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| Sex in the woman mind after 40.
Posted: 5/12/2006 12:16:40 AM | It's funny. I'm 45 and was just thinking about that very same topic a short while ago: What's the deal with an "older" woman and sex? I could have sex practically every day. Want to talk about it, think about it, experiment with it, role play, watch porn, fantisize... You name it! How-ever,...
my significant other just won't "open up" (no pun intended ;). We're lucky if we do it maybe once a week. It's actually more like twice a month (and even less). And when we do "do it", it's the usual routine. Borrrrinnnggg!
At 45, I'm not lookin at a whole lot active years ahead. And, damn it, I want to enjoy myself before it's too late.
Ladies, I know what you're thinking: Well, maybe she needs more romance. Maybe you need to talk about it more. Maybe you stink and need to bathe more. Maybe this and maybe that. Yeah, I know all that. Trust me, Im a decent guy, not bad looking, clean and good in bed.
I think it's HER problem. This has been going on for years. And my guess is she does think about it, does fantisize about, does want it, but holds back because she'll think of herself as some kind of slut or something.
So. What the hell is wrong with that? Sex is a wonderful, most stimulating, enjoyable, natural high a person could possibly experience. And if its between two loving, consentual adults, why wouldn't you want to make a hobby of it? There are gazillions of people who drink or smoke pot (or both), or whatever, every single day. Why not sex?
C'mon ladies. Like Shellsmack said, spill it. | |
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| Sex in the woman mind after 40.
Posted: 5/12/2006 12:57:59 AM | Welp - she might be like my ex wife - which I totally respect (and always have) - she is a wonderful person. She is now 46 years old - and still very pretty. We were married 17 years. She just does not and never did consider sex part of love. I loved her very much - I wanted to touch her. Not only was she pretty - she was my wife.
She just did not feel sexy EVER - she did not dress sexy EVER - she did not act sexy EVER.
I learned early on to - leave her the hell alone. Every so often she would say “you want to mess around” - that was it. There was NO waking up with a Saturday morning missile and me being able to do anything about it.
She loved me - and still does - claims I was attractive to her (never made me feel attractive to her) - never once ever even as much as touched me on the leg - nothing ever in seventeen years. To her sex was just sex - and it was not something that was on her mind very often. I would bet anyone any amount she has not had sex with anyone except me in the three years we have been divorced - and that has only been a few times. I have only seen her like 4 times since we got divorced.
Not all mid 40s gals are all that into sex. She is in the menopause stage now and even less into sex. | |
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| Sex in the woman mind after 40.
Posted: 5/12/2006 5:50:49 AM | This is interesting: For 5 years prior to my spouse and I separating, we didn't even sleep in the same room. He had some medical issues resulting in ED, or so I thought. Seems that it worked fine around other females..lol. So then I thought there must be something wrong with me or I must be doing something wrong.
Over the last 2 years, I have learned that there isn't anything wrong with me...lol. It'd be nice to find someone that I could have that type of relationship with. That being said, I'm soooo not into a "morning missile"....I'm one of those women that needs to bathe, do hair & makeup, brush my teeth....all before I ever even look at who's laying beside me.
(OK, so maybe there is a little something wrong with me....lmao) | |
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Ainsel
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Joined: 2/20/2005
Msg: 30 | |
| Sex in the woman mind after 40.
Posted: 5/12/2006 6:23:09 AM | Given a partner who wants me, I don't care what time of the day it is or what more important task is waiting...let me at him!!
In the absence of a partner I find I'm getting fairly adept at stuffing all that desire in some dusty corner of the attic of my brain...well except when I start reading threads like this I suspect, hell, I know, that my next partner is going to be kept very, very busy for a long time to come playing catch-up!! It's the same with the hug deficit that's being built up. | |
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| Sex in the woman mind after 40.
