| | Has anyone dated someone with asbergers?Page 4 of 6 (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6) | Most of you posting are saying that your Aspergers is really mild, you can barely notice it, there are more negatives that positives etc etc. THIS IS NOT ALWAYS THE CASE. I only know one person with Aspergers who is a client where I work. Because I know of his condition I was always patient etc, but it has got to the point where he is obsessed with me and even when I want to go to the toilet or canteen I will sometimes hesitate because he is just hanging around waiting for me outside my office. I finally firmly told him no he cannot take any pictures of me (he likes to take pictures which I first obliged) and that no I can't talk because I am busy. He still doesn't get it. I cannot imagine myself in a relationship with someone like him because he is to put it bluntly creepy and highly inappropriate.
I know that he is aware how his behaviour can be construed because he always asks "is that alright?" but it still doesn't change the fact that he is following me around and I don't like it. If I tell him to go he will turn directions then run down another corridor to try and catch me at a different end. If he comes to towards me and sees me talking on the phone he will respect that but start walking around and round in circles a short distance away. My colleagues at work have noticed it and told me to report it but I really can't because he hasn't done anything wrong. | |
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| Has anyone dated someone with asbergers?
Posted: 11/12/2011 12:37:57 PM | I have two female friends who have some form of autistic spectrum disorder. (ASD)
They are now going out, and have been for a while now; when my friend told me she was going out with the other girl, I could have kicked myself for not introducing them sooner because they are such a good match! (I knew they were both lesbians before they started going out.)
Both of them have trouble picking up on some social cues, and both dislike being touched by most people. One of them, the friend I knew first, often says or does things that may be rude/blunt/inappropriate, smply because she doesn't realise that what she says or does might offend or upset people.
They absolutely hate being described as a "cute" couple, so I tend to say that they're "well matched", or "well suited".
I'm totally not saying that people with Aspergers should only date other people with the same condition; just that it happened to work well in this instance where my two friends happen to be autistic.
As long as the partner understands and accepts the condition as being part of the person, I don't see a problem.
I haven't gone out with anyone myself who has Aspergers, but if we liked each other and were compatible, I wouldn't see the problem, same as with anyone else. | |
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| Has anyone dated someone with asbergers?
Posted: 11/17/2011 4:22:48 PM | "I have taught teens with this disorder and often worried how they would fare in later life...the only comfort is the total unawareness they have of the world."
That statement applies more to the general population (who feed on and believe mainstream media are generally truthful) than to Aspies. Maybe you should look up some of the people you taught on facebook and see how they're really doing, instead of just imagining. Compare their comprehension and world views with those of the guy in the next cubicle, who likely has no idea how (or even if) the current Greek and Italian financial crises will affect him. | |
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| Has anyone dated someone with asbergers?
Posted: 1/2/2012 10:12:38 AM | I'm an Aspie - at 48 I have just figured it out, with the help of a man with Asperger's that I have been dating, who also has a daughter with it. At first I said, but I'm social and outgoing, but have also spent much of my life feeling on the outside looking in. I can't be an Aspie because they are withdrawn, but the more read and studied it was as if those books and articles were describing me. Even at 48, the idea of meeting a man, getting married, having kids, is beyond me and I don't know how one goes through the steps of life that NTs do. Female Aspie traits are a contrast to males - some because of social influences. http://www.help4aspergers.com/pb/wp_a58d4f6a/images/img244154ad237783e339.JPG Dating an Aspie man is still quite challenging. He was told by other women he was too intense for them. I actually enjoyed his intensity, didn't fight it, and he doesn't know how to handle that. Now I am hurt from him retreating from me. I thought dating someone so much like me was going to be the answer, but men will still be men running from the first sign of emotional intimacy. It is the thing I crave the most in life - that connection, yet it is the most elusive.  | |
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| Has anyone dated someone with asbergers?
Posted: 1/2/2012 12:19:41 PM |
also spent much of my life feeling on the outside looking in. I can't be an Aspie because they are withdrawn, but the more read and studied it was as if those books and articles were describing me. Even at 48, the idea of meeting a man, getting married, having kids, is beyond me and I don't know how one goes through the steps of life that NTs do. Female Aspie traits are a contrast to males - some because of social influences
I was married & had kids & worked & enjoy people, but I find it very stressful. I cannot stand alot of noise & disorganized behavior. I get anxious. I have a few OCD tendencies.  | |
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| Has anyone dated someone with asbergers?
Posted: 1/2/2012 12:59:20 PM | Thats enlightening to me D Virtuosa.
