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| Must have job, car, house...are they after my cash?
Posted: 12/13/2007 8:24:04 PM | the marterial things that i have don't own me.if a woman wants a man that makes 100,00 + that's her choice. but then again that guy would probably never be home because he is always working. it's a double edged sword.i don't think that i would want to be with a woman who didn't have something to bring to the table. her own money ,car or job.i guess i wouldn't want to date a homeless girl , but after your date you could drop her off anywhere... | |
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| Must have job, car, house...are they after my cash?
Posted: 12/13/2007 9:22:03 PM | lover/fighter: You're missing the point. Read closely to what we're saying. I was like Charlotte too - my first husband lost his job after our son was born due to foolishness - too interested in going to the bar every night. We had to move in with his older sister to make ends meet (she got him a job with her husband). Couple years later got fired from yet another job - foolish goofing around on the job - and we had to move in with my grandmother to make ends meet. My son's father never had a car because he couldn't get a license. I drove us everywhere. Before we got married, it was fine with me that he had no car - we took the bus, took a cab, or I drove my car. After we had been married several years, he did finally get a license and a car but he wrecked it, and they suspended his license because of too many DUI's. He died 12 years after our divorce, leaving nothing (jobless again), and over $8,000 in back child support.
This is the kind of nonsense that Charlotte and I are talking about. Do you get it now, or are you just spouting off without using your head? | |
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| Must have job, car, house...are they after my cash?
Posted: 12/13/2007 11:04:33 PM | hmm LittleMissRockNRoll,
ok reasons i dont have a car. 1. i dont believe in the idea of having something just for the sake of having it, especially in a time where demands for natural resources keeps skyrocketing. evryday my friends keep telling my how expensive just fueling thier cars, let alone fixing them, changing tires for the winter and all those other costs that come from owning this symbol of independence entails. 2. i really hate driving, tbh the only time i will have a car is when i can afford a driver.
all these friends of mine who have cars mostly work at the same place/pay range. we all live in our own places though i am renting because i prefer living downtown, while they want a house/ have a gf to share the cost of mortgaging a house. so while they are coming to borrow money from me when they are in a bind because my monthly bill doesnt include leases or mortgage bills i am the one who is not independent? or who cant take care of someone i care for?
i'm a big fan of stereotypes and cliches because most of the time they are true. put me beside the car driving, home owning friends of mine and i would be the last get picked. but i know what i've got and the day that beautiful woman who i date decides that she is going to ignore the fact i stopped at the restaurant for our date from a transit bus she may actually discover that i am way more "financially independent" than those other guys.
as for the husband, well i dont think i should tell you he was a bum. women should be able to spot that a mile away let alone after a period of courtship, engagement and eventual marriage. (at least a few months) i dare say it is your fault for letting yourself not see the real person before it was too late.
as a sidenote. i dont believe in financial success as a measure of my happiness. men who do also belief an making upgrades when they can afford one, that includes the objects of thier affection. thats my 2 cents. may i add i mean no offence | |
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| Must have job, car, house...are they after my cash?
Posted: 12/14/2007 6:13:12 AM | lover/fighter,
No offense taken. In several of my posts, I said renting was fine - all I cared about was that a guy not be homeless. I dated a guy who lived in a hotel - no problem. The car situation - I drove on many a date, and it didn't bother me - my point was I didn't want to be taken advantage of for "taxi service" for a guy's own personal needs. As to your comment about the "bum husband": I was only 17 years old at the time and married him because of pregnancy - that's what people did back then. I grew up, matured during the 4 year marriage, then divorced him as a result. Yes - women should be able to spot guys with problems quickly into the dating process - some women don't as their feelings often get in the way of making rational decisions. In my case, I was a mere child of 17, so it does take growing up and gaining maturity. I agree with your last statement that financial success does not measure happiness - but not having a place to live (homeless), getting your friends or relatives to pay your bills, etc., means instability. | |
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| Must have job, car, house...are they after my cash?
Posted: 12/14/2007 6:40:30 AM | | Now that I have so much free time sitting at home waiting for knee surgery, I can read these forums. WOW, this one is 1 1/2 old. I live outside a major city where asking for a job, car and house is expected. We really don't have a great public transportation system, so if you don't have a car that would be a major issue. As for a job, most women I know will only date a man that makes about as much as they do, or more. Reason...they don't want a mooch. The house thing....I rent and it's as large as some homes and costs about as much. But, I ask women for the same thing...job, car and 'a place to live on there own'. Like all the other requirements we put on dating, it's just something I want and I don't see a problem if they want the same back. | |
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| Must have job, car, house...are they after my cash?
