Plentyoffish dating forums are a place to meet singles and get dating advice or share dating experiences etc. Hopefully you will all have fun meeting singles and try out this online dating thing... Remember that we are the largest free online dating service, so you will never have to pay a dime to meet your soulmate.
     
Show ALL Forums  > Dating Experiences  > is it acceptable to date more than one person at one time?      Home login  
 AUTHOR
 ohenryx
Joined: 3/12/2010
Msg: 126
view profile
History
is it acceptable to date more than one person at one time?Page 6 of 7    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7)

IHLBW:

Personally, I think dating more than one person at a time (no matter how you define "dating"), so long as everybody understands the situation, is wonderful. I find it much better than dating one person at a time; I also tend to get treated better


I am with you right up to the part about “I also tend to get treated better”. If you literally mean what you wrote, then I am somewhat surprised that you would admit to it in a public venue.

You’re saying that you get “treated better” because you’re dating multiple men, and they are competing for your attention?
 Sparkledustpajamas
Joined: 4/6/2012
Msg: 127
is it acceptable to date more than one person at one time?
Posted: 4/24/2012 8:37:49 AM

is it acceptable to date more than one person at one time?



There is no black and white answer to this question. I don't respond to people whose profiles state they are here for casual dating, because I expect they probably do date multiple people. I focus on one person until I hit a dead end, before going on a date with someone new.
 celrian23
Joined: 3/27/2010
Msg: 128
is it acceptable to date more than one person at one time?
Posted: 5/17/2012 9:01:33 AM
I agree with what others have said, its ok to "date" more than one person but if you are thinking about getting intimate with one of them you should discontinue with the others. If these people are genuinely interested in a potential relationship and you've led them to believe that is what you are looking for; you shouldn't be deceiving them or going behind their back.. no your not exclusive until you've discussed it but I just think its common courtesy and when I decide I like someone enough that I want to pursue something with them I stop spending time with others in a dating aspect and focus my attention on just that one person. But in the interim while your just getting to know people and figuring out if there's commonalities and chemistry I think its acceptable to see more than one person as other posters have said its how you'll find out what you like/don't like and see who might be the best fit for you.
 Texan_Gal
Joined: 10/22/2011
Msg: 129
view profile
History
is it acceptable to date more than one person at one time?
Posted: 5/17/2012 9:20:04 AM
It's acceptable as long as everyone's on the same page. I do not date multiple men and would not date someone who dates multiple women.
 Frogy27
Joined: 5/12/2011
Msg: 130
view profile
History
is it acceptable to date more than one person at one time?
Posted: 5/17/2012 9:48:06 AM
if your dating more then one person at a time have safe sex beacuse you no ur have sex with all of them i dated a few woman who told after sex oh ur the 3 man i slept with this week iam like wtf . the always say it to keep there options open and test playing filed. that why i dont think all date any one any more woman run around. my last gf after leaving togother for 8 months told me she had been seening other men to make shure that this is what she wanted like wtf. come to think of it my kids mom was ****ing around the hole time she was pragent her awner was iam all ready nocked up why cant i have fun now that i cant get pergent any more. like why do woman do this shit. now that i want a relship just for sex cant find any. but if i want a long term i can have a gf but the will run around just my opoine
 Frogy27
Joined: 5/12/2011
Msg: 131
view profile
History
is it acceptable to date more than one person at one time?
Posted: 5/17/2012 9:49:16 AM
but if ur dateing more then one guy ur sleeping with them all hello thats wrong
 redsox322
Joined: 11/3/2011
Msg: 132
view profile
History
is it acceptable to date more than one person at one time?
Posted: 5/17/2012 10:10:18 AM
I think its acceptbale to date around. I see nothing wrong with it. If sex is an issue just wrap it up who cares lol
 thomas10112012
Joined: 4/23/2012
Msg: 133
view profile
History
is it acceptable to date more than one person at one time?
Posted: 5/17/2012 10:14:37 AM
I agree with you. going on loads of "dates" coffee, drink etc is fine.
We all want to find that someone special. But when you think you have - hold on to them damn tight!!! And i don't mean get psycho on her (or him), just constantly be there for her without her feeling suffocated (she'll just flip and run then, men too) - that's hard if your not seeing each other often though. Everyone is different and have different "time-frames" for dating. Three times a week is not enough or too much for some. Remember - She may not feel the same about you at the same time, but if she see's your always available for her (your not going on dates) then she may think more about the situation and consider putting more effort into this one "date" than playing the field.

