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| Must have job, car, house...are they after my cash?
Posted: 2/15/2009 7:35:13 PM | The guy higher up the page who said to look at the whole picture is spot on.
If I tell women what I do for a job, they assume I have $$$. Not obscenely wealthy, but definitely nice 3/2/2 in a good neighborhood money. The few that see where I live and what I drive probably think I am a barely employed bum.
I drive a 11 year old truck that is paid for. My living arrangement is small, and a bit on the hokey side (I don't live at home, nor would I if it was an option) but it's cheap and a place to sleep, shower and eat. That's all I really need it for.
Like many other men, I lost pretty much everything except the clothes on my back in a divorce, and was sent a pricey monthly bill for my troubles on top of it.
I pay my bills. I take care of what needs to be taken care of. Right now, I am squirreling money away to buy a house in the future, but with the credit crunch, even though I can easily afford a mortgage, the banks won't give me one until my house where I used to live sells. (the ex still lives in it, and I pay the mortgage in lieu of a chunk of her alimony)
If a woman puts too many "must drive x y or z car, live in this area, and wear Armani" type requirements out there, I just think she is gold digging. Or at least prospecting to later stake a claim. Well, I'm not having my stuff claim-jumped again.
They can keep on walking as far as I am concerned. | |
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| Must have job, car, house...are they after my cash?
Posted: 2/15/2009 8:27:47 PM | The thing is that everyone knows that a guy being solvent as one put it is a desirable thing. It's a given. Everybody gets that. Listing out in a profile what guy must have though is a warning sign for any guy reading it. When I read it, I try to determine if she's looking for a certain standard of living, had a history of dating deadbeat guys, or just chose poor wording. If the last one I might still write. If the other two, forget it.
I've been judged on my material things and it wasn't just my being solvent that was being judged. I was being judged on how much I was willing to spend. My consumption was being judged. Not my income, not how I managed my money, but the level of my consumption. A level they found less than desirable. But that is the society, being judged on what sort of consumers we are. Debt and consumption are considered good, saving and thrift are considered bad. (just listen to Bush and Obama about how we should spend!) | |
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Leia4
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Joined: 1/20/2009
Msg: 1403 | |
| Must have job, car, house...are they after my cash?
Posted: 2/15/2009 8:51:21 PM | Scary as it might sounds it happens.
Way too often!!
I'm happy if the guy has a job. Any job.
I'm very capable of looking after myself and someone else but there is a difference between paying for dinner and paying for everything from their clothes and shaving cream to food, gas, bills and entertainment. Kinda screws the dynamic in the relationship. I'm very independent and I'm looking for someone equal - not to be anyone's mum. | |
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| Must have job, car, house...are they after my cash?
Posted: 3/25/2009 10:04:48 AM | | Gracie, you need to rephrase what you stated about something "very wrong" with a man who has no job. I am VERY gainfully employed for the past 25 years, and VERY lucky to HAVE my job in this economy. There are many men out there who have lost their jobs, does that make them dirtbags? essentially, when a woman typs the "must haves" in their profile, they ARE gold digging and looking for someone to take care o them and / or their brat kids. "Single mom" does NOT translate to "victim" you make your own bed, sleep in it. It's my experience that women on this site, and many others have the entitltement princess mentality and they do NOT deserve a nice man as they're life sucking harpies. | |
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| Must have job, car, house...are they after my cash?
Posted: 3/25/2009 3:59:22 PM | | I think those women are looking for marriage. I would interpret such a statement as an immediate red flag, because those women are likely to ask for a ring in a matter of months. Then they'll give that ring right back to you when they find a man with a more prestigious job, a faster car and a bigger house. | |
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| Must have job, car, house...are they after my cash?
Posted: 3/25/2009 5:08:27 PM | | I think it is ok for a woman to ask income and home owner ect. There are alot of dead beats out there. I think its Ok for a man to ask also ,i have had a few DWI 4 timers mail me its nice to know that because some of them dont have Drivers Licences.And if a woman has a home it shows stability .I dont care if a woman works or not but it would be nice to know she has the abiblity to maybe help somehow in keeping a home stable. If they have a licenes a car and a home they cant be all bad.It get some questions of the table . | |
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| Must have job, car, house...are they after my cash?
