| I need some advice...
Posted: 5/23/2006 7:33:11 AM | In my opinion, with you being pregnant and knowing that you are willing to raise it alone, I think he has it in his conscience that he will have HIS kid running around with you and some other guy posing as your kid's father. Even if your ex claims he's not ready to be a father, he is probably thinking more that he doesn't want somebody else to be your kid's father. I think it's more of a fear/pride thing.
My advice: do what you feel is right in your heart. Don't do something because somebody influenced you to do something, especially your ex. In the long run, you might regret your decision. I have 3 beautiful kids and had thought of aborting my third child because I didn't think I could handle THREE kids especially with me being a single mom. It is a struggle being a single parent, but having to wake up seeing my kids' beautiful face every morning is well worth the decision. If you are concerned about financial issues, depending on where you live, there are government assistance that can help you financially until you are finacially stable. The government supports those who are willing to make something out of themselves
With me, I will be entering my 2nd year in college in the fall and I am going through the government (Pell Grant) to pay for my school, especially since I am a single parent.
But all in all, it is you alone to make that decision whether you should keep your baby or not. As I mentioned earlier, do NOT let ANYONE influence you of something you aren't sure of doing. Stick to what you truly believe in. I hope what I have said helped you. I hope I'm not offending you when I say this, but I'll be praying for you that you will make the right decision.
Sincerely,
Jen | |
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| I need some advice...
Posted: 5/23/2006 4:22:18 PM | | I have gone through the same thing. My ex said me or the baby I said see ya! I had the baby we ended up being married had a nother child married 10 years. Now divorced! Although my ex wanted to get an abortion at the time I didn't it is my body my decision. Too this day he thanks me for my decision and would never give up my son! However even if he hadn't come around I never would have regretted my decision to keep my son I KNOW I would have regretted aborting him. Make your decision based on your feelings your life it isen't him that has to live with it. | |
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| I need some advice...
Posted: 5/23/2006 4:30:50 PM | | Just out of curiosity would you happen to be the ex in the thread PREGNANT EX I believe your ex is also here asking a similar question but he is giving a very different story. Based on his and your posts I think some mental help is also required although I do not believe in abortion adoption is also an answer. | |
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| I need some advice...
Posted: 5/23/2006 7:33:08 PM | | there is no easy answer to this problem. if you abort, you will always wonder when you see little kids running around at the park, what your child would look like. if it was a girl or boy, or the time of the year when this childs birthday would have been. (have had some women sadly confide these things to me). if you keep it, your life will dramatically change -you will get a crash course in parenthood. -not all good. and will be scraping for money for the next 18 years. and you will have to see the a$$hole who got you into this mess everytime you look into the childs eyes. when i was first told i was going to be a daddy, -i was very unsure about the whole thing. kept it to myself, -since she was a nervous wreck. i only felt great about it when i saw the first untra-sound at 14 weeks. -watching him dance around in her belly made me excited to be a dad. waiting for the next 26 weeks to actually hold him as well as sharing in to feed and changing. the first year or so is such exhausting work. but it gets better with time. if i went back in a time machine and given the choice again. i would do it again in an instant. ps: dont let him off the hook -this situation took two people. | |
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| I need some advice...
Posted: 5/23/2006 7:44:12 PM | | Hey this is into reponse of the whole abortion thing. I think no matter what you should keep the baby. You dont need money to raise a kid. I am talking from experience. 7 years ago i was in your position, but under different circumstances. We went and had the abortion, and to tell you the truth it was the worst thing I have ever done. I regret it every day. And now i have a 2 yr old boy and when i found out i was going to be a dad i was broke, but we made it through it. you have family and friends to help you. i hope this helps. but don't get the abortion, because you will regret it | |
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| I need some advice...
Posted: 5/23/2006 7:53:28 PM | | I think that you should have an abortion, because it is really hard to raise a child alone, with hardly any money. And it will be even harder for you to find a new boyfriend if you already have a kid. Kids need more than just a mom, they need a loving,supportive, playful,,caring,devoded Dad, by their side for when mom needs a break, and to help pay for all of the clothes,diapers, play pens,formula,school supplies, college,medications, babysitters,bikes,toys,hoildays,swimmimg,soccer,skating,dancing,baseball,hockey lessons. It's your choice,but think of not yourself this was an accident. Think of what is best for the child. Also after kid is born, dad can take you to court for visitation rights with his new wife.Good luck. In the future , after your married and settled down,then you will have time to think about starting a family. | |
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| I need some advice...
