| Any men over 35 seriously looking to get married?
Posted: 5/10/2006 10:18:06 PM | In answer to the OP's original question, of course I'm hoping to find a long term relationship leading to marriage. But I'm not expecting that to happen out of the gate.
Just so that you can get on the same page as me, timewise, here's my expectations** for the timing of a long term / marriage relationship. First I'm dating short term and we're evaluating long term prospects. A long term dating relationship is over a year. Between the one and two year mark, I'd contemplate whether I wanted to propose marriage. I'd make a decision to do it (or not) some time near or after year two.
You are 39 and you state in your profile that you want kids before 42. That's possible on my timeline, but not likely. I don't think that you'll find any guy that has a faster timeline that what I've laid out, so you might want to revise your expectations of marriage and family.
**My expectations are subject to change upon exposure to Love at First Sight (TM) or early onset of True Love (TM). | |
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| Any men over 35 seriously looking to get married?
Posted: 5/10/2006 10:54:02 PM | Here's Jerry Springer's timeline:
You contact me via email at 6:00pm to say "hi"
I ask you to marry me at 6:05pm
You say "yes" at 6:06pm
You arrive at my house at 7:00pm
We get married at 8:00pm
You are pregnant at 10:00pm
That's 4 hours between first contact, and the start of our new family. I was going to say 2 hours, but I've never been one to rush things  | |
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| Any men over 35 seriously looking to get married?
Posted: 5/10/2006 11:00:05 PM | | I am 39 also and hoping to be married before I am 45. I think that's a reasonable time line considering taking the time to get to know the person I will marry. At the same time I am not worried about the biological clock because I am more than willing to adopt a child. There's nothing worse than rushing to get married and finding the wrong man in the process. I'd rather give it time and marry someone who is right for me, and I'm right for him. | |
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| Any men over 35 seriously looking to get married?
Posted: 5/11/2006 5:45:04 AM | sparticuss...
"Looks like I exposed leaf chick to more hard reality than she could handle when I wipped the curtain from in front of her eyes"
Are you off your rocker. I have no idea what the hell your talking about. I have only ever dated men that have been divorced with kids and I must admit that none of them have been as hatefull as you. I really don't care about dad's in distress to be frank! I believe in doing what is best for the CHILDREN as it should be. Not everyone gets along or will get along after a divorce. My only suggestion to the men that feel cheated etc.. they should get a good lawyer or try mediation. Come to a common ground for the CHILDREN.
How do you know what type of men my g'friends have dated. You say they wanted
- and soulmates
- and love
- and care
- and commitment
I'll tell you what they really wanted was to get screwed with as many woman as they wanted.. dated more than they said.. lied when they said they were only dating them.. and even lied when they got caught trying to hook up with 3 friends when they said they were only dating them. So please don't assume my friends only wanted sex and that is all the vibes they have been sending out.
If you dont want to go lugging the stuff over there into a dating site then why are you. As for me knowing where I am really coming from... I know at my age what I want and what I don't want and I will NOT settle for an inconsiderate lying cheating man that assumes all women are to be played. (You obviously have a vested interest in dad's in distress). I'm still wondering what the hell that has to do with me asking if there are any men over 35 online dating in hopes of finding a long term relationship? | |
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| Any men over 35 seriously looking to get married?
Posted: 5/11/2006 5:52:33 AM | Well thank god!! A man that actually read my OP! LOL
Of course I know that things don't happen fast (in most cases). Although I have known couples that met, married within a year. Highly unlikely but I suppose it could be done. Not sure I would want that route.
I don't think in 2 years for me to find someone and get pregnant is quick. I'm not saying by any means that it would be set in stone. I say 42 because I dated a guy for 8 months about 10 years ago and when he started talking about marriage and kids I found out that 5 years prior he had a vasectomy because his parents divorced and as he said it ruined his life after all the damn fighting and battle that followed.
He said he didn't want to met someone, get married, have children only for it to end in divorce so he got snipped!.
