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| Older men dating younger women --- does it work??
Posted: 7/22/2006 3:00:38 PM |  I could not agree more with you, well said and written sometime it is cheaper and your better off just buying a pro. The hell with the head game, The older ones I want love a sole mate and all that kind of stuff, you think at their age they would understand that
it takes time, time to devolep that love sole mate. I'm a very honest good man(no ego trip)
life is to enjoy, to have fun and to be lived freely, not to be studied analized and tested. Sex
has very little to do with it, it's what you do befor and after that counts. So stop shoping
you older women, get off your butt take some action to enjoy whats here, cause I will pass
you by for a younger women. Got the cash to do it, I'm spending mine befor I die.. | |
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| Older men dating younger women --- does it work??
Posted: 7/22/2006 3:03:59 PM | ...And just remember this: When you guys reach that "certain age" your d--k doesnt work so good anymore, but Our equipment never shuts down.
You feel like you're just going to die if it won't get up, right? So you blame it on your wife because you aren't man enough to admit it's your own fault. You probably drank, smoked,  ate wrong, let you damned stomach stick out farther than your d--k so you can't even see it anymore. Oh, but it's Her fault and all you need is a younger woman to "fix it", right? No, it's still going downhill, Mr. Weenie's going to die.  What will you do? Willl you just commit suicide because life isn't worth living unless He gets up every day? 
I know a man (60) in that position right now. His d--k is just about totally limp now, he's tried everything including ordering those devices and blow up dolls on the net. He has heart trouble (bad) from years of smoking, drinking and living in the fast lane, and now has declined surgery for his prostate cancer because "My d--k won't get up anymore so I might as well die".  
HOw do I know these screwed up men - I'm a therapist, and I'm into Reality.
Can any of you men see how totally stupid and insane this attitude is? Why does a small body part run your life for you? Get Real. Why not start being a human instead of a senseless animal?: | |
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| Older men dating younger women --- does it work??
Posted: 7/22/2006 3:28:29 PM | Oh dear. justkatz: I'm with you.
Debintx: And you studied where? MHU????? (That would be Man Haters University.) Not nice ~ not nice at all and I seriously hope you do not use that bedside manner if indeed, you are what you profess to be.
~OT~ What can I possibly add here???? Contrary to what is posted above me, I am certain that there are wonderful men of all ages, and I have no doubt that their winkies work just fine. 
I'm still shaking my head....oh dear. | |
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| Older men dating younger women --- does it work??
Posted: 7/22/2006 4:54:09 PM | I happen to be a therapist, too (master's level, only; however, I deal with attachment/attraction issues ... nearly all my calls are referrals are about relationships).
My opinion is that it depends upon the emotional level of the man and the woman and their motives. Sometimes a man and woman 10 or 15 or whatever years apart in age, who had no intentions of falling in love, will get to know each other through, for eg, a mutual context in which the are put together with no choice, like the workplace environment. Just through gradually getting to know each other, they find that they connect on a chemistry level, have important commonalites, mutual respect and suddenly, where perhaps previously he would have never considered a woman that young and vice-versa, they find that the age issue has become a none issue. There's plenty of successful marriages that support this argument.
On the other hand, there ARE indeed guys who need a trophy girl or a woman who needs is looking for prestige, power, position, status ... and in both cases its related more to self-worth issues.
Most American women aren't interested in guys who are significantly older. In other cultures, however, it's not an issue and hence, they really may age range requirements are much wider.
Women do like financial security in most cases, but the issue is not the money, it's the priority and real motive. There's nothing wrong with being attracted to a successful man, because his financial success, in most cases, reflects his character in which he sacrificed many years to get to that point. What's not okay is where that is the only reason the woman is looking for an older man.
Finally, I have found - and I think this is the most interesting point which has made me rethink a lot on this subject - but I have clients who are extremely emotionally immature at 48 years old and know young women who are more mature at 25. My niece who is only 17 is very, very responsible and makes very good decisions about guys already, has held down 3 jobs through the summer while achieving a 2 scholarships and is involved in so many extracurriculare school-related activities (of course, I wouldn't be thrilled if I found she was dating a 35 year old man). The point being emotional maturity and relational skills and good or bad dispositions rarely change very much throughl life. Of course, my job is to help them make these changes, but any real therapist will tell you it's extrordinarily difficult to do.
