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| Must have job, car, house...are they after my cash?
Posted: 12/16/2007 8:41:49 PM |
I'm out to date a woman to date THE woman, not her possessions or occupation!
I think that's where I see the difference. If you only wanted to date(endlessly) - who cares about their occupation, direction in life, goals, stability, and so on - if all I do is I go out on a date (or two-three) with that person, have a chat and a cup of coffee (sprite, coke, water), come home. Then another person.. till infinity.
But *I* ultimately would like to have a committed exclusive LTR at some point. Of course dating is the part of getting there. But once we are talking *relationship* and possibly living together eventually, these things do matter. Anyone can tell me they don't, I will just chuckle because they are either deluding themselves, or others.  | |
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| Must have job, car, house...are they after my cash?
Posted: 12/16/2007 9:04:51 PM | Okay, we all get that you want somebody who isn't going to be mooching off you. That's perfectly understandable. What I'm seeing here in this thread isn't about that though. What I'm seeing is that people are willing to sacrifice their own potential happiness for something as frivolous as his owning a car. What if he can afford a car but has no need for one ? That's where I'm at. I have a license (and it's a higher class than most of yours I bet too) and I'm not banned from driving. Nevertheless, what I keep seeing being written is that I must have a car. Why ? Explain it to me. Why do I have to have a car ? Because some people jump to the silly conclusion that if they date me I expect them to drive me around. Puh-leeze. But it's not like any of us without cars would ever get a chance to explain why we don't have one...the argument that he must have a car to even be considered dateable precludes this opportunity. The way I see it, if you want to adhere to this logic then fine, go ahead. It's a complete and unnecessary narrowing of your choices though.
If you want to say that you're willing to give people a chance to at least explain why they don't have the things you want them to have then that's another kettle of fish. Otherwise it sure doesn't look like you're looking for people to date...you're looking for somebody who can afford to keep you company while you both enjoy YOUR lifestyle. That's certainly no relationship.
All things considered, it seems to me that we're all better off knowing who wants a relationship and who wants a permanent dinner companion. | |
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| Must have job, car, house...are they after my cash?
Posted: 12/16/2007 9:29:51 PM |
Nevertheless, what I keep seeing being written is that I must have a car. Why ? Explain it to me. Why do I have to have a car ? Because some people jump to the silly conclusion that if they date me I expect them to drive me around. Puh-leeze. But it's not like any of us without cars would ever get a chance to explain why we don't have one...the argument that he must have a car to even be considered dateable precludes this opportunity.
Well for what it's worth, I personally try to always look at the whole picture. I mean, if someone has some other means of transportation and doesn't expect me to always pick them up and shuttle them around, I could probably live with that. Wouldn't be my first choice...but I wouldn't automatically cross someone off my list just for that. Heck, I was once planning to go out with a guy that was blind, so I sure as heck knew *he* didn't have a car! Nor would I automatically say someone without a house or place of their own is undatable. They should have a good reason for it, and hopefully be working towards a better situation but people *do* fall on rough times or a bad divorce or any other number of reasons why their living situation is not the best. Not having a job would be the one that would worry me the most...particularly in the age bracket I am dating in. Although being a sole proprietor myself, it's not like I have the most stable of careers myself. The hardest thing for me in fact is that I can't always guarantee that my work won't require me to move at some point. So while I don't mind dating someone in a lower income bracket than me, I know it would mean more problems if they aren't the kind of person that can uproot and move if need be than someone that is closer to my own income. If only one could predict the future! | |
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| Must have job, car, house...are they after my cash?
Posted: 12/16/2007 9:31:04 PM | Of course there are always exceptions that can be explained. If explanation is that a person has a business that is located right where they live and they don't need to drive, is one thing. If the explanations needs to be tortured out and it is something like "uhm, I could get a car but insurance would be way too expensive" (because of prior DUI) is another thing. again, people are using generalizations that work most of the time. If there are exceptions and they can be clearly explained, then asked- answered, done. No need to make a principled stand about it when a simple explanation will suffice.
Please, let's stop focusing on exceptions. It's not about that. | |
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| Must have job, car, house...are they after my cash?