So after 8 months of us talking about us both wanting children someday .. at no point did he say he didn't want kids (which he didn't EVER) or that he was snipped. He flat out lied and that frankly I felt betrayed that I wasted so much time on this man. | |
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| Any men over 35 seriously looking to get married?
Posted: 5/11/2006 7:03:25 AM | I hear you leafchick in regards to the whole "I want a relationship but I'm afraid of the commitment" bit.. or at least in the end that's what it's deduced to. I sometimes wonder if it has to do with the man chickening out, or believing there is someone better out there. Who knows. We should never let past experiences cloud our judgement. Always grow from the positive and learn from the negative.
I have often questioned why it is that men at this age and older want the friend with benefits at this point in their lives. I mean did I miss something? It's like what I was doing in my late teens/early 20's men are doing now.
I'm sure there are plenty of men who are honestly sincere and do mean they are looking for a long term relationship. Ya just have to get through all the bottom feeders and carp first.
You are a beautiful woman. I don't think you will be alone forever.  | |
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| Any men over 35 seriously looking to get married?
Posted: 5/11/2006 7:16:14 AM | | I am seriously looking for a long term relationship. As for a definition of 'long term' let's look to my parents generation. "Till death do us part" Parents 48 years (Dad died last year), uncle 59 years, uncle 41 years (he married at 46), aunt 45 years (he died in '94), uncle married since 1958. | |
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| Any men over 35 seriously looking to get married?
Posted: 5/11/2006 7:46:43 AM | "I sometimes wonder if it has to do with the man chickening out, or believing there is someone better out there. Who knows. We should never let past experiences cloud our judgement. Always grow from the positive and learn from the negative."
Of course I too believe that some men think there is someone better out there but keep you hanging on just in case. I in no way take "past experiences" into new relationships but for god sakes I just want someone that like you said isn't acting like he did in his 20's. I want a grown up man.
I see there are some on here, which is very nice to see. No reason why someone shouldn't tell propsective people what they eventually want (as the end result). Why they are in fact online ... either your on here to play games/date a ton of people/ or in search of someone special.
The women will get a kick out of this I got via email today...
****OLOGY
When I stand up for
myself and my beliefs,
they call me a ****.
When I stand up for
those I love,
they call me a ****.
When I speak my mind, think my own thoughts
or do things my own way, they call me a ****.
Being a****
means I won't
compromise what's
in my heart.
It means I live my life MY way.
It means I won't allow anyone to step on me.
When I refuse to
tolerate injustice and
speak against it, I am
defined as a ****.
The same thing happens when I take time for
myself instead of being everyone's maid, or when I act a little
selfish. It means I have the courage and strength to allow myself to
be who I truly am and won't become anyone else's idea of what they think I
"should" be. I am outspoken, opinionated and determined. I want what I want and there is nothing wrong with that!
So ! try to stomp on me,
try to douse my inner flame, try to squash every ounce of beauty I
hold within me. You won't succeed.
And if that makes me a ****,
so be it. | |
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| Any men over 35 seriously looking to get married?
Posted: 5/11/2006 7:51:26 AM | Nice to see someone else that is seriously looking.
I am starting to believe that many people think long term is a death sentence or if you say you it's what you really want, they assume you mean right away.
My parents were married 33 years (dad died in 1999). I doubt that those types of "long terms" will exisit in our generations. Seems divorce is easier to some than simply working things out. | |
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| Any men over 35 seriously looking to get married?
Posted: 5/11/2006 7:53:25 AM | Thanks diggy your sweet.
I'm kind, compassionate, understanding, faithful, very happy and to me that is more important that what a person looks like. But, I thank you for the compliment all the same. | |
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| Any men over 35 seriously looking to get married?
Posted: 5/11/2006 8:38:34 AM | I think that men, much like women, are diverse in their quests.
What this means is you will always find guys that are interested in a committed relationship, and the players that just want notches on the bedpost.
I happen to echo the sentiment of "Irishmage". I have never been married (close once, 3 weeks til D-Day) but decided that I wouldn't settle.
I don't have kids yet because I only want to do that with one person, my wife. Marriage, which I also want to do only once (so 7 years isn't a long time) has eluded me.
