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| Why men wont date independant women
Posted: 8/27/2007 4:22:14 PM |
Maybe some of you gents need to click on each others' profiles more. I think a lot of women do it, but it might give you some insight into what I was talking about with how frequently independence is a specified requirement.
I would look at other guys' profiles, but it'd kinda feel like when you avoid at all costs even glancing at another man's package after the shower at the gym.
Yikes! | |
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| Why men wont date independant women
Posted: 8/27/2007 4:37:39 PM |
I would look at other guys' profiles, but it'd kinda feel like when you avoid at all costs even glancing at another man's package after the shower at the gym.
lol All guys do though, otherwise they'd forever wonder how they measured up. Consider this similar, without the naughty bits. | |
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CTR916
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Joined: 11/27/2006
Msg: 1867 | |
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| Why men wont date independant women
Posted: 8/27/2007 5:18:25 PM |
All guys do though, otherwise they'd forever wonder how they measured up.
And, you know this because....... ??? Have you been installing those little spy-cams in places you ought not to be? Hmmmmmm....?? | |
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| Why men wont date independant women
Posted: 8/27/2007 5:24:14 PM |
I would look at other guys' profiles, but it'd kinda feel like when you avoid at all costs even glancing at another man's package after the shower at the gym. Yikes!
C'mon guys ... where's your spirit of adventure?  | |
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| Why men wont date independant women
Posted: 8/27/2007 5:54:26 PM | Again..."independence", as in looks, are in the eye of the beholder.
I take care of myself and no one foots the bill for my life OR my lifestyle. (I live on a barrier island in Florida and I made that happen myself without a man's opinion, decision, or advice.) Does that make me "independent?" Yes, in my eyes it does. No one is contributing to my life financially or otherwise to make it what it is but me, therefore I'm independent in knowing without a doubt I can take care of myself, my animals, and any other situation that may arise in my life.
Do I NEED a man to take care of me? no.
Do I WANT a man to take of me? no.
Do I want a controlling jerk that is intimidated by me because I can fix the toilet without his help? no.
Do I want an equal partner that respects the fact that I CAN take care of everything and is still willing to "change the oil" in my SUV simply because he "wants to" do this for me, knowing quite well I can do it for myself? yes.
Nuff' said. Sans | |
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| Why men wont date independant women
Posted: 8/27/2007 5:57:21 PM | I happen to be one of those "****es" who make the statement that I am independent.
My statement that I am independent means....I am not looking for someone to pay my way, bail me out or make my life financially better....I am looking for a life partner....period.
My financial independence came from no other source than from my own hard work...not from an inheritance and not from an ex....I got nothing out of my divorce.
I have listened to man after man tell me about "rescuing" a poor helpless woman by paying her bills and buying her things such as cars, only for her to take the money and run......
So if that makes me a ****....so be it.....at least I'm not a blood sucking leech.
B-beautiful
I-intelligent
T-terrific
C-charming
H-hot mama | |
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| Why men wont date independant women
Posted: 8/27/2007 5:59:22 PM | there is a LOT more to being independent than just the financial aspect.
And that is what so many seem to focus on.
Rather pitiful after 70 some pages.
You see, what so many people call being independent is actually just being an adult and doing what you need to do. Sorry, but you don't get a medal for doing what you are supposed to be doing anyway. | |
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| Why men wont date independant women
Posted: 8/27/2007 6:04:23 PM |
LOL I believe this is called selective listening; or, selective reading, in this case. I quoted two examples in msg 1840 of this happening, and they were posted as recently as yesterday. And anybody who cares to can go back through the 70+ pages of this thread and find example after example of women saying "men are just afraid of our independence". So if you have "missed those particular posts", it's because you're not paying attention. "Open-minded", huh....?
Just because I didn't validate your post/opinion or agree with you doesn't necessarily mean I've missed anything. Just like you, I could site many posts from this thread that would/could/might/may devalue your opinion, verbage, ideology, etc. But that would be silly. As for open-mindedness, if I'm not learning something from someone else's perspective ~ I'm wasting my time here. I'm sort of a glass half full kind of gal. Emotional vampires and I don't usually see eye to eye. Stereo-typing, trash talking, gender bashing and the other types of things that are prevelent (here in forums at times) aren't needed noticing/validation by me ~ there are plenty of others taking care of that side of this debate. I can assure you ~ I miss very little.  And now, this is where you and I part ways, as this is technically called an "impasse". 
~OT~ As an independent thinker (HA...there's that icky word again) I prefer to see something worthwhile in most things ~ seems to work for me, even if my way doesn't work for someone else. To each their own. 