Posted: 12/14/2007 7:11:54 AM | Generally speaking, I've found most women put up a smokescreen of dating respectability by hiding their true relationship wants and desires by stating they're not being unreasonable when they reject deadbeats, which of course no one can argue with. However, it's guys like me that expose them as frauds and poseurs.
I'm neither destitute nor rich, but I do consider myself fiscally responsible. I pay mortgage on a condo, have my own car, always pay my bills every month (which includes never carrying over credit card expenses to the next month), and live within my means. I don't have any outstanding debt other than my mortgage and car loan, which is what most people have. However, there's nothing about my possessions that could be termed expensively extravagant. If I can't afford something, I simply don't buy it. I have no problem saying NO to myself and doing without....lol. I certainly wouldn't categorize myself as an example of what women are talking about here: guys living on the fringe of society that have no job, no car, living out of an apartment, and have debt coming out of their ears. But I "still" find myself unacceptable to most women, and definitely the kind of women I'm attracted to (the smart, classy, nice-looking types, "in my age group" btw) because I'm apparently too poor and non-materialistic for their tastes. These same women also give me the de rigueur phrases I see constantly repeated over and over again in threads like these, "I'm not being unfair if I have certain standards and unwilling to put up with a skid row bum, am I????" No, you're not being unfair, but you're using an extreme example to hide your TRUE feelings and misdirecting the conversation, right?
Listen, if what you're seeking in a partner is the materialism you crave and can afford your lifestyle, just say so upfront; don't hide behind the fancy, idealistic, fuzziness of money and status means nothing, and you're just looking for a guy that you can "connect with" and "treats you well" (whatever that means). It would save a lot of wasted time and effort. | |
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| Must have job, car, house...are they after my cash?
Posted: 12/14/2007 7:17:44 AM | I say GET TO KNOW THE PERSON FIRST! We can talk till our eyes fall out of our head about what is needed to make a great mate BUT what about getting to know the said person and who they are? Trust me, it is the inside that counts and while most people will stand here and say it has nothing to do with ones looks, money, or what they have, I laugh and say what about the person? After all is said and done, all of the money is gone, the cars don`t run, and the house falls apart, what are you left with? Oh, wait, what am I thinking? That is what the money is for,right? May I ask how much do you think true love cost? Or for that matter how much does fools love cost? Answer, not a thing. Love is a gift that you give another person and it cost you not a dime. I could bust out about someone who loved us so much and what He did for us out of TRUE love but I will leave that for another time (wink, wink).
Love is not the car, wealth, or house. Love is not what you do when you turn off the lights with that special someone, nor is it something that is tunred off or on when one desires. No ma`am or sir, love is a gift that is pure and it is our own wants and needs that make it into what we call it today. I understand that there are needs and wants in each and everyone of us but do not confuse that with love. So when looking for your mate I think you have to ask yourself what is it that you are looking for. Is it wrong to want a car,house, and food on the table? Not at all. But I also think that we put these things in out way of finding someone special as well. One other thing before I go, have you ever tried prayer? I do not know about you but I am tired of trying things my way and I for one am learning that He will take care of all of my needs and wants. With that I hope you all find that special someone and may we all be a little more understanding to one another needs and wants.
God bless and keep faith;
-John-
"The best thing about the future is that it comes only a day at a time." | |
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| Must have job, car, house...are they after my cash?
Posted: 12/14/2007 8:08:04 AM | No, she's not after your cash. She assumes that if you don't have or want these things then you might be after hers. She has good reason to fear that that might be the case. Nevertheless, if she's automatically jumping to conclusions about you because of a the material then I'd say she's probably materialistic anyway.
I don't have a car. I have a license but no car. I work approximately ten seconds away. Seriously. I walk out my back door and I'm at work. If I want to shop, I walk out the front door. I live at the intersection of two very busy city routes and I can hop a bus to be downtown in five minutes. Why in the world would I pay like $300 a month for a car I absolutely do not need ? Just so that I can say that I have one ? If I'm going to the bar, I'm cabbing it anyway (I mean, should I drive there and back ? Hmmmm.....) If I'm going to see my friends I can either take a cab , hop on a bus , or have them pick me up if they like. Hell, if it's nice outside I can just walk. It's not like people in North America couldn't stand to do a little more walking.
