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 absofreakinlutely
Joined: 4/29/2009
Msg: 51
Coupons and DatingPage 3 of 6    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6)
"Hello, my name is Absofreakinlutely and I am a materialistic gold-digger."

And yes, men who use coupons on the first couple of dates are seen as cheap by both women and men. One of my male friends said he would have to hand in his man card if he ever used a coupon on a first date.

Let's come to a general consensus on this one, shall we?

I use coupons all the time and have had dates use them once we've gotten to know one another. I'm all for saving some money but when you are trying to impress a woman for the first time, you don't do it with a piece of paper tossed down with your Mastercard.

It's like going for an interview. You know you won't wear a blue suit and tie everyday for work but you want the job so you put your best foot forward and wear it. The slouch shows up in a short sleeved dress shirt and khakis. Both resumes are identical. Who gets the job? The only who knows what he needs to do to look his best. The company knows he isn't going to be like this everyday nor do they expect it but dressing up in a suit is a sign of respect. Paying for your date sans coupon is a sign of respect and that you value the woman.

Now if you'll excuse me, I have some gold doubloons to count.
 JohnGaltLives
Joined: 7/29/2007
Msg: 52
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Coupons and Dating
Posted: 10/14/2009 12:14:58 PM
mermaid888 said:

I am not a gold-digger. I just don't like cheap men. They tend to complain about money all the time. On how much things cost and so forth. Not many people want to listen to that. I know I don't.

Let's savor the irony in this statement: "I am not a gold-digger. I just don't like cheap men." Why don't you like them? You indicate that "they tend" to complain about money, but you equate the usage of coupons with being "cheap". To me, it sounds like they're taking a perfect opportunity to save money, which is certainly not in infinite supply for anyone in the world, even the big-wigs like Bill Gates, Sam Walton, Warren Buffet, etc.

In fact, let's talk about those gentlemen, three of the richest men on the planet. Bill Gates was once asked "Wow, so your kids are going to have this massive inheritance and life of ease, eh?" His response was, "They're going to enjoy some of the benefits of my success, but when they're adults, they're going to go out and earn their keep the same as I did when I was younger, so no."

Sam Walton still drives a beat-up old Chevy truck to work every day, despite managing the most successful "big box" retail chain in the United States, Walmart.

Warren Buffet has said in interviews that the key to making a large sum of money is to never spend too extravagantly or assume that the supply of money will always be there. Despite his billions, he lives a very frugal lifestyle. He no doubt has some great luxuries that most of us can't afford, but he doesn't seem to be doing the sorts of things that resulted in people like MC Hammer, Michael Jackson and others of that ilk being bankrupt despite their successes.

So since you seem to assume that someone is only "cheap" if they're going to pay full price on something, that would then mean that Bill Gates, Warren Buffet and Sam Walton are "cheap", right?

Tarnished_Knight said:

Let's face it ladies (of this particular ilk), you equate coupons as sort of the antithesis to that large rock you want on your finger before you say "I might." This discussion has turned the corner to where it is clear that to a certain sub-selection of the female population that the measure of a man is not how much fun you two can and do have together, rather it is only a measure of how much money or other resources are spent in a effort to woe you.

Well said, TK.

absofreakinlutely said:

And yes, men who use coupons on the first couple of dates are seen as cheap by both women and men. One of my male friends said he would have to hand in his man card if he ever used a coupon on a first date.

Have you ever wondered why they're seen as cheap "by both women and men"? That's kind of an absolutist, blanket statement. There are women on this very thread who have said they wouldn't be bothered, and I can say as a man I wouldn't care much one way or the other, if I were on a date where the lady was paying, if she used a coupon. Does that, then, make the ladies in this thread "not women", and does that make me "not a man"? One of your male friends has said something, so it must be true of everyone, right? Don't blindly accept something just because you've seen it uttered a few times; that's called a reductio ad populum argument in formal debate. It's what's known as a logical fallacy.

absofreakinlutely said:

I use coupons all the time and have had dates use them once we've gotten to know one another. I'm all for saving some money but when you are trying to impress a woman for the first time, you don't do it with a piece of paper tossed down with your Mastercard.

