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| Must have job, car, house...are they after my cash?
Posted: 12/16/2007 11:04:04 AM | I have my own house, been made redundant but I'm not broke, don't drive personally..but hey if I can afford my life then I would prefer to go out with someone who I don't have to continually pay for.
If you can't afford to go out accept..say a meal s treat and then repay the gesture at some point then you shouldn't be thinking about going on dates or meeting anyone.
Get yourself and your finances sorted out first.
I'm financially independent and so should you be.
Sadly..guys I haave been out with the past year or so..for whatever reason I've treated them to dinner and split up before I got the chance to be treaated in return! Hey ho!  | |
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| Must have job, car, house...are they after my cash?
Posted: 12/16/2007 11:07:05 AM | I've owned two houses.
I made the conscious choice when my relationship went south to pay more child support than the state asked for, so the kids would have what they needed.
What I didn't plan on was her racking up $15K in bills on her way out the door.
I still, because of my earning power, could own a modest house if I wanted to - but I'd rather do what I'm doing now.
There's a family that lived two doors down from me. I make four times what the best breadwinner does in the same hour. So basically, with me renting out the top room of the house (and putting some stuff in the shed) that means that they have enough income and can provide a stable house for their daughter.
Now, my life choices are, my kids first, my unfortunate obligations to creditors thanks to the ex second, and a deserving family third.
As I said, I owned houses. There's roofs to fix, lawns to mow, etc. and I don't want that anymore. There's only me and will always be only me, so I've declined that particular time and money pit. I can ride off to Montana or Portland at a moment's notice, and there's people around to watch my stuff and gather my mail.
As I said, the kids will be well provided for til 18 with a nice little nest egg to get started. A family here gets to live somewhere stable. I will chip away at the debt that's left with what I've left myself with.
But to the average female, I'm some guy living in a rooming house (big ew), with little disposable income at the end of the day (double turnoff). | |
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| Must have job, car, house...are they after my cash?
Posted: 12/16/2007 11:11:36 AM | ^^^
Erm...not to this female you're not;) I think what you're doing is commendable and I'm sorry to say but you just blew your cover for me...you do have a good heart after all biker...
\/ Edit \/.....Sorry...I didn't mean to imply that you didn't...I meant to compliment you in the way you're taking good care of your kids now and for their future...and for the good you're doing for that family.....I apologize if it came out wrong, as that wasn't my intention. | |
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| Must have job, car, house...are they after my cash?
Posted: 12/16/2007 11:14:49 AM | Who said I didn't have a good heart?
What I meant was, all the people here saying that I'm evil... just because I believe that women in relationships are abusive using bitches doesn't mean I'm not a decent fella in other ways. Bikers help each other out and others. I don't see politicians doing toy runs or collecting for charity.
And I don't see cops helping broken down motorists, either.
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| Must have job, car, house...are they after my cash?
Posted: 12/16/2007 11:16:30 AM | Blueskie123
if i told you, i have 2 cars, 2 motorcycles, 1 house, 10 acres of land on the south of france, a respectable parcel of a river where i grow various sorts of shelfish, a wide variety of mutual funds, some money, and a whole lot of plans.....would it make my opinions more valuable?!
No, not your opinion. You of course are entitled to hold whatever opinion you want regardless of your occupation, lifestyle, income etc. But if we (hypothetically!!!) were to become interested in each other, that would be one less thing for me to worry about. Like I said - asked, answered, done. Now let's move on to see if we have things in common, attraction, interests and so on.
and whats wrong with being an idealist?
Absolutely nothing, if that's your goal. Mine is to find/build a workable lasting fulfilling relationship. I have noticed that since we happen to live in the world that is NOT ideal, things like the ones mentioned above do come into play. So the choice is either accept it and work with it( I believe, this is called "common sense"  ),
, or insist on how the things *should* be (idealism).
I know forums are fun and we can debate all kinds of "what-ifs" endlessly , but I have been there done that IRL and it was NOT fun. No amount of love could save the situation. Sorry, it's *life* not a fairy tale.
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| Must have job, car, house...are they after my cash?
Posted: 12/16/2007 11:27:26 AM | you do have a good heart after all biker
Within every cynic is a disappointed idealist.
Perhaps you have to get old to understand that.
I'm renting a quite nice house-for-sale. The owner suggested it and I was shocked when she agreed to what I'd normally pay for rent but it helps her and it doesn't affect me, really. And I'm only here on the weekends.
I could fly back and forth from my parent's house but I like Seattle.
But at the speed dating event yesterday, I realized how flakey it sounds to the average woman. They're constantly digging, looking for "red flags" and you know what? I just let them have their red flags. Maybe it's better that way. It's a lot of work and weirdness to circumvent the paranoia. | |
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| Must have job, car, house...are they after my cash?