House ? Well, you got me there. I can afford one but I need to get my credit in order like a lot of people do. Oh well...the trials of youth and credit cards. Either way...so what ? What does my credit rating have to do with a relationship exactly ? Is there some sort of credit scoring based on association ? Is somebody afraid that by knowing me they might end up paying my bills ? So I don't really get the big deal about this. No doubt somebody would happily fill me in with why it's so important to them but ultimately I'd have to say that if it's that big a deal to them then their own materialism is the problem , not my credit rating. I have an apartment, pay rent on time, and am in no danger of getting evicted any time soon. So what's the big deal as long as I have a place to live ?
Job. No...on this one I have to agree with any lady who expects you to have one. If you don't then you should have a good reason for being unemployed. At the very least, how long you've been out of work and your plans to rejoin the workforce are pretty important subjects I would think.
If the demand is that I have a job that pays me in excess of say, eighty grand a year or something then as far as I'm concerned I'm not losing anything if she'll have nothing to do with me. THAT'S a gold-digger. If she was all about the relationship she'd be paying for him to join her on some tropical island or whatever. If her thing is that he be able to afford HER lifestyle then I'd say she wants a boy-toy more than she wants a relationship. She can have whatever she wants of course but in this case she'd better be prepared to wait a long, long time. I'm blue collar. I have absolutely no interest in anything to do with white collar work. I don't want to sit behind a desk. As it happens, thanks to demographic changes, I'll probably end up making more than the average business executive very soon. Nevertheless, I'll never wear a suit and tie. Ain't me. If somebody insists on having somebody that fits a certain image , well then they can insist away. I'm not changing for somebody who wouldn't love me unless I became something I'm not. They love the idea, not the person. | |
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| Must have job, car, house...are they after my cash?
Posted: 12/14/2007 9:41:27 AM | I've noticed many women's (and some men's) profiles that are very specific on the person having to own a car.
I've seen in several profiles, "You gotta have wheels, I'm not your chauffer", etc. If I had stated such a thing in my profile, I never would have met my boyfriend. I knew he didn't have a car when we first met (I picked him up) but I didn't know anything else about what he had or didn't have. He was interesting...I wanted to get to know him.
I turns out he earns twice what I do, owns a very nice house and has a small business overseas, is very well educated (and I was right, he IS interesting) For some people, the cost of a car is just not justifiable. (apparently in Australia, car insurance runs approx $200 per year, so it's hard to fathom our rates) Also, if they are like him and have lived all around the world, they don't have the same attachment to vehicles as we do here in North America. Public transit suits him fine. As for us, we get around. I have a car! If we happen to be going somewhat of a distance, he will rent a car, so as to put fewer km's on mine.
So to answer the OP....it's possible they're after your cash but it's also possible they just haven't thought it through enough. They don't realize how they're limiting themselves.
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| Must have job, car, house...are they after my cash?
Posted: 12/14/2007 3:47:22 PM | littlemissrocknroll
No i wasnt saying anything about your post what i am getting at is alot of women wont even give a man the time of day unless they have these things and that says goldigger to me. | |
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| Must have job, car, house...are they after my cash?
Posted: 12/15/2007 2:47:49 AM |
for me, financial stress is the one stress that I don't handle very well at all. My folks never made much growing up, and I was the first person in my family to get a degree. I am proud of the small successes I've achieved, and I don't entirely feel threatened by these requests.
Sounds like you're 'right on the money' here...
having a job requires having your other 'shite' together...
driving a car, hopefully, means you have a license..which again, indicates no DUI's or other major arrests....
living arrangements... I'm all for multi-generational living conditions, think it's a good thing overall...HOWEVER.. not if you HAVE to live with the folks...
Allowing someonen to use your car because they don't have one...This opens you up to all sorts of legalities - what if they wreck, or use it to run drugs, or get a DUI or..... your name is now attached, and you find yourself in the middle of court cases.... (no, this hasn't happened to me, I've given my daughter this advice)
What if you get serious about a man/woman... you get married, and their debt becomes yours.. do you really want the tax man attaching YOUR hard won assets because you didn't put the filter on when you were dating?
Wanting someone who can paddle their own canoe doesn't mean you want them to do your paddling too... | |
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| Must have job, car, house...are they after my cash?
Posted: 12/15/2007 2:55:45 AM | God, I love the paranoia on PoF.
It's like real-life paranoia squared.