Let's again savor the irony here, shall we? You say you use coupons all the time, and have had dates use them once you've gotten to know them, but you're implying that one shouldn't use a coupon on the first date. What difference does it make? A date is a date is a date. Why is it all right that you can use coupons "all the time", but someone who wants to date you has to put a limiter on when they might use one? The only logical conclusion that can be drawn from such a perspective is that your assessment of their worthiness to date you is directly proportionate to how much money they'll spend on you. Madonna called, she wants her song back.

You say that if one is trying to impress a woman for the first time, they don't do it with a piece of paper tossed down with their credit card. What you apparently mean is if they want to impress you, they won't use a coupon when paying for something on the first date. Don't try to legitimize bad behavior by hiding behind the ad populum argument again. Those arguments are far too easy to poke holes in, which only weakens your own credibility in their presentation.

absofreakinlutely said:

now you won't wear a blue suit and tie everyday for work but you want the job so you put your best foot forward and wear it. The slouch shows up in a short sleeved dress shirt and khakis. Both resumes are identical. Who gets the job? The only who knows what he needs to do to look his best. The company knows he isn't going to be like this everyday nor do they expect it but dressing up in a suit is a sign of respect. Paying for your date sans coupon is a sign of respect and that you value the woman.

Ahhh, of course, the job analogy. Is the first date a job interview? Am I attempting to get you to pay me for services so I can live my life? That would make me a whore. Am I paying you for services? That would make you a... well, you get the idea. You say that paying for a date "sans coupon" is a "sign of respect and that the woman is valued". So her value can only be assessed in purely financial terms? That, again, makes her an escort at best (if she's providing her company in return for financial expenditure on her behalf), and a whore at worst (if she provides more than just her company in return for financial expenditure on her behalf). Do you see how such a perspective is problematic when all the social niceties are stripped away, and it's laid bare for all to see it as it is? If paying for the date is a sign that I respect and value the woman, then should it also matter how I pay? What about someone who takes a date to a restaurant where he knows the owner, and is given preferential seating and a free meal for two for the night? Is he then cheap? Is he showing that he doesn't value his date?

The question arises of which takes more precedence: the amount of fun the two people have together, and how well they "click" with each other, or how much actual (not discounted) money is spent on the date. If it's the former, proceed appropriately. If it's the latter, the materialistic (and, yes, gold-digging) element comes into play, whether you choose to accept that or not.
 mermaid140
Joined: 9/29/2009
Msg: 53
Coupons and Dating
Posted: 10/14/2009 12:31:02 PM
Well, I'm just gonna give up on this subject.... I do know if I go on a date with a man and he uses a coupon when the bill comes I will start laughing like a crazy woman!!! lol " He will say: Why are you laughing?
" I will say: You don't happen to post on the forums. Do you??? lol
 Tarnished_Knight
Joined: 3/5/2009
Msg: 54
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Coupons and Dating
Posted: 10/14/2009 5:24:48 PM
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
mermaid888, you're beautiful!

TK
{hey, does anyone know if the "No Name" restaurant on Fish Pier (Boston) does coupons?}
 WalkingInLondon
Joined: 2/21/2005
Msg: 55
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Coupons and Dating
Posted: 10/14/2009 6:32:13 PM
Save the coupons for the grocery store...it's ghetto to use them on dates. And P.S. Toyota Echo's are not chic-magnets, they're gimp-mobiles. Whoever told you that was retarded...it's has 105 hp...LOL omg, I'd rather drive something powered by rubber bands and hamsters on wheels!


Beth
 amethyst10616
Joined: 7/23/2009
Msg: 56
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Posted: 10/14/2009 6:38:25 PM
If I have one, I tuck it into my purse to take along. If I know where we are going, I will see if I can find one on the net. Most of the time, I can. Plus, if you sign up for rewards at mid-price restaurants, they send you coupons on a regular basis. Anyway, when the bill comes, I will casually mention that I have a coupon for this restaurant and would he mind if we used it? On occasion, a man will say to save it, but most of the time, it is appreciated.

