| are u too picky?
Posted: 9/26/2006 10:57:33 AM | | betterallthetime ...............with that sence of humour doesnt matter what the head looks like and the face is cute.........;) | |
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| are u too picky?
Posted: 9/27/2006 3:26:02 PM | I have to answer this one..... I have been reading the forums for a few months, trying ot get up enough nerve to have my say........When you have a coffee and small talk on first date, it is very difficult to know if "this is it"...unless you are a better mind reader than I am.
A lot of people don't give it time to grow, or find out what is inside someone. If you are interested in the long haul........you better find out what is on the inside also. What exactly defines bagage.......if you can't except a persons kids, occasionally deal with the parents, put up with the friends/even enjoy them, then why bother pretending you want a relationship and just stay single. | |
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| are u too picky?
Posted: 9/28/2006 6:55:33 PM | Funny how bald immediately drew parallells with having been in prison. I guess the same goes for tats....so was I ever in jail?
Stereotyping at it's best.....  | |
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| are u too picky?
Posted: 9/28/2006 7:54:04 PM | Hey, all:
I think another way to put the question is: "Why aren't you willing to settle?" I personally 'settled' for someone whom I married, who I used to later joke was the "ex-wife from Hell".
So yes, you damn better betcha I am pick-y!
If there are some things that are NOT negotiable, and then out of desperation or whatever, you throw those things out the window, what does that get you? Unhappiness is one of the possibilities.
I found someone and she found me and neither of us is gonna settle. We are keeping each other on our toes, although we are the same height! So here is to being picky--here is to higher expectations for ourselves--here is to not settling.
David
Messages done with sustainable energy, with Wind and Sun! | |
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| are u too picky?
Posted: 9/28/2006 11:25:39 PM |  ahh ... and that 'pu ssyfooting' and occasional 'dipping' ... spicing it up with a real phone conversation goes on and on until the height won't matter, miles will be erased and real heartbeat will be felt and listened too.
I personally don't like the word 'picky' but knowing my standards and finding them in the opposite sex ... it's like a balm to my soul. Too much to ask? I don't think so. | |
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| are u too picky?
Posted: 9/29/2006 3:51:35 AM | The end of a game of chess where nobody can win anymore is called stalemate. No next move that could be made would ever change the outcome. It would go on forever unless you quit.
I think being too picky is a strategy for stalemate. The dating scene is the chess board. The strategy pays off because nobody loses. No matter that nobody ever wins, either.
Playing defensively can prevent one from losing but doesn't result in victory. It is said the best defense is a good offense. Losing is also avoided by winning, however in winning you get some reward in addition to not losing.
The game of love rewards risk-taking with pleasure. Staying single rewards caution with safety. Being too picky is a way of playing it safe to avoid losing again.
I think it is a female strategy that men adopt. It is female because of how women attract and men pursue. By keeping her hair up, Rapunzel gets no men tangled in it. They remain below where they can't touch her, below her window, drawn by her lament but unable to ascend. Men who pretend to be too picky should look out their window and count the absent women there. Women don’t wait around for men to let down the hair they no longer have.
I can't find someone worthy of my love.
I can't find someone who would love me.
Or,
I can't find the love that doesn't ask me to risk losing out again.
In time stalemate ends the game anyway because although it is theoretically possible to keep shuffling the two remaining pieces endlessly around the otherwise empty board, one chasing and the other retreating a step at a time, the game has no point and attention spans rely on the promise of reward.
Holding out for the imaginary miracle is a great strategy if the rules of the game could ever change. Otherwise play at something else, or try again using a different approach. Each next game ends the same way, safely, alone.
Here online isn't dating. It is staying home alone with your computer. Finding fault with men or women isn't how one finds love. It is how by rejecting each next one the safety of being single is maintained. It is saying you don’t know how to win and won't let anyone make a loser out of you. Suspended between heaven and hell, it is purgatory, or was that limbo? I forget the geography of religious metaphor.
