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| Must have job, car, house...are they after my cash?
Posted: 12/17/2007 4:22:54 PM |
... working as a team for mutual benefit went out when penis envy took over and the feminists decided it wasn't enough to be paid the same as men Huh? And someone please tell me when I'm allowed to earn the same as a man doing the same thing he does ... I'm a nurse.
Back to "team effort" ...
When I got married, my husband suggested my time would be better spent staying home with our children. He was right. He was earning good money and my gross income (pocket change compared to his income) didn't even equal the amount of taxes he paid in a year. It wasn't rocket science that it would have cost us more in child care than my income if I had continued to work. At the close of the discussion he also confessed that he enjoyed being able to be the "bread winner" and provide like that for his wife and children.
That wasn't the story he told at the time of the divorce. He told me that since I had not been working that I didn't deserve anything from the house and certainly not half of the value when it sold.
After the divorce and after taking care of my elderly parents for over 3 1/2 years, (I was 48 years old), I put myself through nursing school (no financial aide from the ex) and have been taking care of myself ever since. I started with nothing, and now work full time (a lot of overtime as well), keep a roof over my head, and provide myself with reliable transportation.
I don't think it's too much to ask of a man my age to be able to do the same for himself. Men my age got a 25-year head start on me when it comes to their ability to earn money and accumulate job experience. I see no reason why it should even be an issue that they would not be able to provide for themself.
And I don't want to hear any whining about how a wife took them for all they were worth. She might have taken their money, but she didn't take away their work ethic or their job experience. So what if they had to start over? A lot of us did and with much less under the belt.
If they can't take care of themself, then they need to consider getting that part of their life straightened out before they go adding others to the mix. | |
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| Must have job, car, house...are they after my cash?
Posted: 12/17/2007 4:29:48 PM | Yikes, thats quite the background there Cotter. Hope he barks his shin on a coffee table - its okay to smile at something like that.
Only reason for a wage disparity (I know, a little off topic) is time served with the employer - seniority rules. | |
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| Must have job, car, house...are they after my cash?
Posted: 12/17/2007 5:31:41 PM |
Huh? And someone please tell me when I'm allowed to earn the same as a man doing the same thing he does ... I'm a nurse.
Get proof, and go right now to the nearest most litigous lawyer you can find.
You will never have to work again. | |
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| Must have job, car, house...are they after my cash?
Posted: 12/17/2007 6:06:18 PM | | I can understand a job. But cars, house is not important. I'm unemployed and live with my parents cause I can't afford to live on my own. So ya I guess in a sense it matters to some. But I could care less as long as you have a roof over your head. Since I can't get a job either even with a lot of effort work isn't a issue for me. | |
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| Must have job, car, house...are they after my cash?
Posted: 12/17/2007 6:07:57 PM |
I'm unemployed and live with my parents cause I can't afford to live on my own. So ya I guess in a sense it matters to some.
For the record, if you were a guy, you'd be undateable. | |
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| Must have job, car, house...are they after my cash?
Posted: 12/17/2007 6:12:36 PM | Me...as well as LOTS of qualifiers not quoted:
But your current finances are a reflection of your entire life up to this point.
Then:
"A hand-written, illustrated book of wizardry by Harry Potter author JK Rowling fetched a record £1.95 million ($4.54 million) at auction in London on today, nearly 40 times its expected price."
I could see where that reflects her rough and homeless start
Certainly. It DOES reflect her dedication to be a success. I've read about her early writing as her infant sat in a carrier at her feet, getting free cups of tea and coffee. She busted her a** to succeed. I doubt she'd be much interested in someone who was happy with the standard gubernent dole amount either.
You proved my point. You see...that's why it just isn't a "money" thing. It's about who you are and what you've done with your life. Money is just an expression of that. | |
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| Must have job, car, house...are they after my cash?
Posted: 12/17/2007 6:17:23 PM | | Its a double standard. There are guys who want a woman to have the same in common to. I've had problems with people. They look down on me because I don't work or cause I gave up on looking for work. So its not true. There are men who want a woman who has these qualities to. Sounds like you had real bad experiences with women. But you can hate us all because of your past. | |
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| Must have job, car, house...are they after my cash?
Posted: 12/17/2007 6:30:02 PM | lela haha,
you missed the point I think. We agree with you and that's our point. Why are you getting written off and called a loser ? Because according to some people around here, as long as you don't have certain things then they just aren't interested in hearing what you have to say in the first place.
Of course you're not a loser. That's what we're trying to explain to some people. | |
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| Must have job, car, house...are they after my cash?
Posted: 12/17/2007 7:05:16 PM | Msg 874
I am not the one waving the "love" flag here. It's the guys who don't have it together are the ones that claim that love (and not their situation in life) should be a primary deciding factor, override all practical concerns, and accuse people with some common sense of being non-romantic. I never said I was looking just for "butterflies" and love, here or elsewhere. I am looking for a harmonious balanced relationship, which {gasp} includes having the necessities handled before coming to the table. ..  | |
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Rhett1
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Joined: 10/16/2005
Msg: 889 | |
| Must have job, car, house...are they after my cash?
