| Sex in the woman mind after 40.
Posted: 2/9/2008 9:05:52 AM | IMHO, if you need a continuing level of demonstrated emotional support to be secure within a relationship, then someone like me isn't it.
Thanks for the warning.
I would have thought by this time in our lives we would have figured out who we are and be secure in ourselves.
HUH?
I know who I am, secure in myself and know what I need, in order to be happy and healthy emotionally. How does age or " this time in our lives" equate to not needing visible, tangible signs of affection, nurturing and emotional support? No man or woman is an island. I read somewhere that everyone needs at least one hug per day. Actually, I think the more the better.
It's been documented that babies die from lack of touching. Older people develop diseases or other physical ailments from lack of touching. For me, if a man is not willing to or is less inclined to expend the time and energy to show me that he cares about me emotionally, then I could not tolerate this kind of indifference to my needs. I'd prefer to be alone than with a man who is unwilling or unable to express his emotions or show signs of affection.
Emotional intimacy is vital and demonstrations of same, are part of a relationship, for me. Without it, there's no getting between the sheets. | |
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| Sex in the woman mind after 40.
Posted: 2/9/2008 12:30:05 PM |
Over the years my wives and girlfriends have described me as cold, unfeeling, uncaring, too logical, etc. All things that would indicate that I have not supplied that emotional connection they desire. While I do care and do have feelings for others, I do not take the time and energy to demonstrate that to them. If I need to spend part of my day getting you emotionally ready for sex, it isn't worth it.
This explains a lot. Although, I personally don't buy a married man looking for something on the outside as "caring" maybe that is a matter of perspective however it sounds to me like the "wives" and "girlfriends" don't buy it either. | |
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| Sex in the woman mind after 40.
Posted: 2/9/2008 3:48:36 PM |
Over the years my wives and girlfriends have described me as cold, unfeeling, uncaring, too logical, etc. All things that would indicate that I have not supplied that emotional connection they desire. While I do care and do have feelings for others, I do not take the time and energy to demonstrate that to them. If I need to spend part of my day getting you emotionally ready for sex, it isn't worth it.
IMHO, if you need a continuing level of demonstrated emotional support to be secure within a relationship, then someone like me isn't it. As I have aged, I find I am less willing to interrupt my life to nuture and stroke someone else. I would have thought by this time in our lives we would have figured out who we are and be secure in ourselves.
I see you still don't get it, and probably never will. Just because you are attentive to someone during the day, if you are doing it just to have sex, then it means nothing.
It seems as though you have been told by numerous girlfriends and your wife that you are cold and uncaring. Why is it so difficult to show it to them? I would think at this age, a man would have learned over the years, it takes more than a penis to satisfy a woman. JMO
I already knew you were not willing to interrupt your life to nuture and stroke someone, because if you were, you would be home stroking and nuturing your wife, as it should be, instead of being on here.
By the way, I have no problem with a married man or woman on this site looking for a g/f-b/f, but it won't be me.
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| Sex in the woman mind after 40.
Posted: 2/9/2008 5:17:39 PM | I "got it" many years ago that most women and some men have a strong desire for this continuing emotional attention to feel good about their position within a relationship and themselves as a man or woman (needy people). I suspect that this also relates to the strong reaction people have when their SO looks at another person or flirts with them or has an affair. Probably also relates to the feelings a woman has when a man goes to a gentlemen's club. These situations make some people feel worth less as a human being. THE ACTIONS OF ANOTHER SHOULD NEVER AFFECT THE SELF WORTH OF AN ADULT.
What I never will understand is why people (both men & women) need this stroking from a significant other and need to be number 1 in someones life to be secure in who they are and to have a high degree of self worth. I thought personal security and worth were internal to each of us and based on our accomplishments, not a function of our external relationships. Maybe it all relates back to the messages of worth we received as children; if our parents (SO at that point in our lives) didn't give positive strokes we felt worth less in their eyes and therefore in our own. Hard to have a high degree of selfworth when someone is telling you how bad you are.
Sorry I got this topic off on a tangent, now I do better understand where the older woman is coming from in her relationships and sexuality, I just don't understand the why. | |
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| Sex in the woman mind after 40.
Posted: 2/9/2008 6:37:06 PM |
What I never will understand is why people (both men & women) need this stroking from a significant other and need to be number 1 in someones life to be secure in who they are and to have a high degree of self worth.
Sorry I got this topic off on a tangent, now I do better understand where the older woman is coming from in her relationships and sexuality, I just don't understand the why.
The same could be said for those of us that don't understand why someone that can't "take care of things at home" feels the need to tinker elsewhere. Doesn't that have some degree of self-indulgence or even possibly doing your own "stroking" to gain a feeling of self-worth? I don't believe a "reinforcement" of intimacy or love towards someone that should be the most important person in your life should be viewed as a chore.
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| Sex in the woman mind after 40.
