| Men who like you to chase them
Posted: 1/11/2008 5:08:56 PM | Someone said they don't chase men or cars. Well I guess that person's not a puppy As we all know dogs love to chase cars. WOOF!!
But "chasing" a man the way a doggie chases a car?
I think that's carrying things a bit too far!
Show a guy some interest
He'll do the rest
If he also likes you
After all it's a two way street!!
WOOF
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| Men who like you to chase them
Posted: 1/12/2008 1:24:59 AM | I think there are legitimate issues on both sides. Speaking as a person who in the not too distant past went through an ego shredding divorce, I would probably need to be hit upside the head with a clue stick. Not a whole lot of self confidence right now. I would definitely appreciate being told in no uncertain terms that a lady was interested. I can take it from there. If there is mutual interest, great, we'll pursue it together. If interest is expressed and then she expects me to chase her, game off. I'm too damn old to play the teenager games anymore. If she expresses interest, I'm not going to assume she's just after sex. Hell I'm so clueless I don't really understand what it means when someone makes you one of their favorites without contacting you. Is that someone expressing interest or did my profile piss them off bad enough that they wanted to go back and stew on it awhile?
Sign me a little confused | |
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| Men who like you to chase them
Posted: 1/12/2008 7:27:08 AM | ^^^Yep, us divorce and the whole "liberation generation" folks are sorta screwed up and confused to be honest. I can totally understand how men and women can be confused today.
It's very hard to break out of the pattern of our parents and how things were in their day. Childhood molds people more than we think. So here we are trying to adjust to this new society and while a divorce may be easy to get, it's never easy on anyone.
And most women still want a gentleman. That's how we saw our parents doing it - it's somewhat ingrained in us. I feel bad that men have been made to feel bad when they do something as simple as opening a door for someone! I also don't think women should be travelling to strange towns to meet a complete stranger or having dinner at a stranger's house for a first date. Most men who have daughters or even sisters know exactly what I'm talking about.
See, perhaps that's why women fall for the players because some of them know that this is what women are looking for, so they play this little "act" until they have played the woman. What do you all think?
I don't think most women are saying they want the men to do all the chasing....but if I express interest, then it would be nice for the man to follow up if he is interested. And I'm sure that men want exactly the same respect.
Here's some reasons why women may want a man to do the chasing:
- Historically, men have been known to do the chasing.
- Women keep hearing that men don't like needy women, so often the women will be afraid that they look too needy (which is silly, but it's a fact!)
- Women are viewed much more critically for their looks than men are and tend to be insecure about themselves more than men.
- I'll say it again - is it related to biology and sex?
As for the favourites, I use it as a dating tool. If I add someone to my favorites, it means I am interested....so in that vein I would like the man to either add me or email me. If he adds me, I would then email him. See how simple that is? It still has an element of chase, yet it lets both sides do some chasing! And for those shy ones, doing the favorites thing is less risky than emailing right off the bat. Some people have made this "interest" thing such a laborious (sp?) process!
For example, if I add a guy to my favorites and he removes himself - I respect him (and really am more interested lol) as he is giving me a definite response to my interest.
I don't add men to my favorites for sh*ts and giggles. The only exception is adding someone for the poetry forum and since I have written on there before, those people would know why I added them.
All that said, the people with tons of favorites would be harder to read - that's why I tend to avoid people with lots of favorites. My experience has taught me, when I have emailed them, that they never respond or are not interested - yet they have been on here "making friends" for 3 years or more.....
Of course, people with lots of favorites probably mesh well with other people who have lots of favorites. Again, there's that "having the same view" opinion again....
These are just some random thoughts I had - opinions and input welcome! | |
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| Men who like you to chase them
Posted: 1/12/2008 7:47:21 AM | Men who want you to do all the running are just playing with you. I will send the first email, I will add men as favourite and I don't hide who I've viewed. So I'm not old fashioned at all.
No, I'm just 47 and have had (for arguements sake) 30 years of experience of men.
Girls, women, ladies however you prefer to be addressed, take it from a woman of a certain age, as the saying goes "he just isn't that in to you". | |
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| Men who like you to chase them
Posted: 1/12/2008 10:58:03 AM | PROFILE OF THIS TYPE OF MAN: Ladies Beware
A man who wants to be chased is insecure, has major issues and personal baggage. He usually has something to hide and most likely is a habitual liar. His POF profile is all lies (Profession and Smoking………..Lies). He uses POF to build up his poor self-esteem.
