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| Any men over 35 seriously looking to get married?
Posted: 3/20/2008 4:57:43 PM | I learned the hard way...
Married, without the word "Happily" in front of it is the same as "doing life." It's a life sentence you accidentally give yourself.
Would I like to be Happily Married someday?! Yeah, I wanted that about a decade or so ago... STILL DO... You don't get there by applying the thumbscrews to someone.
BUT I would hate the thought of being a "LIFER!"
That piece of paper is less important to me than it once was...
Native Tahitians have a tradition on marriage. They go through life. Get partners. Have kids and grandkids. Stay together (shock and surprize!) BECAUSE THEY ARE TREATED WELL AND BECAUSE THEY WANT TOO! Not out of some legal obligation that will strip them of kids, cars, money, houses, etc. if they don't...
There is no huge societal pressure to "find someone, settle down, and get married."
In traditional Tahitian culture, Marriage is something they do at the end of your life, as a way of celebrating a life already shared together, things accomplished, etc. Not a promise of a life to come... [Of course, THEY were goddless heathens...]
I can't help wondering if perhaps they got it right, and our society got it wrong! | |
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| Any men over 35 seriously looking to get married?
Posted: 3/21/2008 8:11:34 AM |
I can give you why I haven't (cannot speak for other males on the subject) It is a combination of things for me. I am 40, nearing 41 this summer. Never married. no kids. For the most part it is I know what I want and I will not compromise on it. I am looking for someone who can match me in intelligence, libido, be into SCA/renaissance re-enacting, and the alternative lifestyles. The other problem (for me) is faith based. I follow the olde brehon laws which state the lass has to make the first move NO EXCEPTIONS. Hence I dont date much.
**SHRUG** Guess I am overly weird.
Dude, you definitely wouldn't be the right choice for a woman who states she's "looking for a Christian man" on her profile.  | |
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| Any men over 35 seriously looking to get married?
Posted: 3/22/2008 12:54:35 PM | I am very interested in getting into a serious relationship. Marriage would be nice but I find it difficult to find anyone that is truly honest and wanting a serious, committed relationship. Either that or they simply have too many issues that get uncovered over a period of time. Issues such as being hung up on an ex, anger problems, mental illnesses (bipolar is common), drugs, alcohol, etc...
I am 35 and I have dated women from 25 - 40 and it seems instability is very common at all ages.
If i find someone dedicated, stable, honest, intelligent and attractive (at least to me) then yes, I would be interested in marriage at my age. | |
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| Any men over 35 seriously looking to get married?
Posted: 3/28/2008 10:26:19 PM | Nope not anymore. Maybe when I was like 25-26 but now that I am 37, I see zero benefit as a man to ever getting married.
I can obtain the same benefits from a normal relationship since I dont want kids either it matters not to marry for me. | |
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| Any men over 35 seriously looking to get married?
Posted: 3/29/2008 6:02:59 AM | | Yes. I am 35 in about a months time, and I long for it. But man, finding someone is the hard part. For my part, and I can see for a few other guys here too, that we're serious about that and theres a reason for us to be here. | |
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| Any men over 35 seriously looking to get married?
Posted: 3/29/2008 8:01:29 AM | | Yes, I think that a lot of guys are like that, I have a friend that feels it is a meat market, and I don't think he is that good looking of a guy, women may say different. Now me on the other hand, live in reality, I know I am just an average guy all around, and would love to just fall in love, be married and live life. But I find do to my being average, women tend not to want that and pass me over. So, here I sit, still having hope! Not a drinker, don't smoke, good with kids(have my own, out of home), but I feel cause of my looks and plain life, no one wants to marry that. So they will go for the good looking ass, that will leave when they find better! KEN | |
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amt001
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Joined: 3/25/2008
Msg: 383 | |
| Any men over 35 seriously looking to get married?
Posted: 3/29/2008 10:41:08 AM | | I am looking for mrs right myself. I will say if you are putting out before you really know then you are as much to blame. Single guys I noticed live off gulible woman....Not to say you are but at the same time he may have liked you and got into bed and maybe had an exspectation of what he wants and you didnt fit. Its all part of dating. You win some and you lose alot more. Its just a chance we all take. If a guy has been married he doesnt want just anything. He and you should be looking for compatability. He may like you as a person and via versa you may like him but if you dont want the same things in bed why would you want to settle for it just because. I want a woman with the same drive as me. The same wants as me. I dont want in between because if you pick a bad partner and one is unhappy married isnt going to stop the unhappy or unsatisfied to not hunger and look for more! | |
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| Any men over 35 seriously looking to get married?