Thus, given that a mature man who is just minding his business, open to women near his age, but happens upon a younger mature woman, who is just minding her business, never having considered an older man - I think it could work if they are enjoying each other.
As to the sex issue, most guys don't decline that rapidly. Sex drive does decline for men in their 40's but it's subtle and since this is my age catagory, I personally have seveal friends in this range who say that they find the subtle drop in their sex drive only enhances their ability to control their performance in the bedroom; rather than going for 3 minutes, max, like an 18 year old or 30 minutes like a 27 year old man, they can just go and go, as long as their physical stamina can keep up. Sting, the musical artist, was in his 40's when he announced to the world, how he and his wife supposedly went for ... 12 hours or some longer, which I admit, would be a stretch for any man any age. But just driving home a point.
Two valid exceptions to where it wouldn't be a good idea for a young woman/older guy match: (1) where the young woman hasn't had enough life experience to really know who she is and therefore what she is looking for in a man; that's why the divorce rates for 20 -22 and 23-24 for are extremely high, for both young men and women. The reason is because in today's fast-paced society, it's difficult for people to figure out who they are. Identity appears to mature around 29 according to the studies and thus and this correlates with men and women who marry at a later age, having much lower divorce rates. Their identity has stablized and they know what they want; (2) one of the key factors for marriage compatibility, which you'll find on every pre-marital test in America, among many, is that it's important for the couple to have similar energy levels. Personally, I've seen this as a common issue regardless of age, but it would most likely be present where one person is much younger than the other.
Hope this shed a little more light one this heated subject! | |
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| Older men dating younger women --- does it work??
Posted: 7/22/2006 8:38:40 PM | sex drive only enhances their ability to control their performance in the bedroom; rather than going for 3 minutes, max, like an 18 year old or 30 minutes like a 27 year old man, they can just go and go, as long as their physical stamina can keep up.
Damn, how come I keep missing this guy??? Because that has not been my experience. Ummm...I remember being 18 and my partner who was about my age, definitely lasted more then 3 minutes. I also remember being 27 and once again, he definitely lasted more then the 30 minutes. Or maybe I was just that darn good ...lol :-)
...Who are you suppose to date, since being with a much older man makes you queasy?
Well, if you are queasy about them, why shouldn't others be queasy about you? Perhaps those much older men are the ones you are supposed to date? Why should you be able to choose while denying us men the same right?...
How am I denying you the right to choose, as if I have that much power that I can actually say, hey Simbad don't do that and you are going to do it. You could date whomever you want to date, that is your business. Actually you would be doing us a favor if you do stay away.
As to the much older man, I get hit on constantly by men in their mid to late 50's and older. I'm not attracted to them. I'm a very friendly person, and I don't outright reject them, I do sit and converse with them and I have yet to meet the one that I found attractive and I had something in common with. Once again I'm talking about the men that I have met, maybe on some remote part of the globe there might be a 50+ man that does it for me, but to date I haven't found him.
As much as we don't like to admit there is a big difference in looks, energy levels, outlooks on life etc...between people of different generations. I speak from experience on this one because I was married to a much older man for many years. In the beginning it was fine and dandy until I started to come into my own and wanted to experience life that didn't always include him. I"m not even going to mention the jealousy scenes, the constant beratement. For years he played mind games with me to keep me with him until I couldn't take it anymore and left. | |
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| Older men dating younger women --- does it work??
Posted: 7/23/2006 6:43:19 AM | Debintex, you're funny and you are right if a guy is not healthy that happens. Age does not have much to do with it, a healthy middle aged man can outlast much younger guys.  If you were a man you would know what that small body part responds to. A man has to perform, but a woman just needs to be available and somehow exciting to him. As a man ages the young women still remain attractive and the older women start to look good as well. Hey, that's not a bad thing, but I think it's best not to date those who are more than ten years older or younger. | |
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| Older men dating younger women --- does it work??
