| Are you afraid of growing Old alone?
Posted: 2/19/2005 9:07:19 AM | No. I'm already old, and I became comfortably accustomed to feeling lonely during my marriage.
From now on, everything else is gravy. | |
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| Are you afraid of growing Old alone?
Posted: 2/26/2005 9:28:11 PM | It seems most people here are very confident & optimistic, believe they will be "being alone but not lonely","growing old with everyone else"...
but we are not talking about spiritually lonely, and everyone's situation is different...What if you suffer from Alzheimer's disease, lost memories and mind, set the house on fire and hurt innocent people??
I just found there was a similar discussion on tribe.net, I am changing my mind after reading their inputs.... the following was posted by a tribe.net member "Brian":
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"...When I was in college, I worked in a mental hospital with a geriatric ward with another college student. We were pretty terrified of old age, since we saw what happened to some when they got old. For some, having children is no guarantee that anyone is going to take care of them. A lot of the people in the geriatric ward had been sent there by their children and for the most part, forgotten about.
Anyway, the other college student came up with this idea, that he'd spend his life saving up for retirement, not for living expenses, but for drugs so that he could float through the last years of his life painlessly and not care what happened to him.
I thought that was a pretty bleak outlook, but hey, it's a plan..."
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That's right, you'd better come up with a practical plan! "Not afraid" simply is not enough, and it wouldnt help that much, either. I dont want to be anyone's burden, the drug idea works for me! | |
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| Are you afraid of growing Old alone?
Posted: 2/26/2005 9:33:03 PM | I am "old" (to some)
I live alone
I am not afraid....well, spiders throw me some....
If I spend the rest of this life on my own, more time for me...
If not, fine too...
Squeak | |
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| Are you afraid of growing Old alone?
Posted: 2/27/2005 6:06:46 AM | | Afraid is not the word I would use. Some of you, barely 40, think you are already there - geez, I don't even feel old yet. My life stays full with friends and activities, but there is definitely something missing. This past week I finally put my finger on it. I have a nice home, and a good life, but no one to share it with. No one who needs me. My former husband never did - he managed to stay "autonomous" even thru over 23 years of marriage. My children are off living their lives. I don't want to be someone's caretaker, but I like to feel needed. I don't see any real hope of things changing either. The "keepers" are already kept, and the rest don't seem to want to invest any time in really getting to know me, for a good relationship. I just try to take one day at a time. The sun is gloriously shining today, and that makes me happy. | |
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| Are you afraid of growing Old alone?
Posted: 2/27/2005 7:37:40 AM | | There comes a time when it is not enough to announce one's intentions. desires or availability. To find a partner, seek one out. There are many older people alone who would answer a knock at the door, but who do not themselves go knocking on doors. Unless a social activity brings you together "by accident", plan to wait willingly in vain. By now we all have the guile and good judgement to choose a partner well. Is fear standing in the way? | |
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| Are you afraid of growing Old alone?
Posted: 2/27/2005 8:51:58 AM | I was there too, sick in bed and almost helpless, only I had a "few" good friends. Having lived a life where I was often working alone in a foreign country on special days or seasons. I know that for all the glib, politically correct "not me", posts, all you have to do is be alone for a long time and you will find that it is unnatural for humans. You still can work at meaning in life, but lonliness will visit more and more often.
If we did well alone, there would not be cities, dating sites, churches, bars, parties or any of our comforts. We were made to be with someone/others. Anyone here who denies that is either too young to have really known life, or has never faced a great challenge and seen the value in others especially a committed companion.
I see so many who post about being wronged, but focusing on that guarantees that it will continue. Its like the person who is bitten by one dog, and assumes all dogs can't wait to bite them.
Its easier to talk about "if we aren't happy together, blah blah blah" that it is to take a risk choose a decent person and then work at making it work. Alas, for many the "collective" expectations are so high that they WILL die alone.
I am here to find that rare sane person who knows that its not about our individual "rights" metaphysics, or the latest "me me me" fad, but about our ability to mutually surrender to each other...to seek to care for and bring joy to each other before all other things. Sadly THAT IS RARE!! The last forty years has been a celebration of "ME", and those seduced by that lie will never be at peace.
Tom...we know! Keep the faith!
Forstmeister | |
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| Are you afraid of growing Old alone?
Posted: 2/27/2005 4:03:27 PM | I like to think that I'm not afraid of growing old alone,
although I am surrounded by family and friends,
so if I don't find my mr right, it's ok with me.
life is meant to be lived and to be happy while doing it,
wether you have a mate or not , it's all in your attitude.
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| Are you afraid of growing Old alone?
Posted: 2/27/2005 6:48:03 PM | | Not afraid of too many things. I'm fairly certain God's plan will prevail. No point in driving myself crazy. Hope for the best, expect better and appreciate what you have already. | |
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| Are you afraid of growing Old alone?
Posted: 2/27/2005 7:10:21 PM | Ok - here is some good news...
My exmother-in-law is in her 70s.
She is getting married next week!!!! My ex F-I-L was an asssssssssssssssssssssssssssshooooooooooooooooooooooole - well...I didn't care for his autocratic beliefs....I just hope Dorothy found some happiness now...if anyone deserves it, she does....
When my daughter called to tell me this, I cried out of happiness for her.
Squeak | |
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| Are you afraid of growing Old alone?
Posted: 2/27/2005 10:43:44 PM |
you'd better come up with a practical plan! "Not afraid" simply is not enough, and it wouldnt help that much, either. I dont want to be anyone's burden, the drug idea works for me! I'd rather stay fit and active, have 90 years of being active and involved in my community, and pass away quickly in the night after a 90th birthday party with all my friends and family. That's how I'd like to grow old, die, and not be a burden. | |
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Gardel
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Joined: 2/15/2005
Msg: 39 | |
| Are you afraid of growing Old alone?