PS: I am headed over to Sans for dinner with her cats, those dudes are having steak tonight!!!  | |
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| Why men wont date independant women
Posted: 8/27/2007 6:06:02 PM | ^^^Then pray tell, dude ( msg 1876) why are you still posting to these "rather pitiful 70" pages if you have nothing more to add but the fact that the "financial aspect" of this thread bothers you?
Independent women don't have to worry about finances. We make MORE than enough to think we need a 'man' to foot the bill in any way, shape, or form.
Sans..Edit..VGE..dang, girl..you and my cats are gonna be fine dining tonight..I'll just forlornly lay on my hammock and drink my cosmopolitan glancing at you guys pitifully, munching on my pbj..*sigh* | |
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| Why men wont date independant women
Posted: 8/27/2007 6:14:30 PM | ^^no, dude..I've just made my life what it is without anyone's help, male or female.
So, sue me if VGE is coming over for filet mignon and dining with my cats..she's earned it and so have I. Did I ask YOU to foot the bill for the filet mignon to feed my 4 cats and VGE?? uhhh..no..the little "independent" woman paid for it herself. haha!!
And I can pay for alot more than filet mignon, my friend. Can you?
Now I know hands down why men won't date "independent" women. They can't afford to cook filet mignon for their pets.
Sans | |
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| Why men wont date independant women
Posted: 8/27/2007 6:30:25 PM | I could care less about your filet. I had a nice tenderloin tonight. But what does eating filet have to do with being independent, Oh thats right the financial aspect that you seem to be stuck on.
You see there is more to being independent then just the financial part. The financial aspect is called being a self supporting adult who pays their bills. Well that is what your supposed to do.
Same as taking care of your belongings. That is what you are supposed to do.
Not having a "so sue me" attitude is also part of being an adult. Especially when it is so obvious that the other person doesn't care. | |
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| Why men wont date independant women
Posted: 8/27/2007 6:31:02 PM | it was the men in my past who made me independant today. Who can i rely on? not them but myself. why is it such a threat to many guys, that a woman is able to have a life being independant?
big difference of needing or to desire a man in our lives, least in mine. i desire one, one who will enhance my life in a positive way. Not complete me, but compliment me. i have had some say to me, dont worry i can take care of you, you dont have to work...what? now why wouldnt i want to work, i love my career. i think some have gotten the wrong idea of what independance means? | |
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| Why men wont date independant women
Posted: 8/27/2007 6:35:36 PM |
why is it such a threat to many guys, that a woman is able to have a life being independant?
There is no threat and most guys don't percieve one. It is when the self labeled independent woman is using the word independent as a smoke screen or an excuse that most men take offense at it. | |
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| Why men wont date independant women
Posted: 8/27/2007 6:43:36 PM | | Dreadstalker, I consider myself independent because I have a life and even when I am with a partner I want to continue to have my own life. I also want a man that's independent and keeps his own life. I don't think either person should get so wraped up in someone else that they lose themselves, for me it has nothing to do with money. You can be part of a couple and still have your own identity. | |
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| Why men wont date independant women
Posted: 8/27/2007 6:45:50 PM | | I'm way behind on this, but I just wanted to tell you that you are, in my opinion, exactly right. I am extremely independent and I think a lot of the guys that I have dated have been intimidated and tried to control me and that doesn't work. It is really hard to find someone that can handle a woman who doesn't want to be handled. There are a lot of men out there who think they would like an independent woman and will tell you so, but in the end it is found out by both parties that was not the case. I commend all the men out there who date truly independent woman, I know a few of them and they are a rare breed, but they are out there. | |
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| Why men wont date independant women
Posted: 8/27/2007 6:46:15 PM | I have two stupid questions:
- Since are the women who numerically override men in divorce petitions... why they say that men leave them, therefore the no other choice but to be independent?
- Since women say that men's profile ask for an independent woman... how then is posible to be afraid of? | |
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xeno07
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Joined: 2/11/2007
Msg: 1883 | |
| Why men wont date independant women
Posted: 8/27/2007 6:55:53 PM |
I'm way behind on this, but I just wanted to tell you that you are, in my opinion, exactly right. I am extremely independent and I think a lot of the guys that I have dated have been intimidated and tried to control me and that doesn't work. It is really hard to find someone that can handle a woman who doesn't want to be handled. There are a lot of men out there who think they would like an independent woman and will tell you so, but in the end it is found out by both parties that was not the case. I commend all the men out there who date truly independent woman, I know a few of them and they are a rare breed, but they are out there.
Then there are articles like this...
http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/19713567/wid/11915773
Kings don’t rule the castle — queens do
Women are the deciders, dominant ones in relationships, study finds
Men might throw their weight around at the office, but at home, women are the bosses.
A study, which was just released, finds that wives have more power than their husbands in making decisions and dominating discussions.
"The study at least suggests that the marriage is a place where women can exert some power," said lead author David Vogel, a psychologist at Iowa State University (ISU). "Whether or not it's because of changing societal roles, we don't know.”
