| Why do men use me??
Posted: 9/6/2008 7:16:19 PM | | I'm a firm believer that you teach people how to treat you. In my opinion, you are showing him that this is acceptable behaviour for someone to be involved with you. If it isn't in your eyes, speak up and say something. Or do something. Sounds like he is taking advantage of your good nature and you are putting up with it. Good luck. | |
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| Why do men use me??
Posted: 9/8/2008 7:13:28 PM | Because you are a kind,gentle person and it's written across your forehead,
I have the same problem.
We are the "savers" of the men in need. Some are needy and our instincts kick in as a woman. I seem to pick the guys who have no money,have crazy vendictive X gf's and so on. I am trying to get out of this mold and be a stronger person.
Good luck and yes- kick him out !!!!He is using you for all it's worth. He should've taken you out alot by now. | |
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| Why do men use me??
Posted: 9/17/2008 4:59:12 PM | I'm curious of something, has this happened to you in past relationships?
Something most females and (this can go for males as well) never think about, or are aware of is why "we attract a certain type of female or male by our personas, our physical movements, our voices, overall personality." We are not even aware of this happening. WHO you are on the outside, yrs of being who you are is tough to see in ourselves. However, FACT is you most likely you may or havel always attracted the same type of male "users". Think about how many women who have been abused, seem to always once they are away from the abuser move onto the next man who abuses them and so forth. Suggesting you try to look into yourself and why you feel it is you are attracting these "users" just won't work. Asking a friend would be nice; however you may not be friends after they tell you something you don't want to hear. Most as well are not skilled in observance of what I'm trying to say here. This is NOT to imply there is anything wrong with you, so please don't think of my reply as being critical.
What you should do in all sincerity is to see a counselor and let them observe your behavior/persona amd talk to you about your self esteem. If you go to a counselor and don't mesh with them for whatever reason, go find another untill you find the right one.
Here is just one example of what I'm trying to explain: my mother's best friend a divorced lady who at the time this happened was in her late 40s, who was dating a man she felt was the "one" the "love of her life". Well over time when he told her he loved her two daughters, she felt so good was considering marriage. Until she came home and caught him with his hands under her 8 yr old's skirt. Yes she had landed herself a true pedophile. She was so in love she went to counseling with him, as the counselors told her "he will never change, he thinks society is wrong and his views are right". Now you maybe thinking what does this have to do with the cost of tea in China. Well my mother said "everytime she and her friend would go out say to a club, her divorced and lonley friend this lady in herlate 40s , would giggle and literally behave like a little girl, she would attract these types of males and believe me that was just one example, the woman was always attracting men with issues in that area.
We are drawn to certain types of males or females and not just looks, think about it. Subconsiously we are even drawn to a certain type . At one point I saw a gorgeous man model looks, then an old flame a bald older man not much really in the looks dept came back into my life. I was crazy for him, the model looking male I had no care and he meant nothing. What I couldn't figure out was why I would tolerate things he did, that I would not from anyone else.
You are trying very hard in and need to reverse your behavior, he knows what he's doing, but the more he pulls away and treats you like he does actually inside you want to make him happy even more? All just possibility it all leads down to what I wrote above and "your self esteem levels". You can learn to deal with and change, but it's not easy.
You can also re-train him, but that takes way to much work, don't be nice, be a **** for a change. Make demands, but my guess is you won't because you are afraid of losing him and he won't buy the automatic change so fast, he will presume you will snap back to your old behaviors. Again I could be very well not right about this and how you are, so don't take this personally or with offense.
I feel for you , because I think you are a great lady, but I also think you need self esteem and that is another fact, that for so many takes alot of work and looking inside of our entire lives to change. since we get most of our self esteem from childhood experiences be it even with the way a parent treats you or kids at school. I know you really want someone in your life and you love this man; however I urge you to see a counselor and even read some books on building self esteem. You already know as many have said "you let him do this to you, oh kick him out etc. but it won't be just him there will be a replacement who behaves the exact way.
Remember as well that if it were not for women, men would revert right back to animalistic behaviors. Think about it, they go away all guys and come back belching, farting and manners of a baboon. Hey sorry guys but you know its true...
Best wishes for happiness,
Erin | |
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| Why do men use me??
