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| Must have job, car, house...are they after my cash?
Posted: 11/12/2007 3:06:12 PM |
hehe dr phil no comment, if they have to have thses 3 things just for a date what the hell will they need for a realtionship.
I’m sorry. I guess I missed the point of dating. I was under the impression that dating was the “get to know you phase” of an eventual relationship. Or rather the hopes of one. Why date if you are not looking to meet that special someone to share your life with? I have wonderful friends. I have people I enjoy hanging out with. I’m not dating for the heck of it or for friendship. I’m dating because I want to find the person to share life with. Someone to enjoy all life’s pleasures with.
These are a must for dating because they are a must for a relationship. I have dated someone not on the same level as I. We were never going to be on the same level and in the end it only caused misery for both of us.
So, I am in the wrong for wanting to avoid such a situation again? I’m wrong for wanting someone who works as hard as I do. Someone who can afford to take vacations with me? Go to the movies with me? Or, simply someone who won’t stand back and let me pay for everything? | |
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| Must have job, car, house...are they after my cash?
Posted: 11/12/2007 3:48:49 PM | 1. I do NOT think that I deserve a man who makes twice the amount of money that I make.. but I DO deserve someone who can support himself, his children, and his lifestyle..and be able to pay his bills and not be over his head in debt.
2. I have a degree and I do NOT think that it makes me any smarter than anyone.
3. Child support is not an issue for me, unless the man has obligations that he does not take care of. I am the sole supporter of my child.
4. Yes, my son will always come first BUT the guy I'm dating will not ALWAYS be second and his kids third. I do NOT expect anyone I'm dating to ever put my son first. He is MY responsibility. And...the reason that I'm divorced is that my son's father was abusive.
5. As for "must have job, car, house"... this shows responsibility, etc. Are you saying that if a women has all of them, that would scare you? Well, I'm single, live in an apartment (yes, not a house, but I pay for everything myself), have a nice car, and have been with the same company for almost 15 years. I got NOTHING out of my divorce.. everything I have, I've worked very hard for.. and I am NOT in debt. All of my bills get paid in full, on time. I AM doing financially well, do NOT live week to week, have a very healthy 401-K account AND a retirement account paid for by my employer.. AND a savings account.. and guess what, no credit card balances... I have ONE credit card that is used sparingly. So...
To summarize..... I will not date a man who is not employed - I am not going to pay for everything and/or support him. I will not date a man who does not have a car - I am not going to be their chauffer. I will not date a man who is not living on his own.
On the other hand, I would not expect a man to date me if I was not employed, did not have a car, and did not have my own place to live. To me, someone who does NOT have all of those things should probably be focusing on getting his or her life together and NOT on dating!! | |
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| Must have job, car, house...are they after my cash?
Posted: 11/12/2007 4:50:14 PM | Who says money can't buy you happiness? Just look at some of the responses on this thread!
Can someone help me out and tell me when meeting someone to get to know THEM and not how much is in their checkbook or how big their house is started happening?
What do you mean you only make 20k a year? Sorry but you aren't worth dating!
This is too funny. It woke me up and reminded me why I'd rather be single than try dating. Less headache worrying about if my money matches HER criteria for dating.
At least this thread is entertaining!
Think I'll start looking for dates while in line at the bank! | |
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| Must have job, car, house...are they after my cash?
Posted: 11/12/2007 7:48:10 PM | What do you mean you only make 20k a year? Sorry but you aren't worth dating!
You really need to stop being so bitter. I'm sorry that you don't make enough for a lot of women to consider you equal in a relationship... I realize that is obviously a sore spot for you. But the bottom line is how do you think you could possibly be compatable with somoene that likes to go out to $50 dinners once a week and likes to take a vacations without expecting them to pay for it all? Yeah, sometimes life isn't fair... but the reality is that most of us do like to enjoy the things we've worked hard for and don't want to sacrafice it on the chance of finding our true love. It's just not worth it to me. Call me selfish or materialistic, whatever... I know that I am not and so do my friends. It is not unrealistic to want to live a decent life that isn't overly extravagent. I don't want to live like I'm a poor person when I don't have to. It seems to me we have a lot of men on here thinking that they might get lucky and move up in their own lifestyle if they can get a woman that makes more than them to go out with them.
Can someone help me out and tell me when meeting someone to get to know THEM and not how much is in their checkbook or how big their house is started happening?