Posted: 3/25/2009 7:16:47 PM | | Women shouldn't work in the first place besides cleaning up around the house, cook, please their men and give birth to children. That's their job. It's too bad that the world has changed too much. Maybe it's time to rewind the clock so to speak. | |
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| Must have job, car, house...are they after my cash?
Posted: 3/27/2009 5:54:28 PM | i read a book year ago entitled, "his needs, her needs".
top male need: sex/ sexual intimacy
top fe. need : security
so, the 'security' that a lot of women are wanting /seeking is honest. ( i am in no way saying that a lot of the reasoning behind it is)
fyi, the top common need for male/female: acceptance
i, personally, respect a guy who works as hard as i do/ works, has drive and ambition/goals, etc, but who also knows that balance is key--it's not what he 'has', it's who he 'is'--and, generally, successful guys have it goin on=put together | |
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| Must have job, car, house...are they after my cash?
Posted: 3/27/2009 6:04:42 PM | | The best way to find out what people mean is to ask them. :) However, they are probably just stating in a subtle way that THEY don't want free-loaders or loafers. There is a lot of that today. It doesn't necessarily mean that they are gold diggers. | |
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| Must have job, car, house...are they after my cash?
Posted: 3/28/2009 12:17:02 AM | | Well I certainly don't say those things in my profile but it's definately a bonus. NOT because I'm a gold digger (I never depend on anyone but me) but because it shows he's SERIOUS, mature, and responsible! I have NO room in my life for guys who don't have their sh*t together and who don't know where they're at in life. I need a guy who's at the same place I'm at, and that's not in their parents basement. | |
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| Must have job, car, house...are they after my cash?
Posted: 3/28/2009 6:12:43 AM | | Yes, for many it is important what you can offer. Afterall, who likes to struggle with finances when they think they can hook the Golden Fish from this pond full of throwbacks....discarded fish. | |
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| Must have job, car, house...are they after my cash?
Posted: 3/28/2009 6:41:34 AM | Wow..guess I am screwed in a couple years - and not in a good way.
Planned on retiring when I am 45, so won't have a job.
Love fixing up old vehicles to use (not just show or put on trailer) so they are going to think I am dirt poor driving a old old old truck.
Live in a modest house - circa 1860 - so not sure what they will think there - probably think I am a squatter there.
Oh well -  - someone will get the irony and joke eventually. Might even like it. | |
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| Must have job, car, house...are they after my cash?
Posted: 3/28/2009 6:51:43 AM | | Remember folks, everything is not as it seems. A lot of men do not need to flaunt or exaggerate. Everyone has been surprised to find out how wealthy someone was after they passed away. No fancy cars, not a huge mansion, they just lived frugally....maybe too frugally, but they always had what they needed. | |
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| Must have job, car, house...are they after my cash?
Posted: 3/28/2009 10:26:53 AM | | Yes, we are after your cash and your car, house and anything else that we can get our greedy little hands on. Maybe we might even take that job from you too. Jewelry would be a nice asset too. Darn!! The jig is up! If I forgot anything else that most of us women are after please enlighten me. | |
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| Must have job, car, house...are they after my cash?
Posted: 3/28/2009 12:00:28 PM | Women are genetically programmed to seek "alpha" males who will be able to look after her and her offspring. Thousands of years ago, the male went hunting for food and defended the family against attackers while the female nurtured the babies. That's how the babies wound up with the best chance of reaching sexual maturity to propagate the genes on into another generation.
I don't mind women that specify that they're looking for guys with houses, cars, and jobs (a good part of that is, admittedly, because I have all of those things! ). I don't take it as "gold digging" at all. That conclusion I reserve for the ones who are looking for "generous" guys :D | |
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| Must have job, car, house...are they after my cash?
Posted: 3/28/2009 12:18:29 PM |
robertkoi: Women shouldn't work in the first place besides cleaning up around the house, cook, please their men and give birth to children. That's their job. It's too bad that the world has changed too much. Maybe it's time to rewind the clock so to speak.