Cheap is not considering quality, frugality is getting the most value for your money. I consider frugality an asset. I cannot stand someone who is so tight he squeaks and makes you feel bad that he paid for anything. However, I do admire anyone who is a good steward of their resources. There is a big difference.

I would also like to add that I rarely eat out and if someone is so kind as to take me to eat a dinner that I did not have to cook or clean up after, I consider it a treat. Now, if he drove a clunker and had a good job, I would wonder if we were compatible because I do believe in living with dignity, given your means. Like I said, squeezing Abe so hard that he is screaming is a lifestyle and therefore, a compatibility issue in my opinion.

 Sabrosura
Joined: 1/7/2009
Msg: 57
Coupons and Dating
Posted: 10/14/2009 6:56:34 PM
SilentMan73: Why does the first date matter more than after you know him a bit as far as the spending of money goes?


If we go out on a dinner date for OUR FIRST DATE , and he whips out a coupon I would find that very cheesy/tasteless. It's not about the money. I don't need to be taken to a 5-star restaurant, but the act in itself is very tacky for the FIRST DATE.




Are you, likewise, saying that how much money he spends on you on the first date is a deciding factor?


Reference my first response. Ditto on here.




What if he didn't spend any money, and you took a hike or a walk in the park? If you'd say "That would be fine", then you set yourself up as a hypocrite, if you say "No go", you risk communicating that money is even more important than I'm accusing you of saying to begin with.



If he took me hiking or a walk in the park. That is a different story. You're talking apples and oranges in this scenario. You seem to be harping on the $$$ and I'm stating that the ACTION of whipping out a coupon on a first date is cheezy/tasteless/tacky.

A hypocrite by no stretch of the imagination. If you made an effort to understand what some are saying, you may have a better understanding (you don't have to agree, but at least UNDERSTAND where this message is coming from). However, you appear to want to impose your beliefs, and make some women appear to be "gold-diggers". God knows this has been beaten like a dead horse on these forums.




Quite the corner you've backed yourself into.


Not sure what you are saying by this, but you are quite "entertaining"....

If you prefer to use your coupon; that's fine (you're entitled to do as you wish). I'm not dating you, so there's no issue here. If this is an issue with your date, then it is better to know in the beginning vs. later.


Peace out...........
 JohnGaltLives
Joined: 7/29/2007
Msg: 58
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Posted: 10/14/2009 7:14:08 PM
sabrosura said:

If we go out on a dinner date for OUR FIRST DATE , and he whips out a coupon I would find that very cheesy/tasteless. It's not about the money. I don't need to be taken to a 5-star restaurant, but the act in itself is very tacky for the FIRST DATE.

You have yet to explain why this is "cheesy/tasteless". Is there actual logic and reason behind this perspective? If so, I'd like to hear it. If not, then it has zero validity. If you don't need to be taken to a 5-star restaurant, that would imply that you don't care much about the money being spent. If you don't care about the money being spent, then why would any action meant to reduce the cost have any impact one way or the other?

sabrosura said:

If he took me hiking or a walk in the park. That is a different story. You're talking apples and oranges in this scenario. You seem to be harping on the $$$ and I'm stating that the ACTION of whipping out a coupon on a first date is cheezy/tasteless/tacky.

If you think I'm talking apples & oranges, you're missing the larger issue I'm tackling here. Or you're just intentionally avoiding it.

You state that the action of pulling out a coupon on a first date is "cheezy/tasteless/tacky", but you have yet to say why, and until you can (and in the process provide that information by way of irrefutable logic), you've got nothing more than a personal perspective which holds zero value in an objective sense.

sabrosura said:

A hypocrite by no stretch of the imagination. If you made an effort to understand what some are saying, you may have a better understanding (you don't have to agree, but at least UNDERSTAND where this message is coming from).