If you can survive PoF paranoia, you can survive anywhere on earth, even the Soviet Union, the Pentagon 0r Israel! | |
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| Must have job, car, house...are they after my cash?
Posted: 12/15/2007 7:24:21 AM | | Why do yu think that???? as it is the human basic needs and one must have that to survive this world . and I ask that """ all the time"" and I do not need it but hey it tells a lot about a person Number one it tells if he is lazy or stable or has a perfect credit score, So many questions that tells if the personality of a person has a future It is a track record for sure. and if you two are on the same page>>> anothe is a""" big one""" tells if he or she has Self Control. | |
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| Must have job, car, house...are they after my cash?
Posted: 12/15/2007 7:25:15 AM | | I have been asked on date#1 2 or 3 about my credit history, finances and my income. These were all women who were single mother's who said that they were looking for someone to support them and their children as they said they were looking out for "The best interests of their children." I still call that gold digging. | |
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Rhett1
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Joined: 10/16/2005
Msg: 742 | |
| Must have job, car, house...are they after my cash?
Posted: 12/15/2007 7:41:55 AM | I find that a lot of women who have nothing themselves, expect the man to have everything. I think the only person who MIGHT have the right to expect all that is a person who has all that themselves.
I hate when a person expects perfection in a potential mate, but they bring absolutely nothing to the table themselves. | |
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| Must have job, car, house...are they after my cash?
Posted: 12/15/2007 7:56:30 AM | 30 pages of people defending their right to be a L*O*S*E*R. Amazing.
Logic is the only important thing here. Last time I looked (and there is a friggin FOOT of snow on my sidewalk outside my house this morning!!!) YOU NEED MONEY TO PAY:
The HEAT BILL
The ELECTRIC BILL
The SEWER BILL
The GARBAGE BILL
PAY FOR GROCERIES
BUY THINGS LIKE WASHERS AND DRYERS
HAVE A REFRIDGERATOR
HAVE A STOVE
PAY FOR CABLE
PAY FOR INTERNET
PAY TO GET TO THE STORE TO BUY FOOD (This comes in either the form of a CAR or a TAXI or a BICYCLE or a MOTORCYCLE or a BUS PASS)
The RENT or the HOUSE PAYMENT
Have warm CLOTHES ON YOUR BACK
Now...in real life, loser boys and loser girls...most people, INCLUDING WOMEN, sort of like to EAT, HAVE A ROOF OVER THEIR HEADS, HAVE HEAT AND LIGHTS, and CLOTHES ON THEIR BODIES. Granted, some take everything to excess, but you are asking "WHY DO YOU WANT TO KNOW IF I HAVE A JOB, A HOUSE, A CAR???
Because anyone with TWO EYES AND AN A$$HOLE KNOWS YOU NEED A JOB A PLACE TO LIVE AND TRANSPORTATION FOR CHRIST SAKE.
And YES. There are a LOT of losers on here. IN BOTH SEXES....So if you are planning on getting to know someone, PART of the initial screening is "ARE YOU SELF FRIGGIN SUFFICIENT?????" (Unless you are by god independently wealthy and can afford to support some loser....and THEN, if you are stupid enough to DO that, you deserve all the "gold digging" you are going to GET! MALE OR FEMALE. You buy a penis or a vagina? THATS ALL YER GONNA GET....)
EDIT:
and as for Johne102 who wrote:
"I have been asked on date#1 2 or 3 about my credit history, finances and my income. These were all women who were single mother's who said that they were looking for someone to support them and their children as they said they were looking out for "The best interests of their children." I still call that gold digging."
WHY THE HELL WOULD YOU DATE A SINGLE MOTHER WITH CHILDREN WHO SAID THEY WERE LOOKING FOR SOMEONE TO SUPPORT THEM????????? Do you have a total loss of BRAIN CELLS?
yes. Im yelling. I'd be pounding the desk and using a MEGAPHONE if I could. Good GOD. 30 PAGES OF "I SHOULD NOT HAVE TO TAKE CARE OF MYSELF TO BE ABLE TO GET LAID" | |
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| Must have job, car, house...are they after my cash?
Posted: 12/15/2007 7:56:40 AM |
No, she's not after your cash. She assumes that if you don't have or want these things then you might be after hers. She has good reason to fear that that might be the case.
ate least someone with common sense. Granted there are many women who look up to men as a potential provider or someone to rely upon. That's how society was for many many years, and it's not going away in one day. But there are also many who don't NEED his stuff.. cash.. whatever.. They need some assurance that they are not going to be stuck paying his bills, fix his car, pay his child support for kids from prior relationships, and basically be a momma to him.. or if they don't, they will be accused of not loving him for him and being materialistic . This happens more than people admit, partly, I think, it's because women feel extremely stupid if they were taken advantage of and not willing to admit it (again, it used to be man was a provider). So we don't hear about it as often as the other way around.