Posted: 12/17/2007 7:23:35 PM |
It's the guys who don't have it together Who are you to judge whether a guy "has it together", though?
Okay, if he's a potential date, I can see that you'd have to make a choice at that point, but you're judging very harshly (and others, as well) against men you don't know, based solely on what YOU think they should own at a certain point in their lives.
I'm sure many men who have read and partaken in this thread really don't care if you or some of the other women on here don't approve of the choices they've made in life. | |
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| Must have job, car, house...are they after my cash?
Posted: 12/17/2007 7:32:50 PM | Well only *I* can only make my own *judgment*.. Or you suggest that *you* (or someone else? ) should do it for me?  besides, I would not call it judgment. It's reasoning..And they can "judge" me as harshly.. I have already been accused of being non-romantic by the people who don't know me. So they have a right to *judge*? Should go both ways you know.
And why should I *not* think of where they should be in their life??.. if potentially I were to get involved with someone? Maybe I should blindfold myself as well?
It's their right no to care of mine (or anyone else's) opinion.. certainly! never said it was not. | |
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| Must have job, car, house...are they after my cash?
Posted: 12/17/2007 7:40:27 PM | Some (like me) would love to own a car but can not drive due to medical reasons. I do not think that makes me undatable, yet evcen sherilyn70 says she has declared bankruptcy but expects a man to "have it together." Let me get this straight...a woman can bring herself, her debts her assests and anything else she may or may not have to a relationship right? A man has to bring a home a car a great job, great credit and he better be able to provide a certain lifestyle or else he is worthless. (Or at least not worthy of dating.
I used to work with a man who worked and lived downtown in a large city in Canada so he did not drive as he walked everywhere. I save money because I do not drive, which fress up $$$ for me to invest and do other things with..yet I am undatable to many.
What happens when I am retired because of the money I am saving because I can not drive? Do I suddenly become more datable because I have more money saved then the men who have to sell their cards because they can not afford them in retirement? If you think about it in theory I may have more money than many of the men some of you want to date now because he spends money on a car now and I don't. What will you do? Dump him for me in 20-30 years? I get it..it goes in cycles . Those that say a man should have a car will then look for man with more money in retirement. | |
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Rhett1
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Joined: 10/16/2005
Msg: 892 | |
| Must have job, car, house...are they after my cash?
Posted: 12/17/2007 7:44:25 PM |
Well only *I* can only make my own *judgment*.. And there lies the problem...like I said, if you're talking about a potential mate, fine, but when you're speaking of fairly anonymous people on here who don't meet your criteria...sorry, but no, you don't get to judge whether or not they "have it together", since you don't know a damn thing about them...other than what they CHOOSE to tell you.
There's more to having it together than owning a house or a car. I know people with a house, a car and a job that are total shitheads...but since they have these things, they must automatically be easier to stomach? Right?
How about the ones with the house and car, but the job pays a low enough amount that they can barely make their payments on these things and other bills? By the criteria given here, that would still be okay? | |
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| Must have job, car, house...are they after my cash?
Posted: 12/17/2007 8:04:28 PM | Msg 18 (newfiebabe) You have made excellent choices and remarks, the best I've read so far. It shouldn't matter what a guy has as long as he's on the right track, ie., becoming educated to earn the money one needs to purchase a car and a house.
We work hard and smart to gain these commodities, we women simply would like to meet someone comparable.
Men and women seem to want the same things in life; nothing comes easy. There will always be people out to marry into money, that's life, there'll always be golddiggers, men and women alike.
As for me, I'll take quality over quantity, anyday, anytime......that's just me...I just have to make my own money on my own, not looking for anything shallow. | |
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| Must have job, car, house...are they after my cash?
Posted: 12/17/2007 8:12:54 PM |
I have already been accused of being non-romantic by the people who don't know me.
Oh, I think just the opposite.
Your screen name, for instance.
With another ten years of seasoning, you'd even find yourself agreeing with me more and more often.
It's a burden knowing everything in the universe.
Come... share it with me! | |
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| Must have job, car, house...are they after my cash?
Posted: 12/17/2007 8:15:51 PM |
It's the guys who don't have it together are the ones that claim that love (and not their situation in life) should be a primary deciding factor
So I must not have it together then.
The woman I dated that lost her house to back taxes, when I started dating her I could care less how much she made in a year, or what kind of car she did or didn't drive. I still have no clue what she made within a year.
As for the example of Miss Rowlings, I didn't prove anybody's point, because the point was missed that she's making quite a chunk of money from her hard earned efforts in writing the stories. BUT, while writing the stories, $4.5 million sales shows NOTHING of her being homeless and living in her car when she started.