Posted: 12/16/2007 9:44:56 PM | I have no problem believing that plenty of women are golddiggers, wanting to find a way to live off of their partners without having to earn their own way.
This pretty much describes the ex-wives of so many men whom I have heard complaining. (Yeah, and back when they were still single, they did not want a woman like me who had plans for her own life, rather than viewing them as her Rescuer. Ha ha!)
I've said it before - and maybe it's just that I live in ultra-yuppie Seattle - but generally the first thing a man I meet from online will inquire about is, What is my income? It isn't subtle, it isn't charming, and that is pretty much all the conversation consists of.
Boring, boring, boring. Income can go up or down - circumstances change. But boring is a terminal disease. How could wealth cure it?
Yes, I'm talking about MEN. They are materialistic, too. | |
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atlast
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Joined: 2/25/2007
Msg: 857 | |
| Must have job, car, house...are they after my cash?
Posted: 12/16/2007 10:03:59 PM | | I read a fairly good article in a magazine about this. It stated that if their wasn't a ring on the woman's finger, a guys income is none of her business as long as he isn't mooching. No woman wants to keep a man, and any man with the tiniest bit of pride wouldn't let her. As long as I can take care of myself, what does income matter? Entering into a relationship shouldn't make a person responsible for the other persons debts, and too often that is what happens. Nothing like resentment to kill the spark. If you wish to build wealth, a team can do it better than an individual. | |
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| Must have job, car, house...are they after my cash?
Posted: 12/16/2007 11:00:12 PM | I have to say amen to some of these postings. why is it ok for a woman to state stipulations on getting into a realtionship such as material things (house car, money and job types), but when a man stipulates dating a certain woman (skinny, big chested, or wild and freaky)he is a dog or all he is after is sex.
Come on laddies you cant have it both ways, material things does not make the man just as body types dont make the woman. its all how you feel about someone, now i will not date anyone who does not work, i would not care if they flipped burgers. if i get up and go to work then she should too. | |
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| Must have job, car, house...are they after my cash?
Posted: 12/16/2007 11:48:35 PM | While some women are only after the material things when expecting a man have a place to live, reliable transportation, and steady employment; most women are NOT. In the Western society that we all live in, these are considered basic necessities. And at a certain age (after college or vocational school) both men and women should be able to provide these things for themselves. Yes, there are exceptions and people fall on hard times. However, persistent unemployment/homelessness/etc. is usually indicative of a larger problem. I am not attracted to a man's possessions, however, I'm also not attracted to men who can't be responsible adults. The butterflies are nice, but when it comes to creating a life with someone butterflies don't pay the rent or put the kids through college.
Financial worries put a lot of stress on relationships. That stress can be mitigated by both parties being on the same page in regards to finances. I'm not even talking about comparable incomes. I mean both people in a relationship should have similar ideas on spending habits, saving habits, etc. Both parties should be able to contribute financially, unless it's determined that it's not necessary (which for most couples is NOT the case). Most of the men I date do not make as much as I do, nor do they own a home like I do, and a few of them don't even have a car like I do...However, they are financially stable. That's all I ask. I think that's all that any of the women in this thread who have indicated that they want a man with a job, car, house are saying. No need to turn it into something it isn't (i.e. gold-digging). | |
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| Must have job, car, house...are they after my cash?
Posted: 12/17/2007 12:19:37 AM | Women wanting financial stability from a man.
The woman I dated going on 4 years ago, she had the house, car, job, while I was making a measly $879/month from VA compensation.
Only a couple of years ago, she lost her house and all the NICE things that came with it. It was a really nice house. Her mom was living in a newer double wide (trailer trash) on the same property. Oh yeah, back property taxes that didn't get paid is why she lost it all. Guess she should have been more financially stable or find a guy to blame it all on. Actually she should have spent less on scratch off tickets and more on neccessities.
While I'm able to enjoy my home, camping in either the pop up or the regular camper, motorcycle rides, hopping in the truck and going for a drive down along the lake, while last I heard she's staying with one of her daughters in an apartment.