I just thought this should be read again by every woman here!!
Not ALL women are after your money.
But we also don't want to support a man either! (been there, done that)
If I ask what u do for a living......it's not because I want to know how much money you make.....it's because I want to know how you spend your day.
It is called being interested in you!
The only time I have asked what vehicle a man drove......was when we were meeting for the first time in a parking lot of a restaurant. | |
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A.L.V.
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Joined: 3/5/2009
Msg: 1419 | |
| Must have job, car, house...are they after my cash?
Posted: 4/10/2009 7:18:40 AM | I can only speak for myself.
No, I am not after your cash. But I want a man who seems to have his shit together, and somebody who can support himself easily without me around.
And just for the record, I will continue to contribute money/time/energy/resources into the relationship, regardless of how much you make :) | |
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| Must have job, car, house...are they after my cash?....no
Posted: 4/10/2009 7:28:26 AM | I just moved to Western New york and well i think that im going out tonight, and if anyone would like to go, voice it up. or type....Since i just recenty moved here i don't know a whole lot to do; but damn it, I'll go out even if i have to go alone. I gots me some spring fever ahh shit.
First things first, i think plentyoffish is bullshit, yet i still have a lovely account, i just want to meet ppl, and then let them judge me when we hang out, no one can possibly know what a person is all about from reading something in a profile, or looking at an image. If your creepy I'll let you know, but yet againIf you think I'm creepy I hope you let me know. You can only really tell once you meet that person. so lets get passed all the exchanging email crap and just meet. I'll be at the broadway market on broadway street in buffalo, new york. Among hundreds of other ppl buying lots of polish deliciousness, I'll be there from 12-4 pm . Just shout out "MARCO" and i'll respond with "Polo". After that I don't know I don't really like to plan that far ahead, just kind of wander. Know that I'll probably get gang banged, and thrown in the sewer while my lifeless body soaks up thousands or gallons of fecal matter and garbage i'd like to say this.
In the future all the windmills are going to come out of the ground and form this giant spaceship, and attack everyone. The sun is going to explode in 20 years, if not before the alien invasion. We are going to try to find life on other planets(this as our main goal) because we've already used most of the..ooh i like this song...earths resources as of this point. Murder and crime rates are going to go up considerably, because of the depression/recession and hey jail is actually better than being a bum and not knowing where your going to sleep or what your going to eat. China will be the next power house, like it isn't actually already. We'll start a war with china...because we want to see how big our balls are, and really theyre just pretty small and shriveled..shit i just bit my lip... alright I'm done..pe@ce out kids and I hope everyone has a wonderful day :)
oh and by the way...
If I see you at the broadway market, thumbs up to you for taking a risk.
Im being unusually optimistic about this one, but if i seee you there, please leave me a message on here as well. *scrunch face*
-Suzanne | |
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| Must have job, car, house...are they after my cash?
Posted: 4/10/2009 8:27:04 AM | "Must have job, car, house...are they after my cash?"
---------
This is thread is what... 3 years old?
Anyway, of course there are gold diggers out there. The only thing that they care about is money and a life in either luxury or just a very comfortable one. I pity them. But in fact, I pity those who actually buy the bull$hit even more. At least there are very obvious examples like Anna Nicole Smith who married an almost 90 year old man for his money. In the end she got nothing and died tragically. So there it is. | |
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| Must have job, car, house...are they after my cash?
Posted: 4/10/2009 7:07:57 PM | No, peachy1977 it doesn't seem right but it tells me that you are working very hard and if they are understanding of you then they will accept you. I have been without a car for a while but I have saved up enough money to buy a car in cash and not rely on credit. I have a car, a job, but I don't have a house. I have lived in apartments before and I just didn't have a need for a house. I have no children of my own and I am not married. Sure I could own a house, but I have to look at what makes me happy. Is it money or lots of money? Or it is being with someone I love? To me the latter is true. Owning a house is fine, but it doesn't mean that you are financially secure anymore than having a lot of credit cards. People could own houses and be a lot of debt with their mortages, credit cards, and car payments. I think in this economic recession, frugal spending is not we need, careful spending and investing is what is needed. You need to find someone who will accept you for what you are and not what you have materially. Women and men can be golddiggers so let's not put all of the blame on the women only , men can be golddiggers as well.