I don't understand it and a year ago dated someone a few times that ..I thought may have some thing similar as he was not connecting to anyone or anything from my view.
Certainly not me.
Maybe there are different forms/degrees of it.
Maybe he didn't have it at all.
My original post was.............
I think I have possibly ..A somewhat detached person and not engaged in what is going on like regular people are as far as getting how others feel/ react to them acting a certain way or saying something just not quite appropriate when you know THEY should know better by 45 or 50.
I'm not talking about jumping up and down acting crazy or being vulgar..Just not connecting on a level you would expect a grown man to connect to who and what is around them.
I wrote him off as clueless or a social misfit.
Very frustrating ..because you see they try but it isn't plugging in.
"Look I am doing this ( something any average person would JUST do because people do that)..Thats good right?"
Touching people or staring at them for no reason.
Outbursts of juvenile rants ( short) or comments out of no where about something 1000 miles away.
"Well that waitress better grow up because I leave the tip" If he thought he didn't (after being inappropriate) get enough attention.
It was hard to communicate certain human subtleties.
I have no idea if that is just an immature disconnected person or a syndrome.
If it was Asbergers , I hate to say I could never date someone like him again.
Not at that level.
I think some have used him because of it, as he does quite well for himself.
My stomach would get in knots if I was around him and he acted or..I cannot put it in words.
He was a "nice guy" but something was VERY off. Almost creepy sometimes how he just looked at me and grinned and would reach across the table for my hand..like He found THE ONE.
I thought after the first date I was just being harsh so went out again and then later again to see if something was in there I missed..
Nice looking man ......shame.
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| Has anyone dated someone with asbergers?
Posted: 1/3/2012 8:57:26 AM | Yes Peppermint Petunias,
It is difficult enough to figure someone out when you first start dating them, let alone if there is an underlying issue. How to tell if they are a sociopath, well meaning and simply don't know any better, or undiagnosed and refuse to be because of a stigma. It is hard to connect with someone who doesn't seem to want a connection.
Here is a very good article about that http://autism.about.com/b/2009/03/22/is-it-asperger-syndrome-or-just-plain-bad-manners.htm
There is a full spectrum of behaviors out there and it seems we have to become amateur psychologists just to figure it out. I suppose when someone makes a left field or off the wall comment we can casually ask them to explain themselves. I figure why would a guy ask me out in the first place if he didn't see something in me he liked, so it wouldn't make any sense that one would want to spend an evening with another and say rude things to them. I like to know as much about what is between their ears before I meet them so I know what to expect. The hard part is when I know them long enough to become fond of them and attracted to them and then they start acting out of character "for them." As an Aspie I need consistency so the whole sudden retreat into the "man cave" or needing "space" (does that mean they go to another galaxy?) after quite a few times together when there is obvious chemistry, baffles me and just increases abandonment issues for me. So emotionally unavailable, just rude, or is it Aspergers? I guess only time will tell with a person. Is there truly no chemistry? Or is "chemistry" just a term people use for ambiguous instantaneous lust that doesn't last and is normally only seen in Hollywood movies passing for a "relationship"? | |
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| Has anyone dated someone with asbergers?
Posted: 1/3/2012 11:06:13 AM | ^^^^^^^^^Thanks for the link.
Although this was a while ago.
I often question was I to hard on someone that didn't get it or did I just call out a jerk for being a jerk.
It's not because I was SO smitten, it is questioning myself as being a good judge of someones character.
The person I'm speaking of I feel is a good person or at least tried to be, but his actions at times were just baffling and just didn't make sense.
It's a fascinating subject.
We seem to accept a physical impairment we can see or difficulty so much easier than someone who has gone through years of trying to find a doctor to help them address
issues of a chemical or mental issue.
The word mental or brain chemistry often makes people think something horrific when it is often a non issue except on rare occasions or certain circumstances.
Look at how the word bi polar is thrown around on the forums and IRL
I'll check the link.
edit.
Oh dear I think he may really have a form of AS.
I was rarely the target, except slight things like driving off before I did in the dark to make sure my car was cranked and I was safe..Not waiting to see if I got in my door before driving off.
Little things that really annoyed the hell out of me as inconsiderate " who does that?" type of behavior.
I mean women do that for other women..How could a man not know?
Short 2-3 word e mails like he wanted ME to carry the conversation.
Same with phone calls.
But don't get the semi bragging he was going to do such and such that day when he knew I would enjoy that..Yet not ask me.