Posted: 5/24/2006 10:06:49 AM | | Do you not already have a child? Who cares for this child? If someone else does you may want to consider adoption. If you can't take care of one why add another to the turmoil. | |
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| I need some advice...
Posted: 5/24/2006 1:03:38 PM | Guess what, nobody can end your pregnancy except you. If he doesn't want the baby fine but that doesn't mean you can't have the baby for yourself.
I have been raising my son for 12 years now. I got pregnant at 19. I kept the baby and did the single mother thing and never saw or spoke to my baby's Father. I wasn't even getting child support.
I commend you for wanting to chose Life and take the responsibility of this child.
Good for you...Good Luck.
Angel | |
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| I need some advice...
Posted: 5/30/2006 7:07:00 AM | I JUST WANT TO SAY IF YOU WANT THIS BABY. YOU SHOULDN'T LET HIM STOP YOU. I HAVE A SON AND ALTHOUGH IT IS JUST ME AND HIM NOW AND I SPEND PRETTY MUCH ALL MY TIME RAISING HIM. IT IS ALL WORTH WHILE WHEN I SEE HIM SMILE OR WHEN HE NEEDS ME,EVERY YR I TAKE HIS PICS AND SEE HOW MUCH HE HAS GROWN,AND ESPECIALLY EVERY TIME HE SMILE'S UP AT ME IT IS LIKE LIQUID FIRE IN MY HEART. DON'T DENY YOURSLEF THIS GIFT. I ALSO WANT TO NOTE THAT WHEN I WAS STILL VERY MUCH IN LOVE WITH HIS MOTHER SHE CAME TO ME TELLING ME HOW SHE WANTED TO WORK THINGS OUT WHICH WAS ALIE BUT THAT SHE HAD BEEN PREGNENT WITH SOMEONE ELSE'S CHILD AND SHE WANTED ME TO HELP HER GET AN ABORTION CAUSE SHE WANTED ONLY OUR OWN CHILDREN WITH US AND SO AGAINST ALL I BELIEVE IN I DID IT AND REGRET IT EVERYDAY AND ALSO SHE LEFT VERY SOON AFTER IT WAS DONE. SO DON'T LET ANYONE COMPROMISE HOW YOU FEEL ABOUT THINGS. WELL I WISH YOU ALL THE BEST OF LUCK AND KNOW YOU CAN MAKE IT JUST FINE. AND ONE MORE THING IT IS DOUBLE THE LOVE FOR YOU TOO!! | |
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| I need some advice...
Posted: 5/30/2006 7:58:40 AM | | I am concerned that the reasons you want this child doesnt have anything to do with the child. forgive me, but it seems that you are concerned about you. Are you able to do this? Financially, mentally, emotionally, physically? Either way, best of luck. | |
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| I need some advice...
Posted: 5/30/2006 6:07:57 PM | Okay I'm going to take a devils advocate stand on this I have read what joker_of_wilds and what loser_in_training has to say and this is my theory.....
There is one child and two parents. There is no reason that one should be "stuck" and the other one not. I think that if you two were mature enough to have sex than you should be mature enough to make a decision together. My daughter has nothing to do with her dad because frankly, he didn't want her, and i think that is fine. It was my decision to have her and when he asked if I was okay with him signing off all rights I said yes. He did not want her, I did, that was MY decision, I'm not holding him accountable.
I think it's stupid that a man should be "stuck" as some say it for something they don't want. Why do the women get to make the decision.. That's ****ED! If the tables were turned and the mom didn't want the babie and the dad did I think that there should be a way to have that babie given to the father for him to raise without mom having to be around too. . .
Why is it okay for Mom to make this decision and not Dad. What gives her more rights than him? Because she carries it? that's whacked. I'm a single mom, I love my daughter to death and would never give her up but come on. I would rather one parent that loved me than HAVING to see one that didnt'.......
My two cents,,, if you want to keep this baby, POWER TO YA GIRL! i'm with ya 100% but if he doesn't, make him legally sign off NOW. Don't hold him to a decision that YOU make that is not fair to him, or the babie. | |
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| I need some advice...
Posted: 5/31/2006 7:44:50 AM | I just say you guys should kept your legs closed and u wouldn't be in this trouble....if u can't handle 1 child how can u handle another child...
and if the father knew about the first child why not use protection to make sure she doesn't repeat the same thing....