Posted: 2/9/2008 7:59:41 PM | I just posted on another part of the forum.. about this.. so I'll go find it and delete it cuz here is where I belong with my peeps!!!
Hmmmm sex.. what's that buahaha rofl..
Listen I am a woman, 55, sheesh can't believe I am saying that I am 55.. but I am in menopause... yipeeee hallelujah!!!
I have not thought about sex very much since chemo therapy burned up my ovaries like 12 years ago.. I thought it was because my ovaries were crispy critters.. which is great no PMS any more.. hehehe.. But actually I think what has affected me more is that I have not been in any kind of relationship with a man for as many years.
I have begun to date.. and Glory be to God.. I have found that I think about sex a lot now.. especially if I meet a hot guy and feel that sizzle between us..
Yes ladies, fear not the menopause.. for it will not diminish your sex drive.. the only thing it will do is give you control. I have control now.. I choose when I think about sex now.. it is so liberating!!!! hehehe.. And while arrousal can and will occur it occurs when I choose for it too.. I am no longer a slave to it.. I tell it when to show up!!! | |
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| Sex in the woman mind after 40.
Posted: 2/10/2008 6:05:03 AM |
I "got it" many years ago that most women and some men have a strong desire for this continuing emotional attention to feel good about their position within a relationship and themselves as a man or woman (needy people). I suspect that this also relates to the strong reaction people have when their SO looks at another person or flirts with them or has an affair. Probably also relates to the feelings a woman has when a man goes to a gentlemen's club. These situations make some people feel worth less as a human being. THE ACTIONS OF ANOTHER SHOULD NEVER AFFECT THE SELF WORTH OF AN ADULT.
The actions of another, if within a marriage or relationship, always affects the self worth of the innocent victim. When two people marry, they make vows, and if one breaks a vow, of course it affects the spouse... or in a relationship it affects the other person.
I suppose there are some people who can be with many people, but I often wonder how shallow their relationships are, or even if they are self-fulfilling. There are some who will be with many and are not happy, because they keep seeking, and don't look within for their happiness.
OT.. Sex starts in the mind, and over 40, or over 60 (like myself) in a woman, it is there, and sometimes needs stroking. JMO | |
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| Sex in the woman mind after 40.
Posted: 2/10/2008 8:25:22 AM | How can we as intelligent, rational adults base our value of self on the opinions or actions of others? That would meen that if my wife went out for the evenong without me or slept with someone else when I'm gone for a few weeks it should make me feel like less of a man. Sounds to me like the same BS of peer pressure and public opinion of when we were in high school. With the number of stones that have been hurled in my direction on the POF website, my image of self worth should be poor but it is not! My self image does not come from the opinion of others but from my successes in life and treating others in a way that meets my beliefs.
How about someone finding or starting a topic of self worth and self image? I think that is where this discussion belongs and it has a long way to go!! | |
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| Sex in the woman mind after 40.
Posted: 2/10/2008 11:26:13 AM | How about someone starting a thread about Married people being on a Singles site, if your married work on the marriage or get out of it, most of the single here did. If it costs too much live with it. I have no sympathy for anyone married and out Trolling for something on the side and possibly destroying another Marriage. And if you don't like being told these things, then don't come on a Singles site whining about your problems, because all your looking for is that one person to feel sorry for you that you can prey on to get your Jollies off, and thats Sick. And I don't think I am the only one that feels this way. I for one would never mess around with a Married woman because I would not want that too happen to me.
OK said what I wanted too say on this and thats all I'm going to say(I know, Thanks for telling us), and someone had too say it this way, why not me I guess. Off topic I know but it's never stopped me before, Lol. | |
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| Sex in the woman mind after 40.
Posted: 2/10/2008 12:26:05 PM | If you would care to read.....POF is a "Free Dating Site"
If you feel that you are entitled to judge anyone but yourself, I think God already has the job, but free dating site doesn't say anything at all about single
I may or may not agree with what everyone else is looking for, but it has no effect on my own wishes and desires. So I NEVER judge anyone else.
Look for your own thing here, and mind your own business | |
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| Sex in the woman mind after 40.
Posted: 2/10/2008 3:24:48 PM | | steveracer, the title of the topic you are looking for is "So I'm Married! Does that bother you!?". That is maybe the appropriate place for you to express your opinion about married people being on this site and your value judgement regarding them. | |
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| Sex in the woman mind after 40.
Posted: 2/10/2008 3:34:05 PM | | God, I just finished reading the last few tibdits of this forum. Oldkid? What to tell you on how you think? Has not your past relationships made you doubt in the slightest that perhaps YOU have issues relating to others? I am no expert here but if you have that many ended relationships behind you and are trolling here, perhaps your "theory" doesn't work quite as well as you think it does? You are under the impression others must conform to your way of thinking/living/loving? Sorry pal, but you are not the norm. We all love praise, being told we are loved, important to the lives of the people that we share. What you describe? Hmmm. I think it's ok if you live by yourself and can pump yourself of your own self worth. But to live with another and be as cold as you are? God! I hope and no offense here, that I never meet up with a man of your calibre. I want to be told how much I am loved tyvm. And I shall return that to him whenever I find him. Sorry bud, I just find your preference of living way too cold and shallow... | |
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| Sex in the woman mind after 40.