Posted: 9/20/2008 12:27:40 AM | kick him out NOW.
he IS using you and he KNOWS it. that is why he's not being very nice to you.
kick him out before he does more damage to you. it's going to be hard but you have to. it will not get better, if anything it will only get worse.
think about your own health! you must get this guy OUT!
lar | |
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| Why do men use me??
Posted: 9/28/2008 12:47:55 PM | I go out to dinner with a man and all he thing's about is one thing is sex and it sould not just be about sex a women is more thin sex,I do tell that man that just to let him no,I am more thin just sex,I'am looking for that one man that,I can be there for him and he can be there for me. I met this one man and,I like him he say he like me we went for a walk in the park and talk and now this agin,I just don't no. | |
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| Why do men use me??
Posted: 9/28/2008 5:11:05 PM | your letting him use you.. I know its hard when you care for someone so much and want to see the good in him.. but enough enough, you have been with him for 5mths and hasnt change so the chances are hes not going to change.. and if you keep doing everything for him hes just going to take advantage of you.. its' time to move on and kick his ass out he just a freeloader.. wish you the best!!  | |
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| Why do men use me??
Posted: 9/28/2008 5:43:14 PM | | My friend you should stop bieng a good woman with bad men. | |
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| Why do men use me??
Posted: 11/22/2008 10:17:33 AM | IT MAY NOT HELP YOU, BUT I WOULD GET RID OF HIM,
YOU DESERVE SOME ONE WHO WILL TREAT YOU WITH REPECT
LOVE AND CARE FOR YOU, I THINK YOU KNOW THIS IN YOUR HEART,
HOPE THINGS WORK OUT FOR YOU,
DO NOT LET IT CARRY ON THE WAY IT IS,
KIND REGARDS DAVID | |
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| Why do men use me??
Posted: 11/22/2008 1:48:53 PM | BECAUSE YOU ARE DOING EVERYTHING AND THERE IS NO NEEDS TO DO THINGS TOGETHER1.Hi sounds like you are doing everything for him but what he is doing for you?? 2. Looks like he has everything what working man need I mean he dont need to think about where he will sleep this night (he's got your apartment) and etc.( such as food etc.) .
But real man working and take care to other things too and if not you got wrong man and it's not just about taking you out for drink or dinner.Dont do everything by yourself. Let him do more.
3. And if you want real answer dont ask people here ask him .It's just that simple , sometime hard but the best way ever and you will find out everything. dont be affraid :)
Sample I am younger than u My wife had everything I made money , pay rent , we were going out some time I care the garden , dog, house, her car , summer hollyday ( only camping ) , cook , clean dishes and she just spending her own money going for trainings etc. and ones she say I cannot see future with you what I will do with you and bla bla bla..... and I say OK - just move out to your apartment and live your life . When the time came closer to her moving out she start to changing be more active at home but I say again move out because she need to do all thing by her self , she need to be more responsible and find out how much I 've done for her. Your partner need something simmilar I guess.
So lets do something because life is too ****ing short . Mean If you will stay where you are now you will just wasting your own life and make it shorter and shorter and no enjoy in your life | |
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| Why do men use me??
Posted: 11/22/2008 1:57:47 PM | AND OTHER THINGS !!! Talk your friends. Dosn't kill you and I am shore they will understand and help you in this shit time or your family will help you tooo I am shore..
Good luck .   | |
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| Why do men use me??
Posted: 11/22/2008 7:54:22 PM | | oh my gosh how much more do you have to go through to see he is using you? i cant beleive you put up with it! now once you caught him flirting that would be a goodbye to me for sure! you need to have more respect for yourself! he will only hurt you more if you continue to enable him to use you! | |
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Lurtle
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Joined: 1/29/2008
Msg: 339 | |
| Why do men use me??
Posted: 11/23/2008 9:25:18 AM | I assume the OP has solved her problems...this thread was started in 2006, and she is now living with someone (I assume it isn't the man in her original post).
Good luck OP and I'm glad to see you've moved on! | |
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| Why do men use me??
Posted: 12/12/2008 4:25:14 PM | | if i was you, i would let him go, and let the door hit him on the way out!!!!! | |
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| Why do men use me??
