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| Rape victim can't heal
Posted: 4/12/2005 7:59:24 PM |
RETRO,shut up,quit sulking...this is what i think...bad stuff happens,get over it.starting today,dont talk about it ,dont think about it.but allways be carefull, a can of mace in your purse,so on and so forth.if you dont follow my advice,this topic of yours will define the rest of your life.focus on being you ,and positive things that life has to offer
hi mr. sensitive. :frusterated: unless youve ever been raped, you will never know what they go through. ive never been raped but ive heard stories from countless numbers of women who have.. its painful. its not something that they can just forget about and not think about. life does have positive things to offer, however she cant forget about what happened!!!
retro, dont listen to the people who are insensitive to your past. not everyone will be understanding of what happened but you have to look past them. | |
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| Rape victim can't heal
Posted: 4/12/2005 8:23:58 PM | Ok. this is probably the wrong thing to bring up here but I just finished reading a blackmanx post that leaves me untrusting of poster veracity in general.
Your post could very well be totally true, and any inconsistencies are reasonable, but theres just a few questions.
Your religion does not allow homosexual behavior but does allow premarital sex of the type described? Also you implied a catholic/orthodox or Anglican religion with the nun comment (the only groups that I know of that still have them except episcopals and they don't do the gay bashing thing) but you believe that being a nun comes with a virginity requirement?
I dunno. I'm probably still a bit paranoid.
No nun's order that I know of makes virginity a requirement. Quite the reverse, it used to be the traditional salvation of "fallen women" at one time.
You may have trouble becoming one though. They try and avoid people who escape to the church to avoid sexual issues. It's not about chastity it's about God. Also praying 8 times a day isn't everyones cup of tea. (well catholic monks do that anyway, not as sure about nuns )
I'd say therapy is the cheaper, easier, and more effective solution here. Rape is traumatic stress. If you don't deal with it, it may find ways to make it's self known. | |
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| Rape victim can't heal
Posted: 4/13/2005 6:55:40 AM | | the best advice I can give you is go to church and Jesus will heal you . trust try God he works! | |
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| Rape victim can't heal
Posted: 4/13/2005 4:56:12 PM | | i know rape isnt hard to get over but i did hell i didnt have sex for 3 years from the time i left my ex till i finally felt ready to do it with the one im dating hey it was weird cause it wasnt the ex and for some reason it felt right the guy im with told me if it feels too bad to tell him he will stop i didnt want him to quit what he was doing you know time will tell when your ready hey i got help and im fine teh bass3rd got 3 years probation cause it was his first time offence he didnt get fired from his job i got offered to work where he was but he was in another building i took it cause i was in a way needy of a job then they transfered him to the building i was in i had to cross this guy every single day till a year later i found something better and less screwed up as it is i now got a good job a great family that helped me alot when i needed it in that time and i still do need them got some amazing friends i found a great guy that was patient with me those where the things that helped me thru the thick and thin | |
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| Rape victim can't heal
Posted: 5/1/2005 2:36:49 PM | | I am a 20 year old person who was rapped when i was a freshman in high school and i still have not forgot about that and what he did to me.I remember it was the fall homecoming football game and some friends and i went to dinner at Dairy Queen then my guy friend told my other friends to go ahead of us he needed to talk to me so i went with him and then he took off his shirt and started to do what he wanted to do i just remember lying there on the grounf stunned and trying to get back up but he just told me to relax and it wont hurt..After awhile i thought i was pregnant but I thnk GOD to this day that i was not a teen mom. The second time that the same guy rapped me was at the end of the school year when my shool held a festivle for the new high school where i live, and he rapped me in the old high shool and i can't believe i fell for the trick that he did on me, i also remember that in a class that i had with him he told me to slunk down in my desk chair and then he pulled my leg and started to touch me and nobody saw what he was doing to me due to the face that they were watching a biology movie and the room was dark.. But now that i am 20 i look back and tell myself that it is all in the past and i can't go back what was done is now done and i have to live with that, my parents told me that it was my fault but i know that is was not my fault and now i am trying to find the right person who can understand on where i am coming from and who can help me control all of my panic attacks, I am now helping myself by staying at home and babysitting to get away from the memories but they are still there in my heart and dreams i am scared for life on this i thought i could trust him but i was wrong, now that i am older and wiser i can help people out if they need my help i guess it is the way that i am now. I even had abusive relationships and even before i moved to indiana when i lived in illinos so it is alot harder for me now to get over something like this.. | |
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| Rape victim can't heal
Posted: 12/14/2005 8:58:05 AM | Being raped is by far the hardest thing I have ever had to experience. For those that don't understand this(like ****head) it doesn't just affect you while it's happening....it lasts for days, months, and years. And if it happens when you are younger...you do not know the tell tale signs of a rapist. As a matter of fact w/o even knowing it or wanting it, you attract it....and may even be attracted to it.