Posted: 7/23/2006 10:57:49 PM | | Well gosh, dang. I think I have finally heard it all now. The reality of it is; younger women and older guys have the same stamina as far as their sex drive goes. A little slow. Most older guys have already been in a marital relationship with an older woman, and once divorced, are afraid they'll duplicate that relationship again. They wanna feel young again and play catch-up on what they think they lost out on. What they'll get are hot little mamas full of PMS whose biggest concerns are "what to wear tonight." Women in their 30's and 40's don't wanna date guys in their fifties unless he's hot and holds himself well. Just the sound of the big Five-0 is enough to scare most of them off. Women in their 50's today, are much more vibrant and athletic than they were years ago. They like to have lots of fun, and make lots of love. Better look around, there's a lot of competition going on out there. | |
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| Older men dating younger women --- does it work??
Posted: 8/1/2006 3:09:57 PM | My sister, s husband was 12 years older than her but then my sister was always mature for her age. I have always liked guys around my own age preferably just a few years older.
i do find men in their fiftes attractive now, at one time i would not of looked at someone that age. Now i am 46 i do. I certainly do not go for men half my age. No way. Its not about looks its more thatn that to me.
When i was in my twenties i never went for men 20 years older than me, i never needed to.
My oldest daughter said to her friend, my mum used to have loads of men fancy her. The thing is they are just older now. | |
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nina75
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Joined: 7/26/2006
Msg: 121 | |
| Older men dating younger women --- does it work??
Posted: 8/1/2006 4:34:33 PM | I have found that age is a state of mind and if people were to just get over their hang ups of what society tells us to be and what ages are appropriately date-able...then wow could there be a few more relaxed and happier people out there. I find age is such a small factor in a relationship that once you choose to stay stuck on it, it then becomes a problem. The funny thing is that the age factor goed both ways. The younger woman/man and the older man/woman could be working on so many issues within themselves that they figure it is the age and not the issue.
I say if age is an issue, then there is likely something more to it than age. We are all more than a number, as we are all part of so many expereinces that shape us regardless of age.
I like men in their 50's and they think I like their money or have a daddy issue. I like their maturity and life experiences and the wisdom that comes with age. I have always been attracted to the salt and pepper look, so try explaining that to an insecure 50ish man.
I say, do what feels right and stop getting stuck on the numbers. | |
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| Older men dating younger women --- does it work??
Posted: 8/2/2006 11:25:49 AM | | Dang Deb, It sure sounds lie YOU have serious issues with us "older men". I'm thinking your whole idea of a sucessfull relationship depends on the man being able to screw you all night. IF that is the case, then find yourself some 21 yr old kid, that doesnt know what a real relationship is. Then you can worry on what he is up too everytime he leaves the house. Or you find out he is either gayor screwing every other female he can find. And just so you know, there are sooooooooooooooo many different ways to make / let a woman have an orgasm. Hell, you want to know what pleasure is? find yourself a man who is experienced, who know his way around a female body. Most guys think there is ony one place on a woman. ...........But then again, you need to go to therapy yourself............ | |
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| Older men dating younger women --- does it work??
Posted: 9/24/2006 7:43:03 AM | Personally I like both, women around my age and younger women. Why? Well women my age can have the experience that I have also, and some of the values we of that age have grown up w/ to some degree. not to say younger women don't. I have a problem w/ meeting women my age due to the family curse I share, that we don't look our age. Hell, my friends were telling me my mother was fine! (in my late teens and even after that) That blessing passed on was menicing in my youth, but flattering in my mature years, Only thing is, younger late 20's and 30's crowds think I can still hang, play football and do all the rough stuff I used to do. and actually I do but w/ more caution now....lol. I still stay active but like finer things. I feel that I have had a verrrrrrrrrry long and rich youthful life and want now to find someone (young or same age) but in good shape and attractive. But I'm not a kid anymore, but I have always been young..... Sum it up! I like a woman that has a youthful look. But I will also date a younger lady. Oh yea, I may be a little superficial but I like what I like. | |
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| Older men dating younger women --- does it work??