You know, I can't recall anyone talking about that lately in this thread. Everything you have reacted to was just the statement of you must have a job, a home and transportation. No one (except for the bitter men) have listed a monetary unit on any of this. | |
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| Must have job, car, house...are they after my cash?
Posted: 11/12/2007 9:05:00 PM | Is this a laughing smiley? ---->>
I had to look back at my last post to see where I was being bitter because I don't agree with someone. I thought I was laughing HENCE the 4 laughing smileys that were used.
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| Must have job, car, house...are they after my cash?
Posted: 11/12/2007 10:17:48 PM | | Sherilyn 70>> I`m not at a bar, in fact, I don`t go to bars, hate them, do you think because I feel this way I must have just come home? Hardly, I was at work, am there now, I`just tellin it like it is for me, my former wife almost broke me, if my property would have been in OUR name, I would have lost that also. | |
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| Must have job, car, house...are they after my cash?
Posted: 11/13/2007 3:16:02 AM | Sherilyn 70>> I`m not at a bar, in fact, I don`t go to bars, hate them, do you think because I feel this way I must have just come home? Hardly, I was at work, am there now, I`just tellin it like it is for me, my former wife almost broke me, if my property would have been in OUR name, I would have lost that also.
I'm sorry that you married someone that took you for everything... but not all women do that. I'm sure she had her own reasons for doing it regardless of if they were right or not. I don't know your story. If you left her or hurt her in any way then she probably felt it was payback. I on the other hand have been through 2 major breakups in my life. My ex husband and I (when I was 24) actually argued "no, you take it!" when it came to our nicer belongings. I remember how we had to compromise and I made him take the new TV and I agreed to take the new VCR (since we had a new and old set of each). Then when Pat and and split up after 7 years together, I could show you the financial spreadsheet I created... he walked away with $6,000 out of the $9,000 in major belongings we had. I never added in his car (10k) or his mountain bikes (4k) to the totals... even though his was almost paid off. My car had just been purchased with negative equity in it so it wasn't worth anything from a finanical standpoint. I still steam a little when I think about how I let him take the Bose system. :p
Back when I was younger living together was a financially necessity. Now I do not need that in order to own a home. The last long term I was in taught me some things I can do to protect myself, like don't let your SO contribute to your mortgage unless you're ready to risk losing your house to them if it ends badly. He would not accept house money from me so I instead opened up a savings account (my idea) and put in the money that I felt I should have been contributing into it monthly. I couldn't accept the idea of living rent free and having all that extra money to play with and I know there are a lot of women out there that might have taken advantage of that situation financially. The ironic thing is I never even thought about it helping me out on a mortgage loan application and in the end it did... my $500 deposit each month acted as a rent payment and proof I could pay them in their eyes. If anyone ever moves in with me in the future I am going to do that same rule, it made sense to me. They can put money into a savings account (like I did) for a year or two and then if we're still together and still serious then we can reinvest that savings account into the house or into buying a new one together. If things don't work out then they have the money they would have invested in my house and can put it into their own home when they move out. | |
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| Must have job, car, house...are they after my cash?
Posted: 11/13/2007 4:42:12 AM |
Sure, riding the bus has plenty of downfalls but I no longer have to put up with the following:
-high gas prices
-REALLY high insurance premiums
-flat tires
-driving around for an hour looking for a parking space downtown
-getting parking tickets because I was an inch outside a legal space
-traffic jams
-oil changes
-winter tires
-dead batteries
-buying a new alternator, which turned out to be the source of said dead battery
-counting my drinks carefully at the bar
-worrying about it getting stolen or broken into
-breakdowns at the most inopportune times
-starting it when it's 40 below
-plate renewals
...and the list goes on. Plus, I no longer have to deal with anybody bugging to drive them places.
See, if a guy said that... the reply back would be "well if you can't handle all those responsibilities.. then you aren't worth dating anyway. responsible men only!"
i love stirring the pot. heheheh
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| Must have job, car, house...are they after my cash?
Posted: 11/13/2007 5:14:09 AM |
I'm just not amazed at how literal people are taking things.
I really am beginning to think it's only so they can argue.
Feeling that, it seems like this thread, as have others, has had the posters divided into two separate camps and them throwing stones at each other. Some of the women on here, seeing what they've come through to have what they know they deserve is awesome. Congrats on making it.
You really need to stop being so bitter.
I'm sorry that you don't make enough for a lot of women to consider you equal in a relationship...
I realize that is obviously a sore spot for you.
But the bottom line is how do you think you could possibly be compatable with somoene that likes to go out to $50 dinners once a week and likes to take a vacations without expecting them to pay for it all?
