| Why men wont date independant women
Posted: 5/7/2006 11:43:47 AM | | What is your question? Why men won't date independent women, why women say they are, or what makes a woman independent. I consider myself independent, even though I can't cook to save my soul, and I can't fix my lawnmower or my toilet. But I'm independent because I make my own choice. Sometimes the choices are good, sometimes they are fiascos, but they're mine. I don't think that anyone has ever not dated me because of my independence, but I think a few of my relationships have crashed because of it. Third question - I guess women state that they are independent on this site to weed out guys who want to control them. | |
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| Why men wont date independant women
Posted: 5/7/2006 11:56:55 AM | | My original question was twofold, I guess. I dont tend to puruse a profile too long if I sense from the words that "i am independent - I dont need you - like it or lump it" I pass over it. My choice. Am I missing out? Looking for clairity as to what it generally means when it is specificaly stated ... and getting alot of insight... Thanks : ) | |
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| Why men wont date independant women
Posted: 5/7/2006 12:05:24 PM | I can only speak for me, but when I refer to myself as independent, I simply mean that I can pay my own bills, buy my own jewelry and vacation alone, etc., IF that is what I choose to do. I quit putting that particular word in my profile, because I'm at an age where I feel it should be "understood" that I am independent. Obviously, if someone lives alone for a time, they must be somewhat independent. After 6 years, it really is just common sense to assume I am able to take care of my own self. On another note, back in my freshly single days, I did live by the theory: You can need me, but don't expect me to need you. It worked at the time, but is not now how I am. So, it is a good idea to clarify the exact depth of one's independance. I dated one man who loved that I was that way, and several that hated my "theory." The degree of my independence has changed, but I will never be a needy person ~ it just isn't in me.  | |
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| Why men wont date independant women
Posted: 5/7/2006 12:18:54 PM | I can manage my life & finances myself. Do I need help sometimes? Yeah, sure, but generally I ask for help with school work (I'm in programming and don't always 'get it') mostly.
Like the poster above said, at my age, one can just assume I'm independent. I don't need to shout it from the rooftops.. or a profile. | |
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| Why men wont date independant women
Posted: 5/7/2006 12:22:30 PM |
(Msg 77) Looking for clairity as to what it generally means when it is specificaly stated ... and getting alot of insight...
Me, too! When I read posts like Blastkist's
(msg 73) And heck, when it comes to being a woman...NO ONE satisfies me physically like a man can. That I'm NOT independant from I get an all-over warm feeling. Nice to know we're still "needed".  | |
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| Why men wont date independant women
Posted: 5/8/2006 5:12:32 PM | So cool, Really, really. What more could a poster ask for! People participating in disscusion and walking away with a warm feeling. gad awful spelling and all :)
-Peace... find what youre looking for :) | |
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| Why men wont date independant women
Posted: 5/8/2006 5:17:24 PM | i am independent, although i think that is the first time i have asserted that fact. i never feel the need to tell people.
why am i independent? well...i made it through college and law school, have a great job, teach inner city school pro bono, have a fabulous group of friends, and my life is complete regardless of whether there is a man in it (not that i don't wish i had a man in it. of course, that would be wonderful. but i don't really need one for anything).
funny thing is, i think this may be a turn off. i am an attractive girl, and i'm fun: i go out often and have a diverse group of friends. still, my relationships tend to fizzle. anyway, it happens. i'm sure one day i'll find the right person. i'm only 24... | |
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| Why men wont date independant women
Posted: 5/8/2006 5:20:32 PM | I'd rather know why women think independance is a good thing?
It turns me off, big time. I don't want a robot, but it is psychologically proven that men enjoy being needed. It goes a long way to actually show your man it is good to have him around.
I've also found that many woman who claim to be independant (actually I have never heard a woman claim to be DEpendant), are only independant in the ways that benefit them.
i.e: I don't have to cook dinner, do it yourself
What do you mean split the bill? You are the man! that is your role!
lol. Independance...
Independance, usually translate to ,"I hate men, will do anything to show you I don't need you, and will take advanatage whenever I can in this relationship." I'd rather hear a woman describe herself as ambitous, motivated and successful if that is really what they want to say.
Sorry ladies, don't mean to bash on ya, but that's been my experience.
Raise your hand if you are a dependant woman! ***hears crickets*** | |
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| Why men wont date independant women
Posted: 8/26/2006 3:17:39 PM | | I here ya Malstyne- so to all you men that love to cook, cuddle and are good listeners that like to walk on the beach- I guess you don't need a woman- nothing like watching the game with your buds on the couch after you've cooked up a gourmet barbeque and had a big chat in the backyard with a few beer. I'll just go outside now and replace the intake manifold gasket on my car for some fun. Yeesh | |
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| Why men wont date independant women
Posted: 8/26/2006 4:04:02 PM |
An independent woman is one who does not need a man to satisfy her needs.
And being totally irrelevant in a relationship should be attractive? | |
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| Why men wont date independant women
Posted: 8/26/2006 4:04:04 PM | Msg 75
Blackist I think you said it best. I think that there are alot of people that focus on being "independent" rather than accepting that we all NEED love. As if needing someone is a bad thing. I think needing someone is what will make one behave a bit less selfishly. What in the world is so bad about that.