She's 17 years older than I am, so that would make her ummmmm52. Well after the college or vocational school cut off age.
What happened to relationships being 50/50 and not it's all my way or the highway?
A little give and take, but not ALL take and no give or meet me half way type stuff?
Which seems to me from reading is what modern day relationships are becoming a whole lot of "WHAT CAN I GET out of this relationship?". Where's the fun and adventures to be had of dating and working TOGETHER, no matter how much or how little is contributed, as long as BOTH parties are contributing to being together.
What's hers is hers and what's mine is mine. Together with someone it's ours. We go our separate ways again, what's hers is hers and what's mine is mine.
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| Must have job, car, house...are they after my cash?
Posted: 12/17/2007 12:38:16 AM | You'll notice I said both men and women. Obviously your ex doesn't have her shyt together. I personally know people who put on the appearance of living an upper middle class lifestyle, yet have to rob from their right to pay their left. I'm not talking about the appearance of financial stability...I'm talking about the actual thing. It seems to me that you are stable, so obviously we're not talking about you.
I recently met a man online who was very attractive and very nice. We've had some great conversations. However, at this point in his life he's not financially stable. He doesn't have a job, can't afford to feed his child, and has no means of transportation. It makes spending time together difficult because we can't hang out at his mama's crib, can't go out places cause he can't afford it, and he can't come see me. Yet he still seems to think we can have a functioning relationship living more than 2 hours apart from one another.
I also met a man who was currently unemployed and lived at home with his parents while he searched for another job. I was totally willing to give him a shot because I understood that he was temporarily on hard times. This man told me that although he likes me at this point in time he needs to focus on finding a career and getting his financial situation straight. While I may be disappointed, at least I can see his priorities are in order. People (both men and women) need to be able to provide for themselves before they can think of entering into partnership with anyone else.
And yes, it is fun to work together and build things together. Expecting a potential mate to be self sufficient does not prevent two people from growing together to build a life.
Thus far none of the women in this thread have talked about what they can get from a man's possessions. Personally, I can say I don't want a man's home/place of residence for myself, nor do I want his mode of transportation, or his paycheck. I'd just like him to have those things for the reason I stated before. | |
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| Must have job, car, house...are they after my cash?
Posted: 12/17/2007 7:41:37 AM |
What happened to relationships being 50/50 and not it's all my way or the highway?
That was a quaint, pre-feminist notion.
The idea of two people having defined roles and working as a team for mutual benefit went out when penis envy took over and the feminists decided it wasn't enough to be paid the same as men, they wanted to make all the rules, too. | |
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| Must have job, car, house...are they after my cash?
Posted: 12/17/2007 8:02:15 AM | | There are both women and men strickly looking for someone who is wealthy. I have gone that route, exept the roles are reversed. I own a home, have a nice luxury car , and no depts.In honesty I would be looking for a man that is financially comfortable or even wealthy. Why? Simply the comfort level between both of us. I have no intentions of supporting a boyfriend financially, been married in the past, I have kids at home , still supporting them through university. So yes, they should have a good job, a house , and yes.... own their car. The last thing I want is his cash, got my own, thank you. When you live in this comfort financial level, it's just better to date someone in the same class. So in conclusion there are two types of people here. Yes, probably gold diggers and people like me...call me a snob if you like! | |
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| Must have job, car, house...are they after my cash?
Posted: 12/17/2007 8:04:05 AM |
I have no intentions of supporting a boyfriend financially,
And yet, a man supporting a woman financially is expected.
So much for equality of the sexes. Hah.
Feminism, folks - "what's mine is mine, what's yours is mine...." | |
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| Must have job, car, house...are they after my cash?
Posted: 12/17/2007 8:12:03 AM | | I happen to disagree with you guys , i dont know how many homeless destitue men come on POF to hit on women. That being said I happen to want to make sure women work, for the same reason, why do you care if i work, is it so you cant? I think a job is probably the only must have for both sexes. car hous etc then you got a gold digger, some lazy peron(man or woman) who dosent want to work for anything | |
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| Must have job, car, house...are they after my cash?