You aren't being a hypocrite? If it's okay to use a coupon at any point, there's no logical reason why it wouldn't likewise be acceptable to use one on a date, any date, first or otherwise. I don't personally use them very often, if at all, but there's a principle here that needs dealing with. I understand what's being said, the problem is, there's no logic or consistency in it, and it thus holds no validity.

sabrosura said:

However, you appear to want to impose your beliefs, and make some women appear to be "gold-diggers". God knows this has been beaten like a dead horse on these forums.

I don't want to "make" anyone into anything. People do that quite well enough on their own. It is what it is, and the qualifying criteria were presented in as simple a fashion as they could be.

So if you don't think the money being spent on the date matters (which would on the surface seem to be admirable), then why does your date's choice to lessen the cost matter? If it's the action that matters, but the consequence of the action doesn't, it would be much like saying "Smoking matters, but the cancer you get from it doesn't". So can you explain why, if the amount of money being spent doesn't matter to you, the method of reducing the cost does?
 Sabrosura
Joined: 1/7/2009
Msg: 59
Coupons and Dating
Posted: 10/14/2009 7:33:38 PM
^^^SilentMan: I'm not looking for validity. I gave my opinion, and I stand by it. Again, it's not the money, but the action that I find tacky.

You feel differently, and that's fine. I choose to have my own set of views. The beauty of individuality, eh?

You can go tackle elsewhere.
 JohnGaltLives
Joined: 7/29/2007
Msg: 60
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Posted: 10/14/2009 9:23:36 PM
And yet curiously, you haven't yet been able to say why you find the use of a coupon "tacky". Interesting, and curiously evasive...
 Helen0426
Joined: 6/2/2009
Msg: 61
Coupons and Dating
Posted: 10/14/2009 9:47:37 PM
I'm with silentman on this. It may be on this alone, but here, we agree. I also see no reason why this is considered tacky or in bad taste in any way - as I believe I said on another topic of the same subject, I doubt I'd even notice - and I don't recall any posts espousing this view that attempted to explain it.

I myself would be unlikely to use a coupon because I'm unlikely to have one. I tend to go right past them, with rare exceptions. And I certainly wouldn't choose a place based on it, nor recommend that anyone else do so. But if both parties like a place for which one of them does happen to have a coupon, it just makes no sense not to use it.

What if my date's paying, and I do happen to have a coupon for the place? Would it then be tacky to give him the coupon? If so, I'm afraid I've been guilty of this on a few occasions, when someone had given me one of those big fat coupon books. I further regret to report that this was accepted with thanks, as the considerate and thoughtful gesture it was intended to be. I triply regret to report to the men who are against the practice that I did not see my dates as any less manly or mannerly for this.
 curiousaboutu77
Joined: 12/28/2007
Msg: 62
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Posted: 10/14/2009 10:10:08 PM
I have dated people or been friends with people that sometimes have told me that they have a coupon and if i would like to go there and i have always agreed to it and had no problem with it.
However, i don't think i could ever take a person on a date in the getting to know stage and take out a coupon as i would feel really weird about it. Over time, if the other person mentions it, i would but i wouldn't initiate it.
 NerdStatus
Joined: 1/9/2007
Msg: 63
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Posted: 10/15/2009 12:52:11 AM

Cheap is not considering quality, frugality is getting the most value for your money. I consider frugality an asset. I cannot stand someone who is so tight he squeaks and makes you feel bad that he paid for anything. However, I do admire anyone who is a good steward of their resources. There is a big difference.

Good to hear there's women out there that get it.

You feel differently, and that's fine. I choose to have my own set of views. The beauty of individuality, eh? You can go tackle elsewhere.

I don't think anyone's asking you to be a sheeple, and do as we say. I don't think anyone's trying to impose their views. We're explaining our point of views (so you can better understand us) and we're asking you to explain the motivations behind your point of views (so we can better understand you).

Again, it's not the money, but the action that I find tacky.