He will make you believe that the two of you have a lot in common. He will agree with everything you say to continue this charade. If you meet this man call the F.B.I. at once. Do not be fooled by his humility. The number is: 555-555-555.
Thank you for your help in capturing this felon.
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| Men who like you to chase them
Posted: 1/12/2008 11:28:22 AM | Hmmm...a man who want you to chase him wants you to do so because it completely absolves him of any responsibility for the direction that the relationship takes. He does this because chickens like to play chicken. I don't necessarily believe that this kind of guy is the evil male beast that Holly paints him to be, because people are just more complex than that. He is just not ready or mature enough for a serious, stable relationship and is experimenting...that's all.
If the female chases him, he gets an ego and confidence boost. Then, when he freaks out and wants to bail, he really hasn't invested anything in initiating the situation, because he's simply just responded to the woman's cues. It's an easy-peasy, neat and tidy out for him, yet the woman has been passively lead in to believe there might be more.
Because I'm generally quite aloof with men, I do feel the need to bonk 'em on the head to make it absolutely clear that I'm interested. Otherwise, they will assume that I'm not. What I've learned through this flipping online dating system is just to give them one good bonk and then back right off. It's true that it gets dicey when you are stuck in that grey area where you are not sure if the relationship is meant to be a friendship or more, but I like clarity, so I will take the initiative. However, I'm not going to invest anything emotionally or spend any more time and energy than I would with a platonic friend if he doesn't step up to the plate.
Then again, I don't like following the rules of contemporary dating because I think they ultimately create insecurities and complexes for both sexes, which is probably why these poor buggers want women to do all the chasing in the first place. | |
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| Men who like you to chase them
Posted: 1/12/2008 12:14:12 PM | | Personally speaking, women who are very aggressive have (in my experience) turned out not to be people I'd want to spend much time with (speaking charitably here). | |
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| Men who like you to chase them
Posted: 1/12/2008 1:48:06 PM | ^^^There's assertiveness and then there's aggression. Two different animals. Aggressive people in general, cause me to retreat from them. Actually, it's pretty easy to shut them down in a few moments--just use their ego against them.
However, if I've been assertive with a man and he doesn't respond well, that tells me something too. I will know that he doesn't (for whatever reason) respect my prerogative and will likely be controlling. Some people can't relate to others unless others are always yielding to their agendas. Fine then. If I'm dating or interested in someone, I kinda sorta need to have that information upfront.
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| Men who like you to chase them
Posted: 1/17/2008 3:18:11 PM | "let him chase you until you catch him" is what my father always told me, and i've found that it generally works for the best if you want things to be long(er)-term.
I know I'm young and don't have the same experience as some, but from watching my own and friends' relationships shows him being the "hunter" works better. | |
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| Men who like you to chase them
Posted: 1/17/2008 3:26:22 PM |
If it's a "chase", this lion is going back to his spot in the shade
true in humans as it is in nature , the lion only expends enough energy to catch what is catchable ..it's a delicate balance ..between enticing and having them lose interest ..If I have a good rapport . and there's some give and take , then I sense it's going to work out and schedule a meet. Bonne Chance :) | |
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| Men who like you to chase them
Posted: 1/17/2008 4:18:31 PM | | My mother always says "A man chases a woman until she catches him"..wise words from a wise woman. I tend to agree with my mom. | |
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| Men who like you to chase them
Posted: 1/17/2008 8:00:53 PM | | Just a you might consider, the exact same thing can be said in reverse, replace guy with gal... | |
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| Men who like you to chase them
Posted: 1/18/2008 2:00:27 PM |
Oooh, or maybe we can play "duck, duck, goosed" --the more fun version of "duck, duck, goose"
sounds like an excellent plan! | |
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KEBRO
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Joined: 10/24/2006
Msg: 143 | |
| Men who like you to chase them
Posted: 1/18/2008 2:26:26 PM | Oh most defently .. We have to be the hunter!! I get a big high when i get the attention of the Mami on hand, The whole cat and mouse game is a big rush for me
I like when they play hard to get big turn on for me  | |
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| Men who like you to chase them
Posted: 1/22/2008 4:10:31 PM | It's been said a few times here... the chasing game. Bottom line if it's being used as a game on either side it's wrong. One thing I noticed is that once interest is expressed by the other party the person who initially expressed interest backs off.