Posted: 2/10/2008 6:02:41 PM | | Last I looked this was still a free country, so I'll Judge anyone I want. If you or anyone that like the Conquest of a Married person don't like it then maybe your not as proud of these deeds as you thought. I stand by my comments and will not change anything. You do these things sooner or later you will get what you deserve, and I will not get into that, but I would not feel sorry for anyone that gets their just deserts. And Yes this is a free Dating site just when did Dating and Married share the same sentence? You will get the treatment you will get from most of the people here like it or not. | |
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| Sex in the woman mind after 40.
Posted: 2/10/2008 6:22:18 PM |
How can we as intelligent, rational adults base our value of self on the opinions or actions of others? That would meen that if my wife went out for the evenong without me or slept with someone else when I'm gone for a few weeks it should make me feel like less of a man. Sounds to me like the same BS of peer pressure and public opinion of when we were in high school. With the number of stones that have been hurled in my direction on the POF website, my image of self worth should be poor but it is not! My self image does not come from the opinion of others but from my successes in life and treating others in a way that meets my beliefs.
How about someone finding or starting a topic of self worth and self image? I think that is where this discussion belongs and it has a long way to go!!
...I have an even better idea. Why not let the wife have a peek at what your up to and see how much it has affected her self-worth and self image...and then we can start a really good discussion.
...maeflowers | |
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| Sex in the woman mind after 40.
Posted: 2/11/2008 11:41:44 AM | In my experience some women start out that way and then don't seem to care for sex.Believe me its frustrating because I really like and care about them.Don't like to say it this way but I feel cheated and lied to.But it kind of seems some people will do anything to get a relationship and then do nothing to keep it. | |
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| Sex in the woman mind after 40.
Posted: 2/11/2008 1:26:57 PM | For us is frustrating too...if one man(perhaps our man)has more women to like...and care about them... | |
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| Sex in the woman mind after 40.
Posted: 2/17/2008 8:52:00 AM |
In my experience some women start out that way and then don't seem to care for sex.Believe me its frustrating because I really like and care about them.Don't like to say it this way but I feel cheated and lied to.But it kind of seems some people will do anything to get a relationship and then do nothing to keep it . Some people need to take a long look in the mirror to see where the problem with sex really is. The way some guys make themselves out to be so great and as great lovers. Then turn out to be anything but, talk about lies and being cheated and let down. I know there are plenty of women out there who hasn't heard some guy talking a good talk about how great they are in bed only to find out first hand just how bad the guy really is. Too many guys will lie just to get a woman into bed. And then turn around and think badly of her if she does so so soon. Afterall, if they think less of her then they should think less of themselves for doing the same thing. The typical double standed bull****. And what's with the Jekyl & Hyde syndrom. They are start out so nice in the first few weeks then turn into total jerks. Pretty hard to want to keep having sex with guys who turn into such jerks. Major turn off. Sex in the mind of women after 40....we know what we want and what we don't want and we don't put up with crap. Pretty simple | |
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| Sex in the woman mind after 40.
Posted: 2/17/2008 10:16:10 AM | I admit I used to be one of those women that didnt care for sex. I didnt really care if I got any or not. Now I am not sure if it was my ex or turning 40 but since I have been single, I find I am very fond of sex! Who knew?? lol
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| Sex in the woman mind after 40.
Posted: 2/17/2008 10:24:14 AM | Women enjoy it as much as men . . Maybe _Moreso_ after 40..!
One of the Major stumbling blocks[IMO] is that men _Still_
are in too much of a Rush to 'Get After It' . . and don't spend enough time or effort in
showing a Lady that they appreciate and admire the Sensual aspects of Sex . .
I'm fortunate, in that I learned from a Master . .
{Somewhat later in life, Yes . . but not Too late to be useless, anymore . . }
...how to treat a Lady with the sensitivity, sensuality and Respect that she
_Requires_ .. to make it Special .. from a partner . . !!
The 'Over 40 woman' isn't a teen-ager, anymore . .
She knows what it's about . . and . . how it feels pleasurable, exciting and fulfilling . .
The 'Over 40 Man', however . . is still 22..[maybe]!!
He wants to hit the Finish Line . . as soon as the Starting Gun sounds . . !! | |
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| Sex in the woman mind after 40.
Posted: 2/17/2008 2:20:14 PM |
Sex in the mind of women after 40....we know what we want and what we don't want and we don't put up with crap. Pretty simple
Seems women know what they want but when they don't now how to get it the have to expound about the crap cause they don't know how to get it.
By demonstrating you know how to throw crap around, it scares away the men that refuse to have it thrown at them and what you'll end up with is your own pile of crap without a free plumber. | |
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