Having a *somewhat* equal partnership from just purely that standpoint is highly desirable for myself personally. Anything wrong with that???  | |
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| Must have job, car, house...are they after my cash?
Posted: 12/15/2007 8:41:19 AM | | I actually had a man that I was dating ask me the same question... He knew that I own my own home and work full time, he knew that I knew that he didn't own his own home because he couldn't qualify for a loan; and yet, we were eating dinner one night, and, he started talking about his ex wife. How she never worked. He went on to say that he made up his mind, when he started dating again, after his divorce, that he would never date a woman that didn't work full time or own her own home. My jaw just about hit the table!!!! I should have said what I was thinking, which was, " Wow! It's a good thing I don't feel that way, or I wouldn't be dating you!". Made me question if maybe he wasn't looking for a sugar mama. We ended up breaking up . He ended up with his former girlfriend that earns twice as much as I do and owns her own home in Scottsdale, with a guest house out back..... hmmmmmmmm......... | |
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Rhett1
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Joined: 10/16/2005
Msg: 746 | |
| Must have job, car, house...are they after my cash?
Posted: 12/15/2007 8:43:44 AM | Bethlet: Breathe...
Okay, I think you're getting just a tad too worked up there.
So, someone who thinks it's ridiculous that someone demands for their potential date to own their own house is being a "loser" for thinking that way? Give me a break. Lots of people rent and do just fine. In bigger cities a LOT of people rent, because buying a house is a LOT of money.
WHY THE HELL WOULD YOU DATE A SINGLE MOTHER WITH CHILDREN WHO SAID THEY WERE LOOKING FOR SOMEONE TO SUPPORT THEM????????? Do you have a total loss of BRAIN CELLS? I think that was the point John was making. Notice he didn't say he stayed with them.
I SHOULD NOT HAVE TO TAKE CARE OF MYSELF TO BE ABLE TO GET LAID" How does this translate into "not having to take care of myself"? Yes, the job part is important...because there should be some source of income somewhere...but not owning your own house, and not driving a car does not equal not being able to take care of oneself.
Simmer down. | |
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| Must have job, car, house...are they after my cash?
Posted: 12/15/2007 8:53:57 AM |
and not driving a car does not equal not being able to take care of oneself.
sorry to butt in, but in a large city suburbs it pretty much does, unless you work from home. Let's face it, American society is based on cars as primary mode of transport. So if someone tells me they don't drive, it's "caution". Often it's for a reason like having a past DUI or unable to afford a vehicle due to being unemployed. So if a person have to have friends/family drive them places - yeah, they are not entirely able to take care of themselves. Exceptions are there but rare. | |
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| Must have job, car, house...are they after my cash?
Posted: 12/15/2007 9:04:29 AM | | No I did not date those ladies after they asked about my finances and saying they wanted someone to support their kids..why would I? I dated them to get to knw them, after those questions I knoew all I needed to know about them and never saw them again. I am amazed at how some think others should look after them when they tjhemselves bring litle to the table. | |
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Rhett1
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Joined: 10/16/2005
Msg: 749 | |
| Must have job, car, house...are they after my cash?
Posted: 12/15/2007 9:08:21 AM | Red N Blue: There are plenty of people who CHOOSE not to own a vehicle for a number of reasons. If someone doesn't own a vehicle and you want them to have one, then it is definitely your choice to not date them. But there is no law saying all adults HAVE to own a vehicle. It does not automatically make you a deadbeat.
sorry to butt in, but in a large city suburbs it pretty much does Many people choose to walk, jog, bike to work. Also, since you brought up large cities, many large cities have excellent busing.
I just find it ridiculous to equate not having a vehicle, or owning your own home with automatically being a loser. | |
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| Must have job, car, house...are they after my cash?
Posted: 12/15/2007 9:23:08 AM | Perhaps next time you should read for content, instead of reading to just pull things out of context to support your stubborn position. I said, and I QUOTE:
Because anyone with TWO EYES AND AN A$$HOLE KNOWS YOU NEED A JOB A PLACE TO LIVE AND TRANSPORTATION FOR CHRIST SAKE. | |
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