Or take time to see when a band was going to play we both would have enjoyed and acting like I should do it.
Oh well.
Its not like we ever got past a few dinners or a movie.
He was just an ODD one to figure out.
I usually have someone figured out in 2 meets.
Maybe ..maybe not. | |
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| Has anyone dated someone with asbergers?
Posted: 1/15/2012 5:36:42 PM | I hear your statement. You may need to discuss the behaviour with others to see if a solution can be arrived at. You may need to report it because that is wrong if the individual is making you uncomfortable (and he is aware of it) but doesn't stop, regardless of whether he's Neurotypical or not.
I know very well about Asperger's Syndrome (and for that matter, Non-Verbal Learning Disability). In a lot of cases, it is mild, more positives than negatives (not the other way around), but other people even though they know about Asperger's, even work in the field with clients that have Asperger's, will find the subtleties to quote many "creepy".
Anyway, you just may have to report it, plain and simple if it persists. | |
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| Has anyone dated someone with asbergers?
Posted: 5/9/2012 4:25:49 PM | I don't know, but sometimes I think I might have it. I've been "accused" ???? of having it. that and ADD. I think the people that accused me of that were doing so to criticize me though. I guess I can feel uncomforable in social situations sometimes, but I think that's normal from time to time. I think I read people pretty well in social situations for the most part. Was tested for ADD and it was not suggestive of an attention disorder. I think I'll ask my doctor about it next time I see him. kinda interesting. I'm kinda introverted and like someone earlier said, maybe I'm just an introvert at times. someone also said that I make friends easily though too. So who knows.
I know a person through an online forum that has it and he suffers quite a bit with loneliness etc. Online he's pretty enjoyable. actually I know 2 from there come to think of it. online couldn't tell anything socially off by either. seemingly intelligent fellows. Which also makes me remember that they tend to have a high vocab and their language is kinda a little too formal in some social situations I believe? anyway, interesting stuff | |
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| Has anyone dated someone with aspergers?
Posted: 5/10/2012 9:42:05 AM | WillB,
This is a fascinating topic, I just recently saw a movie featuring a young boy with this syndrome, it was entitled, Extremely loud and incredibly close. it was about a boy with aspergers syndrome who lost his father in 911 and was trying to complete an expedition that his father had laid out for him in an attempt to regain 8 minutes with his father Tom hanks plays the father and the boy I'm not quite sure who he is but it was an amazing film and this coming from someone who is usually bored by documentaries and loves scifi & midieval movies. Now I myself am extremely shy and would recommend should you choose the high road and date this person your interested in, tell some jokes try it make it about them the first time you meet then they will warm up to you after the first date and want to know more about you. it takes a strong heart to date someone like that and I promise you it won't always be easy to say the least, but you'll have someone amazing times with that person some of which you couldn't experience with another who was deemed normal.
-Sincerely,
-James. | |
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| Has anyone dated someone with aspergers?
Posted: 5/10/2012 11:02:23 AM | 1ukn4u,
all of us are our own worst critics, myself included and usually people with aspergers syndrome have a higher IQ and a more formal speaking style. you mentioned in your message "There is a woman that I love that does get me to do all the things that I really don't want to do. There is someone for everyone. " maybe that's what you needed to improve your quality of life and she is the missing piece of your puzzle thus enabling you to achieve some sense of normalcy. Many people spend their entire life looking for something like that. But it is worth all the hassle in the end if both parties truely care for one another. | |
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| Has anyone dated someone with aspergers?
Posted: 5/11/2012 11:19:34 PM | 1ukn4u sums it up.
Basically you go through the world watching other people and trying to figure out the same things that come naturally to everyone else.
Stating what you think all the time doesn't help with social matters either.
Unless your girlfriend tells you exactly what is bothering her and how she feels you probably aren't going to figure it out until she is crying uncontrollably and then you'll still feel totally dumbfounded when you see her because you just can't express yourself properly.
Not fun. | |
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| Has anyone dated someone with asbergers?
Posted: 5/11/2012 11:25:09 PM | " Most of you posting are saying that your Aspergers is really mild, you can barely notice it, there are more negatives that positives etc etc. THIS IS NOT ALWAYS THE CASE. I only know one person with Aspergers who is a client where I work. Because I know of his condition I was always patient etc, but it has got to the point where he is obsessed with me and even when I want to go to the toilet or canteen I will sometimes hesitate because he is just hanging around waiting for me outside my office. I finally firmly told him no he cannot take any pictures of me (he likes to take pictures which I first obliged) and that no I can't talk because I am busy. He still doesn't get it. I cannot imagine myself in a relationship with someone like him because he is to put it bluntly creepy and highly inappropriate.
