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| Must have job, car, house...are they after my cash?
Posted: 1/23/2008 2:41:12 AM | I think it depends. I think most people want to be financially independent, in the sense of not relying on someone's else's charity to make a living. I would assume that for an average person, that extends to not wanting someone else to support you all the time financially.
Only a minority of people are millionaires or billionaires so expecting every prospective friend or partner to be rich is in my view not true love or friendship, if it is merely based on utility; what you can get out of it. If you are rich yourself you are going to want someone who is not going to damage you financially if the relationship breaks down and leave with a substantial fraction of your assets, share portfolio, bank accounts, or other wealth. If I were a millionaire and highly successful businessman I would not date someone who only wanted money; I'd really want someone with the same education and background as myself. I would feel the same if I was earning $100,000 or lower per year.
I think in judging each person we need to take context into account. Some people might be in their 30's and not earning extremely high incomes, but that might be because they are doing things like doing further education (perhaps doing a Ph.D), which is a good thing. In other cases, a person can have lots of things but lose them because of circumstances beyond their control (a lot of people can default on credit cards or home loans if there is an interest rate rise). Many people are fired from their jobs because of downsizing or offshoring, which is beyond their control. Other people do things like work for charities, or also have health problems of various kinds. I don't think it is really fair or just to believe a person is only a worthwhile human being if they have a million dollars before the age of 30. There are many different ways people can live good and decent lives, and also make decent contributions to society, besides making a lot of money and building up a lot of personal wealth. | |
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| Must have job, car, house...are they after my cash?
Posted: 1/23/2008 3:31:05 AM | ^^^^There are many different ways people can live good and decent lives, and also make decent contributions to society, besides making a lot of money and building up a lot of personal wealth.
Very true, but sadly, this is the basis that lots of people judge others on.
People very easily forget that people may not be on excellent incomes due to the area they work in.... Stoke on Trent is one of the lowest paid areas in the country.... thus making it difficult to get onto the property ladder...
Life is hard... and is not made easier by people who shallowly judge other's worthyness based on their yearly income .
Best to leave twats to date twats I think.... | |
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| Must have job, car, house...are they after my cash?
Posted: 1/23/2008 4:12:26 AM |
People very easily forget that people may not be on excellent incomes due to the area they work in.... Stoke on Trent is one of the lowest paid areas in the country.... thus making it difficult to get onto the property ladder...
Then I would think that people in that area would know and understand that and be dating people of similar situation. Unless they're trying to move out of the area through dating.
I don't think most are judging, we're just saying that we tend to date people of the same economical status as ourselves. | |
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| Must have job, car, house...are they after my cash?
Posted: 1/23/2008 5:36:33 AM | "I don't think most are judging, we're just saying that we tend to date people of the same economical status as ourselves"
Really? Dont believe that at all.... especially when it somes to lots of women, particularly the ones I know and work with.
First thing they discuss when any of them meet someone is where does he live, what kind of house, what kind of car....
Makes me furious. Whatever happend to achieving things together? Seems lots of people want already made life-styles... usually paid for by someone else. | |
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| Must have job, car, house...are they after my cash?
Posted: 1/23/2008 6:04:51 AM | I agree bona dea a lot of people want a lifestyle paid for by someone else. I met someone I wanted to date in high school a few months ago. She felt I was too short for her in high school and commented to me that no one would ever want to date me because I have a disability. Funny how things turn out. We talked for a while and she had her kids with her and she complained how both of her ex's were "dead beats" and how she just wanted a kind and stable man who would be willing to help her support her family. She kept saying that she thought I was a good catch now and she was tired of guys who were into the party lifestyle and wanted someone responsible as sghe claimed because of her ex husbands she ws heavily in debt.. She asked how someone as interesting as me would be still single? I reminded her of her comment she made to me in high school. She replied by saying things change and said that she wanted to meet me for lunch sometime but she would have to bring her kids as she could not afford to pay for her a baby sitter and neither could her ex's. (There are 2 of them apparently.) See in high school I was big on learning investing and followed the stock market for a hobby. This woman also wondered if I am a millionaire yet...I told her that she will never know.