BUT its both of ur children U both have to decided what u want... keeping the baby and if she does the father has to step up to the plate...
abortion or adoption ..... go with ur gut | |
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| I need some advice...
Posted: 5/31/2006 6:45:16 PM | hey deelightful ain't that alittle harsh. I mean it is not her fault the Guy backed out of the pregnency. I believe if a Women wants Her baby She should keep it. God will get Her through the rest. Someone must of did You wrong somewhere. | |
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| I need some advice...
Posted: 5/31/2006 9:27:52 PM | Im just trying to say IF she does decide to keep the baby and raise the baby he has to step up to the plate and suport the child.... if he thinks she is a unfit parent like he says (IM not saying she is unfit its what he said in his post) he can go fight for custody and see if he can do a better job in raising it....
but they both have to sit down and be civil and talk it out and see what she really wants...
IF the guys breaks up with u cuz u keeping the child... then it shows u what kind of man he is
IF with my other post sounded mean sorry didn't mean it like that | |
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| I need some advice...
Posted: 6/1/2006 8:33:39 AM | Wow, what a controversial thread!
My eldest son's 'sperm donor' (glad I'm not the only one who uses that pet name!) and I split up about 4wks before I found out I was pregnant. I called him and told him the news, just to be civil as I wanted nothing to do with him at all, ever again. He demanded that I come to him and marry him. *gag* Err. No.
I chose to keep my son, and raise him as a single mother. It sure isn't glamorous. It's not easy. It's the most difficult, challenging, frusterating, and stressful job on the planet. And the one job that rewards you more than ay other.
Whatever choice you make, OP, it's not going to be easy. But search your heart for the answer. This baby didn't ask to have you and your ex as it's parents, but you've been blessed enough to have been given the opportunity to raise him/her. Each and every child born in to this world is born for a reason.
I have three perfect angels now . . . and one amazing man. Just because you were once a single mother doesn't mean that your life ends. There are plenty of men out there who would jump at the chance to have a hand in raising the next generation.
Best of luck to you OP, and to your ex as well . . . you may want to seek some professional help to figure out exactly what all your options are, and to help you get your head on straight.
*hugs*
Scotts_Girl
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merkat
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Joined: 5/27/2006
Msg: 66 | |
| I need some advice...
Posted: 6/1/2006 2:03:25 PM | The only advise I can give you is to do what you feel in your heart to be the right thing to do. If you compromise yourself to do what ANYONE else wants you will loose part of yourself. Don't let any one have that kind of power over you. If you do, sooner or later you will have deep resentments, not only toward that person but also toward yourself, and trust me, that will lead to bigger problems!!!!!!!!!!!
If you don't feel you should have an abortion, make it clear to him that he can either be a part of the child's life or not...that is HIS decision...but that you can and WILL make it with or without him.. I know I've done it! It may not be easy, but it can be done.
It's OK to be scared and confused. But follow YOUR heart and you will be ok 
MERKAT
p.s. let me know how things work out for you. | |
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| I need some advice...
Posted: 6/12/2006 1:36:14 PM | | I dont know the whole story cuz I am not you and I dont know you but I really dont think that if she is capable of raising this child and she is on her own that she should have this child or the one she already has but abortion may not be the answer either just asking have you or she considered maybe adoption for the 2 kids that way your not killing anything that GOD has actually wanted you to have but doing what is right for that child by giving it to a family who wants a child to love but cant have one of their own I understand her tryin to kill herself while being pg isnt good for the fetus and for that she probably needs some help of her own that maybe only family and friends could give her like putting her in a place for a while to get her some help they are good places my ex husband had to be in one of them for what he did to me so you dont have to take my advice but I just came across your message and I thought I would try to help. | |
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| I need some advice...
Posted: 6/12/2006 2:39:43 PM | not only am I a single mom my ex hus never sends me child support but I found a wonderful man on this site who is a single dad cuz his ex wife couldnt handle being a mother so there are definitly other fish in the sea and hun if your worried about finding someone cuz you have 2 kids there are wonderful men out there who are willing to take on the whole pakage deal so you dont need him and he may always be right but hun he is a male come on they are never right???????????????? just something to think about and if you ever need to talk I am usually always around somewhere
maskndolls  | |
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| I need some advice...
Posted: 6/13/2006 8:53:23 PM | Okay, here is what I DON"T UNDERSTAND........if somewhere in your past either one of you or you both had a kid/s.....and you can't take care of the first priority....why in the world would you not use protection and precaution so as not to create yet another situation for yourselves....had either one of you done that you would not be in the position you are today!!!!!