Posted: 2/27/2005 11:21:05 PM | I am not affraid of growing old, but I think about it ...
I have the dream of finding the piece of the puzzle missing ... Maybe you consider this naif, but I believe I will not lose this thinking ...
Yeah, you may get to your 70s and be fit, and be happy, and have done a lot of things ...
But I think there is nothing like sharing to make a great moment, become an unforgetable one ... | |
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| Are you afraid of growing Old alone?
Posted: 2/28/2005 1:34:58 AM | ye ye ye ye ye ye ye e e e s s s s s s s s I I I II I ammmmmmmm...
squeak, what if Dorothys marrying an a-hole like her son.... are you still happy for her?
What if he's a bad man? only trying to steal her golden years? I have my own opinions on those seventy year old vixens off and marrying. It just ain't right. I mean, what've they been waiting for? The kids to die off? Why now? And do you really think it'll last? I read 50% of marriages end in divorce! Should she be taking those kind odds at her age? Honestly.
Sam | |
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| Are you afraid of growing Old alone?
Posted: 2/28/2005 3:37:05 AM | | I was once told by my daughter that old is when you are dead and untill that day comes you are not old.I will go with the wisdom of a child.Live life,love life hard,fast and good | |
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| Are you afraid of growing Old alone?
Posted: 2/28/2005 4:59:21 AM | | samhonolulu - a person doesn't stop living, or being someone with needs and desires when they are seventy. I think our country has it all wrong. We worship youth, when we should treat the elderly as a treasure. Everyone is going to get older (unless they die), and I believe in treating them like I would want to be treated. I have a 66 year old volnteer who comes in to help me once a week in the library. I set aside work for her to do, put on music that makes her dance, and let her know if there are cookies in the back. She says it keeps her from being home alone and thinking about herself so much. I've learned a lot from her - she's an AA counselor. My former mother-in-law remarried in her 70's, after being a widow for 17 years. She got to travel, and have a companion for her remaining years. Even though I don't really care for her, or him, I certainly don't begrudge them having a life together. Maybe it will happen to me. | |
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| Are you afraid of growing Old alone?
Posted: 2/28/2005 8:34:01 AM | | i think everyone is. but not everyone is willing to admit it because we're more afraid of being felt sorry for. i've learned to stump on the issue by answering that i have no plans of getting married which is in some ways true. i've gone past the age where i am desperate to get hitched or to hitch someone. now i want to form friendships and find activity partners. for real. waiting for the "right person" who mught not come is a waste of time, don't you agree. a lot of the people who i've spoken with said that marriage just comes. it isn't planned. i don't entirely believe that but i guess they mean we shouldn't dwell on the thought of finding "the one", just try to enjoy whatever opportunities of meeting people that come our way. | |
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| Are you afraid of growing Old alone?
Posted: 2/28/2005 10:44:33 AM | | I'm not afraid of growing old, alone or otherwise. It's a natural part of life, and one makes his/her own decisions about whether they will grow old alone. If you have family and friends, you need not worry. If you do not, its time to get off your duff and make some so you'll have a support network when you need it. What scares me is the unknown. Is death the end or just the beginning? If so... what is it the beginning of? | |
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| Are you afraid of growing Old alone?
Posted: 2/28/2005 10:55:14 AM | | I myself would rather not grow old with the wrong one. I enjoy the thought of growing older and wiser without a man, But I also enjoy the company of a man in my life too. I have also made the mistake of having 3 husbands and now only have ex husbands so I should not be the one answering this question. LOL | |
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| Are you afraid of growing Old alone?
Posted: 2/28/2005 1:02:38 PM | I don’t feel growing old is the issue here. I believe quality of life is what we’re talking about.
As long as you’re reasonably healthy and most important, you have someone to share memories with.
Aging is just a part of living. As time goes by, you have fewer responsibilities to others, more free time to enjoy life and the people around you. | |
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yna6
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Joined: 5/2/2004
Msg: 48 | |
| Are you afraid of growing Old alone?
Posted: 2/28/2005 11:59:33 PM | "grow old along with me...
the best is yet to be...."
I refuse to grow old alone. Why should I? I worked hard to try and have a family, but it didn't work out, so I have someone new in my life. We get along fine, and keep each other young at heart. Why get old alone?? So what if you have lots of friends? Who is gonna reach over and hold your hand at night in bed? OR nuzzle you? Your "friend"??? Sheesh!
I dunno about that 70 yr old getting married though....she might be rushing it. Coulda waited a few mor eyears, and just lived together, but what do I know???
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| Are you afraid of growing Old alone?
Posted: 3/1/2005 3:09:48 AM | I am.
I'm afraid of being alone, more like.
I can make things that amuse, or that amuse my nieces, or that amuse our masters, the dark lords.
They won't leave me
alone.
If I can do an amusing thing,
well,
that's what I meant to do.
kids,
kids. | |
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| Are you afraid of growing Old alone?
Posted: 3/1/2005 5:12:11 AM | yna6 said: "Why get old alone?? So what if you have lots of friends? Who is gonna reach over and hold your hand at night in bed? OR nuzzle you? Your "friend"??? Sheesh! "
Easy to say when you're in a relationship! Gee, I don't have a guy in my life - think I'll just go to the first one I see and knock him over the head to drag home. It's a man's world out there anyway. Men can go 20 years either way, and there are more women to go around than there are men. I see some of the prizes some women have "won" and think "I'm not that desperate". I'm not desperate at all. | |
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