See how it works? Some want you to ignore anything they may say or do to you when they think you are a better" catch" then the one they have or have had.
I would rather have a great person for a wife than a shark!!!! | |
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| Must have job, car, house...are they after my cash?
Posted: 1/23/2008 12:32:06 PM | I have read some of the reply here and what I can say. I'm happy to don't have money and don't have to deal with this kind of women. I not hide it anymore in my profile. Than women who like money can just go make the corner. My photo is bad to, good thing I don't get harceled.. I can heard people say is happy of it what a stupid guy. Yes I"m happy of it because the girl I will meet will love me for me and not just for my status. I will not cry for this people when they will get sick or poor. They will realise how much ugly they are inside. I just say everybody can be poor. You don't choose to be poor. I just say be respectful of your father and mother, get some piety.You not better than anybody because your rich. Every body are the same and equal. | |
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| Must have job, car, house...are they after my cash?
Posted: 1/23/2008 12:51:44 PM | | I've wondered that myself ,when reading some of the profiles. My thought is that they are just wanting to make sure that the guy isn't a freeloader. However, I wonder about those women who have that on their profile, yet list their employment as homemaker, but are single. Who exactly is paying the bills if they are being a homemaker? Or is that a clever way to say they are involved in home construction? Sure has me wondering.... | |
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| Must have job, car, house...are they after my cash?
Posted: 1/23/2008 2:31:31 PM | Never tell a woman what you own or how much you have. All you have to say is that you have a job and nothing more. If she wants to borrow money or some guilt trip to get something disappear fast. There are a lot of conartists out there trying to take your money.
A woman doesn't want to date a bum though. But why should it matter if you have a car or a house? I can't stand driving I had a car and people try to break into my car too many times so I sold it and rode my bike.
Here is a way to test a woman to see if she's after you bucks, just don't spend much money on them going out, limit it to $50 to night out for a while then see. If she's a money hungry woman she will move on. | |
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| Must have job, car, house...are they after my cash?
Posted: 1/23/2008 2:33:35 PM | similar to you, I have people ask what kind of house I live in (my own etc), do I work. Being a lone parent (widow) they think your loaded !!! or a bum.
Personally if someone asks you really personally questions like that show them the door, who cares what you have or havent I thought it was the person that counts. Im afraid to say I met one date for a coffee and he said that was exactly what he was after, someone who had alot money he said it straight out and as blunt as that. Hence I never drank a cup of coffee so quick in all my life! If anyone would think I would tell them anything about my personal situation on a first date! Move on!. and so should you. good luck fishing. x | |
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| Must have job, car, house...are they after my cash?
Posted: 1/23/2008 4:23:52 PM | If stranded on a deserted island, who would you want with you? The person with money or the person without? I'm going to sound like a gold digger but I'll take the person with the money. Need something to start signal fires with.
Seriously I'd take the person that is resourceful and we would work TOGETHER to survive and get off the island.
I'm not saying natural disasters are cool or anything. The nice thing about a natural disaster is they are all PEOPLE that need help, they aren't helped based on their incomes (most of the time anyway). If you were standing there fanning 50's thinking you can buy some help, while the person not too far away is in need of more help, I'd go help the person needing more help than you need.
Name brand vs. Generic
If you were to take away the labels, tags, degrees, incomes, and everything from let's say 10 people (5 men, 5 women), and put them all in plain robes in a line up, let's see if you can identify them.
Point out the person with the 5 bedroom $500,000 house. Point out the person with the $100,000 income. Point out the person that flips burgers at McDonalds. Point out the disabled person that isn't working. Point out the mother of 2 kids. Point out the man that just moved in with his parents, and is a bum/deadbeat. Point out the woman that just moved in with her parents because the bills piled up and she wants to save money and it's ok for her to live with her parents and save money to get back on her feet again.
You were able to identify or judge people when you knew their incomes, but why is it harder for you to identify them as a person and not by their incomes or what they have or don't have?