It does actually make an interesting point that if a woman does it it's ok, but for a man to be homeless and writing stories, then he's a bum and not worth dating.
Isn't looking for the harmonious blanced relationship, and having the necessities handled before coming to the table, kind of like putting the cart before the horse?
If things are SO harmonious then it shouldn't matter what he/she does for a job, what kind of housing the person has, and what kind of vehicle they drive. Should it?
If the dating leads to a relationship, and both people own a house, someone is giving up a house or renting it out, for a harmonious relationship wouldn't it be decided by BOTH people who does it?
Harmonious would be working TOGETHER, and not one sided being him/her meeting the other's standards of living in order for them to date you?
I've seen the harmonious RICH people with money on tv. She's happy and in her glory because she can flaunt.........MONEY............while he looks like he prays daily to be run over by a city bus full of people that don't worry about money, to relieve him of his obligation to meet her standards.
Finances are often representative of the type of person
If finances and money....wait that's the same thing!
Anyways if they reflect or represent the type of person I am, then mine reflect that I wouldn't date half the women that have posted to this thread.
I'd date lela in a heartbeat, for the simple fact that she is showing she has family moral support to help her, and would appreciate me for me, and not whether I have a job, car, house, or whatever.
I stand corrected once again. Finances DO represent the type of person. Those that feel the need for knowing the other's financial status tells me they can't have fun without putting a dollar sign to it.
This thread gets funnier and funnier!
I don't need money to be HAPPY. Unlike many here, not ALL, but many.
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| Must have job, car, house...are they after my cash?
Posted: 12/17/2007 8:17:00 PM |
Some (like me) would love to own a car but can not drive due to medical reasons. I do not think that makes me undatable, yet evcen sherilyn70 says she has declared bankruptcy but expects a man to "have it together."
Yes I do, and I have said repeatedly that I do consider you dateable. But you seem to refuse to accept that. You do have it together don't you? | |
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| Must have job, car, house...are they after my cash?
Posted: 12/17/2007 8:37:44 PM | Plaid - I am going to echo what the others have said here too. It seems that most men should have a car, job, their own place, etc. but honestly there are a lot of guys online/dating that do not. I can understand someone who is making a life transition and I feel their pain but not sure that I want to be in the trenches with them as I think perhaps they should have bigger fish to fry than dating. If you aren't stable you can make stupid choices, I don't want to be someones stupid choice.
What's worse is most people don't flaunt their faults, so it takes a few phone calls or dates to figure out that some of these guys don't have a job or a car or a license, etc. because they got a DUI and their life fell apart but they are good people - yadah yadah yadah, I am not making fun of these people as we all have problems sometimes in life, I just don't want to date one of them. I've made the mistake of taking chances with guys like that before and I've regretted it.
Someone who has a job, has a car, a place of their own etc, they don't have to be rich and fabulous at all- they just have to mostly be stable. I don't judge a guy by the quality of his things, I just need to see that he has some anchors in tact. I can see how it could be misunderstood as "gold diggers" because you wouldn't assume that these guys exsist- but they do in mass numbers it seems. Its not about what you have, but what you should have and don't, and why is that, etc. I think it says a lot about someone if they don't have their act together.
peace | |
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| Must have job, car, house...are they after my cash?
Posted: 12/17/2007 9:04:45 PM |
If you aren't stable you can make stupid choices
Even stable people can make stupid choices!
As long as it's legal, who cares how a person makes a living? That was a silly question. I should just delete it. I see MANY care.
Politicians have cars, houses, job and LOTS of money, how are they more datable than I am?
Drug dealers have cars, houses, and lots of money, that is until they get busted.
My cop neighbor has a car and a patrol car, but lives in a mobile home, guess he's undatable because it's not fancier living than a house. We do live in one of the better mobile parks in the area. Wait, that's right he's married, so the woman appreciates him for him and not his possessions. Maybe I'll ask him where he met her, so I can find a woman like that. They do look HAPPY together. They probably don't care how much the other makes.
I will NOT judge a person on their possessions, because I don't want someone making judgement on me on what I have or don't have. | |
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| Must have job, car, house...are they after my cash?
Posted: 12/17/2007 11:29:52 PM | crystal14882 I love you answer to this topic!!!
I've already wrote some of things I said in this topic. I still want to say more..
crystal14882 said, I want an ideal man who I can conquer life with as one. I want to be able to have things ours.
Great answer.. I came into my ex's-life which he has everything, but its not worth! If were to choose, I would rather be with a man who has nothing than a man with everything.
A man with nothing is not demanding and he listen more than a man who is smart
.SS ! I dated a homeless man before, but now he has a great job and a home! He can drive but he has DUI so what if he doesn't have a car atleast he is SMART AND HOT!!
It doesn't matter if he is an ex-convict (he must be good looking and clean)either as long as he is willing to do something productive for his future. | |
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