Posted: 3/29/2008 11:01:10 PM | | I am over 35 and have been married twice before. I am still looking for a long term relationship with the possibility of getting married again. But how are you supposed to know, no matter if you meet them on-line or at a bar. It is all chances that have to be taken, if you want it to happen. The hope would be that you could get to know someone a little bit before you decide to meet with them. But I think people try to build themselves up in order to sell themselves to others. Honesty is no doubt the best policy, but how many are really honest. That's why I am trying this site. | |
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| Any men over 35 seriously looking to get married?
Posted: 3/30/2008 1:49:39 AM |
Any men over 35 seriously looking to get married?
Are you kidding, I've been looking to get married and have the family life since my teen years. I'll probably go to my grave still looking. | |
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| Any men over 35 seriously looking to get married?
Posted: 3/30/2008 7:18:52 AM | To the OP.
Men over 35 looking to get married.... Maybe
Men preferring to have an LTR... probably
LOL... speaking for myself, if I were to be looking for anything, I would think it to be just a LTR.. without marriage. Reasons.. simple. I havent had the opportunity to meet a woman that
A) really knew what she wanted
B) didnt harbor some ill resentment toward men in one form or another
C) is Emotionally healthy/secure
D) didnt expect me to kiss her ass.
Marriage is more of an Expense. Than a goal. If I were to take that plunge again, and perhaps the relationship were to go south, then my Significant Other would demand HALF.. and with the court system backing her... There does come a time when its too costly. I dont want to spend another 10 years trying to rebuild my life. On the other hand, with an LTR, we each go our seperate ways... she takes her crap, I get mine left alone. | |
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| Any men over 35 seriously looking to get married?
Posted: 3/30/2008 9:49:49 AM | Yes, we are..
Almost all of my guy friends are looking for a great woman to settle down with.
Guys complain that all the good women are married or have boyfriends.. So, how to find the great available women ?
What do you think..?
Jeff | |
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| Any men over 35 seriously looking to get married?
Posted: 3/30/2008 11:04:39 AM | Sparticuss.....
Chicks??? really!!....
Anyway both sexes have been let down by their respective partners... I agree that there are some pretty shallow girls out there, but normally marriages don't break down over night, and their is normally a reason.. and there is usually two people contributing to such breakdown..
I am willing to bet all I have on the fact that for every man that has been screwed over there is a woman who has been equally screwed over.. the important thing is not to paint us all (women and men alike) with the same brush...
I for one have never been unfaithful or screwed anyone over...but hey thats just me, and I am sure that there are plenty more like me
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| Any men over 35 seriously looking to get married?
Posted: 3/31/2008 9:05:55 AM | I am looking for my Ms Right...I am looing to get married. I want to be certain I am with the right lady first though. That is part of the problem..I keep meeting females with too much drama.
I want to meet a kind and honest lady who is looking to try her best and do what ever it takes to make a LTR work and I will do the same. | |
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| Any men over 35 seriously looking to get married?
Posted: 4/1/2008 5:39:54 PM | | Yes, I would absolutely love to meet someone to marry and utimately that is what I am seeking... the major problem I am running into is that it seems no one else on these dating sites are looking for anything beyond dating, chatting, or maybe accumulating the all time high score for being people's favorites. I am seriously starting to think that not trying to find someone is the best way to find them... kind of like finding my lost car keys, they'll show up right after you stop looking.... that or pay to rekey your car | |
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| Any men over 35 seriously looking to get married?
Posted: 4/2/2008 3:58:11 PM | | absolutely. i dont know about , all the other guys, around here, but i, myself, am on here looking for a serious long term relationship, and where i come from, that means, marrage,! | |
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Mertz
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Joined: 2/2/2006
Msg: 393 | |
| Any men over 35 seriously looking to get married?
Posted: 4/3/2008 1:55:17 AM | | I make no bones about the fact that I'm not looking for a long term relationship right now. A man who has to lie to a woman to trick her into having sex with him obviously hasn't ever seen the countless benefits of being brutally honest with a woman. | |
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| Any men over 35 seriously looking to get married?
Posted: 4/3/2008 8:59:36 PM | | I don't date just for the sake of dating. It's one woman, not a few to pick the best from and the sole reason for dating her is for compatibility, long term and marriage. | |
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| Any men over 35 seriously looking to get married?
