| Illinois?!
Posted: 6/14/2008 1:00:18 AM | | The problem with the women on here they expect us to be mind readers. Plus they should grow a pair and actually reply back when they get a message. | |
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| Illinois?!
Posted: 6/14/2008 9:52:30 AM | i THINK YOUR HIGH THERE ARE GOOD GUYS HERE IN iLLINOIS | |
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| Illinois?!
Posted: 6/15/2008 4:56:56 PM | The greatest issue is not that there's no decent men or women. At first I wanted to blame the site, so I've been on different dating sites (I'm back here after realizing they are all the same, so might as well do the free one). The problem is the entire "idea" of a dating site.
Here is the problem that we all probably encounter with all of our dates: What we read about them to perceive who they are is not who they are. We are our own worst presenters of who we are. When you look in a mirror and describe yourself, people aren't going to see or notice what you see. I don't care how elaborate the screening and questioning is (for example, e-harmony and match), the questions they use to match you with others are just what YOU think of yourself. The problem is, there are many things we all think of ourselves that aren't necessarily so. We are our own worst critics. Sure you can make a resume for a job listing the fundamentals of your work and education history. But WHO YOU ARE? You can never translate that into paragraphs. You cannot answer a million multiple choice questions and determine who you are.
So with that said, the problem is not that there are no decent people. What happens is it feels like "false advertising" when you finally meet someone and you open the package and it's not what it said on the box. So the best thing to do is keep your stuff minimal, state basic facts about yourself, and if someone is attracted to you and basic statistics match up to what they want in a partner, then they should persue a phone conversation and a date to see if there is any chemistry.
Yes there are guys that don't "get it" when there is not going to be a second date. Stop calling the girl, leave one message and one email .. if they don't call you back, their loss. Persistence is stalkerish. Trust me, THEY GOT THE MESSAGE. They just don't want to call back. So be it. There are billions of people, and over 90% of them aren't going to click with you in that way. So dating is a learning experience, and there should be set rules for the safety of both.
Quick summary: What you read about a person is usually not what you get. People are their own worst critics, and cannot sell themselves, because WE ONLY SEE OURSELVES IN ONE WAY, everyone else sees us differently!
Mike | |
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| Illinois?!
Posted: 7/7/2008 11:39:46 PM | Um, Did you say (woman implied) "they should grow a pair." Anything wrong with that comment?
I can not speak for the entire gender but I am quite certain if you are looking for a real woman you may not want them to grow "a pair". I am further uncertain if the pair that most woman grow in the northern region would qualify us with the ability to reply to one's email.
Reality, some woman get more messages than others. At times guys look for the passive woman (a common female trait --myself excluded) and really do not take the time to read if woman are uncomfortable with a dating situation. It is not easy to reject a person even for assertive people. So, far too often, it is easer to reject based on things like no picture (which would imply discomfort with one's own appearance) or a guy that shows pure intent of looking only for a piece of arse. Other times it is simply an inability to find attraction in the picture of the person who was entirely too confident to approach in the first place. In short, it is far more simple to reject right away when the red flags are early. There is nothing weak about that, and certianly not a reason for the female gender to grow a sack of swimmers (I'm sorry, I mean "a pair"). | |
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| Illinois?!
Posted: 7/20/2008 1:58:57 PM | | Thats not fair to say in the least bit because you havent met every guy in Illinois to judge if there is no decent ones out there. Keep trying, praying and working at it youll find a good decent one soon. | |
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| Illinois?!
Posted: 7/22/2008 6:05:04 PM | IMO women are their own worst enemies when it comes to dating and ideals. Us men for the most part dont judge a woman based on her job stats, career, etc. And most of the time, we arent looking for runway models. We just want nice looking w/good personality and us men will settle for the girl at the fast food drive thru if she matches that criteria, while women idealize a mate...his career status and income - where will he take me with his career and the 2 kids I wish to have someday? etc..Us men dont think like that..
You a waiter at a restaurant guys? forget it...YOU are below her dating status. You dont fit her romance novel, white knight Fabio type which is only what she seeks. Under 5'11? Too bad again..majorily, women want men to be a certain height, even if they themselves arent tall. Now ladies...get upset all ya want...I realize I paint a broad brush stroke, but majorily thats how you are. I've seen it, I've lived it, I've seen it happen to others and I am someone who doesnt have a hard time getting a date - at least with people I talk to and meet in real life- online FORGET it. Real life datiing luck - 85%..online 5%. Cuz why? Cuz women tho they may deny it are very superficial online..I refuse to post pics...Meet me, talk, drink, laugh and THEN decide. I dont rate or judge a woman based on a pic and I wont be judged in like manner either.
I laugh every morning on the train to work when I see nice looking women reading books, like "The Secret"..or "How to be a Better You"...or some other Joel Osteen crapola tome or some romance novel..raise your head from those stupid books and PARTICIPATE in who and what is around you. Nuff said.
Now I wait for the women to attack and the usualy phony guy taking the fake high road in order to seem appealing to the ladies here.  | |
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| Illinois?!
Posted: 7/22/2008 6:08:09 PM | How updating this forum so we can edit after posting?
Wanted to add..no, I aint a waiter who is bitter. Im a professional in the legal field. | |
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| Illinois?!
Posted: 7/23/2008 9:54:15 AM | This is a lose-lose thread isn't it guys? We're talking purely subjective definitions of the word "decent" where already we've seen variations on what each person considered decent.
The OP could be someone that sees an unemployed Neanderthal scuzball who lives on his friend's couch but looks like a John Cena impersonator prompting her to remark "Decent!". Another could see someone who looks like Emo Phillips but he brushes his teeth 3 times a day and she remark "Decent!". You're going to be something "decent" in some form to about 20% of the female population. Run with that. | |
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| Illinois?!
Posted: 7/28/2008 5:56:30 PM | I see this stuff posted all over the forums all the time and it's usually the people who have 50 million restrictions on their profile who are doing the complaining.
If you're not finding "decent" people to date maybe it's not the site, maybe it's YOU. If you're searching for and emailing the same type of people over and over and getting the same results widen your criteria. Look at things and people you wouldn't usually look at. And most of all attend or even host some POF Events.
Many times the people you meet in person and are attracted to are those you glanced over for one reason or another. Photos aren't always a good representation of how someone really looks and, as others have said, you can't always tell someone who you are, especially in a few short paragraphs.
Be bold, take a chance, what do you have to lose? | |
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| Illinois?!
Posted: 8/6/2008 9:17:34 AM | well maybe your to picky, there are a lot of decent guys here in illinois but then again i fill there is no decent women in illinois. you need to look in all places and give everyone a chance, keep fishing and good luck............. | |
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