| I need some advice...
Posted: 5/8/2006 5:25:20 PM | | Its not about trying to make him understand.And it shouldn't be about the child support.I have two daughters,that at first i was thinking the samething.After they were concieved,i realized that they were the most beautiful thing god could have ever given me.He's just scared,he will come around,if not,enjoy the best gift you could ever ask for | |
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| I need some advice...
Posted: 5/9/2006 9:27:12 AM | Hi...
Im a single mom that had the dad want me to do the same thing. I had my child over 6 yrs ago and i love himmore each day. His dad has never been involved and does not pay support and my son and i are very happy. Its up to you to decide but if you do decide and the father doesnt want have anything to do with the baby make sure you get the documents to prove it. Or he could come back at any time and invoke his rights. I love being a mom and would never give it up. You dont need to have a man in your life to raise a child as long as you can do it yourself and have family and friends to be your support. | |
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| I need some advice...
Posted: 5/9/2006 11:14:48 AM | You do what you feel in your heart, you want to do.
You want to have this baby, do it.
What he is really saying is, he isnt ready to take on responsibility. Whether you are or not, all depends on the sacrifices you make to give your baby a good life. It is full of ups and downs, we all have our tight spots, and it isnt easy.
Just dont let someone tell you what THEY think you should do. | |
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| I need some advice...
Posted: 5/12/2006 5:43:32 PM | Don't compromise if an abortion is not for you then don't do it. It's not just his decision. If you want to raise the child and willing to do it without his help then make sure he signs off on all parental rights otherwise what is to stop him from trying to come into the picture later.
It is always better to have 2 parents but if he doesn't want to, then so be it the child can still have a happy life with you as a mom who loves him or her unconditionally. Just make sure it is what you want. | |
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| I need some advice...
Posted: 5/13/2006 2:53:04 AM | when i told my ex that i was pregnant he got so mad .... after his shock ... he quietly turned to me (i told him while we were laying in bed) and said well you know what to do ... i was quiet hoping not to hear what came next ...
i said what ... he said just tell me when where and how much ...
i said no
he couldnt believe that i said no ... he just kept repeating it .. no .. no ..
then he got up opened his door and told me to get the F*** out of his house ... that IT was my responceabilty for the next 18 years ... so i grabbed his smoke pack (ya i know its not good) and took out three walked to the door, put on my shoes and said bye
he didnt talk to me for three weeks
then he came by slowly .... but his 'habits' got the better of him and i told him to leave and not come back that i didnt want my children around that ....
since then i seen him once ... and that was about two weeks befor i was due .... now no one knows where he is ... not even his 11 year old daughter ... my baby is now seven mo. old and i wouldnt have changed anything i did ....
i dont believe in abortion ... unless a dier reason is involved ....
so basically im saying your not alone .... | |
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| I need some advice...
Posted: 5/13/2006 3:26:52 AM | | if you think you are responsible to have a baby then go for it babes but its not easy you will have to give up a lot of things you like doing ie going out etc etc a baby is someone who neads there parrents 24 7 do you think you can handle that? | |
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| I need some advice...
Posted: 5/13/2006 4:33:00 AM | I was 17 when i got pregnant. The biological being (sorry he doesn't deserve the title father) was a few months older being 18. When i told him i was pregnant, it was all my fault 
and he told me he wasn't ready to be a dad, and wanted me to have an abortion. His mother thought I'd got pregnant on purpose to trap her son, and she also tried pushing me into having an abortion.
It did cross my mind for a week or so, as i was only 17 and knew i was going to be a single parent from the start. But there was no way i could do it. I wanted my baby too much.
My son is 8 years old now and i never regret for a minute having him. I have brought him up on my own, worked hard and provided for him by myself. I've never had a penny from his biological being. He knew for 4 years where we lived and never made any effort to try be in his life.
Fair enough, his loss, and oh what a gain for me.
Please think very carefully about the abortion option. Once it's done there's no going back. And making a decision like that when people are pushing you, and your head is probably in bits at the moment over all this. You could regret that decision for the rest of your life.
Don't get me wrong it's one of the hardest things you'll ever do, bringing children up on your own. But you can and will do it.
Good luck with everything.  | |
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| I need some advice...
Posted: 5/13/2006 10:31:51 AM | when i had my oldest i was also 17
i thought for sure my b.f was going to kick me out ...
but surprize he didnt ... i guess i was a lucky one then ...
but i think if you want the baby go for it ... im sure you know what it will take ... and that your not stupid ....
he doesnt need to be there .... let the BOY go and become a beautiful lady ....
enjoy it .... | |
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jetsy
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Joined: 5/18/2005
Msg: 34 | |
| I need some advice...
