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| Must have job, car, house...are they after my cash?
Posted: 3/14/2008 3:30:05 AM | | Again you men blame the women about being gold diggers, what about the men being one too - I have had quite a few of them asking questions about myself and hand outs - they think most older women and divorced are well off and can be taken for a ride. | |
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| Must have job, car, house...are they after my cash?
Posted: 3/14/2008 3:35:39 AM | for me there are certain qualities that i look for in a girl. when i was in school, girls there were plenty of hot girls in class, but when i got into groups with one that i found out was smart i was more attracted to her.
i guess it would be similar for girls. a guy thats more successful career wise will appear more attractive than a guy who isn't. | |
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| Must have job, car, house...are they after my cash?
Posted: 3/14/2008 4:13:10 AM | I once loved a man who lived with his parents and drove a 20-year old car (!) But he never let me pick up a tab; he always opened doors for me, brought me thoughtful gifts (like things I needed), and fixed things around my house. He cared for me in so many ways that I didn't notice he was poor. In fact it meant much more to me that he spent his hard-earned money on me than if he had been wealthy doing the same things. It is really how you make a woman feel that attracts her. But some women are not aware of that, and they think they need the outward trappings--house, fancy car, etc. These women may be missing out on some genuine guys who don't fit their picture.
Wow... for all of you guys that are worried about gold diggers here's another example of one. :) It can happen to you even if you don't have the nice house as we can now see evidence of. Notice how she goes on about HE spent all of his money on HER, she never picked up the tab?!?! Then she accepted gifts from him on top of that. I would never let a guy do that if he was poor, talk about taking advantage of his generosity. I would instead be encouraging him to save the money up and living on his own. I'd be paying for things myself. But I guess it was more convenient to date a guy that was content to live with his parents because it meant she never had to pay for anything., lol. Just because I say you need to have signs stability and the ability to support yourself doesn't mean I want a you to buy me things.
I have had quite a few of them asking questions about myself and hand outs - they think most older women and divorced are well off and can be taken for a ride.
I met up with someone recently for coffee that found out I owned 3 computers in my house and he joked (at least I hope it was a joke) that maybe I might give him once since he didn't own one. | |
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| Must have job, car, house...are they after my cash?
Posted: 3/14/2008 5:59:54 AM | I think if you only see all women as being purely motivated for financial reasons in dating, you won't end up with anyone. Likewise, women who are only after a millionaire are a waste of time, unless you are one yourself. One should only date people you are comfortable and happy with, not someone who is evidently not going to be compatible with you in the sense your qualities and expectations and theirs do not match. I have met some women who are highly successful in a financial sense, and also happily married to men who have lower earning and status jobs than they do. What matters to them most it seems, as it does for many other women, is that they are properly respected and loved by their partner. Respect I think, would include not taking advantage of a woman's love and trust to improve your own situation at her expense financially, whether you are rich or poor. Even in poverty, relative or absolute, one should try to lift oneself without hurting or being unjust to others, including women, whether they are your partners or not.
I am presently studying at the moment, and not earning a high income. But I am doing a degree in Law, which I am enjoying. If someone sneered at me in contempt now, but in ten years time I am doing much better in life thanks to the sacrifices I am making now to get an education, I would sneer in contempt back if I met that person again. A person not doing so well now may be doing very well in the future, and likewise, someone rich now may be in ruins in the future. One should not reject a person merely because they are wealthy or lack wealth, and should instead try to see wealth in the wider context of who they are, their values, how they practice their work, trade or profession, how decent they are morally, how strongly they adhere to their principles and values, and how well they are in their motivation and desire to better and improve their situation.
I would not consider a woman undateable if she was on a low income, but otherwise had a good education, had decent moral principles and standards she adhered to, respected herself and others, did her best to improve her life in the ways available to her, and also had some compassion. | |
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| Must have job, car, house...are they after my cash?
Posted: 3/14/2008 6:11:03 AM | I live in the UK and am a divorcee with 2 young children and a full time reasonably well paid job (I say reasonably as we all would expect more for the work we do!)
I don't particularly look for men with high paid jobs or own house and car stuff as I'm not a materialistic person. But, I wouldn't be particularly drawn to a man who lived with parents/siblings etc I accept that unemployment can strike any of us at any time either through redundancy or illness so it would be cruel to except someone from being loved for such a petty reason. I wouldn't want a man who had lived on benefits for more than six months though without the most amazing of reasons....as to me it looks like employment isn't an issue for them and if I can go to work...so would he have to. Do I soulnd like a gold digging money grubber? | |
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| Must have job, car, house...are they after my cash?
Posted: 3/14/2008 7:57:36 AM | | Aww, Sherilyn, that's not nice! You didn't hear the other side of the story that I also did all kinds of stuff for him--cooked him dinners, surprised him with picnics, and made him a gorgeous sweater for Xmas. As far as picking up the tab, I always tried, but he would not let me!!!! We used to fight about it! You are so judgmental. I am extremely generous, but I still enjoy the courting rituals and that feeling of being cared for by a guy! If you want to judge me, that's fine--it still meant a lot to me that he was a gentleman. | |
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| Must have job, car, house...are they after my cash?