I was raped 3 years ago.....on the 10th of December. All day I felt strange and couldn't figure out why....until I realized what day it was.
I was raped by my best friends boyfriend...I used to be very out-going, but this damaged me in such a way that I have become reserved in fear of sending out wrong messages...this is a horrible way to live. I have had anxiety attacks ever since this happened. My friendship with my girlfriend has never been and probably never could be the same. And my marriage did not survive this. I did all the right things the next day....I went to a hospital where they did a rape kit. Had all the necessary shots. Talked to the police on many occasions....did a video statement as well as written. I lived in BC at the time, I have since moved to Alberta....since I would still see this guy everywhere. It makes me sick that even when you put yourself out there, no justice is served. On the flip side....there are positives to this, I never, ever put myself in situations at any time that could warrant this happening again. I am choosy about who I call a 'friend'. And it has also slowed my spirited side, and I now take the time to get to know men. I also watch for warning signs. And I have exited plenty of atmospheres, as a result. To retro....search inside yourself and think of the qualities each of these people had in common and see if you can decipher what to watch for.
For me if anyone has suggestions on how I can emit that outgoing part of me again....pleaaz post them. | |
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| Rape victim can't heal
Posted: 12/14/2005 1:24:16 PM | Just to think........
The more that one pounders on the past the less one realises how to make a possitive future.
That man that you slept with last october.
""Last October, I met a guy and took him back to my place. After an hour of him making me feel bad for not having sex with him, I finally "gave in" (meaning I spread my legs and let him get off.)""
That man well hey stop blaming god for that cause like you said..........."""""I finally "gave in" (meaning I spread my legs and let him get off.)""
Time to grow up and start thinking..... | |
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| Rape victim can't heal
Posted: 12/14/2005 1:51:02 PM | | Your story (stories) have touched me. I am so sorry for what you have endured. There is nothing else that I can say. | |
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| Rape victim can't heal
Posted: 12/14/2005 2:01:06 PM | | i read this post first out of disgust for the subject ( i believe no one has to live in such a world ) then I continued reading it out of pain. I wish i could say sorry and take back all the pain us men have caused those who deserve nothing less than praise, i wish I could say I know how you feel but it is a insult to those who have been hurt! You said how could God let this happen well it's got nothing to do with God it has to do with people who are sick. Will you ever get over this? I don't know some do and some don't but never forget there are people out there that want to help and have been exactly where you are right now. We can put a man on the moon, we can march to bring awareness as we say all are equal but we seem to always have predators who feel it is ok to force their wills or physical being onto others. Maybe this is one of those issues where my opinion has no meaning because of my sex or lack of experiance on this matter maybe people like me should butt out and let the ones it has affected have the decision of how the laws and penalties should be handed out, I don't know the answer but please stay strong and never bend your will for another if it is for something you don't want (aka giving in after pressure on the date) for somethings it is right to go down fighting instead of giving up. | |
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| Rape victim can't heal
Posted: 12/14/2005 2:33:21 PM | | *Needs Completion* What happened in that incident is still considered "date rape", look it up!!! Back up your opinion. | |
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| Rape victim can't heal
Posted: 12/14/2005 4:46:21 PM | Sweetheart.. I have been molested multiple times, raped, and was just recently attacked with rape as the intent... I was lucky to get away...I refuse to become anyone's victim....I still love men... I cannot lump them all into that category.. that would be unfair...
If you are truly having feelings for women then you should do what you feel is right for you...If it is just the fear of men being able to cause you more pain...Then therapy is your best option....From one who knows exactly what you are going through....There are good men out there.. but allowing yourself to be used because he "needs" it is just bullsh*t....You are worth so much more... Don't convince them... convince you.... | |
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| Rape victim can't heal
Posted: 7/16/2006 5:45:19 PM | Well i know this is an older forum but i was recently made a victim again.Even though i know it was not my fault i still had problems telling someone.I was afraid to tell like i had done something wrong again.I know this is irrational thinking but it seems to me that i am a bad guy magnet.This was a person i worked with thought he was a friend. He is married i told him i was not interested he still took advantage anyway.Now he will not leave me alone he is not treating me bad.I feel like he is still trying to make me care for him or sorry for him.