Posted: 9/24/2006 8:08:21 AM | WOAH GURL.."DEBINTX"...you are a WHAT?..THERAPIST??.. I think gurl friend you need to go see one!! ASAP..you sound like a VERY VERY scorned woman..How could you possibly, do your job effectively when its an obvious..that you, yourself are psychologically scarred??..GEE!!..& correct me if i am wrong?..but don't you owe your clients some kind of loyality to thier feelings and problems?...while you...Ms.Therapist.. come online mocking and making fools of them? You should be ashamed of yourself..This definitely shows YOUR true colors..Get some help..Sister.. | |
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| Older men dating younger women --- does it work??
Posted: 10/12/2006 11:32:23 PM | Exactly......Who is to say what works? Who is the ONE? How can anyone on here Judge the relationships of anyone else? Yes, there are gold diggers...and yes there are momma's boys...and yes there are old farts that want a young nurse...if they agree and know the truth then let them be and live their lives...honesty should be the factor here!!!...And believe it or not some of us people do not think that age even matters at all!!! Souls and Soulmates can not be stopped and Time is NOT when LOVE IS! Love is deeper than water! Love conquers all! And as Jesus said "Love believeth all things"...HE is the ONE to Judge the Heart and not us!!! Who is the one to question love?   | |
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| Older men dating younger women --- does it work??
Posted: 10/13/2006 5:18:05 AM | | From my experiences - yes it can work. When I compare the dates/relationships I have had with men my age compared with the older men I have been involved with - older wins out. But I believe it's a mixture of chemistry, experiences, personality, and social circles. In my case, I just find older men more attractive with personalities that I mesh better with. Alas, if a young man comes into my world to change this - so be it. I just know for a fact, older wins out for me every time. | |
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| Older men dating younger women --- does it work??
Posted: 10/13/2006 9:14:19 AM | I happen to be a therapist, too (master's level, only; however, I deal with attachment/attraction issues ... nearly all my calls are referrals are about relationships.
Well, Justaguy, you may be only "master's level" but your post was by far on a more professional level and without all the rancor by the lady psychologist who posted before yours. While I could agree with many things she mentioned, I had a tough time getting past the anger and generalizations. No, I am NOT a psychologist, but I did stay in the Holiday Inn Express last night.
OT: This is a very tired subject; yet, along with the weight thing and email reject threads, gets much play time and time again. I still think we should just do away with the age thing completely. Be born with a date implanted in the body that isn't checked again until after we're dead -- then you can learn to tie your shoes when it feels good. Get that job because you really are qualified for it. Can still fly a commerical jet because you ARE healthy and have great vision and judgement,not to mention valuable experience. Finally, never turn down, or be turned down, based on AGE ... maybe because of maturity, or lack there of, but never based on chronological age mainly because you wouldn't know it and weren't ever taught that it was important. Just my opinion. | |
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| Older men dating younger women --- does it work??
Posted: 10/14/2006 9:48:01 PM | My theory is that older men who want to spend their time with younger women (especially when the men are 40+, going for the early-20's women) is that the men are just immature. These are the men who get into bar fights, do the "dirty dancing" with the hotties on the dance floor... these are the guys who dont' return phone calls, don't do well with meeting her parents (because they're all on the same pain medications), and a host of other things. Grow up, and find the value in people who've learned as much from life as you should have!
As for the women, well, they're generally looking for father figures. Broken homes, abusive parents, whatever caused the trauma is pretty varied... but regardless, these younger women are after someone who'll treat them as poorly as the male rolemodels of childhood treated them... which they're able to find in spades, as so many groundless older men are willing to ditch their senses and go on a week-long bender just to get laid by a younger gal.
My observations, have at it.
-B. | |
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| Older men dating younger women --- does it work??
Posted: 10/14/2006 10:57:00 PM | Like any other type of relationship, it works if there's compatibility and chemistry. I've been in a few relationships with women younger than me, and realize that yes, it can be a challenge, but no moreso than any other relationship. If things are right between two people, the age difference is irrelevant, regardless of which one is older, the man or the women.