"Love" is an effort not a chore.
The more you put into it the more you may get back...
 paperdonkey
Joined: 5/10/2012
Msg: 134
is it acceptable to date more than one person at one time?
Posted: 5/17/2012 10:17:43 AM
I like multiple women so yes it's ok to date more than one person.
 abelian
Joined: 1/12/2008
Msg: 135
is it acceptable to date more than one person at one time?
Posted: 5/17/2012 11:16:58 AM
You can date around and not sleep with everyone you date.


I agree with what others have said, its ok to "date" more than one person but if you are thinking about getting intimate with one of them you should discontinue with the others.

I rally can't believe how many people have so much difficulty with the idea that regardless of what they. they can't assume the people thry're dating are behaving the same way. Sure, it's a no brainer to date several people at the same time and sleep with none of them, but that isn't the issue, at least not for me nor for the women I've generally dated. The people you're not sleeping with could very well be sleeping with all of the other prople they're dating, so after you've dated a guy for a month and not slept with him, you're ready to narrow down your field to one person, that person feels the same way, even though he's slept with 3 different women in last 2 weeks in between dates with you, and you vecome exclusive. Are you really comfortable with that or does it not bother you? You're both multidating, so you owe each no explanation of your dating and even though you haven't slept with any of your dates, the guy you just became exclusive with has been sleeping with all of his dates, except for you.

If that doesn't really bother you, then, well ok. I personally think that's weird and if I were multidating, I wouldn't ever be the guy that ended up in an exclusive relationship with one of those of women. I like the fact that I know that the woman I'm in a relationship with hasn't slept with anyone but me since meeting me and starting to date me and all of the women I've been in relationships with have felt the same way. If a woman really didn't care that I'd been dating her and sleeping with other women until deciding to be exclusive sometime later after we'd been dating a while, I'm not sure I could ever think she'd care to much about me being faithful. After all, she was dating me while I sleeping ith other women, so what is so magical about some arbitrary day we say we wont sleep with anyone else? It could have been the day before or 2 days later and it wouldn't make any difference, so what marks that day as special in any way beyond a few words? I mean, if it was ok with her that I slept with someone after the last time I saw, how much difference could it make if I did it again?

There's just something special about meeting someone and knowing that neither of you will be with anyone else for however long you're together. Neithe my fiancee nor I have dated anyone else since the day we met and that was important to me to consider her relationship material. If she didn't care, then I'd have considered just a date that might get me laid, but otherwise to whom I had no obligation for anything.

I like multiple women so yes it's ok to date more than one person.

I like multiple women too, so if I wasn't interested in a relationship, I'd multi date and sleep with as many as I could. If I'm interested in a relationship, I'm interested in dating one woman.
 kaykay48
Joined: 5/7/2012
Msg: 136
is it acceptable to date more than one person at one time?
Posted: 5/17/2012 5:39:22 PM
I agree with kr8ztwin, if I am dating you then that is all I am interested in. I do not like to be told I am the only one and number one and then see you on POF everyday all the time. I am not checking up but when I go to hide my profile while with the one person and see you on here, what does that tell me?? Yep I am not your one and only. LOL
 grove_22
Joined: 1/30/2012
Msg: 137
is it acceptable to date more than one person at one time?
Posted: 5/17/2012 7:37:34 PM
Yes it's possible a person that is dating multiple people is having sex with at least 1 one of them. However that could still happen if one person wanted to be exclusive from day one. The other person still could be having sex with other people and not tell you about it. Then that person could stop having sex with others if /when things become more serious between the two of you.
 abelian
Joined: 1/12/2008
Msg: 138
is it acceptable to date more than one person at one time?
Posted: 5/17/2012 8:50:24 PM
Then that person could stop having sex with others if /when things become more serious between the two of you.