Posted: 12/17/2007 8:19:42 AM |
Yeah, thats about it. It should be like those used car commercials "All you need is $500 and a job!"
They only allow 30 seconds for commercials.
Any female ad would start out that way... and then be "oh, and...." "oh, and...." "oh, and...."
two hours later.....
"and he must be "there" for me....."
Oh Christ, we ran out of tape an hour ago
"and furthermore, there needs to be a "connection" you know? I could be vaguer, but that would require me to grow another vagina..." | |
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| Must have job, car, house...are they after my cash?
Posted: 12/17/2007 10:17:21 AM | As long as I can take care of myself, what does income matter?
It doesn't...unless...your idea of taking care of yourself is living off that card you get from the gubernment each month.
It doesn't...unless....your idea of taking care of yourself means being able to afford a two day vacation at the Red Roof Inn with the pool once a year.
It doesn't...unless...your idea of taking care of yourself is living in a one room shack and driving a brank spankin new escalade.
Those of us that are saying income matters are talking about things like this. We're not asking anyone to start a relationship supporting us. And we don't want to start a relationship supporting you. We're at a place in life where we'd like a partner to share a "like" attitude concerning what "taking care of yourself" means.
Some people would match those types of things perfectly. I wouldn't. There's nothing wrong with either type (and there are LOTS of other types as well). But I don't think our relationship would last long when I took a 10 day vacation to Italy and a week long all-inclusive trip to the islands, while you took your two day overnighter at the Red Roof Inn. I'm not 21 anymore. I've worked hard all my life and I want to enjoy the fruits of my labor. I don't want to vacation at the Inn. I did that when I was a youngster. If you're content with that type of thing, then we wouldn't be a match anyway.
It isn't JUST money. But your current finances are a reflection of your entire life up to this point. Sure things knock you back at some point in your life. And some people whine and moan and never recover. Others do. It's a "type" of person.
Finances are often representative of the type of person.....including whether you yearn for travel beyond the next county...or whether you're content sipping sweet tea on your back porch. I want both, and someone who doesn't..who hasn't worked to be able to have both...is not a good match for me. Nor am I for them. | |
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| Must have job, car, house...are they after my cash?
Posted: 12/17/2007 1:09:47 PM | Some of the posts remind me of the speaker at my brother's graduation.
He used a bag of 33 cent pork rinds from Big Lots/Odd Lots as an example of failure.
Now if that's a failure, then he would be a failure for spending the 33 cents to buy the bag to use as an example of it being a failure!
With the example I used in an earlier post about J.K. Rowlings (Harry Potter author), how many would have given her a chance when she was homeless and living in her car? I still would have given her a chance while she was homeless!
But your current finances are a reflection of your entire life up to this point
"A hand-written, illustrated book of wizardry by Harry Potter author JK Rowling fetched a record £1.95 million ($4.54 million) at auction in London on today, nearly 40 times its expected price."
I could see where that reflects her rough and homeless start! | |
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| Must have job, car, house...are they after my cash?
Posted: 12/17/2007 2:04:31 PM | Please, let's stop focusing on exceptions. It's not about that.
Well THAT is a POF first. Don't talk about the exceptions, focus on the generalizations. LMAO !!! I should print this out and have it framed. I doubt I'll see those words again for a very long time.
In any case, it should be about the exceptions. There are infinitely more of them than you'll allow apparently. | |
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| Must have job, car, house...are they after my cash?
Posted: 12/17/2007 3:27:47 PM | omg, I've heard it all now!
I've always been drawn to the "exceptions." I don't look at it like hoping to win a lottery. Sure, you don't know if they will be an exception, that's the fun part. It makes everything way more interesting.
Many people don't want to count on exception.
Yep, that's true and pretty much the biggest problem with online dating. People want a guarantee. | |
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| Must have job, car, house...are they after my cash?
Posted: 12/17/2007 3:49:14 PM |
Yep, that's true and pretty much the biggest problem with online dating. People want a guarantee.
By "people" did you mean "women"?
I don't want a guarantee.
Just some good sex minus the post-coitus weirdness!
Heck, Ill take lottery odds for that these days. | |
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