Posted: 12/16/2007 11:51:57 AM |
accept it and work with it( I believe, this is called "common sense"
i believe its called "giving up"
life would be a lot less of a fairy tale if it werent for ppl having ideals!
sitting back, accepting and not fight for the way things should be is the same thing as sitting back, accepting and not fight for a house car and job!
and "what ifs" do come true a lot of the times....... | |
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| Must have job, car, house...are they after my cash?
Posted: 12/16/2007 11:56:56 AM |
i believe its called "giving up"
It's called "choosing your battles". I knew you were young when I read that comment. At 24, you have infinite energy and time. When you get older, you have finite resources and patience.  | |
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| Must have job, car, house...are they after my cash?
Posted: 12/16/2007 12:11:05 PM |
It's called "choosing your battles". I knew you were young when I read that comment. At 24, you have infinite energy and time. When you get older, you have finite resources and patience.
a rare occasion when we agree. | |
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| Must have job, car, house...are they after my cash?
Posted: 12/16/2007 12:16:45 PM | i just wanna fight no matter what the battle is....it doesnt even have to be for a good cause as long as theres reasoning...haha
its just a lil upseting so many women consider this a must.
i think material things have nothing to do with love, and letting them have to do with love is what probably screws it up most of the times... | |
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| Must have job, car, house...are they after my cash?
Posted: 12/16/2007 12:18:24 PM | Sherilyn70:
Why not answer my question? You say a man has to have things but what if he has them and is bankrupt? I have a great credit rating, good income, I just do not drive. I do not think that makes me not worthy of a date. | |
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| Must have job, car, house...are they after my cash?
Posted: 12/16/2007 12:23:47 PM | | what your saying the older you get the more you lose the romance, the magic of a good relationship. evrything becomes a compatibility game. i refuse to believe the magic leaves and it becomes calculated and contrived thing. i have to say most women are disenchanted. well i am 24 and while i am very stable. i would hope a woman could actually fall for me before she sees my house, or knows my bank balance. my bank balance says very little about me | |
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| Must have job, car, house...are they after my cash?
Posted: 12/16/2007 12:30:56 PM | Yeah...they're just after your cash...GEEZUS....where do you guys come up with this shite?
Or....here's a thought....unless they're living in la la land...and have the Barbie complex, they COULD....just COULD be looking for stability. There are a LOT of companies that will not hire a person if they have have 6 jobs in 4 years...that doesn't include contract workers...thats sort of expected. So why can't a woman, or man for that matter, be looking for a stable individual? Seems reasonable. If you flit from job to job, live with mom or in a dinky apartment and you're in your 40s....perhaps you have a set of priorities that denote a lack of responsibility...or you were taken to the cleaners by the EXs lawyer....in that case...well, should have hired a better shot..I mean attorney.  | |
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| Must have job, car, house...are they after my cash?
Posted: 12/16/2007 12:34:56 PM | VISIONS 1:
ok...
if i told you, i have 2 cars, 2 motorcycles, 1 house, 10 acres of land on the south of france, a respectable parcel of a river where i grow various sorts of shelfish, a wide variety of mutual funds, some money, and a whole lot of plans.....would it make my opinions more valuable?!
and whats wrong with being an idealist?"
If you have this, perhaps you should put it on your profile...and yes. To someone like me, it would show that you have initiative, intellect, and foresight...and it would, therefore, make your opinions FAR more valuable than someone who is less successful or shows less initiative, intellect and foresight.
I was raised on Aesop's Fables. This is the Fable of the Grasshopper and the Ants. Perhaps the people on this thread should read that fable. I'm not into Grasshoppers. I'm an Ant.
SOUND DUDE:
High FIVE! xoxoxo | |
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| Must have job, car, house...are they after my cash?
Posted: 12/16/2007 12:44:29 PM |
There are a LOT of companies that will not hire a person if they have have 6 jobs in 4 years...that doesn't include contract workers...thats sort of expected. So why can't a woman, or man for that matter, be looking for a stable individual?
she could...i just think thats a relationship based on other values that have nothin to do with love!maybe thats it....maybe girls are looking for diferent kinds of relationships and i just assumed love was the only reason for a relationship.
If you flit from job to job, live with mom or in a dinky apartment and you're in your 40s....perhaps you have a set of priorities that denote a lack of responsibility...
PERHAPS! you flit from job to job cause you like to try diferent things, and you live with your mom cause she has no one else..... its just perhaps....it doesnt mean those things are the cause!
what ever happened to the benefit of the doubt?! | |
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| Must have job, car, house...are they after my cash?
Posted: 12/16/2007 12:44:40 PM |
i think material things have nothing to do with love, and letting them have to do with love is what probably screws it up most of the times...
You are right. It has to do not so much with love, but with building/maintaining a viable relationship. Love is only a part of that (maybe the most important) but not *the only* IRL. Most loving relationship will be ruined overtime by the stress and strife caused by lack of necessities and partners being on the opposites when it comes to life views and approaches.