Posted: 3/14/2008 8:04:48 AM | | Snakewhisperer, if you don't want to people to judge you based on what you say then make sure you tell the entire story. It was after all your story, you have the ability to control how it presented itself. :) If you read what you wrote you certainly did make it sound like you did all the taking and never any giving. You should probably have said that you always offered to pick up the tab and he woudn't let you like you did just now. :) | |
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| Must have job, car, house...are they after my cash?
Posted: 3/14/2008 10:23:30 AM | When those who are bankrupt demand someone be able to pay their bills or are not bankrupt that is called a double standard. I have met many women who were bankrupt looking for a sugar daddy or who expected the man to pay for the dayes and provide her with a certain lifestyle. If he said no to her he was called shallow.
I ran fast from the women who asked me about my credit card and financial situation on date#1. Those were women I met on this site. Funny how they are not posting on this thread!!!! | |
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| Must have job, car, house...are they after my cash?
Posted: 3/14/2008 12:11:31 PM | | Johne, we figured out a long time ago that you ran into women that asked you to pay their bills because they couldn't and that they've asked you financial information on the first date.... you can stop repeating yourself now. :) | |
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| Must have job, car, house...are they after my cash?
Posted: 3/14/2008 12:35:43 PM |
A good number. When I first came here in January the first 5 contact emails all were of that nature. I was in shock and walked away from this site for 6 months because of it. I figured I was getting what I was paying for and went back to the other ways of meeting people. I then came back here on and off from June on and I have met a few good ones but I still meet a lot of men that are either unemployed, don't have a car or live at home with their parents (at 37!!).
Although I'm a decade older, I can relate to Sherilyn's comments. We're from the same mid-sized, diverse midwestern town, too.
To the poster who asked, "Just why are you women putting up with it?" We're NOT. That's why we're single ... get it? I deplore generalizations. So, if this sounds like one, it's not. But, I've constructed some theories along the way.
I don't know if other women find themselves similarly situated, but here's my conflict (or, so it seems). I am a successful professional, with a lot of accomplishments under my belt. I'm looking for a man who can make the same claim. BUT, I prefer people who don't take themselves too seriously, and who are not arrogant. It seems that a lot (not all, but the majority) of men I meet who have established professions, are homeowners, and come without emotional baggage are so boorish and egotistical that I can't stand to be around them. Not a good basis for a relationship, I don't think. "Y'know ... I'd really be diggin' on you, but I can't stand to be near you."
On the other hand, the personality type(s) that I enjoy spending time with are seemingly lacking in ambition. Somehow they haven't learn to distinguish being easy-going and laid-back personally, and adopt the same mechanisms on the professional front. Make sense to anyone else? | |
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| Must have job, car, house...are they after my cash?
Posted: 3/14/2008 12:45:29 PM | ^^^^Makes perfect sense to me. You want a white collar kinda guy (even if he isn't exactly doing white collar work) who isn't just paying lip service to the "Love neighborhood bars as well as 5 Star dining." The trouble is...those guys online are far more interested in the 18 year olds....not that they're successful mind you.  | |
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| Must have job, car, house...are they after my cash?
Posted: 3/14/2008 1:30:01 PM | [QUOTE FROM Sherylin]Snakewhisperer, if you don't want to people to judge you based on what you say then make sure you tell the entire story. It was after all your story, you have the ability to control how it presented itself. :) If you read what you wrote you certainly did make it sound like you did all the taking and never any giving. You should probably have said that you always offered to pick up the tab and he woudn't let you like you did just now. :)[QOTOE]
You're probably right--I didn't fill in the details. :) The rest of the story is that both of us lived on a very modest income, though my expenses were greater than his because he lived with his parents and some extended family. Also, we never went anywhere that would break either of our banks. Money just was not an issue in this relationship. The point I was trying to make is that it is not how much money a guy makes or what kind of car he drives that makes him a man. It's the attitude. Once he was fixing something in my condo but I didn't have a decent flashlight. On his next visit, he brought me over a flashlight. Another time he was driving us back from breakfast and the sun was in my eyes, even with the visors down. So while he was driving, he very unconsciously put his left hand up to shield my eyes from the sun. These are the ways in which a man can make a woman feel cared for. It's not about what kind of car he drives. I've dated guys who drove jaguars and BMW SUV's. But do you think they would ever ask me if I was warm enough or if I minded the choice of radio station? It's all about the attitude toward women. I don't know why this is just so lost in our culture. I much prefer to date ordinary down-to-earth guys that are not rolling in money but behave like true gentlemen. Material wealth means nothing to me. Perhaps it means more to a woman if she grew up that way and is accustomed to it.
Although I only dated that guy for 6 months, I will never forget what a true gentleman he was.
And why would you automatically assume that I did nothing for him? | |
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| Must have job, car, house...are they after my cash?