Do not be so hasty to paint all men with the same brush. I have met many a woman that claimed to want "long term", a nice guy, sweet romantic, caring, sensitive yada yada yada.... but when it comes down to it, and they get it, they change their mind... because after all "it is a woman's perogative!"
But if a guy realizes that he is involved in something that he doesn't want, or was mislead, he has a fear of commitment. Can you say "Double Standard"?
Understand that there are men out there, 35 and over that want all of those things... that value honor, virtue, morality etc. but are not willing to compromise those beliefs by taking the first thing that comes along.
just my $.02 | |
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| Any men over 35 seriously looking to get married?
Posted: 5/11/2006 10:00:20 AM | "Understand that there are men out there, 35 and over that want all of those things... that value honor, virtue, morality etc. but are not willing to compromise those beliefs by taking the first thing that comes along"
Hi Sequel,
I know there are kind and honest men. I've got some as friends but they are gay so dating me is out of the question!. I don't think any of us really want to be with someone that will settle for anything. | |
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| Any men over 35 seriously looking to get married?
Posted: 5/11/2006 10:06:15 AM | So are you now saying that in order to possess those qualities... you have to be a gay male?
Those men do exist in the hetero world, just so you know. Maybe you just need to evaluate where you are meeting these so called "men" that don't fit the bill. Just a thought. | |
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| Any men over 35 seriously looking to get married?
Posted: 5/11/2006 10:10:31 AM | leafchick, that sounded soooooo bad...
Anyway, I don't know why some women are so proud of being ****es. Moreover, I don't understand why are they so surprised when men want nothing to do with them.
Let's see:
She speaks her mind (and the more hurtful she is, the better. But God forbids if hubby dares to do the same, that's "psychological abuse") and do things her own way (and expects others doing things HER way, too), she won't compromise (isn't marriage about compromise, too?), she will live life her way (curious, I always thought marriage meant "their" life, not only "her" life), she thinks that taking care of her husband is being a maid (no wonder she thinks men want her only for sex, that's the only thing she's useful for), she thinks being loudmouth and obnoxious is being "opinionated and determined" (I have a boss at work, I don't need a boss at home), she thinks that all those qualities are "beauty" (I KNOW I AM PRETTY, I just know it!).
And then she asks why no man wants her! | |
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| Any men over 35 seriously looking to get married?
Posted: 5/11/2006 11:11:38 AM | Not at all. I'm saying I know them but they happen to be gay. As for where I'm meeting men... I have no problem meeting men they are just the wrong type for ME. I've met at church, stores, bars, work etc... and I just find that the ones over 35 are not looking to find anything long term (especially if they are divorced or separated). They think (the ones I've dated) they are ready but really they are not, although they don't tell you until you have invested your time and effort.
Is it so hard to find someone now-a-days that knows what they want. If someone wants kids.. say so, if someone never wants to marry, say so... from DAY 1. I certainly don't want to invest 1 or 2 years with someone that can't figure out what he wants. | |
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| Any men over 35 seriously looking to get married?
Posted: 5/11/2006 11:19:34 AM | simbadsailor
Where in that poem does it mention anything about marriage? What it is saying is that if a women has a damn opinon in this world and won't settle (she is considered a B*tch) as is the meaning behind the other things in the poem.
It's called a double standard.
When a women is powerful in business she is ruthless and high on herself and by some men considered a b*tch. It happens in business!!
There are plenty of men out in the world that do think a women is to be at their beck and call and be a good little wife without a voice at home. Marriage to them is not 50/50.
Since when does a smart women with a good head on her shoulders, caring, compassionate and wanting it all without settling for just anything ... considered a B*TCH? | |
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| Any men over 35 seriously looking to get married?
Posted: 5/11/2006 11:39:58 AM | Where in that poem does it mention anything about marriage?
The poem does not mention it, probably because no sane man would marry a self-proclaimed ****. I simply extrapolated all the attitude the poem shows, and placed it in a marriage environment. Scary, isn't it?