The problem i am haveing with the whole thing is i was raped by my nieghbor when i was 6,7 and 8 years old.He did the same thing to his sister.I tried to press charges i was informed by the detective, they did not want to press charges against him because i cant remember dates.
there is alot more to that story but i dont feel like typing for an hour.
The second part of this story goes like this....When i was 13 years old my father decided to start haveing sex with my friends.He got one pregnant that is how he got caught .but during this he was also making me watch telling me he was teaching me how to have sex with men when i got older...enough said on that also.
Now i thought i had worked through my issues of the past.Till recently when the afor mentioned happend.Now i am nursing that little girl again.I felt the same way i did when i was little even though i am much older now.Scared,alone,embarressed,ashamed,guilty like i had done something wrong.
I dont know if i am putting myself in these types of situations.Or if i am just that unlucky and because i try to be a good person people who will take advantage of you will.I do know that those type of people are all around.Looking for another victim and a previous victim is a much easier target.
I guess what i want to know now is how do i work through this.I am so very tired of being a victim.I dont ever do anything mean to anyone intentionally.I apologize when i do something to someone if it hurts them.I am starting to feel that you can not heal from rape and your life will just fall back on it when bad things come up.
I am just tired now !!!! | |
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| Rape victim can't heal
Posted: 8/5/2006 10:24:51 AM | | you did nothing wrong,you have to believe that'you father and the other one was sick.hell any man that does that should have his d--k cut off.tee the police that the man want leave you alone,if they won't help you ask to speak to their boss and their boss.i can see why you are like you are in you profile ,if you need a friend send me a message and i will be you friend david | |
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| Rape victim can't heal
Posted: 8/5/2006 4:21:53 PM | | I think you are the one who ought to shut up scoobydunk or whatever you call yourself, you talk a right load of crap. | |
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| Rape victim can't heal
Posted: 8/9/2006 9:18:26 AM | Yes I agree Evil Princess, I was also raped at the age of 14 and sexually abused by the husband of the lady I babysat for. I never told my family, I eventually told my husband and I convided in a few friends but it stay with me always. The one guy even use to pop by my house after I was married and had children, luckly enough my husband was home one day when it happened. I am very leary in trust and I am kinda anti social at bars just because I feel that guy only want one thing. Stay close to your friends and your heart, not all is lost. It is well put that that which doesn't kill us, only makes us stronger. I am here for you.
I also suffered mental and verbal abuse from my husband, which I am now leaving after 26 yrs. Be Strong and never let anyone put you down.
Cheers
Melissa | |
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| Rape victim can't heal you are SCAR for LIFE.....
Posted: 8/11/2006 8:44:42 PM | its scar to u carry for life..... I was in that situation when I was 21. A friend of mine went out on a date with my sister to the Symphony of Fire & I wasnt told by my sister that my friend made at pass at her & she brushed him off... to get back at my sister he went after me when we went out for dinner at his place over the holidays this was when i was 21. He slipped me the date rape pill on my drink( the reason i knew that bec 5 other women called me to let me know that he did the same to them) & when i woke up I was naked beside him & was sore really sore.
So I went home in a cab & my sister knew something went wrong bec he didnt drop me off & I was in tears because of the pain I was feeling. We then went to the hospital to get it checked i was raped by my ex friend now..... and left me with this scar tissue that prevents me for having kids in the future & that has been terribly hurt me over the years since it happen because I was told that I would make a great mother but I cant have my own kids but I can either adopt or have stepkids which I do from previous relationships..... | |
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| Rape victim can't heal you are SCAR for LIFE.....
Posted: 8/12/2006 6:11:29 AM | Some of you may have seen the post I made in poem forum called Little Girl, its
about this same thing There is a lot of us out here who’s been victims. We have stories that go beyond belief sometimes.
From the time I was 5 to 15 my mother gave me to the man she married to keep him happy so she was free to do what she wanted and spend his money. They both seemed ok with this.
To this day I can not take my kids to see Santa clause, once Halloween is over, I am miserable, After having kids I knew I had to change this, because of him I was told I would never have kids after getting pregnant by him at age 13 and beat in the stomach so bad I miscarried I never gave kids another thought till I was older.