Yeah, sometimes life isn't fair... but the reality is that most of us do like to enjoy the things we've worked hard for
and don't want to sacrafice it on the chance of finding our true love.
It's just not worth it to me. Call me selfish or materialistic, whatever...
It's not bitterness, it's whiny ass ****ing. It makes me ill. When people realize that just because you aren't suited for one person, for whatever reason, it doesn't mean you aren't suited to another. I'm on disability, and if I had someone who had way more than I, I'd be a little nervous. I'm a giver, I love doing things for my SO, but damn..how does a guy on disability out give a woman making 100k a year, or whatever.?
Life's fair if you level the playing field, find someone on your level. If you can't be happy with that, enjoy being miserable thinking all women are gold diggers. The empty can does rattle the most it seems. | |
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| Must have job, car, house...are they after my cash?
Posted: 11/13/2007 6:55:04 AM |
I really am beginning to think it's only so they can argue
Peoples love of the argument is only superseded by their collective obsession with being tritely scandalized by the mundane.
As to the Op. and the question of selfish qualifiers...
... I say more power to people being honest about their wants.
And to the guys, sure having money will make it easier to pick up broads.
(especially narrow minded ones that want to leach of people he he he, jab jab)
I see the choice of a girl saying "I have salary expectations" as very similar to, a guy saying "I only date hot brainless young blonds" or something like that.
And i don't think thats wrong... really!
Its just being honest folks,
Its like if i say i don't like fat chicks, old women, people with kids, smokers or bitter nasty people... Well then those are my qualifiers, perhaps needlessly exclusive, perhaps even closing the door on wonderfull potential relationships, but hey thats my choice right?
In fact if I say all I am really interested in is some brainless lithe lolita, then i say that should be my god given right to explore said prerogative, and STFU to those who want to interrupt my ability to do so.
Sorry to all the hard working nasty chain smoking fat old moms out there but your just not for me.
I am also NOT interested in a girl that will drop me like a hot potato if God for bid i should lose my job or something. Sure sure you'll stick around hardy har har...
bottom line, people are selfish, some more then others, welcome to reality. | |
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| Must have job, car, house...are they after my cash?
Posted: 11/14/2007 9:11:13 AM | I am looking for someone to make a commitment and stand by it..if time get tough then stick around. I can provide for myself very well. Why should I build up assests just so a gold digger can take them?
I have been told by a few women I am not worth their time because I do not drive for medical reasonss. Just for fun I showed one of them a few statements from my mutual funds and my bank balance..she changed her mind..I told her she was not worth my time.
See sometimes if you do not spend money on a car it lets you do other things. | |
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| Must have job, car, house...are they after my cash?
Posted: 11/14/2007 9:21:57 AM | Must have job, car, house . . . .
AND DON'T FORGET the most important element. Must have a HEART AND SOUL. Which, coincidentally, tend to get lost somewhere in the shuffle when men attain more than they really basically need from a financial standpoint, they think more highly of themselves as they should, and they forget what you're left with in the end. Your HEART AND SOUL. God isn't going to ask you how much money you have when you meet him, he's going to ask you what you did with what you were given. And yes, I mean given by God. Money included. | |
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| Must have job, car, house...are they after my cash?
Posted: 11/14/2007 9:28:50 AM | LOL, Here is a funny one!!
I contacted this woman on here and we were getting along just fine, e-mails, IM's and phone calls. Then boom, she says sorry but I just don't think you are stable enough for me!
Ok, Background, I am Currently back In School full time pursuing my degree in Education. Her thoughts were he can't afford me he does not have a full time job and who know where he lives, might be a trailer!
After she said no and I got the reason out of her, I explained that I have a 2900 sq foot home, payed for, a car, payed for and I have a new corporation I just started that is doing very well. OOPS!!! too bad, too late | |
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| Must have job, car, house...are they after my cash?
Posted: 11/14/2007 11:37:07 AM | | I don't think they are after your money so much as they are trying to protect theirs... think about it- If the guy is stable do you really think he's gonna be asking for a loan? Or borrowing her car? Or crashing at her house because he can't make rent? However it is entirely possible that some of those women you speak of would love to marry rich and are just looking for said rich husband... There are too many different types of women out there to lump us all in the same boat... all i know is i want a prenup, sadly | |
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| Must have job, car, house...are they after my cash?
Posted: 11/14/2007 11:46:40 AM |
Her thoughts were he can't afford me he does not have a full time job and who know where he lives, might be a trailer!