A lot of people (not all) seem to be looking into the future. Unless you are psychic how does anybody know what's in store for the future and what living in the future is like without living through TODAY? I know what I'd like to see in the future but that's always subject to change. | |
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| Must have job, car, house...are they after my cash?
Posted: 1/23/2008 5:19:57 PM |
I've wondered that myself ,when reading some of the profiles. My thought is that they are just wanting to make sure that the guy isn't a freeloader.
B I N G O. Or a crackhead or something else un-godly like that.  | |
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| Must have job, car, house...are they after my cash?
Posted: 1/23/2008 6:33:47 PM |
If stranded on a deserted island, who would you want with you?
 I'm fairly certain that the majority of us aren't considering being stranded on a deserted island with our future mate as a likely possiblity. Otherwise, we'd all be painting smiley faces on our soccer balls.
Seriously I'd take the person that is resourceful and we would work TOGETHER to survive and get off the island.
Yep, once you've passed mid 20s or so, it makes sense that you'd be interested in the resourceful person. And in "this" world, that means someone who isn't living with mummy and daddy, someone who has an established work history, blah, blah....exactly what this thread is about...someone with a comparable lifestyle....not someone who picks a mate based solely on who they'd like to be stranded on a deserted island with (assuming no hope of rescue). HEY...let's face it...I'm hitting that island with Denzel or someone similar...not some sweetie who isn't interested in self improvement and self suppport.
If you don't care about the person's lifestyle at your age....I'm surprised you're here. There are certainly many women at shelters in your area with many children from many dads who would LOVE to meet someone who isn't interested in their lifestyle (money-making history). Please, by all means..make their day. Let them know how very "open" and "real" you are. I"m sure you'll pick one up on day one. Best wishes. | |
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| Must have job, car, house...are they after my cash?
Posted: 1/23/2008 9:43:27 PM | | I personally believe that the reason woman have that is because there are so many men out there who have no responsability. It's so hard to go into your life as a responsible adult and date someone who sits home all day in their mommy's basement playing video games. What kind of life is that? It just shows you have responsabilities and are mature. You can have a job, car, and house and have no money. That does not mean woman are gold diggers. I think woman are beginning to feel as if the men whom do not have these three main things are gold diggers themselves. Want the woman to work and take care of them. :-) Just my personal opinion. (Yes, due to my past experiences) | |
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| Must have job, car, house...are they after my cash?
Posted: 1/24/2008 1:14:08 AM | | Folks have a look at the book "The Evolution of Desire" (D. Buss). There it is described this way (summarized); The human species survived through adaptation guided by attraction. Healthy, good providers tend to be survivors that have more children that also make it to adulthood and reproduce. So those material aspects (car, career, house, et cetera), continue to operate along with perceptions of intelligence and physical attractiveness as markers of potential reproductive success. -RPM | |
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| Must have job, car, house...are they after my cash?
Posted: 1/24/2008 5:19:29 AM | I just to say that you don't have to be afraid of what you are. I hate people who act like somebody else or they think they are better than the other. Me I will never wear a tie and act like if I have money. Million of people live in the street, in prison or don't eat. Why I should act like I don't care. I stay myself. If girl think I'm a bum and that I live on my parent. That their problem.They kick me out of the home. Not everybody have the same chance has rich people. I think what it more insultant it to see girl and boy who that their parent pay all for them. They got the car of the years all cloth they want, all money they want. This kind of people are not more mature because they got a car or money. What they know of life nothing. People try to cupabilise and manipulate saying thing about bum. But that not change that they got prejudice.  | |
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| Must have job, car, house...are they after my cash?
Posted: 1/24/2008 7:33:04 AM | I've wondered that myself ,when reading some of the profiles. My thought is that they are just wanting to make sure that the guy isn't a freeloader.
B I N G O. Or a crackhead or something else un-godly like that.
The same thing men are thinking when you make the statment the you have to have a job,car and a house, thier are women freeloaders and women that are goldigers and it is sure hard to figure out who is who but to make this kind of a statment sure rings of goldiger | |
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| Must have job, car, house...are they after my cash?