But once I had my kids, I found since I was alone and no family, helping others helped me, so I started doing my Open house thanksgiving and christmas dinners, I still do them to this day, I stay busying doing all the cooking and preparing and not only do I look forward to that now, so does others who have been to everyone of my dinners, my boys love them too, get to seen old friends and make new ones and I get to share with them that christmas is about giving too, so in a strage way my disliking of the holidays actually empowered me to empower myself but reaching for something that not only helped me but others too. Becasue
his whole mission for the year was to top himself the year before with some brutal sick game to play with me, and dressing in his Santa suit to do it every year was his favorite, but thanksgiving brought in family, one certain man he loved to share with me who was brutal. There is no way I can even begin to post the things in here about his brutality of selling me for a 6-pack or plug of Redman and many other horrors. If you really want to know send me a note and I will send it to you privately, its just to much for the forums.
I remember turning 5 and wanting a little fluffy white kitten so bad, that was all I wanted, L made sure he told me to be "daddies good little girl" and I would get it. Christmas Eve my mom hadn't been home for 2 day, she was laid up somewhere drunk with some man I was sure. Only present I got was the little white kitten....but it came with a heavy price, one my tender age just could not do, since I couldn't, L snapped the kittens neck, threw it in my lap and Merry F'ing Christmas, you just killed your first animal. The kitten lay in my lab twitching. I can’t even try to explain to you how I felt. To this day I still have not got my fluffy little kitten.
Before He and my mom married he was married to a mean woman named Irene, she just ups and disappears one day. Then him and my mom hook up, He tells me Irene is in the attic, this is where my mom and him loved to lock in, the windows was covered up and there was no light at all. He would always tell me, One day Irene would find me in the dark and eat me alive. Can you image telling this to a 5 year old and leaving her in there for hours on end, at times days, no food, not nothing.
The only time I did see my mother was when she stopped around to get more money or cloths, she was always so drunk, first thing shed say to me when she seen me is “go your ugly I can’t believe your mine” if I cried she slapped me around, At times she beat me so bad I could bleed from pores with a shaving strap or twig.
This is how my life was till 15, torment, torture, mental abuse, being a sex slave, seeing other little girls going through what I did and being so helpless…I don’t know how I can out of it all sane. But you know what I did, and I did for a reason, anyone who can survive the things I did is a stronger person then they give them self credit for.
The two other girls, one killed her 2 babies 3 month old and 18 month old, then killed her self, the other sits in prison for murder of several men.
And Yes I told, but back then anytime anything was being checked into they called to tell you they was coming so of coarse they would leave me alone enough to not be having a big bruise, would scare me so bad and tell me the places they would take me was worse then where I was and would show me pictures of little girls being whipped like slaves and dead from being hung. When I was 12 is when he first sodomized me, At school blood was showing through my jeans and wasn’t able to walk right or sit, the nurse knew, she told me she knew and she could not help me unless I said it…but I remembered the threats, but I was hurting so bad, I said it, I told her, 6 hours later I was returned back to them. I was terrified. Later in the night, I heard the family dogs barking and caring on, I stepped into the living room to see what was going on, my mom was passed out drunk in her chair, L stood over her with a double barrel shot gun, loading it, looking at me and saying “I told you if you ever told, she’d die, now you are going to pull the trigger that kills her, I started begging and crying, he put the gun in my hands, forced my finger on the trigger,****d it back and fired my finger to pull the trigger….nothing happened, there was not big recoil or blood. He laughed his ass of and said next time it will be a real bullet. I had nightmares for years over that.
Many nights I was throwed outside to live with the dogs in the dead of winter I
Would have to curl up with them for warmth, unless I was able to walk the couple miles in town, where I could steal food, it was one of these nights that my life started to change, Meant someone who’s daughter was a lawyer, she told me about emancipation, that was the beginning of life.
I am 38 now, very happy with who and what I am, I know I am not ugly and I know all these things that was done to me was nothing I did, for years I could not enjoy sex, if I liked something it seemed in my mind that must of liked it when he did it or when someone else was doing it, But as I grew older I met a man who was very patent with me and helped me see just cause I experimented sexually didn’t say any thing about my past.