I happen to enjoy my mobile home and nicest park in the area. YES, I'm house hunting, the next step up the success ladder.
I dated a woman with the house, car, and job. Really nice house too. She knew I wasn't working due to my being a Disabled Veteran. She knew I lived in at the time a trailer that qualified as trailer trash living. She also knew I had a used car. It worked for 6 months. It wasn't money, or the fact that I wasn't working that things fell apart. It was all her way or no way that put tension on things.
I wasn't working and she was. SO, I cleaned the house for her, cleaned up after her dogs, took out the trash, mowed the lawn, and all the other stuff of house chores.
WE got along great, had fun, and ENJOYED each other and not what each other had or didn't have!
I heard rumor that she lost her house due to back taxes or whatever, and now living in an apartment or with one of her kids, while I still own my own place have a decent used truck, 2 campers, 1 motorcycle.
In a few earlier posts about being bitter because someone wants the fine dining and rich living, I think it's the people that want that who are bitter. I can have fun without putting a price tag on it or whipping up a financial spreadsheet and keep score! Let's just have fun to have fun! When I die I can't take all my toys with me, so who cares what toys or material things I have? OK, who cares BESIDES the women on here that feel it's a MUST HAVE? | |
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| Must have job, car, house...are they after my cash?
Posted: 11/14/2007 11:54:00 AM | best way to find out in an individual basis is to ask...
probably it is just a simple thing where the woman has had an experience in the past with a boyfriend or family member put the pinch on them...
I would put that on my profile as well... cause that way as I guy I would be not understanding and a bad, bad, man... LOL | |
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| Must have job, car, house...are they after my cash?
Posted: 11/14/2007 12:27:38 PM | 1 House: having a house means that you have made the plunge into the largest investment you will ever make in your life (material now I'm talking, ofcourse mate and children are the biggest in my book). Now, I dont knock a guy who rents, but living with parent's is just plain rediculous unless you moved back home to go to school, suffered a massive divorce and it's only been a couple of months and need a place till you get healed from the ex-baracuda, or you are homeless due to fire or some other disaster. Psychologically speaking, I believe it means that you have means to provide for the woman (midieval times. that sort of thing-beh)
Some people live with there parents because housing and apartment expenses are high plus gas being high. Stop judging people . Why do people assume that you live with your parents that you are not responsible can not support someone else. Alot of people like me live with our parenst but pay rent car isuranace. I would rather live with my parents then live in a crappy apartment and barely get by. It does not make me lazy. | |
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| Must have job, car, house...are they after my cash?
Posted: 11/14/2007 1:17:46 PM | It's nice if a person's financially stable, but to list what anyone MUST have, I think is a bit much. I guess when women list these things it does eliminate those men who are smart and choose NOT to disclose what they have, until they've met and seen how SHE lives and what SHE has. Knowing that, gives both parties a better feel for what's really being sought after  | |
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| Must have job, car, house...are they after my cash?
Posted: 11/14/2007 2:03:17 PM | Alot of people like me live with our parenst but pay rent car isuranace. I would rather live with my parents then live in a crappy apartment and barely get by. It does not make me lazy.
No, but it does indicate to me that you lack initiative to get a better job (assuming you're not going to school while living with them) and that you could never keep afford to buy a house with a future partner without depending on her money. You'd better be a damn good lover if you think that she's going to keep someone around that she has to pay for. ;)
I dated a woman with the house, car, and job. Really nice house too. She knew I wasn't working due to my being a Disabled Veteran. She knew I lived in at the time a trailer that qualified as trailer trash living. She also knew I had a used car. It worked for 6 months. It wasn't money, or the fact that I wasn't working that things fell apart. It was all her way or no way that put tension on things.
I wasn't working and she was. SO, I cleaned the house for her, cleaned up after her dogs, took out the trash, mowed the lawn, and all the other stuff of house chores.
WE got along great, had fun, and ENJOYED each other and not what each other had or didn't have!
It sounds to me like it was about money. You were doing things around her house for her and thus giving some extra value to the fact that she had to pay for things. If she made it all about her way or no way it sounds like she expected you to be more like an employee than a lover.
In a few earlier posts about being bitter because someone wants the fine dining and rich living, I think it's the people that want that who are bitter. I can have fun without putting a price tag on it or whipping up a financial spreadsheet and keep score! Let's just have fun to have fun!