I know that he is aware how his behaviour can be construed because he always asks "is that alright?" but it still doesn't change the fact that he is following me around and I don't like it. If I tell him to go he will turn directions then run down another corridor to try and catch me at a different end. If he comes to towards me and sees me talking on the phone he will respect that but start walking around and round in circles a short distance away. My colleagues at work have noticed it and told me to report it but I really can't because he hasn't done anything wrong. "
You need to tell him what he is doing just isn't right and he is making you uncomfortable as his behavior is unacceptable. | |
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| Has anyone dated someone with asbergers?
Posted: 5/16/2012 1:33:21 PM |
it should not take rocket science to figure that out. And if it did, most sufferers of aspergers would be able to learn enough rocket science to figure it out. | |
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| Has anyone dated someone with asbergers?
Posted: 5/16/2012 3:46:51 PM | I am an Aspie, I own my own business consulting company and I'm a single mom of four. My teen is an Aspie and my 19 month old is an Aspie. It's more of a blessing when you've learned to lived with it than a curse I think. It's the reason I am so successful at what I do, and is the reason I can parent 4 children on my own and have my married friends asking what I'm doing because my children are the amazing little beings they are.
I'm difficult to date. 1ukn4u explained some of it very well.
If a man tells me something, two weeks later I will remember that comment as if it was yesterday, and all the other comments, especially if they are via text or email as I just have to pull up that picture in my head. I try to warn them, you have to mean what you say, I don't say anything unless I mean it, and if you say it to me I will assume you mean exactly what you say, not what I" should have known you meant". Sometimes I may hurt someone's feelings without even realizing it. I am not unkind when I say things, just very upfront. I have no problem 5 minutes into a date apologizing and saying I'm really sorry but I am just not feeling any chemistry. The flip side is I am incapable of faking emotion, interest, etc....so I think to myself I would rather have a fellow tell me right up front than walk away thinking I had a great date, when it really wasn't at all. I always judge things based on what I would prefer, but forget I am not "normal". I find men seem to fall quite quickly for me, but I am incapable of getting emotionally attached via texts or emails, to me it is just black and white words on a screen, like an interesting/funny story, it isn't real until I've spent time with a person to match the cues to the words.
I don't like "strangers" touching me, in rare cases there is a strong enough pheromone chemistry that allows for some physical contact, but I pull away from it usually. Of course that is commonly taken as a sign of disinterest, which leads to awkwardness as I try to explain and I can see doubt (or what statistically is doubt based on facial/body/voice tone cues from previous experience). Never mind how long it takes me to get to the adult fun time stuff....ugh
I have to work hard at noticing the "shut up you're a crashing bore" cues because I think some people feign interest (I have a code with my teen so she can let me know when to stop talking at school functions, parent/teacher interviews etc) but I tend to get a hyper focus if a topic really interests me. The flip side is I have an uncanny ability to learn anything very quickly,hyper focus has it's benefits.
I could go on and on, but yes, I think I'm difficult to date...
But.....
I can fix almost anything mechanical
I can figure out almost any problem
I can laugh at myself because let's be honest sometimes Aspies are weird
I am intensely loyal because I don't see the point in anything else
I am always honest because again, what's the point in anything else
I am passionate about everything in my life, especially my children, the man I love, and my friends&family
I am capable of admitting I'm wrong because saying I'm right when I'm wrong makes no sense
I am always willing to try new things because I love learning
I would say date a person with Aspergers, the way we look at life is outside the box, and it can be difficult and frustrating, but I think the rewards far outweigh the risks. (But you may want to look into a local support group in your area :p) | |
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| Has anyone dated someone with asbergers?
Posted: 5/16/2012 6:27:42 PM | "Asperger's still hurts men more than women, because having asperger's makes a person socially-awkward by nature, having it difficult-socially, and obviously since men have to make the first move and start conversation, initiate everything, it should not take rocket science to figure that out. "
As long as the asperger woman is physically attractive I'd agree with that. If she isn't...then she's in the same place as the guy more or less. | |
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| Has anyone dated someone with asbergers?