What it is saying is that if a women has a damn opinon in this world and won't settle (she is considered a B*tch) as is the meaning behind the other things in the poem.
In fact, that poem is only a long whine about why other people resents her obnoxiousness instead of being awed by her magnificence.
It's called a double standard.
No, it's not. A man who acts as a ****, will be called a jerk.
When a women is powerful in business she is ruthless and high on herself and by some men considered a b*tch. It happens in business!!
Yes, it's true. It happens in business. Now, why would a man -any man- want a ruthless, powerful and high-on-herself woman at home?
There are plenty of men out in the world that do think a women is to be at their beck and call and be a good little wife without a voice at home. Marriage to them is not 50/50.
Let's say that is true. Now the big question: So what? Do you expect they settling for less of what they want? (of course, our dear friend the **** "wants what she want and there is nothing wrong with that", right?)
Since when does a smart women with a good head on her shoulders, caring, compassionate and wanting it all without settling for just anything ... considered a B*TCH?
A woman like that is not considered a ****. Who gave you that idea? | |
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| Any men over 35 seriously looking to get married?
Posted: 5/11/2006 2:24:37 PM | Well as a relative newcomer to this middle-aged dating/fishing thing, I guess my perspective will change in time. I certainly look to marrying again someday. I just turned 42 - oh, wait 39...
After what I went through the last couple years with my ex, I know full well that I need some work...trust issues and that sort of thing. I know I can't paint all women with the same brush...but it's like that cat who got burned on the hot stove...for a while anyway. I'll get there, hopefully meet someone who can restore my faith in humanity and all that.
So, yeah it is a serious consideration for the future, but how long into the future I don't know. Being alone, or "dating" in my golden years doesn't really sound too appealing | |
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| Any men over 35 seriously looking to get married?
Posted: 5/11/2006 3:05:06 PM | I'm 34, and would marry the first time, if I could find someone. I've had nibbles, but nothing serious yet. I'm rather unique in that I tried to establish everything else in my life first before seriously going out looking. Finding someone who isn't too shy, and is willing to be open to me right off the bat is hard. It is amazing,
I've met a woman who took a month to admit to me that she was seeing someone else. Another who took 6 months to admit to me. Thank goodness neither of those got serious enough to be married. And I'm getting good at seeing what isn't serious more quickly. Yes it would be nice to get married, it would be nice just to find more people to be friendly with and go out with. If I can get both in the same person, I'd be very happy. Enjoying my singleness while it lasts, and I'm sure I'll enjoy being with someone special should I find them! | |
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| Any men over 35 seriously looking to get married?
Posted: 5/11/2006 4:51:03 PM | Oh wow thank you Sequel! was beginning to think no one read my posts (like they are not reading my ad) LOL!
In truth I wont settle. There are certain aspects of my life I wont change and others I cannot. I am more than honest in what I am looking for and it seems lasses wont accept that.
My 2 pence | |
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| Any men over 35 seriously looking to get married?
Posted: 5/11/2006 5:52:45 PM | Yeah, I get the same thing. I read profile after profile saying...
"I want a guy who knows what he wants, one who is true to his convictions, and honest".
So I am, my profile is blunt, my desires are stated, no BS, just truth.
I've had tons of messages saying that I'm too picky, I should compromise... I even had one girl tell me that my ex must've put me on a pedestal, and I should be careful, because at my height it'll be a long fall from there.
If I was to say that to a girl, wow... the fireworks I would see.
So how do you win? You say "this is what I want out of life and out of a partner" and you get trashed for it.
If you jump at the first thing that comes along that is "close" to your ideal match, you've compromised your standards and you're only lying to yourself.
Where is this Dr. Phil you people speak of when you really need him? | |
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| Any men over 35 seriously looking to get married?
Posted: 5/11/2006 6:32:04 PM | | im 39 and some day i hope to meet the right person and get married again. i would love to find some one and fall in love. my dream is to find someone who will love me as much as i love them..i hope someday to find that special person to grow old with and spend the rest of my life with . if you fall in love with sombody and they fall in love with you . grab them up becouse true love is very hard to find .. | |
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