I pity the unborn child at this point.......A.) for the fact that he/she may never have a chance at life if you chose to abort...... B.) for the fact that he/she may never have a chance at life should you chose not to abort.
I vote for no abortion and definetly adoption.....there are plenty of responsible couples out there who are unable to have children of their own, who could provide a stable loving enviroment for this child. Do the sensible thing.......if you cannot care for the child they way all children should be provided for.....love, kindness, stability and nuturing, then please, please find someone who can!!!!!!
The one who suffers in the end is always the child, why can people understand that????? | |
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| I need some advice...
Posted: 7/1/2006 10:59:43 PM |
I think it's stupid that a man should be "stuck" as some say it for something they don't want. Why do the women get to make the decision.. That's ****ED! If the tables were turned and the mom didn't want the babie and the dad did I think that there should be a way to have that babie given to the father for him to raise without mom having to be around too. . .
Why is it okay for Mom to make this decision and not Dad. What gives her more rights than him? Because she carries it? that's whacked. I'm a single mom, I love my daughter to death and would never give her up but come on. I would rather one parent that loved me than HAVING to see one that didnt'.......
I agree 100%, having been in this situation myself. Unfortunately, legally it is the mother's decision and her decision ONLY, even though the kid has 1/2 my DNA. The only real choice a father has is whether to be involved with the child's life or not. My son's mother said that even if I signed away my rights she still wanted child support from me, so there's that to consider as well. I decided to man up and be the best father I can be (under the circumstances), and I don't regret my decision, but there are times when I think about what my life would be like if I didn't have a son right now. Moral of the story; our legal system is a cluster fukk, pretty much 
As far as abortion is concerned, I'm pro-choice, but I don't feel all that good about abortion. I'd take adoption over abortion any day, because at least the kid gets a good hack at a normal life, y'know? Like I said though, legally it is the mother's decision ONLY, and legally the biological father is responsible for his child (ie; the choice regarding child support is also the mother's decision, not the father's). What you do at the end of the day, legal or not, is up to you. | |
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| I need some advice...
Posted: 7/2/2006 1:20:58 AM |
Think about yourself first than about anyone else!
Think about the *child* first. Then act accordingly, be it abortion, adoption, or raising the child yourself. | |
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| I need some advice...
Posted: 7/2/2006 5:34:31 PM | | so joker... you should be about 9 weeks pregnant by now... or did you decide to have an abortion? your "loser in training" is definitely a loser, congrats to him for graduating. if he didn't want to have children because of family medical history, he should have thought about that before having unprotected sex with you. and you my dear... no matter your choice, i hope you've learned your lesson and i seriously hope you start using a birth control method of your own. how many children do you have to have as an unwed mother to understand you're making poor choices in life? i know that sounds harsh but you really ought to consider a lifestyle change so this does not become a regular thing for you and your children. there are children's lives being affected by your choices and that's not fair. these kids don't ask to be brought into this world. what they do expect is for their parents to take care of them when they are born. this will become harder and harder to do with each child you have if the men you bed down with don't want to be fathers. | |
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| I need some advice...
Posted: 7/2/2006 10:44:11 PM | OK, i've been there.
To give some background. My ex was never much more to me than something to poke. She has serious emotional issues and i believe at some stage through our relationship she thought she loved me.
When I found out she was pregnant, she was for having the baby because she had already had an abortion from someone else and wanted to keep this one, or thats what she said. I was for it because I didn't believe in abortion.
My best mate at that time was screaming at me to get the baby aborted, he was a new dad at the time.
Now that i've had my kids, and yes love em etc, i no longer believe abortion is wrong, just get it done soon. When your in love, have a ring around your finger, then have some kids. | |
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| I need some advice...
Posted: 7/3/2006 10:59:14 AM | | lurvaboy... you can't possibly expect women to use abortion as a method of birth control. at what point do you step up and take responsibility for your part in creating all these children? i'm thinking of a word that begins with a C and ends with an M. buy some! | |
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| I need some advice...
Posted: 7/3/2006 12:47:40 PM | | Screw what HE wants. You're the pregnant one. Don't murder your child because HE wants you to. If you think you can raise this baby without his help you go ahead and do it. He can't make you get an abortion. He can just be p!ssed off that you didn't get one. Big deal. Happens all the time. Just make sure you're not keeping the baby for the wrong reasons. Adoption works too. | |
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