| Why do men use me??
Posted: 5/4/2007 6:27:01 PM | Not that it is an easy task to do when you care for someone
but MOVE ON he does not deserve your love and devotion. | |
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| Moving On
Posted: 5/4/2007 6:39:54 PM | Geez thanks for the advise PAPA Azzz but as per the previous post I have moved on . . . this happened over a year ago. As for "poor me, I am victom" I didn't realize that you are perfect and have never felt like a victim (correct spelling) and never had to lean on someone or a forum. EXCUSE ME!!!!!!!!!!!! Feel free to move on out of this one.
See I told you I moved on I ain't taking no crap from you or anyone else  | |
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| Moving On
Posted: 5/5/2007 8:43:17 AM | | I was replying to your post of "Why do men use me." ...When you say men,it means more then one. If it was 1 guy,then maybe it was his problem. If its several, then its all you. So then your need to work on your picker..... Not write me back with spelling corrections. But I guess its easier to play the victim & seek the pitty of others then work on your co-dependcy issue. | |
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| Why do men use me??
Posted: 5/13/2007 9:11:33 AM | JUST TELL HIM YOU NEED HIM TO GET YOU OUTA' HERE OR THIS HOUSE
FOR AWHILE! | |
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| Why do men use me??
Posted: 6/5/2007 6:54:51 PM | You are a beautiful, intelligent, and loving woman. I'm not sure if you believe this s true by how you let him treat you. The secret is that you are unlike any other woman. Try playing hard to get in the future. Do not approach the guy, let him approach you. Do not call the guy, let him call you. Once he calls, 20 minutes is the cut off. Also, be harder to get a hold of.... do not accept a date less than 3 days in advance. Do not tell him you expect this, but go out with him if you are free. Once you're out on the date, no life stories... nothing too heavy until he says he loves you. Only see him once- twice a week until the three month mark... then you can up it to three times. Five times if you're engaged... but never week long vacations... they tend to make guys more distant... and you deserve better. This stuff is hard.. but i promise you, guys will appreciate you more if you do this. It really weeds out the jerks and the hook up guys.
Good luck on finding Mr. Right!
And for this guy? Kick him out. You deserve better... yo'll find better... you just need to learn boundaries like I did. | |
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| Why do men use me??
Posted: 6/19/2007 7:01:49 PM | liteinside,
You and i are nice people, and we allowed then to walk alllllll over us.
i had some people say to me it your fault that he treat it you that way. I wouldn't even begain to tell you what i done. | |
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| Why do men use me??
Posted: 6/19/2007 10:47:36 PM | | Its you OP ,your allowing him too use you...its your apartment kick his butt out ....theirs just some people who will use you for all your worth ,and it will go on & on till you put an end too it. | |
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| Why do men use me??
Posted: 6/19/2007 10:49:17 PM | | Oops this was posted a year ago ,glad to see you've moved on with your life. | |
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| Why do men use me??
Posted: 6/20/2007 4:12:38 AM | Why do men use you? The sort answer is because you allow it. But that is a simplistic and trite answer. Maybe the more important question is why do you allow it.
Since I do not know you I can't say. But even if I did know I'm not sure I would tell you. That is something you ultimately have to figure out for yourself. Not only figure out, but then take positive steps to change without being a woman who is jaded and too guarded.
Perhapse you might ask one or two friends of your who know you and the situation well and see what they think.
God luck! | |
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| Why do men use me??
Posted: 6/20/2007 4:26:12 AM | | iam sorry to say that u found a player one who dose that i myself have had that done to many times i cooked cleaned even after working a 12 hour shift i find her with 2 men friends over and drinking so u r not a lone here so my opion is that u can find better there are men out there who are loving i know u may think well there hard to find it is but it like going through a pile of apples ect looking for the a good one there usual on the bottom or the old say nice men finish last so dont give up keep your chin up high and rember that u know who u r in side go with your heart | |
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| Why do men use me??
Posted: 6/20/2007 9:37:37 AM | Dear Liteinside,
He does this to you because you let him.
Run him off!
Hopfully, one day, these guys will realize that the no investment approach to relationships yields results of equal return.
Dr. Phil: "Past behaviour predicts future behaviour". "Get Real" with yourself.
You were not "in love", you were "in gratitude". There is a huge difference.
Michelle | |
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| Why do men use me??
Posted: 6/20/2007 9:45:29 AM | Some men and women let another exploit them just to be near them. It never works out well for the one being exploited. Not like , if was more equal ground.
This happens a lot in the world. If you let some exploit you, disrepect you,etc, some will and YOU have to stop it.
It is in your hands. Your call. You are in control and not happy or would not be posting this.
You going to stay in same situation or change? | |
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| Why do men use me??