Genuine_me ^^^, I will have at it. For a guy who is so young and wants to be involved in family therapy practice, you certainly do seem to have a very closed mind to make such broad sweeping generalizations. What types of experiences have you had that prompted this "theory" of yours? I haven't been in a fight since I was 21 (and that was at the Vet in Philly; they were Giants fans! No women involved...lol). I do like to dance on occasion, but I was never one for "dirty dancing" (I did go thru a short but awful disco phase in high school for a few months, but I was cured). I always return phone calls and emails, I'm not on any meds at all, and I've never in my life been on a bender. The value I find in people has nothing to do with their age; its all about what is in their heart and their mind.
As for bashing women who like older men, that they're from broken homes, with abusive parents and are just looking for a substitute, I invite you to look no further than the profile of the woman who posted a few slots above you, Hitechygal. While I unfortunately don't know this woman personally, she seems to have her act completely together (if I lived over the border I'd be writing to her, beleive me), well-spoken, outgoing, comfortable and confident about who she is and where she is going. Does she really strike you as someone who is looking for a father figure? I've dated several women in their early 20s, was even married to one for a few years, none of whom came from a broken home. And there are thousands of women just like them on this site, and millions more out there in the world. You talk about learning life lessons as you age, and thats true; what I've learned is not to prejudge people, or try to paint with too broad a brush. You my friend have seen one too many AfterSchool Specials. Physician, heal thyself! | |
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| Older men dating younger women --- does it work??
Posted: 10/21/2006 4:44:59 PM | You have to be kidding!
A woman in her 50's just wants to stay home???
How did you get information like that?
I am 56 and quite the opposite.....my feelings are SOME men my age have hang-ups about themselves and have to resort to dating a woman that is young enough to be their daughter, in order to feel good about themselves.
Think about it.. when the guy graduated from high school, how old was the girl?? | |
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| Older men dating younger women --- does it work??
Posted: 10/21/2006 5:00:40 PM | Well Op I can honestly say I am not attracted to men In that age range, and neither are any women I know. I think the people who end up In happy relationships with large age gaps NEITHER party went looking for It - It just happened they met and realised the connection they had.
And a man In his 50s may want to go dancing every week - and maybe a woman In 20s and 30s does too - but trust me you arnt dancing In the same way or same venues  | |
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| Older men dating younger women --- does it work??
Posted: 10/21/2006 10:58:51 PM |
most of the older women i've known were living in apartments, duplexes, or with their parents. even if they have a home, they have practically NO financial resources.
How is this an issue when it comes to dating someone?
We all have different experiences - while you prefer younger women, some prefer older
None of us can speak for all | |
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| Older men dating younger women --- does it work??
Posted: 10/26/2006 12:22:02 AM | Exactly...You go girl...One man or woman cannot speak for all!!! These young ####'s will learn and grow as time goes on...Wisdom will prevail...Does age make a difference?....Who can define Love??? Is there an expert here to explain? I want to know!!! This is the question here? Age or Love? ? ? | |
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| Older men dating younger women --- does it work??
Posted: 10/26/2006 1:08:01 AM | | aw geez...I guess I better go learn to like craft shows and putter around in the garden....Guess I'll give up going out dancing,riding motorcycles and jumpoing out of airplanes...I wasn't aware I wasn't suppose to like that stuff...sorry | |
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| Older men dating younger women --- does it work??
Posted: 10/30/2006 11:15:06 AM | @genuine: I think you do older men and younger women an injustice with your post. Granted, it is your opinion but I would like to add my two cents for what it's worth.
Most of the friends I hang out with are older guys (easily 10+ year difference) but they are FAR from immature. For a year, I've been in their company and they haven't picked a single bar fight (with the exception of throwing out an extremely unruly 24 year old boy), they do not proscribe to "dirty dancing with the hotties." As for simple things like returning phone calls, that has never been a problem either. The companionship I find with them has far improved my opinion of males at large. They treat me better than 90% of my peers ever have.
To my frustration, the guy I absolutely adore refuses to date me because I am so much younger than him. Age shouldn't be a factor in a relationship. Factors should be common interests and compatible mindsets. | |
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