Just for fun, and no one need know, as an exercise to provide even better emotional stimulation without actual engagement of any sort, pick any two profiles here at random. Find two things about those people you could appreciate, and if it helps, imagine they were the last two choices left alive on Earth. I know the answer is already that neither of them would be suitable. But just as an exercise, find something there to love, as if it would be safe to love. Then imagine what your next move might be if what you wanted was to reach for whatever you had found, instead of retreating back to where it couldn’t reach you.
When two people stand too far apart to reach each other, waiting for the other's arms to grow, and you ask them why, they will each say I am holding out for someone with longer arms. I won't settle for anything less. | |
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| are u too picky?
Posted: 9/29/2009 12:55:38 PM |
A friend wants to set you up with a handsome, successful, funny co-worker. One minor flaw: He's bald. What do you do/say?
1.You call that a flaw? I'd consider it a flaw if this man was recently deceased or jailed. Bald is no problem!
2. Then it's no go. There's no way I'd be interested in anyone who's shorter than six feet, makes less than six figures, and yes, lacks a full head of hair.
3. Ooh, that's too bad. But in the spirit of open-mindedness, I guess I'll go on one date. You never know.
Women who answer #2 give the rest of us a bad name, and deserve to be alone.
Women who answer #3 are at least willing to risk an evening and should be applauded.
Women who answer #1 have a healthy sense of humor, and I wonder why they are still single.
To the response in #1 though, I might add to the list of flaws...
a. being a cross dresser... I refuse to go out with any man who might have nicer looking legs than me in a dress
b. being recently discharged from a mental hospital for hearing voices that tell him that all women are evil and must be punished
c. having multiple children by multiple women, all born in the same year, none of whom have his last name
d. anyone who has one or more restraining orders currently in force
e. any man who has ever hit a woman ( this does not inclulde your sister when you are nine years old)
What other character flaws might you include? | |
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| are u too picky?
Posted: 9/29/2009 1:30:51 PM | To me, there is a big difference between being "picky" and "being true to myself." "Myself" ain't picky.
Picky is having "standards" about superficial stuff that automatically weans out someone before we've met/chatted/whatever. "True to myself" is giving someone a chance and knowing "it just ain't there." | |
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| are u too picky?
Posted: 9/29/2009 1:44:51 PM | | Some guys sent me messages and respectively told me he was successful but didn't have nice writing skills. Does he know how to write his native English? | |
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| are u too picky?
Posted: 9/29/2009 1:58:42 PM | I pick #1 too. It's all about character to me and connection. If we have that, I'm in.
outdoorgirl | |
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| are u too picky?
Posted: 9/29/2009 1:59:22 PM | ""A friend wants to set you up with a handsome, successful, funny co-worker. One minor flaw: He's bald. What do you do/say?
1.You call that a flaw? I'd consider it a flaw if this man was recently deceased or jailed. Bald is no problem!
2. Then it's no go. There's no way I'd be interested in anyone who's shorter than six feet, makes less than six figures, and yes, lacks a full head of hair.
3. Ooh, that's too bad. But in the spirit of open-mindedness, I guess I'll go on one date. You never know. ""
I'd say it sure didn't seem to be a flaw for Yul Brynner.
""a. being a cross dresser... I refuse to go out with any man who might have nicer looking legs than me in a dress""
I'd be more worried about having him borrow my clothing if we got along well enough otherwise.
""b. being recently discharged from a mental hospital for hearing voices that tell him that all women are evil and must be punished""
I've known a few like that who were never in a mental hospital. At least there's a better than even chance they are cured.
""c. having multiple children by multiple women, all born in the same year, none of whom have his last name""
I've known a few like that, too. One man got married and got his wife pg immediately. She said - while in the process of divorcing him - she hoped it was twins, she was going to name them Nineteen and Twenty.
""d. anyone who has one or more restraining orders currently in force""
Depends on what they are for. I have a friend who ended up with a restraining order against him because he let some woman and her kids [homeless] stay at his place, and she decided she liked it there. He ended up having to make the mortgage payments on a place he couldn't even live in.