Posted: 6/20/2007 9:53:07 AM | | kind and generous people are screwed over (I know from personal experience) So now I'm not as kind or generous until someone proves they are worth it......sad but the truth is people will use if they can. | |
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Jemue
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Joined: 1/26/2005
Msg: 264 | |
| Why do men use me??
Posted: 6/20/2007 9:57:35 AM | Lots of walocks and witches here, nice to see some thread necromancy going on and bring this one back from the ages old of the OP !  | |
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| Why do men use me??
Posted: 6/20/2007 10:21:40 AM | | The same reason women use me, I am to much of a nice guy!!!!! It is a fact of life that there are people out there that are only looking out for themselves and looking for the BBD (BIGGER BETTER DEAL) We as a society are so caught up in being vain with ourselves that when someone like you or I come along with a big heart they take advantage of us and toss us aside. In my experience, I have come to find out that people in general ,place to much on looks and material things, that when they have something good they throw it away for what they think is better who cares who it hurts. The use of the internet has made this problem even worse than it will ever be. Internet dating is destroying traditional dating practices due to the fact of how vain we are that we think there is an attraction just by looking at a picture creating a false assumption that everything is good cause they are or are not attractive instead of meeting that person and getting to know them for who they are. It seems that everyone is looking for the perfect person and they are not out there. Everyone has faults! Not to mention that we are truly a "throw away" society and when things get tough it is easier to leave than work it out. | |
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| Why do men use me??
Posted: 6/20/2007 10:32:23 AM | | OP...you let him do it hun because we women like to hope that the men in our lives will change..you can lead a horse to water but you cannot make him drink..it sounds to me like he's drinking from a different pond than yours....for your own sake, you need to kick him to the curb...if he really did treat you with respect, he would not be going on dating sites looking for someone else...you are his safety net till he finds something more to his liking....and based on what you look like, you'll have no problems finding a new guy...but hun you need to get rid of this one first | |
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| Why do men use me??
Posted: 6/20/2007 10:35:11 AM | without sounding too harsh....... are you that desparate?????
he sounds like, hmmmm... wait a minute it takes two to tango.
communication is key, ask him what the hell he's really up to, tell him how it seems
(how you feel!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!)
Q: why do men use you?
A: you allow them( ) | |
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| Why do men use me??
Posted: 6/20/2007 10:37:28 AM | screw the head games!!!!!!!
it'll just cause resentment and make things all a big game!
just deal with it!!!!!!!!  | |
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| Why do men use me??
Posted: 6/21/2007 1:54:46 PM | People tend to take advantage of kindness (those are the scum of the earth I know)... Believe me, I've studied human behavior, so I know what I'm talking about. I am no longer "sincerely" kind to the random person anymore (not like I was ever that gullible in the first place). Notice how I put sincerely in quotes... Now, that's only because people still expect you to be "nice" to them; being nice is the only way to survive in this world, but don't over do it...
Me, I am always nice to everyone, but I'm also the type of guy who ALWAYS expects something back in return, and if they can't provide it for me (after a maximum of 3 favors), I'll simply turn my back on them (forever). Personally, I would rarely (I mean rarely) ask anyone for a favor, but that's just because I never want to be in debt to that person. I don't need a leech or a parasite (nor would I want to become one), and it's not like I'm their slave either (nor would I enjoy to keep any).
In this world, you give a little and you take a little, but all in moderation. Give too much, and you're bound to get hurt, but take too much and people will begin to despise you for it. Life is all about balance; keep it right! | |
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pfh210
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Joined: 4/15/2006
Msg: 270 | |
| Why do men use me??
Posted: 6/21/2007 2:07:48 PM | | because you let them,,,,,your a young beautiful texan chick,,,,get some backbone and stand up for yourself | |
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Rhett1
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Joined: 10/16/2005
Msg: 271 | |
| Why do men use me??
Posted: 6/22/2007 1:24:24 AM | Never mind. I see it's a year old and it's been dealt with.
Edit: I went back and read...post 217: OP...you require credit and background checks before the next long term relationship? Good luck with that.
A person' s credit history really isn't your business. As long as YOU aren't footing their bills (and if you don't let this same scenario happen again, you should be okay), what does it matter? I don't believe that you can do that without their permission and all you'll come off looking like is a golddigger. | |
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| Why do men use me??
Posted: 6/22/2007 3:07:20 AM | You provide him with everything, and he has you jumping throught all his hoops. He is proving to you, if you can't see it with your own eyes and not be in denial , he is a jerk. Selfish, self centered, ignores you when you are communicating to him of your needs, and he never follows through,actions speak louder than works. How many Red flags of warnings do you need to see.