Posted: 4/3/2008 10:27:24 PM | | I'm looking for a long-term commitment that will eventually lead to marriage. I know there are no guarantees, but I'm willing to work at it until I find the right one....or she finds me. I don't want to be married just for the sake of being married. I know too many people who are married and seriously unhappy. | |
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| getting burned by a one track cultural mind
Posted: 4/6/2008 10:35:25 AM | Leafchick, perhaps the best comment was the one posted by Birdman660. In this Western culture, the new "norm" is that romantic relationships must be a hard pressure car deal where the man must buy NOW. Gone are the 1950's where it was advisable to date frequently to really make a good choice. A new culture has been created whereby there is a sense of entitlement by many women to the "ideal" relationship that they have conjured in their minds, and any men who cannot or will not fit into or allow themselves to pounded into that fantasy will be labeled "jerks" or a**holes.
In American society, where there are no more elders or small communities where one's family knows the woman's family for generations and can advise the man to not marry the gal he met at the barn raising, "stay away boy, them folk are all nut jobs. Trust me son known em' forever." Men have become lost sheep in big cities where everyone is anonymous. As a result, men would kick the tires, look under the hood, test drive, read consumer reports before buying a car. But, when it came to women, they would just look up and proclaim, "you'll do."
Now, that men want to kick the tires, look under the hood, and see what they're going to get, some women are tripping out. After getting burned in divorce, I am extremely cautious and definitely read the "consumer" report on the woman.
This thread has an underlying premise that somehow an intimate relationship is the woman giving up something (many women see sex as a consumer product for trade) for which she is not being compensated (i.e. the man's economic commitment in marriage). The original poster asked and men answered: men over 35 have been down the marriage path once, didn't kick the tires, have been hurt (because they have feelings), were damaged economically, and are now making sober choices in their lives (they're gonna kick the tires, test drive, etc) before ever doing that again.
If men and women, created a new mind set and took a cue from the pre-industrial days of small communities where everyone knew each other, they might find that being extremely cautious is in everyone's best interest. Tahitian, culture, or cultures outside of the lean cuisine instant TV culture we now live, recognize that humans are profoundly flawed and kookie. Thus, those cultures created mechanisms to avoid disasters like the marriage by guess followed by divorce (the endless mega lawsuit).
If you are interested in some informed reading on the subject, check out http://everyravlik.blogspot.com/2006/11/afraid-to-commit-young-men-want-to.html
or http://www.warrenfarrell.com/
Enjoy. | |
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| Any men over 35 seriously looking to get married?
Posted: 4/6/2008 12:58:35 PM | | To answer your question, seriously, yes, we are out here. And not only are we out here looking for a long term relationship leading to marriage, we also want to create a family with that special lady. Now, that being said, there is something that ladies can do to sniff out the "try and sleeps." Keep you pants on for at least 90 days from the time you establish that you are a couple. If the guy is serious and is willing to respect your wishes, he can be a keeper. If he keeps badgering you, gets sneaky, he is not a keeper. BUT LADIES! You have to be strong. If you are looking for the long term relationship leading to marriage (and you don't have to be engaged for 10 years either (that's a comment for another posting)), treat yourself like gold and so will he. If not, he is not worth it. | |
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| Any men over 35 seriously looking to get married?
Posted: 4/7/2008 12:55:51 PM | i am. i am 35, no kids, never married before, and the reasons for it are my own business unless we get to know each other real well.
ironically, i find it exactly opposite of what Leafchick posted. i started looking around and got back into dating only to find its all the women that are not interested in marriage.
seriously, the ones in dance clubs and bars make me gag and i cant stand those places anymore. i also work with a lot of women. maybe 60% employees at my work are females, but all i see is players. a lot of married women cheat on their husbands to pretty staggering proportions. i wont exxagerate when i say 3 out of 7 married chicks at my work cheat and i feel really sorry for their husbands when i meet them. all the others want to do is just go out and play around, not get into each other. if its not bars then its cruises or high end travel etc. there dont seem to be any women left that actually want to concentrate on establishing a home and family instead of blowing all their cash and time.
i finally met one girl but our relationship is semi-long distance, well, 90 miles + LA traffic, so 4-5 hour drive at peak hours down the 405, 2 without. kinda puts a dent on things considering its high traffic 5/7 days a week + saturday evenings. if we pursue this any further one of us will have to move and give up their life, job, etc. for now we spend together about every 2nd weekend and spend a lot of time on vid cams on MSN. but we are both still keeping options open. | |
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| Any men over 35 seriously looking to get married?
Posted: 4/7/2008 3:55:26 PM | I certainly hope one day to remarry. I was married for 11 years and it was the most rewarding thing that I have ever done. I can't imagine going thru life single and jumping in and out of relationships. Long term definitely means indefinite long term relationship. | |
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