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| Rape victim can't heal
Posted: 9/3/2006 10:50:05 PM | | The title of your thread says plenty. You were the victim of many forms of abuse, beginning at an early age with the mental abuse your father dealt you. As a grown woman now, isn't it time to stop being a victim and learn to become a survivor? The internet offers a wealth of help for you. As a nun, you would be expected to forgive your abusers. First you should try forgiving yourself. It sounds like you gave yourself to a man to avoid his taking you. In that act, you abused yourself, and chose to be a victim yet again. If you really want to go forward, try taking back your life. Rather than looking behind you at what you suffered, bury the past under endured, stop looking any further back than today. | |
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| Rape victim can't heal
Posted: 9/4/2006 4:20:03 PM | first off you can go to a nunery and live a life of chaste without having to be a virgin...
Secondly, God didn't put you through this, your grandmother, your family, and your next door neighbor did... and later on you put yourself through it (you didn't have to open your legs for that guy, you coulda kicked his ass to the curb and taken joy in rejecting him from something that gives him pleasure and brings you pain).
Thirdly, "how to trust" isn't an issue, you just do it... but instead of falling for the crappy lines and guilt trips of a guy (c'mon you were raped, not hit on the head with the stupid stick), you use your head to find someone who will treat your right, love you and be loving to you and allow you to be loving to him without hurting you... | |
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| Rape victim can't heal
Posted: 9/4/2006 4:46:36 PM | | shattered,,,,I might be the bad girl here also,, but I agree with you,, was molested at 3,, 7,, raped at 11,,the night my mom died,, by a neighbor,,,, at 17 after a school dance,, my dad trusted the guy,,,who took me home,, , and yes rape victim do heal,, but you have to forgive,, in order to go on,,,and I don't mean forgive the guy to his face,, but forgive him in your heart,, these people are sick,,, give them or him no more thought and go on with your life,,,don't let them mess up you life,, cause then , they have won,, and you'll never beable to be open and complete with another man,, unless you put it away once and for all, but also , don't put yourself as easy pray,, even at my age, I don't bring any man into my house,, till I know him pretty good,,,it's called being safe,, even a woman, that has never raped ,,shouldn't ,, cause it can happen at any time,, and yes, I love men,,I think there soo nice,, I haven't dated in years ,, only because being a firefighter, I didn't have the time,, also had a child to care for,,,,, but I don't hold all men responable for what happen to me,,, that would be stupid to blame all men,, I wouldn't want to be blamed for what some other woman did,, to someone,, see it makes no sence,, so good luck,, you need to heal you before you should even start dateing ,,,,, and just be carefull, that all any of us can do,, xxxx | |
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| Rape victim can't heal
Posted: 9/4/2006 5:03:22 PM | | I'm so sorry this has happened to you. Bad things really do happen to good people. My advise is yes this messed up world is full of sick people. but not all guys are bad.i understand its gonna take ALOT to trust a man again. Girl there are good guys out there, keep the faith,and god will send one who will love and honor you. One thing never give it up just to shut someone up. If they won't wait til your ready you don't need them!! Your too good for that!!! | |
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| Rape victim can't heal
Posted: 9/4/2006 5:17:56 PM | Get off the internet and call the local rape crisis centre in your neighbourhood and go to the counselling programs that they suggest. You need help. Anyone in your situation would need help. You're not weak to look for and accept help. Gain from the experience of these counsellers who have dealt with many women in similar situations.
My daughter was raped during her second year at university. She spent a couple years recovering from it. Today she's happily married to a fellow who is kind, supportive and gentle.
Yes you could be a nun. I don't think you want to be.
Good luck
Ketch | |
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| Rape victim can't heal
Posted: 12/25/2008 9:06:27 PM | | This is kind of an old thread, but having read through it, it seems so many women have been victims of rape. How do we good guys go about helping a victim work through their trauma? I know we should be patient, but will a relationship with a rape survivor be destined to remain platonic forever? Friendships are wonderful, but if there is chemistry and attraction do I even want to open that can of worms and try to move the relationship forward? What does "understanding" mean when I have never experienced such a horrible crime? How do I handle the flashbacks she has when she is touched in a certain way? There must be some sort of counseling for couples who are struggling with these issues. | |
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| Rape victim can't heal
Posted: 12/26/2008 5:43:29 AM | Honestly, the grandmother thing just pisses me off. My ex and I used to counsel adult survivors and the 'unlikely' (for lack of a better word) role model in a childs life which molest them does the most damage....."unlikely grandmother". Although its becoming more and more prevalent a female abuser has not been the abnormal norm.
The stages of development are seriously shaken when a child is abused by the 'mother' figure in there life. I have known young men into the their 20's and 30's who still slept with there mother and felt so completely twisted by it but didn't know how to break free from the bondage. Almost like a Norman Bates thing. Many of these young men were counseled on a lock down psyche unit.
Being molested and raped is a very unfortunate experience but it also seems that once it happens to a child ....when an abuser comes along they can easily detect this and they will take advantage of it if the opportunity arises. Predators are also very clever, they especially love women/men who have small children because its a feeding frenzie for them once they're in good with you. And the saga goes on.......
There are some wonderful groups with people of your same situation who can help you grow and overcome this spirit/soul handicap which was FORCED on you. They will help you learn how to change your patterned behaviors and 'thinking' because of the abuse.
.....And if you have the courage to endure the added pain of understanding you will find yourself blossoming into the beautiful rose that you are......and YOU WILL find the courage because YOU are a SURVIVOR.
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