Then it would be called cheating and even being married doesn't prevent people from cheating. Being cheated on and dumping someone for it is quite different from being happy that the person you're dating is sleeping with other people until you get around to deciding it's time to stop. I've been with my fiancee for 3 years and I spent quite a bit of money on a ring. If I found out tomorrow that she'd gone out on a date (much less had sex with someone) even one day after meeting me, she'd be history and I wouldnt look back.
 1388SmartBlonde
Joined: 5/15/2011
Msg: 139
is it acceptable to date more than one person at one time?
Posted: 5/17/2012 9:13:59 PM
Yes, it is acceptable to date more than one person at once as long as you are honest about it. It is how you come to figure out what you really want in "the one." That said, I would never sleep around when dating several people at once because I do not know if/who they may be sleeping with and because I am not interested in an STD or unwanted pregnancy. Dating is just that, dating. A relationship that would involve intimacy goes far beyond that. I know it isn't very hip these days to have good morals, but that is their issue, not mine.
 grove_22
Joined: 1/30/2012
Msg: 140
is it acceptable to date more than one person at one time?
Posted: 5/17/2012 9:16:05 PM
My point is that you wouldn't necessarily know if the other person was having sex. Whether you are exclusive or multidating. Many multidaters have stated they wouldn't mind the other person dating different people. As long as the other person wasn't having sex with any of them. I suspect many multidaters would stop seeing the other person if they found out the other person was having sex someone else.
 1388SmartBlonde
Joined: 5/15/2011
Msg: 141
is it acceptable to date more than one person at one time?
Posted: 5/17/2012 9:23:03 PM
If you are multi-dating, then you have to be prepared that the other person may be dating or having sex or both with other people, which is why I choose to not get intimate at all until after all others are out of the picture and we have both swapped test results. Sexy, no, but then neither is a herpes outbreak or an AIDS lesion.
 Halcyon_Skies
Joined: 2/1/2009
Msg: 142
view profile
History
is it acceptable to date more than one person at one time?
Posted: 5/17/2012 11:44:44 PM

The people you're not sleeping with could very well be sleeping with all of the other prople they're dating, so after you've dated a guy for a month and not slept with him, you're ready to narrow down your field to one person, that person feels the same way, even though he's slept with 3 different women in last 2 weeks in between dates with you, and you vecome exclusive.


A man that would sleep with 3 different women in the last 2 weeks in between dates with me would obviously not be interested in an exclusive relationship with me---thus, this scenario would never even come up.


I like the fact that I know that the woman I'm in a relationship with hasn't slept with anyone but me since meeting me and starting to date me and all of the women I've been in relationships with have felt the same way.


That sounds reasonable.


If a woman really didn't care that I'd been dating her and sleeping with other women until deciding to be exclusive sometime later after we'd been dating a while, I'm not sure I could ever think she'd care to much about me being faithful.


Yet if you were sleeping with other women, you wouldn't decide to be exclusive with her in the first place, therefore you wouldn't care whether or not she cared if you were faithful. The real issue wouldn't be that she didn't care, but that you didn't care---you're projecting your own lack of caring onto the woman that multidates.


After all, she was dating me while I sleeping ith other women, so what is so magical about some arbitrary day we say we wont sleep with anyone else?


How would she know for sure that you were sleeping with other women unless you told her? You already said that if she were multidating, you wouldn't feel obligated to tell her you were sleeping with other women, so it shouldn't even come up. Right?



I like multiple women so yes it's ok to date more than one person.


I like multiple women too, so if I wasn't interested in a relationship, I'd multi date and sleep with as many as I could. If I'm interested in a relationship, I'm interested in dating one woman.


Right---because to you and many others, multidating is synonymous with multiple sexual partners. We get it.
 celrian23
Joined: 3/27/2010
Msg: 143
is it acceptable to date more than one person at one time?
Posted: 5/18/2012 7:56:09 AM
@ Abelion your right if the person I was "dating" was out there sleeping with abunch of other girls before they got serious with me it might bother me but it really depends on the situation. At the same time how am I going to know whether this is the case or not? I would plan to ask my dates what their looking for relationship wise at this point in their life but beyond that I doubt they would tell me if they were having sex with anyone and if you ask and they know its going to look bad they'd be likely to lie.

But in the end I think I can be a good judge of character over time. If somebody has become seriously interested in me I would like to assume they haven't been running around with too many others in an intimate way.. and if they had a friend with benefits (but not someone they were dating perse) thats their business not mine. I'd be more concerned about their health screening and its potential affect on me but I would ask them about that too before deciding to take the next step.

You can only really control your own actions and my personal dating style is if I'm just getting to know someone (who is totally new to me) and I'm not even sure if there's chemistry there or mutual attraction I don't see any problem in talking to others.. but as soon as I feel a decent connection with someone and an interest in a potential relationship i stop seeing/talking to others and wait to see what will come.. if they like me and we're on the same page then hopefully we'll date. If they don't then maybe we'll at least become friends and I'll go back out and start again.
 nubeginnings64
Joined: 4/8/2012
Msg: 144
view profile
History
is it acceptable to date more than one person at one time?
Posted: 5/18/2012 9:04:44 AM
To date yes, but to date & have sex with more than one person, no. It's a pertinent question to be asking upfront & you'd be surprised how many women can't differentiate & or jump to the sex conclusion if I honestly tell them I date others. Contrary to popular opinion & just because I'm a man, sex is not my sole reason to be dating & I keep to myself if dating more than one at a time.