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| Must have job, car, house...are they after my cash?
Posted: 4/10/2009 11:19:25 PM |
Owning a house is fine, but it doesn't mean that you are financially secure anymore than having a lot of credit cards.
The problem is that many women do judge a guy based on indicators of wealth. The cheap credit of the bubble economies of the 90s and 00s I believe had very negative effects on the dating world. those of us who did not participate in it, that is did not borrow all sorts of money to drive around in a fancy car or buy a home in a trendy neighborhood, and so on were at quite a disadvantage. Now the bust finally arrives, where we should shine and what happens? The government takes from us, devalues our savings (that is create new money) to bailout debtors. There are huge negative social consequences that go along with this I'm sure. | |
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| Must have job, car, house...are they after my cash?
Posted: 4/13/2009 5:15:50 PM | I have found some women who do not judge a guy based on their wealth. I have been in relationships with those type of women and they where happy that you where not breaking the bank on taking them out on dates, buying them gifts, and etc. I was never a freeloader of women but I certinaly was not known to be a cheapskate either because I would always pick up the tab on dates or paid my way the majority of the time. I'm not saying that men cannot be that way too, but traditional stereotypes of the man as the sole breadwinner of the family still holds true for most old-fashioned women who are looking for a man to take care of them. A wealthy man is just more of the above-average breadwinner that these women are seeking. Most women who want to date and marry rich men know this because if they happen to get a divorce then they know that they can live off the guy's wealth and they would not have to work or do hardly nothing. It can go the other way around with men who want to date and marry wealthy women as well.
I could have borrowed myself into deep debt for years to get loans to own a house or drive that fancy sport car but that would not make me romantic happiness. If I need to obtain material things to get that type of woman then I need to see that once another wealthier and richer man comes along then I will be dumped in a second. I try to avoid borrowing to obtain material things. The problem with this is that we live in a "buy now and pay later" credit driven society. Get it now and don't wait to save for it or invest the money, charge it on those credit cards or go ahead get that loan. Even when I had these things or could have owned these things it really didn't make me happy as a person. As a veteran of the military I will have to agree with you that the government does take from us and many verterans have served in the military with the promise of obtaining better careers when they get out. Goevernment bailouts will only create more debt that needs to be paid back. It is like taking a large loan to bail someone out but if they had to be bailed out to get help then they are going to create more debt to get out of debt. Many veterans need more civilian education to just survive in the job market out there.
Getting back to women who choose wealthy men, my uncle in Ohio is considered well-off and retired from the military but he could have married a woman who choose a wealthy man. I think with my uncle he choose to marry a woman that he was happy with. I don't live in a ghetto trailer park type of neighborhood by no means, but I can also understand any man or woman who would not date someone who has nothing to offer to the relationship even if it isn't material things there could be emotional factors or spiritual as well. I also think that many women do value a man with some emotional stability in relationships, they want those emotions to give the importance of the true love that they are seeking from men. Then again when it comes to the financial security, there are no guarantees here either, wealth can be lost, businesses go out of business, divorces can cause financial ruin, a good paying Corporate job or career could be lost as well. Your are somewhat right in that some women do judge a man on his wealth but there are many other women who don't do that. If I had to choose on whom I would date then I would have to go with a woman that did not need a wealthy man. Then again you have those other section women who have been treated badly by wealthy men who got out of the relationship and dated someone not as wealthy. Then there some women who choose to stay in bad relationships with a man who has financial clout because they want their bills to be paid, new car, and etc. | |
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| Must have job, car, house...are they after my cash?
Posted: 4/13/2009 6:19:14 PM | It's not good to make assumptions about about women because not every woman is the same.
As for my own perspective on money, house, car - I don't really care.
I would take a homeless attractive woman off the streets if she had an open heart over a rich woman any day. | |
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