Posted: 1/24/2008 8:38:25 AM | Ma Barker, Bonnie from Bonnie and Clyde, the woman that drowned her kids in the tub in Texas, Lorena Bobbitt (or however you spell her name)......
What am I doing?
I'm listing some of the reasons I should fear dating because the next woman I meet might be like one of them!
I know, I know, it does sound foolish, but so does the need to find out financial statuses of the next guy/woman to come along for fear they might be a deadbeat bum. After all, it's happened before it might happen again.
With the women listed, it's happened before since I read about them and heard about them on the news. Is it safe to assume that the next woman might end up like one of them? It's kind of silly to assume that, so that's why I don't do it. | |
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| Must have job, car, house...are they after my cash?
Posted: 1/24/2008 8:45:59 AM | | I think the expectation here is that the person you want to be with can afford the same lifestyle you do. Both sexes do not want to be taken advantage of and perhaps this is a way to weed out those who don't meet the criteria. I can understand the sentiment but also think that by being this way you miss out on a lot of people who you might be very compatible with overall. Some are after your cash and some just want to be loved. | |
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| Must have job, car, house...are they after my cash?
Posted: 1/24/2008 9:07:20 AM |
I for example, am one of those female that will insists on a male having a JOB/CAREER, his own car, and his own place to live. Far too many have "living arrangements" that are not too suitable for the "single" scene. Ex. living with parents, or living with ex wife for the children's sake, or living with the ex g/f until they have the money to make the next move.
In my opinion, make the next move. Clean up your act if you are searching for the next stage of your life. Don't you agree?
"Clean up your act?" You make it sound like people who are stuck at home for a while are ex-cons or something.
Being just out of school, and still looking for that real job (have you looked at the job markets lately?) I can't afford to move out yet. I have a car, and a job, and I pay for myself...but I'm also paying off school debt. I'm sorry I'm not a "successful" wage slave yet, with the 2 cars and the $500,000 house in the suburbs (with the loan-shark mortgage). | |
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| Must have job, car, house...are they after my cash?
Posted: 1/24/2008 9:10:09 AM |
Ma Barker, Bonnie from Bonnie and Clyde, the woman that drowned her kids in the tub in Texas, Lorena Bobbitt (or however you spell her name)......
What am I doing?
I'm listing some of the reasons I should fear dating because the next woman I meet might be like one of them!
Unless we're living in different worlds (and I think we might be), then there are far, far more men and women in the world who live with mommy and daddy, live in a half-way house of some sort, have spotty or no work histories, live beyond their means, yada, yada, yada...than women who are likely to kill their kids or anyone else for that matter.
And NO ONE said anyone was afraid to meet anyone. The majority of us reiterate over and over that it's a lifestyle issue. And if YOUR lifestyle doesn't fit with HER lifestyle, then you're not a good match. I'm sure many men feel the same way.
If she wants to spend her free time attending operas followed by a 7 course dinner at a fine dining establishment and he wants to spend his figuring up how much cash is left on his "assistance" card...no fit. | |
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| Must have job, car, house...are they after my cash?
Posted: 1/24/2008 9:55:05 AM |
Being just out of school, and still looking for that real job (have you looked at the job markets lately?) I can't afford to move out yet. I have a car, and a job, and I pay for myself...but I'm also paying off school debt.
Yes, but how old are you? When we talk about a man having these things most of us are in our 30s or higher. It's acceptable for a guy that is only 25 to not have much and might even live at home still. It is not acceptable for a grown man at the age of 37 though. If they haven't figured out how to become self sufficient and own something of value 15 years after high school then they're not going to do much better when it comes to retirement time. | |
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| Must have job, car, house...are they after my cash?
Posted: 1/24/2008 12:34:29 PM |
If she wants to spend her free time attending operas followed by a 7 course dinner at a fine dining establishment
I wonder if they would believe it was an accident if I stepped in front of a moving bus after being at an opera and a 7 course dinner.