Love does not pay medical insurance for your sick loved one, love does not feed you.. and so on.
Cheers,
R&B | |
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| Must have job, car, house...are they after my cash?
Posted: 12/16/2007 12:46:48 PM | I don't drive. I have a dating profile on another site that states this and the number one question I get asked is 'why don't you drive?'. Usually it's the very first question.
The question immediately discounts them from my interest but I do send a reply, usually a humorous one. Not being able to drive or not wanting to is regarded by many women as a social disability. 'There must be something wrong with you'.
One day it'll be spaceships that make the difference.
Actually a lady who drives has asked me out on Wednesday - now there's a bonus. When the next lady gets in touch I'll bring driving lady along on the date. | |
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| Must have job, car, house...are they after my cash?
Posted: 12/16/2007 1:02:27 PM |
i think material things have nothing to do with love
I had no idea of your age until I read that, and knew you'd be very young and/or very poor before I looked at your profile. Thinking that way isn't necessarily a bad thing. It even sounds all rosy and idealistic. But unfortunately, life doesn't work that way.
The number one cause of problems in marriage is finance related. Most of us who have lived awhile realize that money does matter. We enjoy a certain lifestyle, and wouldn't be happy pairing up with someone who thinks that the only great vacation is the one where you walk (not drive) down to the creek and stick a bamboo pole out. We wouldn't be happy living in that two room rental where the crime rate is off the charts. We don't want our kids going to school where they have to pass through metal detectors. We don't live our lives accepting government assistance for food, medical, and housing.
I'd BET that you don't want to do those things either. So even you have some standards when it comes to "must haves."
For the vast majority of us, money DOES matter. | |
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| Must have job, car, house...are they after my cash?
Posted: 12/16/2007 1:02:33 PM | im not rich and i dont live in a trailer though theres nothing wrong with that some are very nice. but i do have a very good job n pays well .own a beautiful envoy own n ride an o7 harley ultra classic and have my own home. but there are women who want you too have more. mabey they think it,s a status smybol who knows. but the way i look at it is this if there not happy with what i have than they can move on . just like if your not happy with what they have you can move on too. | |
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| Must have job, car, house...are they after my cash?
Posted: 12/16/2007 1:25:54 PM | It usually means she's tired of dating couch surfing lazy bums who put their drinking / drug / party habits before their responsibilities.
A lady needs to know her man is going to take care of her when the proverbial S%#* hits the fan. Of course, there are gold diggers out there. Most of the one's I've known don't hang out on sites like this. They hit hotel bars where executives stay.
Just my two cents. | |
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| Must have job, car, house...are they after my cash?
Posted: 12/16/2007 1:37:05 PM | I don't think it's gold digging. I think they might be looking for someone in a similar financial position. I can understand they don't want to support someone, or be with someone who for whatever reason isn't in the same financial boat as themselves. I've worked hard for my house, car, truck, etc. So if I'm going to get serious with someone, I'm looking for someone in the same position as me. Then if we both have a house, we can decide what to do. Live in one while renting the other, sell one, sell both and get something that is OURS, and go in on it 50/50.
I don't mind giving up 50/50 in a divorce, if that's what we both went into it with. I have soooo many friends being raked over the coals, becuase there was such a difference in incomes, it kind of frightens me. I chose wisely last time, and hope to again. Well, not wise enough apparently as the marriage did eventually end. | |
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| Must have job, car, house...are they after my cash?
Posted: 12/16/2007 1:44:54 PM |
I don't think it's gold digging. I think they might be looking for someone in a similar financial position. I can understand they don't want to support someone, or be with someone who for whatever reason isn't in the same financial boat as themselves. I've worked hard for my house, car, truck, etc. So if I'm going to get serious with someone, I'm looking for someone in the same position as me. Then if we both have a house, we can decide what to do. Live in one while renting the other, sell one, sell both and get something that is OURS, and go in on it 50/50.
Voice of reason.
Like I said before - guys who have these things under control do not mind women looking for the same. It seems the guys that have work to do in those areas are the ones that have gripes about "demands". | |
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| Must have job, car, house...are they after my cash?
Posted: 12/16/2007 1:52:43 PM | | My request was 'Short hair, shoes, and a JOB" Does that mean I want money? NO, what it means is that we don't want a mooch layin up on our sofa while we're out bustin our butts to pay the bills. We don't want to be your momma, we're looking for an equal partner I agree with Red n Blue, if you complain about it something says to me that you lack something in those areas. | |
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| Must have job, car, house...are they after my cash?
Posted: 12/16/2007 1:53:41 PM |
For the vast majority of us, money DOES matter.
of course money matters....how much it matters is where we disagree!
tell me how much money you have in your bank account and ill tell you who you are kinda thing, is just superficial.
same as sayin ill only talk/date you if you have a car/house/job.
a very clear equivalent of must have job/car/house.....would be: must not be lazy and independent...
it sounds bad | |
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