My biggest pro is not investing all of my time in someone that I may not be interested in after a few dates. Having the flexibility to get to know them on a more natural level & time frame, as opposed to rushing things, is another plus.

Biggest con is investing so much time in one & being disappointed when they turn out NOT to be THE ONE. Another is if local & running into others your dating. Yet another is getting carried away by dating too many to the point of mixing them or conversations up. In all honesty the attention from so many through online dating can become addictive & I've strayed in that area, but keep myself limited to just a few now.

On a side note, I do keep feelers out & chat online with others. Some I've dated had problems with it & stopped seeing me over it. I figure if they have issues with that & hardly know me, then they have deeper underlying issues that I'd really not rather know about anyway. I've heard the lack of respect BS excuse, the accusations of not being serious too & been called a player, but if they see me online it's because they're online as well.
 ForRumOnly
Joined: 3/16/2009
Msg: 145
view profile
History
is it acceptable to date more than one person at one time?
Posted: 5/18/2012 10:20:39 AM
I completely agree, nu and I've made most of the same arguments myself. I would often date several, but would not be having sex with them (unless it was actually discussed and everyone was okay with it - and surprisingly, this wasn't often a problem). There was a time I was dating A, when blast-from-the-past B callled wanting a booty call. I said sure, if A could come along. A wanted to, so it turned into a very exciting threesome. When you deal honestly and openly with people, many good things can happen!
 chipinsd
Joined: 12/8/2011
Msg: 146
is it acceptable to date more than one person at one time?
Posted: 5/18/2012 3:19:08 PM
I think there are really two questions being asked? The first is whether you should be monogamous, and the second is whether you should date more than one person at a time? The answers are very much up to the individuals involved, although it's kind of important to get on the same page with your partner?

Some people are ok with having sex with multiple people, many are not. As for dating, like someone else already said it makes sense to have casual dates with friends while involved with someone before it gets serious? There was a book written on this where the author talks about having a few 1/4 people in your life that you have lunch with or coffee every other week in addition to a person you're dating more seriously?

Wherever you fall on the spectrum the best answer has to be get on the same page with the person you are intimate with?
 ohwhynot46
Joined: 6/28/2009
Msg: 147
view profile
History
is it acceptable to date more than one person at one time?
Posted: 5/18/2012 9:03:51 PM
I agree with chipinsd, and frankly, I have found it quite interesting whilst participating in these forums that there seems to be nothing in between actively (to be honest, what appears to me to be desperately) seeking a serious relationship & persuing sexual relationships for nothing more than the sex itself. Whatever happened to dating, anyway? Whatever is wrong with being mature enough to recognize that it may not be the right time, for you personally, to get into an exclusive relationship, or simply not wanting to put the effort into one? As long as one is upfront about their aspirations and intentions, why judge anyone else's life choices?
 Gertrude13
Joined: 5/14/2012
Msg: 148
is it acceptable to date more than one person at one time?
Posted: 5/18/2012 10:03:51 PM
^^^^Amen, Sister!
Dating - It's sampling, meeting people, getting to know different people. I NEVER assume that, just because some guy has gone on a date with me, he isn't going to see anyone else. Furthermore, if I decided to sleep with him without specifically stating that exclusivity was mandatory, then I guess it's my problem if he's sleeping with others, right? And it should work the other way around, too.

It's foolish to assume that the other person has the same expectations you do in dating. Just look at all the variations in this thread! Some are fine with multiple bed partners, and others cut all other prospects off even before the first kiss. If the other person has no interest in exclusivity of any sort, then you can make an educated decision about whether you'd be a match. Doesn't make the multi-dater a bad person, (unless he or she lies about it when asked) just makes them not the right match for you...
 stellavixen
Joined: 2/17/2012
Msg: 149
is it acceptable to date more than one person at one time?
Posted: 5/18/2012 10:17:00 PM
I don't see anything wrong with it unless you get intimate. I feel that when you have had sex with someone, you should not be dating anyone else, and have an exclusive dating relationship.
 wildandfreee
Joined: 12/16/2010
Msg: 150
is it acceptable to date more than one person at one time?
Posted: 5/19/2012 4:43:46 AM
I think it depends on the individual, what she is looking for and the way she does it , i would prefer one at a time
but can get along with all concept,rules of the world , i know who to keep ...
Show ALL Forums  > Dating Experiences  > is it acceptable to date more than one person at one time?