The results counter past research.
“Most of the research literature in psychology has suggested that women have less power,” Vogel told LiveScience. “They have largely based that on the fact that traditionally men earn more money and so therefore would have the ability to make big decisions in the relationship.” That wasn’t the case in this study.
Spouse survey says ...
Vogel, Megan Murphy, also of ISU, and their colleagues surveyed 72 married couples in which the spouses were an average of 33 years old and had been married for about seven years. Most of the participants (66 percent) were Caucasian, followed by Asian (22 percent), Hispanic (5 percent) and African American (4 percent). The final 3 percent represented other nationalities.
Each spouse answered questions about relationship satisfaction and overall decision-making ability. Then, each spouse noted a relationship problem that could not be resolved without the spouse’s cooperation. While money and housework were popular picks, sex didn’t come up much as a marital issue.
Topics chosen by husbands/wives included:
* Money — 18 percent (husbands) / 13 percent (wives)
* Housework — 15 percent / 15 percent
* Friends and family — 10 percent / 19 percent
* Feelings and emotions — 10 percent / 13 percent
* Time together — 13 percent / 10 percent
* Making decisions — 18 percent / 4 percent
* Sex — 4 percent / 1 percent
* Intimacy — 1 percent / 1 percent
* Communication — 3 percent / 4 percent
* Children — husbands never chose this topic; 3 percent of wives
* Other relationship changes — 4 percent / 17 percent
The scientists videotaped the couples while they discussed each of the issues for 10 minutes.
Women power
Trained volunteers coded the videotapes using a scale that rated couples’ interactions based on words and behaviors associated with blame (blames, accuses and criticizes the partner); demand (nags, pressures for change, requests); withdrawal and avoidance (avoids discussing the problem by hesitating, changing topics, diverting attention or looking away); and discussion.
Wives were more demanding — asking for changes in the relationship or in their partner — and were more likely to get their way than the husbands. This held regardless of who had chosen the issue.
The women were not just talking more than their husbands.
"It wasn't just that the women were bringing up issues that weren't being responded to, but that the men were actually going along with what they said,” Vogel explained. “[Women] were communicating more powerful messages, and men were responding to those messages by agreeing or giving in.” | |
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| Why men wont date independant women
Posted: 8/27/2007 6:56:01 PM | In msg 1877, Verygreeneyez said:
Just because I didn't validate your post/opinion or agree with you doesn't necessarily mean I've missed anything.
You can try to redefine what actually happened, but it's not about you validating my opinion, or anything else. It was about your willingness to ignore reality, specifically in regards to how some women blame mens "insecurity" for their being alone. At least I am willing to acknowledge when other men are behaving badly, but maybe that's because I'm more open-minded and don't view "defending my gender" as more important than acknowledging reality. But you're right; we are at an impasse. It's very hard to have a conversation with somebody who tries to deny the existence of something that anybody can see, and then tries to rewrite history in an attempt to pretend it never happened. 
__________________________
Sanschele said:
And I can pay for alot more than filet mignon, my friend. Can you?
Now I know hands down why men won't date "independent" women. They can't afford to cook filet mignon for their pets.
And yet another example of how some women use their "independence" as a weapon. Why is it only obnoxious and immature when men do/say things like this....?
Nevermind. I'll let you girls go back to another 75 pages of trumpeting your accomplishment of the mundane.  | |
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| Why men wont date independant women
Posted: 8/27/2007 8:05:05 PM |
Posted By: cubanguy on
I have two stupid questions:
Fitting...
- Since are the women who numerically override men in divorce petitions... why they say that men leave them, therefore the no other choice but to be independent?
English translation:
Considering that women statisticly file for divorece more often than men...
Why do they have to claim they had no choice but to be independent?
(not commenting on the validity of the question...)
- Since women say that men's profile ask for an independent woman... how then is posible to be afraid of?
English translation:
Since women claim that men's profiles ask for an independent woman...
How can women claim that men are aftraid of them?
(He did better at approximating English that time... and has a much more valid question.)
**********
Cubanguy... please go consult an English as a second language teacher. It will help you get a better job. | |
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| Why men wont date independant women
Posted: 8/27/2007 8:19:00 PM | As I said those are stupid questions... because I'm stupid.
Since you are so intelligent and well versed in English language, can you give another intelligent answer instead point out my flaws?
I beg you for apologies, English is really my third badly learned language.
About a better job...I know I'm inferior than you but, at the same time, I'm sorry to desapoint you: I make 70k per year. | |
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| Why men wont date independant women
Posted: 8/27/2007 8:25:07 PM | Never mind the boat or the bait or the whole tackle box...you are missing the point entirely... Are you all in la la land?
don't get why you don't get it. | |
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