I see this as being exactly about the money. Please explain how it isn't, and why you don't believe frugality's an asset.
 GuyN3xtDoor
Joined: 4/6/2008
Msg: 64
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Posted: 10/15/2009 2:23:10 AM
Wow, Tarnished Knight and especially silentman, my hat goes off to both of your for your clear and logical thinking. I truly wish I had your thinking skills. I did very well in school, however just don't seem to have the clear thinking skills you guys seemed to be blessed with. You did what I was wanting to do, but couldn't figure out how to do so. And, that is dig a little deeper to understand the female psyche, of some of the women.

One of the given points appears to be that some women have a problem with a man using coupons on a date and some women do not. And, with the women that do have a problem with it, the problem seems to lessen with time or the number of dates. This tells me that for this group of women that there are different expectations and a higher level of judgement for the first few dates, than for the women that are more accepting of a man using a coupon.

Also, there have been some that have said that they see no problem with themselves using one, however if the man they are dating does then he is seen as cheap. The women who were more accepting said he woudl be frugal and in some cases better with managing his finances and the ones who disliked the coupons mostly called these men cheap. Therefore, this grouping of women would appear to have elevated expectations , which may lead them to being more judgemental and in some cases possibly even hypocritical.

After reading hundreds of entries on this subject, it has become relatively clear that many of the women who do not like men to use coupons when dating, as mentioned consider the men to be cheap. Yet, when silentman very logically explored why they consider it to be cheap or tacky, there was not a clearly defined reason. Therefore, it is possible that it is an emotional judgment, rather than a logical fact.

Another interesting thing I have noticed is that many of the women that have opposed coupon usage by men on dates, have shared that they do not feel as impressed or valued when her date uses a coupon. Or, that she deserves more than that. And, some have shared that they feel embarrassed by his using a coupon on a date. So, if her interpretation of his using a coupon at dinner comes with all these expectations, judgement, embarassment or feeling less valued, it is no wonder that this group of women would label the man as cheap, rather than frugal and a good steward of his finances.

Therefore, it would appear that her labeling him as cheap may have more to do with her reaction to her negative emotional feelings, based upon her expectations and judgement of how she perceives his motive or value judgement by using the coupon, rather than feeling neutral or positive if she were to look at the benefits logically.

Thankfully, most of us meet for coffee on the first date so it isn't such an issue, as presented here. However, this would make a good topic study for a psychology graduate student. I'm sure there have likely been studies done on this very topic at sometime in the past.

As for the women that may feel negative about a man using coupons on dates, it may be simply a matter of compatability. In other words, as the book the 5 Love Languages, indicates - we all have varying things that make us feel loved and that keep our love tank full. Many of us may have grown up where love was shown financially and not with a real connection of the heart. Where some of us may have grown up being shown love in other ways. And, so many of us didn't get the love and parenting we really needed. While some of us may have been more fortunate.

Personally, I much prefer a woman that is down-to-earth with reasonable expectations, less judgemental, low on the materialistic spectrum and relatively low maintenance (i.e. low drama). And, thankfully as this thread indicates, there are more than a few out there still.

By the way, I appreciate all that has been shared, even the opposing view points. This is a great place to grow and learn to be open to other viewpoints and ways of thinking. After all, wouldn't life be less interesting if we all thought and felt the same?
 mermaid140
Joined: 9/29/2009
Msg: 65
Coupons and Dating
Posted: 10/15/2009 6:26:31 AM
{hey, does anyone know if the "No Name" restaurant on Fish Pier (Boston) does coupons?}

I am from Boston. Well, most likely..... From what I remember about that place you can bring your own BEER!!!! So, that is the perfect place for a CHEAP date.... lol

Hey, I'am helping you out guys.......
 mermaid140
Joined: 9/29/2009
Msg: 66
Coupons and Dating
Posted: 10/15/2009 6:36:55 AM
{mermaid888, you're beautiful!}

Thank you TK,

This was getting way too deep.. needed to lighten it up a bit.. :)
 867love
Joined: 3/16/2006
Msg: 67
Coupons and Dating
Posted: 10/15/2009 11:26:41 AM
And the irony of the whole coupon thing, is women are the ones who clip/use about 90% of the coupons out there...
You know who your are, at the grocery store, getting that extra free subway deal, chuck e cheeze, perm specials, oil changes, gym membership, pizza hut, or those dining coupon books your little angels are selling to support their school...