Posted: 5/13/2006 11:47:16 AM | Some woman have an abortion and deal with it fine. I know one woman who uses abortion as a means of birth control (she is 27 and has had 4 of them). DUH!!! Personally, I would be one of the ones that have trouble dealing with my choice for years to come. You sound as though you would be one like me from what I am reading. You wouldn't be in this much turmoil if not. You need to consider all options, and one of those is adoption. My brother is adopted and there is no difference between my feelings for him and my feelings for my biological sister. You will no doubt hear all kinds of horror stories about kids being adopted, but if you go through a reputable organization you get to pick the parents, have an agreement on if and when the child finds out about you, etc. You need to step back and try to figure out for yourself who you feel is most important. You, him or the child. Once you do that, what is truthfully best? No one can decide that for you. But there is a way to reach the decision for yourself. Step back, take a breath, and think of all the possibilities and consequences.
P.S. I had to make the same decision you have to make. My daughter is now 11, the father and I split up right after I got pregnant and refused to have the abortion, and all is well. | |
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| I need some advice...
Posted: 5/13/2006 2:23:38 PM | | krazy.. it takes 2 to tango.. does it not?.. that baby was conceived by TWO ppl.. some sort of birth control SHOULD have been used.. and this decision isn`t just strictly hers alone!.. as i just said.. it takes 2 to tango.. and sure the father of this unborn baby has a say.. afterall he IS the father.. he`s the 1 who help create this baby.. so he has just as much right as the mother does when it comes 2 a "final" decision.. i could understand if the father was just a 1 nite stand; but it looks like he`s still apart of this girl`s life.. re-read all the posts.. as i`ve seen he has responded 2 the original post.. | |
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| I need some advice...
Posted: 5/22/2006 7:13:03 AM | LQQKING, after posting I saw that they are in the states. And from what I understand, it's different there. Here, the guy has NO say. If the girl wants to keep the baby, have an abortion, or give it up for adoption.. he can suggest all he wants, but in the end he's got no say. AND I stick by my first post on here. It's not his decision as far as the law here is concerned. If she decides to keep this kid, he's should accept that and do the right thing. If not, there's always court.
And I do know that it takes two. But like I also said.. If they are going to have a sexual relationship, then they should know the consequences before and accept the possibility that a child could come out of it all. | |
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| I need some advice...
Posted: 5/22/2006 11:05:38 AM | The decision to carry through with a pregnancy is 100% the woman's decision and that right is protected by Roe vs. Wade. Until the day that is overturned, you should look in your heart and make your own decision. Imagine living with yourself if you allow the father to push you into an abortion you do not want. Do what you need to do and don't let him coerce you in any way.
An unplanned pregnancy is one of the scariest experiences there is, but it can turn out ok whatever your decision. DON'T BE BULLIED BY SOMEONE WHO DOES NOT WANT TO PAY THE PIPER!!!
Best of luck! | |
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| I need some advice...
Posted: 5/22/2006 11:37:10 AM | I was in a similar situation when i was 18. I decided to raise the child on my own and I am happy I did, he is the most wonderful child!! It meant a lot of sacrifice and determination and giving up a lot of my younger years to focus on doing what was right, but we did it, alone for the most part. We have a very close relationship because of the closeness and he appreciates all I did for him. But keeping a child is a very personal choice. There are many choices for you out there, adoption is one of them if you don't feel you are ready to raise a child. In the end it is your choice, don't depend on him to make up your mind for you. He could say it was a wonderful thing and agree to have the baby with you and be out the door the moment it is born... This is a choice you have to make for you...Some questions you should ask yourself are
Can I raise this child? Am I ready to give the child the best life I can? Can I live with what I have done if I decided not to have the child? Is this the best choice for the child?
In the end trust you instincts and your heart and have a good heart to heart with a good friend or family memember who knows you and your situation well.
Take care and do what is best for you. | |
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| I need some advice...
Posted: 5/22/2006 12:14:24 PM | | you have to do what’s right for you i was preg once befour i had my daughter.. i had an abortion because the dad never wanted it and i was really young. i had always regretted it when i got preg with my daughter i knew it wasn’t going to happen her dad was pretty sure it was even threatened us with a push down the stairs...but on the other hand i have a friend who had an abortion and she is fine with it doesn’t seem to care at all i went with her and she has always told me she had no regret... it depends on allot of things though make sure you are ready for this baby before you have it will turn your whole world upside down.. make sure to think about the work the new baby will be if you choose to keep it and girl its hard with no dad no support, and no help im doing it now. And make sure your family is willing to help your going to need allot of support.. no one on here is going to be able to tell you what to do but my advise really think of the ups and downs of a baby and then do what is in your heart... there’s allot of sleepless nights and pukey nights some people cant handle if you think you can beat of luck!! | |
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| I need some advice...
Posted: 5/22/2006 12:49:07 PM | | What about adoption? If you aren't sure then you could give the kid up so that it can go to a loving home where maybe the couple can't have kids. | |
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| I need some advice...
Posted: 5/22/2006 1:03:06 PM | I was married to my ds dad.
He said I couldn't have an abortion, but could give up the baby for adoption.
Yes it was his. We had a two year old daughter.
The decision I made was to keep the baby.
And I have raised him and his sister by myself for the past fourteen years.
He is sixteen and not a day goes by that I regret keeping him.