Now you're misquoting what I said. The financial spreadsheet was for the break up to split our belongings and track who was taking what. It had nothing to do with who had paid for what in the relationship. The fact that I let him take over half of what we owned even though I had paid for more than half of it was the point. But hey, that doesn't work well for your argument does it? I have nothing to be bitter about, I can go out to dinner alone and still enjoy it... fun doesn't have a price tag but it does require some income. I enjoy going out for a nice aged steak at Smith & Wolensky to celebrate or a nice romantic dinner at the Melting Pot for a birthday or new years eve. I dated a man that made a lot less than me and he felt obligated to try and take me to one of those places for my birthday and new years... and he hurt himself financially doing so even though I told him not to do it. He still holds that against me 2 years later and tells everyone I made him go broke. Never mind that when we broke up he (like many of my exs) got to keep things that I had bought... like the TV and VCR I put in his house because he didn't own one.
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| Must have job, car, house...are they after my cash?
Posted: 11/14/2007 2:14:40 PM |
No, but it does indicate to me that you lack initiative to get a better job{/quote]
i have to disagree with that. i have a very stable, great job in broadcasting. i wouldn't give my drive home show away for anything... and that includes money. i don't make a whole lot in radio and i still live with my parents. i have to agree that just because someone is staying with their folks that doesn't make them lazy. i'm the busiest person on the world with running a drive show, being on location, and being a part of the community. the fact that the cost of living is so high where i am is the reason for me still being at home for the time being.
yes i agree that if i'm with someone i want them to be able to take care of themselves but i think people seem to forget that even us local celeb's don't get paid all the much. doesn't mean we lack initiative... because there's no where else other than radio i'd rather be.
let's not judge people for saving money and getting on their own two feet. i'm thankful everyday for supportive parents that are allowing me to live my dream. | |
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| Must have job, car, house...are they after my cash?
Posted: 11/14/2007 3:41:09 PM | I see the choice of a girl saying "I have salary expectations"
I see this and i see goldigger, so if a guy say he expects sex on the first date he is not out of line than as the expect you to have a car,job, and home befor they have anything to do with you. | |
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| Must have job, car, house...are they after my cash?
Posted: 11/14/2007 4:27:16 PM | Must have car, house, and the most important is the job. I* am sorry but those three are necessary to survive. And yes I am looking for a decent man with decent job who can support us, in case we come to intimate relationship. I have a job and will always have one, to help financially but I am not looking for man that I have support him to survive. He does not necessarily to have plenty of money but decent salary coming to have a better life. I know you most men wants the same thing. I have 2 jobs to get what I want in life, I dont expect any man to hand me all the things I want. I could have had a a very rich guy to be with, BUT if I have to close my eyes when we are making love because of no love at all, I would rather work 2 jobs and find the man of my dream . I have work hard all my life and I sent my 2 sons in college on my own with out any help from anybody. So?? To all men who think all women are golddiggers if they want a better man, to each its own, too bad that we are being judged wrong.   | |
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| Must have job, car, house...are they after my cash?
Posted: 11/14/2007 5:11:10 PM | This thread is still insanely funny!
I think I'll continue looking for a woman that is more interested in ME, and not whether I have enough income, car, or house to make them happy. Someone that isn't worried about "What's in it for me? What can I get? How much can I get?"
A woman that doesn't have to have $50 dinners all the time, but can grab a quick bite somewhere for less than $20 and still go out and have fun with the other $30 that isn't spent on eating and can be spent on having FUN! Sure, if she's worth it and not all about what can I get out of this relationship, treat her to a nice dinner somewhere, but not ALL the time.
Someone that can set on a park bench and enjoy a sunset at the park by the lake that doesn't cost a dime......wait we got a couple bottles of soda/pop for $3. No, I won't write that down in the score keeping book that I bought your Pepsi.
Save up some money so I know I have enough to take you to a concert of (the person or band you like) for a Valentines Day gift or some other special moment.
Go to some festival in town and enjoy the time together.
This thread along with some of the many others remind me of the one quote from the TV series Deadliest Catch. Everybody wants the golden paycheck but they don't want to work to get it. | |
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| Must have job, car, house...are they after my cash?
Posted: 11/14/2007 5:39:32 PM | Bravo msg by optimism-prime34! Very well put! Too bad more didn't feel this way. The most pleasurable things in life HAVE no dollar value.
Do not measure my worth as a person, by the size of my wallet, but rather, by the size of my heart. Do not measure my value by the things I can buy you, but rather by the things I will share with you such as my love. | |
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