I can survive without a man but I thrive with them in my life!!! | |
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| Why men wont date independant women
Posted: 8/26/2006 4:25:54 PM | That's it in a nutshell. If a woman is independant it scares most, not all but most men off because they have an inborn need to be needed. Been there, done that. They run for the hills. Only if a man is truely secure as a person can he accept and appreciate and independant lady. Are there any men out there like that anymore? Or have women evolved to the point above the "need" to be with a man just so she can say she has "someone"
Enlighten us all you emotionally secure men. What is it that scares you about an independant woman? | |
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| Why men wont date independant women
Posted: 8/26/2006 5:51:55 PM |
Enlighten us all you emotionally secure men. What is it that scares you about an independant woman?
My sweety is an independent woman but there is something I notice about many women on here who claim to be *independent. They have a "must-have" list on their profile. It seems contradictory to say one is independent and then turn around and require so much from another person (a partner).
*Some posters have explained being independent means financially independent.
Now, when I have asked a few why the long list they say it's a matter of want and not need. It seems there is a fine line between want and need when frustration comes through in their posts/profiles. What I'm saying is when I read there are no good men out there or they can't find a decent man and they've looked for years I get the impression they have a very strong "want". When it comes to the point where lack of a "want" causes such distress/unsettlement/unhappiness I feel it borders on a need. | |
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| Why men wont date independant women
Posted: 9/1/2006 8:24:32 PM | I agree with you Charlie Girl.I have my son to fix things I can't or don't want to fix.If he doesn't do that then I will manage to do it myself.I'm just too lazy to do anything I don't have to do. | |
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| Why men wont date independant women
Posted: 9/6/2006 12:54:26 AM | There's a big difference between need & want.I don't need a man to
complete my life but rather I want to find one to compliment & add to
my life as I want to be able to do the same for him.Can you understand
where I'm coming from or what I'm trying to get at? I don't think co-dependency
in anything is too healthy.
I agree with this, I would much prefer to be wanted than needed, need is a subjective term anyway and must be defined by each individual. I dated a woman for a year that could do anything from rebuilding her own transmission to doing her own manicures, and she did a damned fine job on both. I have been in relationships where the woman NEEDED me to furnish EVERYTHING ( house, car, payment of her bills, child care...you name it). It was very refreshing to be with someone who didn't NEED me, but did WANT me.  | |
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| Why men wont date independant women
Posted: 9/6/2006 3:33:09 AM | | An independant woman is one who is working for a living and is not going to spend every penny you make! An indepedant woman is mature, capable and intelligent - someone who has grown up, and knows how to stand up for herself without hurting others. An independant woman will never order a salad when she wants a steak! | |
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| Why men wont date independant women
Posted: 9/6/2006 3:44:17 AM | | Independent living simply means that a person is able to function and and operate, emotionally, and psychologically without dependence upon another human being or institution, however, if a person is not able to be self-sufficient, that will automatically effect them emotionally and psychologically, some people, for many different reasons, measure the success of a relationaship by their ability to control another human being, of course and independent person would not be their first choice, Alex | |
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| Why men wont date independant women
Posted: 9/6/2006 4:37:10 PM | They don't date independant women because they're insecure. They need to feel that macho/dominant crap.
To me , independant is holding my own. Being able to do for myself without always having to ask someone for help. Being able to support myself. Stand up for myself. Speak for myself.
I don't like the joined at the hip 24/7 thing. I have a circle of friends that I do hang out with sometimes. And I would expect him to hang out with his friends once in a while also. | |
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| Why men wont date independant women
Posted: 9/10/2006 12:37:08 AM | 
Keep looking ladies......keeeeeeep looking.....enjoy playing internet bridge by yourselves when you're in your seventies...... | |
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| Why men wont date independant women
Posted: 9/10/2006 6:28:05 AM | I don't understand why so many women proudly mention that they take care financially of themselves. I mean, for anybody older than 18, male or female, it's a given. It's like a teenager saying "I can wipe my own ass, congratulate me".
About the "men are insecure" thing, well, I'd say it's the contrary. We are so sure of ourselves that we don't care what women think about our dating choices, so we date whomever we want.
Anyway, some "independent" women are not independent at all. They "depend on their independence". They're so afraid of "losing their independence" that they never compromise. And since a relationship is made of compromises, they're simply inadequate as partners. | |
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| Why men wont date independant women
Posted: 9/10/2006 6:37:27 AM | A woman that feels the need to say how independent she is all the time is kind of like a guy who feels the need to tell everyone how nice he is all the time. She probably isn't, and is just building a wall around herself.
And yeah, some men won't date someone who isn't needy and unable to do anything because of the "I need to feel macho and needed for my little lady. Hurhur!" thing... But I'd like to think that most men are smart enough to realize that a woman who can pay her bills, has a job and doesn't have to be attached at the hip to him 24/7 is a good thing. | |
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| Why men wont date independant women
Posted: 9/10/2006 6:39:48 AM | | I just wanted to say that there are many women and men that think they can't be on there own. They will latch onto anyone that comes along. There can be many reasons for it, but personally I think it is a lack of self esteem. An independent person doesn't want to settle for just anyone. They have self esteem and would rather be single then with just anyone. | |
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| Why men wont date independant women
Posted: 9/10/2006 8:34:13 AM |
Wow!... all independent, but not willing to step up
Why would you be asking women?
You said: "Why won't men date independant women?" Shouldn't you be asking the guys?
Like most threads, this is another generalization that gets boring after awhile. But here's my general answer in response: A guy likes to feel needed. If he's dating a woman that can "do everything herself" and "doesn't need anyone", then PERHAPS the guy would look for a girl that does need him.
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| Why men wont date independant women
Posted: 9/10/2006 8:39:03 AM | | They are indepedent from men. That should explain it. It's the same reason why people who are released from prison don't return there to sleep at night. When women declare independence from men they are saying men are tyrants. That the women still want sex is an accident of nature. | |
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