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| What about women my age with a child?
Posted: 7/14/2007 3:06:01 PM | I have dated woman with children, I think the children come first ,
I think if either partner has a child , they must be willing to make time
for there partner, when both partner s are happy then the cildern will
a blessing for both , | |
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| What about women my age with a child?
Posted: 7/14/2007 3:09:53 PM | I don't mind kids. I mind the crazy fathers who want to kill you for being around their kids. Ex husbands use kids as leverage to manipulate their ex wife. Very sad, but very common. They use them to keep men away from their ex. Causing problems every time to woman makes plans but not picking them up for visitation weekend, etc...
And to comment on Robin's post, I agree with the friend you quoted. I have gone through my child raising days and prefer not to do it again. Just my choice. | |
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ksue44
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Joined: 6/20/2005
Msg: 29 | |
| What about women my age with a child?
Posted: 7/14/2007 4:30:54 PM | I've seen several threads with older folks (40+) with young kids asking about how hard it would be to date. It's really simple, you'll either find someone who will accept the whole package deal, or you won't.
Understandably, if the children are young, I understand that a parent would want to put their children first. On the flip side of the coin, if the kids are grown, and I hear the words "my children come first", for me, that's a deal breaker. Then, I question "when do I fit in, or am I a matter of convenience".
It boils down to single parents may be at a different stage of their lives than those whose children are grown or don't have any. That's part of the deal when one chooses to have children. Enjoy your children while you've got them. You can focus on dating and perhaps marriage when it's the right time for ALL parties. Sure, the search may be frustrating, so be it. | |
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| What about women my age with a child?
Posted: 7/14/2007 4:54:56 PM | Why do people find it necessary to make such a point of saying their kid comes first? Well, DUH..... What kind of awful parent woudl you be if going to a bar and getting trashed came before your kid?
Older men typically don't want the complications and responsibility of raising someone else's kids. That's what fathers are for. I don't work long hard weeks to buy shoes for a kid because the father is a weasel and doesn't pay his child support.
I have a friend who does nothing but whine about how expensive college is for his STEP daughter. That college tab is the responsibility of her father and mother, not him. Not that he should never contribute, but to be saddled with $60,000 for 4 years of college for someone else's daughter.... how bad does THAT suck? | |
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| What about women my age with a child?
Posted: 7/14/2007 6:32:28 PM | Hey East Side. I can honestly understand what you are saying, but you would be surprised how many so called parents DON'T put their kids first and leave their young children home while they get trashed at the bar or other things they do to their kids in the name of "love". Remember Susan Smith? Need I say more? | |
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| What about women my age with a child?
Posted: 7/14/2007 9:52:19 PM | Having children was a decision. Dealing with it is your issue. Sorry to sound harsh, but the decision was yours not mine. I have not been part of the process to raising them, and won't be part of picking up the pieces now or in the future.
Good luck to those in that position. However, you are on your own in my opinion. I hope you pick your future mates wisely, because wise you need to be. | |
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| What about women my age with a child?
Posted: 7/14/2007 11:18:25 PM | I have three children, all grown and living their own lives. Now it is my time, and I'm having the time of my life!
I would not get involved with someone who had at-home children, simply because I've been there and done that...and remember how hard it was, how being a parent has to always come first, and anything for myself always had to come last...
I want my life, and my partner's, to be about us, not them.  | |
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| What about women my age with a child?
Posted: 7/15/2007 7:53:59 AM | Raising my own children was hard enough. So far they have come along well but I have them in my prayers now they are independant. Ten years ago I would have dated someone with kids in their preteens and if we all got along and I was allowed to particapate in thier upbringing without getting that "you can't tell me what to do, you aren't my father." I probably could have married that person. But to attempt to be a father to a teenager who I have not had the cahnce to help form their younger years, no way. Further, to be in the position where I am not allowed to praise, raise or disapline a child of any age in my household is something I would not do.
This means I date women with no kids at home or who's children are soon to leave home and we can have an adult to adult relationship. Of course if the kids and I get along VERY well all of this could go out the window.
Curcomstances will dictate. | |
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| What about women my age with a child?
Posted: 7/15/2007 8:33:11 AM | eddie it s inportant for me as the outsider to say that,
and it s inportant for the partner with the child to be
sure the other partner feel s inportant too, and that
they er time together is specil, | |
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| What about women my age with a child?
Posted: 7/15/2007 8:36:08 PM | I have a 6 year old, but I also have a 25 year old (not living with me). I too find that the youngest child keeps me fit and young at heart.
If a guy is put off by the fact that I have a dependant child, then he's not the guy for me.
During the day I'm mum, and at 7.30pm I am myself again enjoying my own time, and that's just the way it is, I won't change my routine for anyone, cause I'm selfish.  | |
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| What about women my age with a child?
Posted: 7/16/2007 5:28:00 AM | | I think you can substitute "Men" for "People"... as I am in pretty much the same boat here (I'm 44 with custody of my 11yo daughter and 5yo son). Would I trade my situation if I could? Hell No! - I love being a parent and have honestly found that since I became a single parent I finally have the kind of relationship with my kids that I've always dreamed of, but now for the tricky part- Thinking of the future when my kids are grown and off on their own would I be willing to step back into parenting? Probably Not. And to be honest I don't blame anyone my age who's children are grown for not wanting to either. As a parent you trade virtually all the time and energy you have for your children and the joy of sharing that special part of life with them and watching them grow, and that is something that most parents wouldn't trade for anything. But once you have completed that and regained the freedom to do things for YOU (guilt free no less!) It would be incredibly hard to go back and step into the role of parent again. Even for me as a single parent I recently dated another single parent with a toddler and found it hard on multiple levels, from different views in parenting, to revisititng diapers. So I don't see it as being a "problem" ... just a fact of life, no different than the changes in friendships etc. that take place when you go from being a part of the single to married crowd or from no kids to kids at the front end. Milan | |
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| What about women my age with a child?