"Sonshine" is my name for him.
This decision, this choice is yours ultimately.
We can all give our opinions but it it yours honey, not his not ours.
I believe in pro-choice.
You are the ONE who has to live with the consequences.
Do what's in your heart.
Talk to other ppl your doctor family close friends.
No matter what you decide you are a good person and you are in my thoughts today.
I have been there.
About seventeen years ago.
Hugsss.
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| I need some advice...
Posted: 5/22/2006 7:35:28 PM | | screw him!!! You now have life, it is a gift not a decsion. Have your child and live life. Once you do you will never look back. trust me. I am a single dad of two little boys. I couldn't think of life without them. It is all for a reason. only god knows. but he knows best. | |
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| I need some advice...
Posted: 5/22/2006 7:55:52 PM | You do what you feel is right for you. I would talk to as many people who have been there before as you can. Adoption is an option you should look into. As well as understanding that your going to be the mother and father for the next 20+ years..if you so choose to raise this child..with or without child support(can't count on that) only yourself. 17 is very young to have a child your responsible for..Adoption is a more selfless act then abortion. Look into your heart and decide what is going to be the rest of your life. It is all about choice.
Your choice. | |
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| I need some advice...
Posted: 5/22/2006 8:14:12 PM | Hello, I have a few replies to your post
1 - It sounds like you want to step up and assume responsibility for your child so do so - it does not matter what the father wants it is purely your decision. If I listened to other people about my second child then I would not have the pleasure of being his mother now! Furthermore, I loved his father (i call him the sperm donor now) very much and when i told him about the pregnancy he told me he wasn't ready for it so i made the decision to get over him and move on - which took me over a year to do so and i still miss him at times ;(
2) I don't know enough about your situation to say this definitly yet do not feel that you failed parenting because your eldest loves his grandmother - my edlest is the same way he prefers her over me at times yet i know full well that i am a good mom to him
3) Do not worry about the child supprot for with it comes rights to parenthood ---- my second son's father is not in the picture whatsoever including on the birth certificates indeed this is harder yet i do not regret making it this way. My eldests father comes to see him when he wants which is unfair to my son because it causes confusion yet its too late to reverves time and have him (the babydad) out of the pic
4) A good thing to do may be get a piece of paper, do some soul searching and write all of the pros/cons to each choice then review it to see which which one outweighs the other
5) Congratulations on your pregnancy and is you do decide to keep him/her then best of luck for you and your children
6) If you want to message me then do so | |
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| I need some advice...
Posted: 5/22/2006 8:43:25 PM | A friend of mine had the same problem and she just drafted up an paper stating that she has legally given him the chance to wave all parenting obligations and rights, he signed it and she moved away had the baby and is happier than ever , If you are sure that you are able to handle this huge commitment then hun, I wish you the best of luck and things will work out, just seek some legal advie, before, doing anything else......I wish u all the best! | |
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| I need some advice...
Posted: 5/22/2006 11:16:16 PM | | tell him if hes resonable to put it in he should be now and the erasonable thing to do is abort and trust me you will need his help at least money wise and that why the have child support | |
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| I need some advice...
Posted: 5/22/2006 11:26:34 PM | If she opts for your advice to get an abortion..she would just need to get him to pay for it.
They don't give out child support for someone who had an abortion. Granted the system is bogged down and not always perfect. But still usually you only get child support if the child is alive. | |
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| I need some advice...
Posted: 5/23/2006 6:05:56 AM | | this may not be of much help but you have to look at the whole picture i'm a single mom of 5 children and one of my exd's has nothing to do with his children but he pays only the minimum suport for them. you need to think about what you would feel like in both situations ( keeping or aborting) its not easy being a single mom but i would not change it right now i love my children and make them my life. you need to fallow your haurt and your faith to make the right dession for you. | |
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| I need some advice...
Posted: 5/23/2006 6:22:20 AM | | My kids dad told me to get an abortion for one of my kids. The true test is- is he willing to pay for it? He wasn't. that told me -although he couldwell afford it(what deadbeat can't!) that he was worried about HIS soul being in jeopardy! So I told him to go f**k himself and had her anyway. She is the most hard-working, dependable, all-around great kid I could ever imagine myself having! She helps me out like my right arm. You never know what kind of person you are carrying. They just might save your life one day. Word. | |
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| I need some advice...
Posted: 5/23/2006 6:33:47 AM | I'm not even understanding how you could so much as even entertain abortion because a guy, that btw doesn't give a banana about you, wants you to have.
I don't like to push my morals so forgive me, but abortion is murder. Once you create a life you need to protect it. When I found out I was pregnant with my 3rd child, my husband told me to "take care of it" I told him to get bent, we seperated, filed divorce ... that baby is 2 now, shes a model. Can you imagine .. a world without my child! The very child he wanted taken out, is also now a daddys girl, she and her daddy are 2 peas in a pod. I bet he's glad I told him where to go now.
I believe God knows what he's doing. If the child wasn't meant to be, let god decide, not a doctor with a knife and a hose. | |
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