From the time I was 15 to 17 I went to school every day, worked that night staying with a elderly couple, on weekends I worked a 2nd job caring for another lady up the road, for the first time in my life I had control, then one faithful night my house bunted down, my truck to, I crashed so hard it felt me spinning. For the next 3 months in the dead of winter I lived out of the back of a old broken down van, heated it with kerosene, I had to quit school 3 months before graduation I lost everything, my gown, my memories, I had to work full time to get back on my feet. Oh yeah, my mom lived half a mile up the road and only come by long enough to say “glad to see you been brought down a peg or too, you got what you deserved” In time I got back on my feet, and you know I am glad for ever one of these experiences because they made me who I am today, today I have the stories to share with others so they know they are not alone, I have the memories of how bad things can get when I lose site of how good I have it now. Even in my darkest hours now I can find light to deep me pushing on by remembering where I have been compared to where I am now. I walked with the devil and his mistress and they did not beat me down and keep me down. They left scars, bruises, broken bones but they never got my spirit.
Can someone heal from this, yes but not until you come to terms with letting it go, and you can. Forget, never…but move on from it and take back your life, that’s when you win, that’s the moment it all becomes clear. Write your feeling down on paper, even if the words don’t make sense, they don’t have to, its in your head and you have to get theses feelings and thoughts delt with, one day you will go back reread the words and realize wow I was really mad here or wow I was really sad here,
and then right at that moment you will realize that’s how you have been feeling lately. Join support groups, support forums. Just remember your not alone and your gonna be ok. | |
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| Rape victim can't heal
Posted: 8/12/2006 6:59:43 AM |
God will never put anything on your shoulders that you can't handle. I firmly believe that.
Explain suicide ?
It's not GOD that puts anything like this on our shoulders, it's our seperation from him that makes it possible for evil to do this.
Walk within GOD's word and protection and obey his laws that's where you will find TRUE healing !!! | |
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| Rape victim can't heal
Posted: 8/12/2006 5:29:36 PM | ...I am sorry you had to deal with all this shit....
I know what it is to see someone go through such things.... hell my last ex basically let me go because someone raped her (she called me the next day and a whole rollercoaster began)..... and I hate to see anyone go through that....
Maybe not with time, but with the right people, maybe you will be able to get better.... I hope you have better luck then my now ex did... seriously.... | |
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| Rape victim can't heal
Posted: 8/29/2006 5:34:03 AM | Unfortunateley, you will never fully heal from what has occured in your life. You will always bear the indelible mark of a victim...but you can overcome. You need counseling badly, and if you need help finding some, contact me. You can get through this!
-Em < | |
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| Rape victim can't heal
Posted: 8/29/2006 6:32:27 AM | give the women a try.
Or next time a man tries to guilt you into sex.. show him the door. If all he wants is sex you aren't going to see him again anyway so nothing lost there. | |
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| Rape victim can't heal
Posted: 8/29/2006 8:00:52 AM | | i'm so sorry to hear about what happened to you...i've experienced some similar stuff...i was raped when i was 12 and got pregnant by the man (my father let him do it to me, it was his best friend) and from there i was beatten my my dad, my ex...i`t's been crappy but 3 years ago i decided enough is enough...if i let them change who i am or let them transform me into this shy, fearful, retiring shell when i used to be so sociable, extroverted and fearless...well now i changed the way i see things...i know what`s the worst that can happen to me (cuz i really do think that rape is the worst thing that can happen to a woman...it doesn`t kill your body, it kills your soul)and i know i can survive it...so now i just take the world with eyes wide open, i am critical and very tough but i do take risks if the person seems worth it...i will not let those who hurt me destroy me, i wont let them change me, i wont let them win...i will be myself and make my own life and be better and happier than they will ever be! | |
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| Rape victim can't heal
Posted: 9/3/2006 10:10:43 PM | BOTTOM LINE GIRL.... YOU NEED SOME PROFESSIONAL HELP.... SERIOUS HELP... GET A
RECCOMENDATION FOR A PSYCOLOGIST AND GO....YOU HAVE SOME SERIOUS DEEP ISSUES THAT NEED YEARS OF THEARAPY TO FIX... I WISH YOU THE BEST OF LUCK... | |
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| Rape victim can't heal
Posted: 9/3/2006 10:22:49 PM | You cannot let that become your total identity.
Go for counselling for it, call your local rape crisis unit - get the free help, the groups that are available. Rise above it and dont let it control your life, bad things happen to good people all the time but we cannot let it control every breath we take.
If you dont get the help you need you will always put yourself in the same situtation. usually women that have been sexually abused once, get either sexually or physically or emotionally abused again and again.
I have had many bad things happen to me in my past, including rape, robbery, being held at gunpoint, physical assault and the list goes on and on...but I do not live in fear and face each day with thankfullness. And one thing that helps, is prayer. a lot of people forget that. | |
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