If I'm interested in someone I let them know. Did I ever ask a guy out on an actual date? hmmm..... don't think so. But I have given my phone number and such. If I'm interested I'm not going to make them chase me and I'm not going to be doing any chasing either.
Now if someone was that interested in me that he didn't want to give up... that could be very flattering and may turn into interest on my part. This is only if he knows me well enough to know that's what he wants. If he just met me I will be turned off right away by overly assertivness. And I'm a direct person so I don't need rely on "signals" to let them know if I'm interested or not. | |
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| Men who like you to chase them
Posted: 1/22/2008 10:05:43 PM | | I like to know that the man I am talking with thinks about me from time to time....I kinda dig having the man chase after me a bit..It shows hes not afraid to go after someone. | |
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| Men who like you to chase them
Posted: 1/23/2008 9:12:12 PM | | The unfortunate combination of poorly-implemented feminism and selfish, manipulative women has completely altered our society and freaked a lot of men out. As a result, many people have lost site of the fact that a gentleman calls on a lady. Any "man" who operates the way you're describing is an operator - anyone deserves better (unless they're trashy and it shows). Of course, women need to be clear in their communications with men as well, so expressing genuine interest and encouragement is necessary to "fan the flame." Women should remember that a man who won't embrace the old school way of being polite and attentive toward a lady is a man who probably can't recognize a lady, and/or who's got other women he's stringing along somewhere else. Be aware that the behavior you're describing is also a reflection on his character (and, more than likely, the lack thereof). | |
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| Men who like you to chase them
Posted: 1/23/2008 9:23:54 PM | | I do want a relationship someday, but I do enjoy feeling wanted. My ex was great at making me the center of her attention. I more often than not do the chasing, but to be honest, I do not like it that much. I feel as though I have to do all the work, and I get little or no play back in return (i.e. no phone calls to me, i have to make the contact). I feel as though I am bugging someone just calling them once every few days. | |
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| Men who like you to chase them
Posted: 1/23/2008 11:20:04 PM | uhm, don't do that! Hell to the no... I don't get a rush or feel accomplished if I do the chasing and start to date him. I don't think I've ever done that? Not even online. I've sent messages out. Sometimes you don't get an answer back and so I know how it's like for guys. A little sting when the other person online doesn't agree that you may be a Good Match! Arg, but ya... anyways, cut to the point- no I don't do it.
Wish that this site had a wink system. I would wink maybe | |
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| Men who like you to chase them
Posted: 1/24/2008 6:52:40 AM | I think I may have recently been in contact with someone who wanted the thrill of being chased. I'm not sure. I saw he had viewed my profile and it seemed to me we had a lot in common. His profile indicated he is the quiet, shy type so I initiated contact. We talked for several weeks both online and on the phone but he always had an excuse for why we couldn't meet even for a quick cup of coffee. To be fair I guess sometimes a meeting was n't convenient to my schedule either. Eventually we got around to confessing things about ourselves which might be deal-breakers and neither of us seemed put off by those things.
Next thing I know I receive an email from him saying that I may not have admitted that something he confessed about himself bothered me but he could tell it had changed how I communicated with him so he thought it would be best if we ceased contact. I was surprised. What he told me about himself did not bother me so I feel confident that he imagined it but... hey... our perceptions and feelings are our own and I wouldn't invalidate his. I sent a response with a sincere apology that he felt that way but I didn't try to convince him otherwise. I did that out of respect and cuz I'm not into the please-don't-go drama. Afterwards I wondered if it some kind of test or if he wanted to feel chased, but I haven't lost any sleep over it. | |
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| Men who like you to chase them
Posted: 1/24/2008 7:37:52 AM |
Wish that this site had a wink system.
They do.....they invented the favourites for that. When I am interested in someone, I add them to my favs. In my "world" if they are interested, they add me back and then I email them! I'm not sure, but it seems to me to be quite simple, n'est ce pas?
This idea/tool is excellent for those "shy" people. But nah, let's not use it that way - that would be TOO simple..... | |
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