Whatever floats your boat, or in your case a yacht, since a boat isn't as fine and fancy as a yacht.
This reminds me of when I was in basic training( June 1991). The guys that thought they were BETTER than I was . After completing the 2nd PT test, we were in the mess hall. I was considered one of the "fatboys" by the drill sergeants and wasn't allowed any desserts during chow. That day I passed the PT test and did pretty good. SO, I thought what the heck and grabbed a pack of twinkies for lunch.
The drill sergeants were having a field day with the guys that failed the PT test. They were calling them up to the mine field as they called it (the drill sergeant's tables) and were dogging on them. I happen to look up and notice a couple of the guys that thought they were the best and better than everybody else standing there getting dogged.
One of them motioned for me to approach their area and I thought I was going to be in trouble. To my surprise, he had me come up there and used me as an example. He was dogging on the guys that thought they were the greatest and should have had no problem passing, and rubbing it in that I passed my test and he was the one that scored my run. He then tells me go ahead and go back and finish my chow.
Now you may think you're better than I am because you happen to run 2 miles faster than I do. Sure, I'll admit it you're fast on the track. BUT, on the rifle range you couldn't hit the broad side of a barn, while I happened to fire expert. Come time for combat, you may be able to make it to the front lines faster, but while I'm coming up behind 30 seconds later and dragging your sorry butt to safety and patching you up from getting shot. Still think you're better than I am? | |
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| Must have job, car, house...are they after my cash?
Posted: 1/24/2008 12:58:50 PM |
Still think you're better than I am?
Wow, you have some very serious self esteem issues. Who has ever claimed to be better than you here because of your social or economic status? | |
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| Must have job, car, house...are they after my cash?
Posted: 1/24/2008 1:14:32 PM |
Whatever floats your boat, or in your case a yacht, since a boat isn't as fine and fancy as a yacht.
haha...sorry...still a little out of breath as I just got back from a run. I never said one thing about what "I' wanted to float. You truly have difficulty staying on topic. It's about LIFESTYLE. And no one (especially not me) is insulting anyone's lifestyle except "you" with your backhanded insults....as if someone enjoying something that costs more than 2 for a dollar makes them a lesser person. All your posts seem to be flavored with that flawed thinking.
I also recall that you are very disturbed that women dare to say they want to be attracted to someone before they'll date them. lol
But this is the funniest....
Now you may think you're better than I am because you happen to run 2 miles faster than I do. Sure, I'll admit it you're fast on the track. BUT, on the rifle range you couldn't hit the broad side of a barn, while I happened to fire expert. Come time for combat, you may be able to make it to the front lines faster, but while I'm coming up behind 30 seconds later and dragging your sorry butt to safety and patching you up from getting shot. Still think you're better than I am?
Please point out where I or anyone said they were better than you. You can't. You are fabricating things.
And the funny part of that..even though it has zero to do with a discussion on comparable lifestyles? You know nothing about me and you state that I couldn't hit the broad side of a barn? Perhaps you shouldn't assume so much.
USMC Expert - both M16 and Pistol (in addition to a few more specialties involving things that go boom that I won't bother mentioning). So don't worry about carrying "my" butt to safety.
haha...That's great you got to eat twinkies in boot camp. I never saw a dessert in USMC bootcamp...Oh wait...we did have some green jello a few times.
And I'm so sorry that some of your fellow trainees made fun of you in boot camp (boo effin hoo) and that your drill sergeant had to protect your feelings from those meanies. Our drill instructors were the ones calling US names.
I'll leave you to your rants now. But I believe that the majority of the people posting on here do GET that it's about lifestyle compatibility...and not about someone thinking they're better than anyone else. Good luck and thanks for your service.  | |
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| Must have job, car, house...are they after my cash?
Posted: 1/24/2008 1:17:16 PM | | No. A woman wants an independent man who isn't going to depend on her financially. Women today have careers and want an ambitious man who doesn't expect her to take care of him. A relationship should be a give-and-take thing, not one-sided, financially, or otherwise. | |
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