Posted: 12/29/2008 2:48:13 PM | Honey you are better than that. Let go and get a real life. I was in the same place but I thought I had rather be with him and be mistreated because I did not want to be by myself. I was crazy and I allowed him to treat that way so I finally got smart. I know it is hard when you love someone and you think he loves you back but all the time he is playing you until something else comes along.  Be strong and take control of your life. There is a great man waiting on you so set yourself FREE and find out what real LOVE is all about. HAVE A BLESSED DAY. GO FISHING | |
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| Why do men use me??
Posted: 12/29/2008 5:39:19 PM | Girl....wtf???
We attract a type of person for a reason, and it has nothing to do with them. For example, I attract guys that can't committ...I have recently opened my eyes and realized that it was mostly becuase I wasn't ready, I was kidding myself into thinking I wanted commitment.
He doens't appreciate you. You are insecure and have little self confidence if you are going to continue supporting this person when he disrepects you. People that use and hurt others are usually not healthy mentally and are incapable of having a successful relationship. They are usually so down on themselves that they seek people, like yourself, that have little self image...that way they feel better and can control that person. It is never intentional, they just survive that way instead of getting help and bettering themselves.
Get him out of your life, rebuild your self image and meet someone that appreciates you. The only way that will happen is if you respect and appreciate yourself. | |
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| Why do men use me??
Posted: 12/29/2008 7:19:41 PM | | He is a cheater and a womanizer.. the blue collar type. Come on, girl, if you continue to stay, you will learn to be helpless. This means that you will come to passively accept the role of a used up peson. You will be a victim and continue to feel ashamed, helpeless and depressed. Maybe you suffer from doubts about your attractiveness, competence or sexual adequacy. Maybe this is the reason he has picked you as his victim. He is testing you, in order to see how much you will take. You are his "old lady". You are not his lover. He wants to wine and dine his lover, but he has lost attraction for you. He feels you are happy enough, just hanging around the house and keeping things in order. Why should he work any harder to please you? You are happy with cooking and cleaning, and now you are complaining. He has you under his thumb, and now he is looking for some new excitement. He has grown tired of you. It's time to move on. Next guy that comes around, make him "work for it", or else he will quickly grow tired of you. He will have nothing to "pursue" if you give it all to him up front. You gave him sex way too soon, and set up a household way too soon. He is using you like a mail-order-bride, only even cheaper. | |
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| Why do men use me??
Posted: 12/30/2008 8:55:15 AM | | why are you with this dirtbag???? It is your fault because you don't respect yourself. You think because he screws you he cares....not at all....don't be so stupid...I am sorry but I am surprised that you don't get it. Have you ever tried dating someone???? Get real. | |
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| Why do men use me??
Posted: 12/30/2008 5:36:19 PM | | sounds to me like he has a new mommy! or housekeeper and cook. Dump this loser he is using you obviously. | |
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| Why do men use me??
Posted: 12/31/2008 4:01:07 AM | kick his ass out of your house and out of your life.. i hate men who do these kined of things to lovley peoples like yourself. A women should be treated like roses.. to be loved and TCL. Hope you will fined the one you will love and care for rest of your life. My wishes are with you . | |
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| Why do men use me??
Posted: 12/31/2008 12:02:37 PM | | Sort out your self esteem so you do not take up with another creep like that. You dont need him and are entitled to so much better. Your happiness matter and dont let somone get you down again. Life is too short. | |
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| Why do men use me??
Posted: 12/31/2008 12:13:17 PM | | A rose is still a rose, you are too beautiful for a thorn in your side. | |
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| Why do men use me??
Posted: 2/11/2009 8:39:20 PM | | I noticed most of the replys are genuine and out of concern, but I also know and believe that NOT all men are the same and there are good ones out there, so to judge one is not to judge all, I tend to believe that things happen for a reason, so if things are bad, change them, do it all different, that is if you really want a change. As for you men that write long drawn out novels about this on here, your probably one of them feeling guilty defending your stupidity, OR your gay tring to act like a girl!! | |
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| here is some advise
Posted: 2/12/2009 12:08:42 PM | | Either drop his ass outside your door or disconnect the internet. Why are you on this site still looking. Remember that what is good for the goose is good for the gander. I have had the some shit in my life too. It hurts when you are making love to someone and they speak anothers name. My heart has been broken too but I keep looking . Not that I dont trust men, there is men out there that don't trust woman. I works both ways | |
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