Posted: 5/12/2006 7:02:25 AM | This was a question I have had. Sounds like many here are in my boat. I love my wife, but the lack of sex is driving me crazy. Sex for one stinks. Her body has been going through that "change". Our sex life was great and now almost non exsistant. I not only miss the sex but the closeness it brings. I've been watching it go down hill for a couple of years, thinking it was going to turn around. Now I'm to a point "I" need it, I'm 51 and far from dead. This once every couple months or so is toooooo much! I don't want to cheat on her but about ready to find an outlet of some kind... What do I do ladies. We've talked, I've sent flowers, jewelry, quiet nights alone (she falls asleep, Work!), wine. Even went so far as to email pic's of me to her email to see if I could stir her some. Don't get me wrong when we do it's as great as always, just can't take the months in between.
Ladies give me some hints or phone numbers one ! ! !
thanks for listening, off my soap box | |
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| Sex in the woman mind after 40.
Posted: 5/12/2006 8:53:48 AM | Hi Ron,
It's possible what you say is true. There are some similarities. My wife rarely - almost never, actually - initiates sex. In my mind, that's a big problem. Sex is always a one way street. It's a real and very frustrating dilemma.
My gut though, says my wife and many, many more wives/females suffer from something else, a more common and very strange affliction.
Why do I say that? Because, for the life of me, I just CAN'T understand why you would not embrace having sex on a regular basis. Makes no sense how a person would appear to be, and act like, a cold fish; especially in the absence of any obvious problems (illness, etc).
I'll bet there are a lot of woman who have read this thread. But only a few have chosen to express themselves...
The silence is deafening. | |
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| Sex in the woman mind after 40.
Posted: 5/12/2006 9:18:13 AM | That's the silence of sexlessness. Ignore it. Have sex yoruself and when your wife sees how much fun your having she'll sort herself out and join you when she can. Never look to her for sex. Set up the spare bedroom as your masturbation parlor, equip it with toys and mood lights, and a good stereo system. Spend time in there everyday making yourself happy. Always wash up when you're done. It won't take long for her to try the door, then bang on it demanding to be let in.
When you focus on your disinterested wife as the source of your frustration, you encourage her being aloof and nonsexual. | |
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| Sex in the woman mind after 40.
Posted: 5/12/2006 9:30:26 AM | REPAIRMAN....I've got a few items around the house that need fixin'. 
But seriously, I just think that some women are very open about sex and want it all the time and others just don't give a hoot if they get it or not.
Period. | |
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| Sex in the woman mind after 40.
Posted: 5/12/2006 9:47:13 AM | Good one BULL.
You know, when I hear men, a LOT of men, talking about their wives not giving it up. I just don't get it. I feel frustrated FOR you. Gosh. I know, in a surroundings of a few women, there has been talk about sex and I've always walked away thinking: WHAT THE HELL. Do these women actually think their going to KEEP their men when they don't want sex, won't do certain things because they think it's gross or find it burdensome to actually "make love" to their man? I mean come on women. Men are very sexual creatures!! We've known that since the beginning of time. Don't you think it's time to open up a little. (pun INTENDED)
Of course, I'm a very, very, very sexual woman and it's hard for me as a woman to understand these women let alone if I were a man. I would be REAL worried if I were in a relationship/marriage and I wasn't giving my man some p-ussy. (there, I said it. yeah, straight up and that's what it's called....p-ussy) I'd be afraid he'd be lookin' elsewhere.
That's the way it is and that's the way it will always be. Man oh man.
I feel for ya guys!! | |
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| Sex in the woman mind after 40.
Posted: 5/12/2006 10:18:21 AM | In my case I guess my ex could complain about the same thing. But the funny thing was, it wasn't that I didn't want to have sex, hell I wanted it all the time....just not with him. It's very hard to be intimate with someone you feel so much resentment towards.
But I'm happy to report that there is nothing wrong with my sex drive now :-) | |
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| Sex in the woman mind after 40.
Posted: 5/12/2006 10:45:32 AM | No, actually I have grown up so much in the past 3 years since we have parted.
I know that I had alot to do with the breakdown of our marriage and I'm willing to take responsibility for that. He on the other hand still refuses to admit he did some really crappy things. But that's another post for another day.
I know now what is important in a relationship and I know that everything isn't always going to be perfect. I guess you can say that I have learned how to pick and choose my battles.