Not that theres anything wrong with using coupons,

however if you've ever used a coupon to get a better deal, then you have no right to say anything scornful about someone trying to save a buck!
 Sherilyn929
Joined: 10/29/2008
Msg: 68
Coupons and Dating
Posted: 10/15/2009 12:05:43 PM
I love coupons!
Either way you're still paying for the date, no matter what the cost is.
I've whipped out coupons on a first date before, to save a guy money.

I don't see any harm in doing so.
 Fi Fi Foncho
Joined: 2/22/2009
Msg: 69
Coupons and Dating
Posted: 10/15/2009 2:16:02 PM
I had a first date involving a coupon. The guy told me when we were deciding where to go that he had a coupon for a nice restaurant. I didn't mind. I had a second date with a different guy with a coupon, and again, he told me about the coupon first. I didn't mind then either.

A third guy who didn't have a coupon was upset when I ordered bread because it was .99 cents extra. He insisted on paying for the meal, but made a scene over the bread so the waiter would take it off the check. No, I didn't see him again.
 amethyst10616
Joined: 7/23/2009
Msg: 70
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Posted: 10/16/2009 7:20:33 PM
FiFi, I went out with a man who got upset if you ordered anything other than water to drink and you could not make changes to the meal if it cost anything. He was such a jerk about spending money on anyone else, but he surely spent on himself. I did not stick around long, he was too selfish for me.

I cut out coupons and search the net for the ones that I do not have. I think it is wise to be a good steward of your money.
 Exciting1
Joined: 1/26/2009
Msg: 71
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Posted: 10/16/2009 9:30:09 PM
I am all for saving money and discounts But yeah, the first meet should be simple and cheap anyway. After that you can discuss the finances if that is going to be an issue. I would mention that I have coupons and ask how he/she felt about it in advance. I have one of those local coupon books and need a partner to use most of the coupons?? So I'd gladly share it on a date, regardless of how our final tab is being split. Probably if a guy is too insulted by that, we wouldn't be compatible. I agree maybe in certain social situations a coupon might not be the best thing. Just pay your tab and be done. But I have used that book for one of the nicest restaurants:):)
 TheReason_
Joined: 5/16/2009
Msg: 72
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Posted: 10/17/2009 7:09:50 PM
If I had one, I probably wouldn't use it for the first date. And if we were going dutch, I would say "Hey I have a coupon so it will reduce everything we order." Kind of thing. I wouldn't throw it down for my half of the bill.
 JohnGaltLives
Joined: 7/29/2007
Msg: 73
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Posted: 10/17/2009 10:18:20 PM
TheReason said:

I wouldn't throw it down for my half of the bill.

Why? What rationale do you have for not wanting to do this? If you have the coupon, what's keeping you from using it?
 Coastergal
Joined: 7/24/2005
Msg: 74
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Posted: 10/18/2009 4:28:10 AM
I don't see anything wrong with using coupons! I mean why not buy one meal and get one free? Just as long as the server is tipped on what the total would be without the coupon! I mean they are doing their job!

Put in your profile... Let's explore my coupons! LOL

I remember going on a date with my ex and getting all excited that I had someone to SHARE my coupons with!!!

Most men I've dated have paid for our dates even when I've offered. Usually gets to the point if we go to a movie they'll let me buy the popcorn and soda which is as much as the tickets. So it washes out
 amethyst10616
Joined: 7/23/2009
Msg: 75
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Posted: 10/18/2009 12:29:32 PM
It shows another level of compatability, IMO, how you feel about using them. I have saved so much by using them. There is a level of cheapness indicated though if you can never go anywhere without one or if he gets upset if you order anything that you might like that cost extra, like guacamole or sour cream with your meal. That is cheap, IMO, and not attractive at all.
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