You are trying to please him and maybe trying to hard to prove to him what a good women you are. Make some boundries for your self, let and make guys prove their feelings for you and to you. Being kind and generous is different than allowing, people to use you. It has to be a mutal give and take relationship if someone is going to have one . Respect of each others needs to be forefilled on a equal basis, and/or compromise.
He would be out of my door in a heart beat, but first get him to sign a paper stating all the money you gave him was a loan, do it with suttleness, kick the jerk out and try to get him in small claims court, and at least get some of your money back..because he is spitting in your face, as far as I would considerate, you doing every thing for him and yet, the last and final, goes on different sites hunting for other women.
It's called a lesson to learn by and stop your your self from repeating and allow this to happen to you again....I am not telling you what I am going to, to hurt your feelings, but things just are what they are , and you have to be cautious, and stay out of the line of fire
You are a good person and you are worth having a loving caring relationship, but respect your self, or get some self confidence. Some people are just users, but if your offering all this generiousity on him, you see how he is taking full advantage, that is not caring about you, but only what you can do for him. Why should he take you out, and spent his money. People use other people because you allow them to. Wether it is subconcious or not..stop doing so much for guys so soon, you set your self up to be a target..or it sounds like it. Make people prove to you if they are worth investing your time to or in. If you do a kind deed, when you meet some one new, and then later they do the same for you, it's a start of a new begining, take it slower, don't be so eager, keep yor guard up, and let them know where you stand, and don't back down, that might be a key to your mistery..Why do men use me???
And if they did something that is unexcepatable to you call them on..and if they pay no heed, that is called a RED FLAG. get rid of them, who wants to hand on to that kind of grief and heart ache , pain...buy some relationship books. Dr. Phil is great, but the most inportant thing is to feel good about yourself. Take a deep breath and do what you know you should really do.................Get rid of the loser..and take and do a revaluation of yourself,and find out how you contribute to these factors...GOOD-LUCK. And go DESERVE TO MAKE YOU AS A PERSON HAPPY, because a man can't fill all the voids, or make you a whole person, one shares, themselvse, not the whole picture being one sided. Live , learn. Move foreward and grow....take what you learned from this relationship, and try not to repeat it..Don't just settle to have a man...then get a pet..they can be more nuturing and be loyal and loving, without breaking your heart, only when they have to be put down...Get your self strong emotionally . I am not a man hater, or a man basher, I want a man to love me just as much as you do, then they must respect me...and take it from there. But I respect myself, you can't change the character of a person..nor put a new face in front of a old problem....Take care of you , because you know you best...then if the right person comes along ..both of you can share all the goodness you both have to offer to the relationship. Got It, then apply it.. First love you..maybe that is why you get used, then know you don't Yourself...... I was with one man for 32 years, trust me I know what makes a relationship or breaks one.....my husband died recently...so this internet dating, or just dating is learning of self and self preservation.   | |
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| Moving On
Posted: 6/22/2007 3:10:44 AM | | I liked your giving her a wake up call. It can be used for either gender, so it applies to both | |
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| Why do men use me??
Posted: 6/22/2007 3:17:55 AM | | Dump him and move on ,he"s not going to change. You got to face it he"s not that into you. | |
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| Why do men use me??
Posted: 6/22/2007 9:03:20 AM | Hi liteinside.....
I'll be blowed if I know. I am the same as use.....kind and caring etc. I was seeing a man for a while......and tried to show him as much caring and kindness as I could......but like you. It seemed to go over his head. He did do some nice things for me.....paid for meals etc. But then turned nasty for no good reason.....when I had not harmed him in any way. Just wanted to get to know him.....and even when I felt things didnt seem right to me.......still tried to see the best in him.....but the nastiness overwhelmed me in the end.....and I just had to let go and move on. And I feel that is what you have to do. I think it is in our starsign.....that we give them chance after chance....and let the bad stuff sail past......and keep on looking for the positives in them.....and disregard the negatives.......until one day they go too far......and we realise we have made a huge mistake. But the bright side is......the bad stuff is about them and who they are......and not about us. We are probably too caring and kind for our own good. And they take advantage of our goodness and keep on disrespecting us. Maybe we are a reflection of everything they are not. I dont know. It becomes hard to trust after a while. You dont know who is real and who isnt. Some of them need an academy award for their performance in charming us. But the sad fact is....they cant keep it up forever.....sooner of later....their true colours emerge.......and then we see the people they really are. I dont think anyone can really tell you what to do. You have to reach your own conclusions. I am moving on..........I always have......after every bad experience. I live in hope. You might go through tons of unreal people.....but then one day you will find the right person who suits you. But if you dont look you will never find. One thing is for sure.......we dont need people who disrespect our goodness and treat us badly.....that is a certainty. I dont know if my words have been helpful. | |
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