I don't have a problem with this for perhaps a short period (e.g. flingette, 1 night stand, etc.), but in the long run the man must be the hunter for his prey, no?

You are pretty bitter about something, aren't you? It's too bad because it will keep you from connecting with a good woman like me. I have NO problem letting a man know that I want to go out with him. I get turned down and don't let it stop me....ever!

Ladies, Just Ask And It's Yours!

Women, this chapter is all yours. Men, you can read it and just nod your heads in agreement. But, this chapter is specifically for the women.

Ladies, you have at your disposal a technique for meeting men that's just staggering in its effectiveness. This technique has such a high percentage of success it makes us men "green" with envy. This technique is simple, uses no tricks, no lines, and no gimmicks. It can be used at any time and on any one. There is nothing to remember, nothing to forget. This comes as close to a 100% guarantee as you'll find. Best of all, you have something very powerful on your side...the male ego.

Do I have your interest now???

What's this miracle method?

Well, it's simplicity itself. In fact, I don't think it could be simpler.

The secret to getting a man to go out with you is -

ASK!!!

Ladies, all you have to do to get us to go out with you is...ask us.

That's right, ask us! Now don't complain. I told you it was simple. Well, if it's so simple, why don't you do it?

I've given lots of talks on "How To Be Outrageously Successful With The Opposite Sex". I've given the talks on cruise ships, to singles groups, to conventions, to seminar groups. Every time I've given the talk, the reactions I get to that statement are the same. The eyes roll and the women say: "Right, I'll do the asking" or "Me ask? What if he says no?" or "I could never get up the courage to do it".

OH, YOU'RE BREAKING MY HEART!

Now, let's define terms. When I say ask him out, I don't necessarily mean that you have to walk up to the guy and say: "Would you like to go out to dinner this Saturday?". If you can do that, great. It'll work lots of times. But if you can't do that, that's fine too. When I say "ask", I really mean you should make a very clear indication that you have an interest. Ask the guy to work out with you, or run with you when you jog, or give you a hand cooking or building something. Come on, you know what I'm talking about. Just do it! It works!!! Why? Well, that's where the male ego comes in.

Men have interesting egos. In fact, do you want to know a secret? The male ego will find it very hard to say no to almost any woman who does the asking. Here's why.

From day one of his dating life, the guy has done the asking. In the beginning it's nerve wracking. As time goes on, it becomes kind of fun. That wears off and it's just not as much fun as it used to be. In fact, at times it's no fun at all. [Warren Farrell uses the term "shit work"...] Do you think we don't have that fear of rejection? Of course we do!!! But we know what we have to do to get what we want. So, we do it. Men would be thrilled to get a bit of a break from this. They would love to have the tables turned.

How many times do you think the average guy is asked out? Not often is right. So, when you do the asking, right away you're following one of the rules of being Outrageously Successful With The Opposite Sex. You're standing out from the crowd. You're not doing what everyone else is doing. You are different. Be as subtle or as direct as you want to be. Your chance of success is much higher than a guy's chance of success in asking a woman out. Don't believe me? Ask your male friends how they would feel if a woman asked them out. Then ask them how they would feel if a woman asked them out and offered to pay!

Now for some of the negative thoughts on this idea. I've heard them all! The first negative idea is that if a woman asks a man out, he'll think she's "easy". Doesn't she have a mind of her own? Can't she control her own situations? Are all men deranged rapists waiting to strike? (By the way, if you said "yes" to that last question, close this book and give it away. You're hopeless.) Can't the woman's thoughts about being thought of as "easy" be made clear right in the beginning? Take control of your own life.

The next objection is that women should never do the asking. It's a man's "job" to do all the asking. You may well feel that way. But, if you want a cab, you can stand on the corner and wait for one to come to you, or you can wave one down. I know which one makes more sense. A lot of cabs could pass you by unless they know you have an interest in them. Many women have told me that they already do enough. They make it obvious that they have an interest in a man. Well, if that's obvious, I'd love to see subtle! It would take the C.I.A. to crack that code of "obvious" interest!

The best objection is: "What if he says no?". Oh, you're breaking my heart again! Men have to put up with that all the time. They get more no's than yeses. In fact, they usually get a whole lot more no's than yeses. So what if he says no. Will you melt into brown sugar? Will he run a headline story in the morning newspaper telling the world he said "no" to you? Will he stand up in a crowded room & say: "Excuse me. Will everyone listen up? I'm going to turn this woman down." Don't be ridiculous.

FACE IT LADIES -- YOU'RE CHICKEN!

You're afraid and you don't want to admit it. You blow these smokescreen excuses hoping we'll buy it. We don't. You're not off the hook.

Oooo!!! That got some of you mad.

Good. Well, prove that I'm wrong!

Sneaky little devil, aren't I? I still love you...but you get the point, don't you?

What if he says yes? What a gold medal that would be for you! You got this relationship off the ground. If it weren't for you, there would BE no relationship. You would have walked away thinking about what it would have been like if he asked you out. You gave up control of the situation to him. Shame on you!

Another excuse women use has to do with a man feeling intimidated by a woman asking him out. Again, ladies, ask your male friends. Aside from those few "macho" guys who want to have everything under control, most men would be thrilled to have you make the first move. It just doesn't happen that often. So, when it does, it's met with as much pleasure as a winning lottery ticket.

Oh, stop being such cowards. Stop the excuses. Just do it!

You know that old story about the guy who goes up to every woman in a crowded room and asks them to sleep with him? Right. He gets his face slapped a lot, but he also wakes up with a lot of women. So it goes if you ask a lot of men to do something with you. You wind up doing a lot of great things with a lot of great men. Or with just one special one. It's your choice. What do you have to lose?

- Chapter 14 from the book How to Be Outrageously Successful With The Opposite Sex, by Paul Hartunian.