Posted: 3/14/2008 4:01:44 PM | It is anyone's guess, but it is not unreasonable to require those things and financial solvency, if you marry someone you take on their debt, too. My second wife was broke and deep in debt. It was only a short marriage, a year, but I began it with $40,000 in cash in the bank and zero credit card debt and ended it with no savings and $40,000 in credit card debt. It took me years to recover and I was a very happy guy to have her out of my life. Of course, I was stupid to let her run our finances like I did, but never again. Maybe at least some of these women have lessons learned, too?  | |
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| Must have job, car, house...are they after my cash?
Posted: 4/11/2008 4:06:56 PM | hey, I don't blame a woman for asking if you have a job. too many low-lifes out there just looking for a woman to live off of. need a car to get around but I don't think that should be all that important. as far as a house is concerned, women ask me all the time. doesn't mean it's a requirement maybe just curious. when I first started online I lived in an apartment some women were cool with that some weren't. now I rent a house. some women don't mind, some do, some want to know why a single guy lives in a house and not apartment. I think it has to do more with stability not gold-digging. as long as it is stability I have no problem with women asking me that.
I don't know what anyone else thinks but as far as I'm concerned, there is alot of unemployment these days but there is always legal ways to make money. I think alot of women, well good women anyways, don't expect you to be rich but should atleast be making an effort to do something to make money. | |
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| Must have job, car, house...are they after my cash?
Posted: 4/22/2008 10:59:15 PM | This is my problem! I did get burned by a relationship (with an older man, not that it matters) who I completely fell for but who cost me a fortune. By the time I was £6k in debt and he started failing to turn up for work again, I had to end it.
Now, as sad as it may seem, one of my main criteria is a man who can look after himself. I am an independent woman with my own house, car, savings... and I had to work all the harder to get those things after our relationship ended! I need someone as independent as me.
Does that make me financially-oriented? Of course not, I'm just protecting myself.
And yes, at 25 I do prefer older men - but I genuinely believe this is more to do with maturity of personality than financial security. | |
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| Must have job, car, house...are they after my cash?
Posted: 4/24/2008 5:30:24 AM | I must say when I see a sentence that says"men wanting women to tc of them"I have to turn my head sideways because even on paper it simply doesn't look right.Imo it actually goes against what is normal.I mean look at the structure of the male form as compared to the female form.The male form is constructed for hardness and even in the love making the hardness of the male is prevalent not unrealistic but actually wanted by the female form not just her mind.The female form is built for softness and that is also displayed in lovemaking as she stays soft and doesn't become something she isn't meant to be.When God formed man it was done from the dirt and when he was cast out of eden he was told he would labor till his death in working.The woman was constructed,put together gently,out of a bone like sculpting out of clay or stone,you never can tell what it is supposed to be till it is finished and when she was cast out of eden she was told she would give birth in pain.So why do men get so angry when they think a woman wants to be taken care of?Not necessarily that she needs to be taken care of but simply she just wants to feel like she will be protected,looked after not waited on hand and foot.The rest imo is alot of confusion.You can't put a square peg in a round hole even the monkeys got that one figured out. | |
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| Must have job, car, house...are they after my cash?
Posted: 4/24/2008 5:48:01 AM | it's BS what women demand these days. where's the equal rights?
if they demand a man who has a home, and if she did what she expected a man to do so she'd also have a house, who moves to whom? there is so much stupiditiy on behalf of women these days who keep with old-fashioned structure of life in ways that they choose but purposely disregard when it does not conform to their feminist views. I could go into the cost of living impact on society based on too much home ownership per family unit but that's something selfish humans have a hard time grasping and so i won't even bother speaking of it here.
they are crushing society by how they choose men.
look at the great choosing that happens! if women chose better, there'd be 20% of women having a great marriage and the remaing 80% would be single, not wanting the crappy men that they presently think are actually the better ones! only 20% of men are really worthy based on him being responsible and women haven't figured out yet what defines that-they focus on something indirectly related to it and otherwise throw everything out the door when they choose a guy simply because of his eyes or for a tattoo or something so trivial for example and i know this stupid choosing happens!
women can tell me differently but if they actually used their brain and not make a knee-jerk personal attack because these words sound harsh emotionally to them, they'll continue with no change in their lives. | |
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| Must have job, car, house...are they after my cash?
Posted: 4/24/2008 6:04:33 AM |
most are just wanting their dates to live away from their parents and have a steady job and income..
Spot on! 
halfalien, I've just read your post three times and can't derive a point from it... | |
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| Must have job, car, house...are they after my cash?
Posted: 4/24/2008 6:05:19 AM |
it's BS what women demand these days. where's the equal rights?
We are demanding equal rights. We want them to have the same things we do in our own lives.
if they demand a man who has a home, and if she did what she expected a man to do so she'd also have a house, who moves to whom?
Have you never heard of selling your home??
I could go into the cost of living impact on society based on too much home ownership per family unit but that's something selfish humans have a hard time grasping and so i won't even bother speaking of it here.
And we've already had that argument before.... so not worth rehashing. :D | |
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