That is my advice to everyone that suddenly finds themselves single. Work on yourself: physically, mentally, emotionally, as well as financially. Become all that you seek in another person and HOPEFULLY like will attract like.
Little Buddha has spoken :-) | |
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| Sex in the woman mind after 40.
Posted: 5/12/2006 1:39:17 PM | Great question! I was just thinking about this the other day. I'm 50 now, and sex just keeps getting better and better for me. My body is more responsive to touch, I'm much more passionate, ever so much more willing to try new things (I'm running out of new things though ), and at least as likely to initiate or be the aggressor as my partner is. I've found that I enjoy vaginal orgasms much more than I ever had before too. Up until I was in my mid 40s I had almost always climaxed from clitoral stimulation, with a few chance G spot orgasms thrown into the mix just to keep things interesting. But now I find that I crave the vaginal stimulation if I'm not getting it, and will generally make that perfectly clear to my partner, so I DO get it. If I had to choose only one type of orgasm these days, I'd go for the vaginal orgasm. I'll be honest here and confess that I've never had true anal sex, but now, at the ripe old age of 50, I'm becoming much more interested in that as well.
~ Debbie | |
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kasie
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Joined: 3/4/2006
Msg: 43 | |
| Sex in the woman mind after 40.
Posted: 5/12/2006 3:35:34 PM | Okay...this is a subject that not only was INITIATED by a woman but seems to be getting high response from WOMEN!!!!! Go figure... okay..I am not dead..Im not ugly (so Ive been told) and certainly willing.. HOWEVER... remember the old cliche about women getting strange (who knows where the hell that started but it did) and how it makes a woman a slut or a whore..or any number of things? In my opinion.. we have just as much right to have a high sex drive and our desires should be no less thought about than a man.
If you honestly look at things in the real world.. its STILL okay for a man to go out and get strange but if a woman does it..she is no longer worth anything to most men. She is considered used goods and nobody wants her...my question is WHY?
I have a great need.. great desire.. would love to have someone next to me at night but so afraid of what people think. This and as of yet to meet someone that will take my breath away and sweep me off my feet. Talk is cheap I know BUT...this makes us cheap in the eye. (so they say, whoever the hell THEY are) of most men.
In response to this thread... YEP HAVE GREAT DESIRES.... but on the other hand..no one to share it with but BOB..(god I have to so get to the lions den and buy him) Times wasting and my water bill is rising.... | |
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| Sex in the woman mind after 40.
Posted: 5/12/2006 4:37:51 PM | Bull - you want someone who thinks about sex all the time? The sordid truth is, we ALL do!
(10 years? Hah! I should be so lucky!)
No wonder we think about it. Hungry people hallucinate about meals, after all... | |
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ellece
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Joined: 8/19/2005
Msg: 45 | |
| Sex in the woman mind after 40.
Posted: 5/12/2006 4:45:04 PM | | This thread is just too funny......so how come the horny women never seem to find the horny guys....or vice versa????? Do opposite still attract???? If so...that is bad........ | |
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| Sex in the woman mind after 40.
Posted: 5/12/2006 5:10:13 PM | | horney people find each other all the time, the catch is, we can't put up with the other person's other foibles. | |
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| Sex in the woman mind after 40.
Posted: 5/12/2006 5:17:32 PM | | That's what's so unfair about Mother Nature. A woman in her 40's is like a guy in his teens and 20's. Guess that's why some older women go for the younger men. Not that I'm in that category.....I have my own children....don't need any more to look after. Ha ha! | |
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| Sex in the woman mind after 40.
Posted: 5/12/2006 5:41:12 PM | | It goes both ways. I'm 43 now and no way did I have sex on my mind as much when I was 20...or at least it couldn't have been any more so lol. Maybe as a man it's just there all the time. That said, sex is more enjoyable now than it was then. Sure, I can't "reboot" as quickly, but what good is sex four times a night if it only lasts 15 seconds at a time (ha ha). I had absolutely no control until I hit my 30s. Different story now. I think it has a lot to do with the desire to please myself not being more important than my desire to please my partner. When I was in my 20s it was all about me (ha ha). | |
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