can't find anyone else to support me with , but I specifically choose HIM to assist me. I think that is the stuff of a healthy bond with someone. | |
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| Why men wont date independant women
Posted: 5/7/2006 8:55:03 AM | | You make a really valid point Blastkist. Inter-dependency would be somewhat of an ideal. Personally, I have no problem at all with being an independent woman. I take care of myself and my two children...I work hard for the things I want out of life..I am happy with the person I have become. Heck..I don't even need a man to fix my porch steps when need be! Would I like to have someone to SHARE my life with? YES. Would I like someone in my life that COMPLIMENTS who I am? YES. Do I NEED someone in order to be a fully functioning, happy individual? NO. With all of the posts about gold diggers, clingy women, and emotionally unbalanced women out there...I would think an independent woman would be a welcome trait as opposed to a matter of any contention. | |
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| Why men wont date independant women
Posted: 5/7/2006 9:08:21 AM | | I like that interdependant.... as posted before, Individuals working together within the framework of their relationship. Emphasis on the commitment. People are so afraid to recognise and/or admit that they have needs that they cant fulfill on their own. | |
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| Why men wont date independant women
Posted: 5/7/2006 9:23:11 AM | But men DO date independent women....just not ALL men. Really, so many thread topics are poorly worded, so do us all a favor and choose your words carefully when starting a new thread.  | |
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| Why men wont date independant women
Posted: 5/7/2006 9:32:21 AM | Good thread OP! I've often wondered what the definition of an "independent woman" is. I can't put a handle on if I am or I'm not.
I don't work because I've made my mark and retired. Everything I own is paid for. Obviously I have a mind of my own and am highly intelligent because I've made my mark as a single woman without help from outside sources. Yet I would like to have a man in my life to wait on hand and foot. I embrace the day I can do his laundry and have his meal on the table when he comes home. As well as meet all his other needs emotionally, physically, sexually, etc. (call it MY need?)
So... I've made my mark in life and want to make the man in my life my whole world.
Am I independend because I can take care of myself or NOT independent because I want to dedicate the rest of my life to my mate? | |
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| Why men wont date independant women
Posted: 5/7/2006 10:00:20 AM | Im trying to get a grip on this too - thats why I posted :) I would say that you have a high level of self esteem. Youre comforatble with your choices and not out to PROVE that you dont have needs that others CAN provide. You can give and take without resentment or grudge. People in a relationship have different skill sets. People need people.
There is sooo much honor in letting your lifepartner know you need them - I think.
And NO - Im NOT looking for a submisive "what do you think dear?" woman. Rather my partner will invest in me and I in her - and we'll both be comfortable in that.
I would say that youre independent.. | |
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| Why men wont date independant women
Posted: 5/7/2006 10:09:03 AM | | dustin I am independant because I have to be...the men keep running away and leaving me with the bills d a m n it, It isn't because I want to be. | |
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| Why men wont date independant women
Posted: 5/7/2006 10:28:29 AM | I always have found that those who claim they are independant and emphasize it are likely wishing they were or are trying to accomplish that. It isn't easy. It takes a lot of trial and error. I see no shame in needing someone. I need people all of the time! My friends, my family, my children, my acquaintances. They brighten my world. They cheer me up when I'm down. They give me a hug if I'm feeling like I need one. They accept me without conditions. I definitely NEED them and I don't know how I would function without that love in my life.
I would love nothing more at this point than to find and have a relationship with a man whom I could depend on. Not as a way to escape my own responsibility to myself or my life, but as someone I know WANTS to fix it if it's broke, even if I can do it by myself or with the help of a friend outside of the relationship. There is such a thing as hiring a plumber after all LOL! No one is ever THAT independant.
Maybe it's a word that gets abused a little. Don't they all at some point?
Yeah...I figure I'll aim for interdependance and hope for the best. It takes time to build that kind of relationship and I'm not so proud that I can't ask for help when I need it. I also happen to find it appealing that some men can accomplish well what I would struggle to accomplish not so well. And heck, when it comes to being a woman...NO ONE satisfies me physically like a man can. That I'm NOT independant from hehe... | |
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| Why men wont date independant women
Posted: 5/7/2006 10:36:50 AM | | Men love independent women, the ones that do not brag about it, that is. In fact, we don't like saying we are independent, just like guys don't go around saying they are independent. I know that guys do not date those who project they are independent or feminist, because it's obvious they are liars. A girl who brags and projects this attitude is another self-centered girl, totally lacking in originality, who gets her lines from the " personal" ads in the local singles rag and/or her pack of immature brat friends. This is a girl who demands her support payments on time and will expect you to be cheerful about it. Also, when they brag about being independent they are simply saying, I want to try bagging a real fat bank account before I settle for yours. | |
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| Why men wont date independant women
Posted: 5/7/2006 11:16:09 AM | @blastkist... that is exactly what I was trying to say... in your last two posts, you say it so much better than I do.... interdependent is the ideal.... someone who will COMPLIMENT me, but not necessary to COMPLETE me..... someone who brings out the best in me, and I do the same for him...  | |
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