""e. any man who has ever hit a woman ( this does not inclulde your sister when you are nine years old)""
Does self-defense count? Or is he supposed to just let her brain him with a pipe wrench? Yeah, seen that one, too.
""What other character flaws might you include? ""
Being a proven cheat and liar, first, last, and always. But this applies to women, as well. I don't like liars and cheaters, no matter who they are. | |
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| are u too picky?
Posted: 9/29/2009 2:03:58 PM | | You bet I am particular. Why waste his/her time, and yours, when you know just from reading the profile that you are not compatible? | |
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| are u too picky?
Posted: 9/29/2009 2:28:34 PM |
Some times I wonder how any man can live up to what you gals put in your profiles.
After reading 82 million threads on this site, i can tell you how those guys do it. They Lie...a lot. | |
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| are u too picky?
Posted: 9/29/2009 2:33:56 PM | Cripes some of you gals seem to be quite "picky"..
I think all of yous are a decent "catch"..
my only"deal-breaker" is that I
want NO female that can knife fight or box better then me..
otherwise.. I'll take any of you gals...
An added plus if you really want my attention..
can you keep your mouth shut,
cook and wait tables..
AND most important...
being as educated as yous all claim..
does that truely mean that us men can
assume that you do know,
and will remain in your place as a woman..?
Iffin your answer is yes.....
I'm a waitin..
---SoldierByte--- | |
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| are u too picky?
Posted: 9/29/2009 2:47:02 PM | Boy, soldier, you've picked up this Okie talk real well...................I'm probably the only one that knows what your saying. Lol.
outdoorgirl | |
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| are u too picky?
Posted: 9/29/2009 3:55:48 PM | "we made love and he called me 'daughter' he was very embarrassed and i said it is a compliment because he is very close to his daughter."
Was his last name Phillips? | |
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| are u too picky?
Posted: 9/29/2009 4:17:24 PM | "Was his last name Phillips?"
OMG, too funny............ | |
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| are u too picky?
Posted: 9/29/2009 4:27:20 PM | | I've learned that what you sometimes find behind the outter shell can be alot different than you think. | |
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| are u too picky?
Posted: 9/29/2009 4:30:14 PM |
does that truly mean that us men can
assume that you do know,
and will remain in your place as a woman..?
SB, you had me right up until then! ;0
Unless, of course, you realize that "our" place is right in front of you, leading you by the nose. . . 
(Actually, I love to dance and I know how to follow a lead). | |
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| are u too picky?
Posted: 9/29/2009 4:30:41 PM | ""Boy, soldier, you've picked up this Okie talk real well...................I'm probably the only one that knows what your saying. Lol.""
He doan got thuh ayucent quayut rayuht, yeyut. | |
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rm.h
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Joined: 9/10/2009
Msg: 97 | |
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rm.h
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Joined: 9/10/2009
Msg: 98 | |
| are u too picky?
Posted: 9/29/2009 4:48:43 PM | ^^^^^^^
In resonse to: "Some times I wonder how any man can live up to what you gals put in your profiles"
Sorry, still learning the site. | |
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| are u too picky?
Posted: 9/29/2009 4:55:30 PM | no...i'm not at all picky...
but,
i do know what or who i don't want...
so won't "settle" for anything... | |
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| are u too picky?
Posted: 9/29/2009 5:48:19 PM | All women are way way way to picky. The older ones are the worse (I'm talking the 40 and up crowd) because they have had a couple of decades to collect all the faults of the men in their lives and now any man they are considering must pass a battery of tests of sort. To put it technically, all the ducks (and believe me there are many) must line up or else it's a deal breaker.
The younger ones (I'm talking late teens up to 40) are not quite as bad. For them you need to just be a mixture of Brad Pitt, Tom Cruise, John Kennedy Jr., Leonardo DiCaprio and Mel Gibson. Yes and Tom Selleck when he was younger. | |
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