Posted: 5/16/2012 7:56:45 PM | To be honest 1ukn4u I was at my wits end with my aspie teen when she hit 11, I ended up taking a teen parenting course at my local community center (it was interesting as 90% of the people there were court ordered to do so!). And being Aspie of course I immediately applied all the principles and I won't say voila, but it was akin to it! I'm lucky as I've always had long hair, I think you might have to settle for just making sure it is brushed, and maybe getting one of your female cousins to give you some lessons on french braids, ponytails, zig zag parts, messy buns, side parts... etc :p My teen is 15 now and I am amazed at how close we are and how much easier it is now. I think the biggest thing for me was to really pick my battles, and when I did pick them to be REALLY careful on how the war was fought lol.
I disagree. NoCretinZone is clearly beautiful and so are my girls. So your wrong.
Thank you, and the poster is wrong | |
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| Has anyone dated someone with asbergers?
Posted: 5/16/2012 10:23:28 PM | Products my friend....the de-tangler sprays and de-frizzers and de-everythingers lol. Well at least you get an A for effort, watching videos... that's awesome!
Could it be because I'm straight? Is this really the only thing holding me back? I just find that so hard to believe.
Hahaha....Uber straight. It is holding you back...practice makes perfect, perhaps it's time for hairdressing school? :O | |
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| Has anyone dated someone with asbergers?
Posted: 5/20/2012 12:50:01 AM | | Things you put on here well i wish i found out more about the man i was dating with this before i fell head over heals. yes he acted the way to most of what you put down but oh my he was great in bed! most men are all about them in love making (if you can call it that most of the time) But with him it was something more. He held my hands touched me but not in a dirty way when we made love, and with him i could call it that. But then he called it off for no reason. I new he had most of everything that you have put down but i just thought that was him i didnt really understand the way he was. Im now left feeling used and hurt and cant get over how great he was in bed i know no man will ever make me feel that way again with him it was all about me in every way not just in making love. I just wish id looked it up when he said he had asbergers then i would of been more carefull who i gave my hart out too | |
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| Has anyone dated someone with aspergers?
Posted: 5/21/2012 8:22:44 PM | | I used to be married to someone who had Asperger's Syndrome. We were married for 5 years. His son had Asperger's Syndrome as well. It was a very difficult marriage. I would not date someone who had Asperger's Syndrome again. I know it is a disorder and they cannot help it but I went through hell. He had social anxiety and could not go into crowded places, had a difficult time holding a job and we ended up being homeless because we couldn't pay our rent on my salary alone. Thankfully, friends took us in. I tried to go the distance in this relationship because I really did love him. He also didn't want me to have friends and didn't understand my need for them so he started manipulating me into thinking that I didn't need my family and friends...only him. There issues are complex and take a lot of patience. I know that not all people with Asperger's are like my ex-husband but I have met enough to know that relationships are very difficult for them. Just tread carefully and understand the disorder and what you may be getting yourself into. | |
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| Has anyone dated someone with asbergers?
Posted: 5/28/2012 5:47:07 PM | | Me too. Hate it when people say they are going to show up and don't. It causes a lot of anxiety. I tend to be more open than I should. First guy I dated was very nice I thought but later played head games after I revealed this private side of myself. Very cruel and heartless and teased me. Needless to say . . . | |
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| Has anyone dated someone with asbergers?
Posted: 7/7/2012 8:08:50 PM | 'GeekPrincess' you posted that comment and very good it was too
(In 2006) doh
I have used pof for ages
Can't get a conversation let alone a girlfriend
But was intrigued that you said the kids you've helped find it tough and it's only because they are so unaware of things in the world or 'their environment' if I can put it like that, that they are I suppose potentially blissfully unaware of what is lacking around them socially. It's tough alright. And as another blogger said it's not necessary being worried about all the latest scares, wether it's bird flu, flooding??? ETC I just hope I can meet some people (preferably before I'm old and wrinkly) that accept someone unlike themselves.
People all have a tendency to be selfish, me included, but not wanting to do things other people's way leaves me out in the cold. I'd like to have it my way. I have mild Aspergers Dissorder. It's a pain. And I do suffer. And I suffer in silence. It has led to mental health problems at the moment. My hope is Christ. Him and others, like my parents, in the main.
So to sum up this recovery enducing cathartic sermon I would say it's a tough one both getting through to someone who has the condition, as I do ofcourse, but not only that - tough for them/me communicating. Or in other words it's a mine field of curious obstacles and blind spots, too many to see ahead clearly, and coupled with a growing sense of isolation often as I and Aspie friends have found. The isolation is born of being trapped and growing frustrations.
I could write on a lot of topics. I was good in school in English especially. But making friends does not seem to be my best achievement. To date. :0 | |
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