Posted: 7/16/2007 7:12:55 PM | Well I did not make the choice to have a second family. My daughter is truly one in a million. (failed vasectomy) I would not take a million bucks to send her back though. Challenging, yup. Limit my relationships, yup. Keep me busy and active and laughing, you bet! I enjoy so many things with her that I missed with the older kids because I was younger and struggling for survival. This time I almost feel like I am having my childhood again. We go so many places and do so many fun things. Sometimes I look around at the clutter or dread a PTA meeting and wonder what it will be like when she goes off to college. I realize I will be lonely in a quiet, clean orderly house!
BZB | |
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| What about women my age with a child?
Posted: 7/17/2007 4:13:18 AM | I have no problems dating a single mother, as a divorced father, i know what its like to bring up kids, ok mine were only on weekends and hols, but still the same.
If a guy doesnt want to go out with a single mum, well then its his loss.
Single parents come as a complete package-- take it or leave it--- and if dating a sinle parent include the kids in your activities. | |
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| What about women my age with a child?
Posted: 7/17/2007 2:00:18 PM | | I have 6 & 8 year olds, and a 22 & 24(both on their own) year olds. Hasn't been a problem for me. But I think most women are more accepting of little ones than men (I don't know). I would have an LTR with woman if she had little ones and I didn't. But I love kids, and love a full house even more. | |
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| What about women my age with a child?
Posted: 7/17/2007 4:24:18 PM | Great statement on just wanting to expand your boundaries.
Here I am...54 yrs old with two...count them...two 6 yr old sons. I do have friends, mainly women that I can talk to....but sometimes you just really want a man's input and companionship.
The "Been There, Done That and Have the Tshirt" goes for the majority of men in my age group and I understand that. I know that somewhere there is a male in the position I am in....being a parent to young children long after our birth children are grown. If it is meant to be we will connect at some point in time.
In the meantime...hey, I get to play with toy cars, watch eyes aglow again when they see what Santa brought and even change into the tooth fairy when needed | |
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| What about women my age with a child?
Posted: 7/17/2007 4:46:59 PM | PARENTING AT ANY AGE IS SERIOUS STUFF.
Parenting and dating is also serious stuff. Peole who have raised their own and survived are often leery of becoming involved with new partners who have young children, for various reasons. That is their choice. and they should not be made feel bad for making that choice. We should not ever have to justify our personal preferences. Nor should we expect others to justify theirs, or change their's to suit ours.
People who both have children may be well suited but scheduling becomes an intricate dance when 2 or 3 families try to blend time slots to accomodate things. God bless those who try and/ or succeed in making that work. Bless the ex's too for helping rather than hindering. It's called being decent and respectful.
For those who have younger children, at whatever age you are, enjoy them and enjoy your own life too. Don't rail against those who don't want to be part of it all. They are entitled to make that choice. Find someone who does and be happy.
There are tons of others doing the same, so be choosy and ever dilligent in who you allow to have access to your children, as you are their last defense against that big old nasty world.
At this point in my life , I choose to not involve myself romantically, with anyone who has younger children. That is my personal choice and my reasons are personal as well and not anything that I feel obligated to justify or share in a public forum. Any man who takes exception to that is welcome to do so.....and move along as he is doing it. Grandbabies.....I can wait for some of my own but if a man has some and wants to share them.... I can get into that. | |
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| What about women my age with a child?
Posted: 9/14/2007 12:11:21 PM | | I'm sorry, but I am through helping to raise someone elses' kids. I'm also through being denied sex, dinner, nights out, etc, because the kids need mommy to hover smotheringly close 24/7. I'm through being unable to even make a slightly suggestive remark because mommy is afraid the kid might hear. You can have a fun single life, or you can be a mommy, and get what fun you can from that. You can't do both. I won't even try to help you do both. Make a decision and stick to it. | |
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| What about women my age with a child?
Posted: 9/14/2007 1:18:13 PM | | The one thing that stands out to me reading through this entire thread is that men don't want to be a dad to someone elses kids. ummm HELLOOOO... you are NOT nor ever can be their DAD.. they have one.. you arent expected to be a dad.. you are Mum's new partner.. We single mothers have raised our children, with no financial help from YOU or anyone, what makes you think we can't continue to do that.. if you were on the scene.. I admit some women out there are looking for someone to help with finances. Not all of us do that , we have our pride, and will continue to take responsibility for our children. We women, are able to be parents, AND partners. | |
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| What about women my age with a child?
Posted: 9/14/2007 2:33:18 PM | | If you had a child early like me (I was 19 ) chances are you want your freedom from raising kids. Doesn't mean you don't like kids. If you had your kids late in life you've already experienced your freedom. I don't date men with kids now Grandkids all day long. | |
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java41
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Joined: 6/10/2007
Msg: 47 | |
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java41
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Joined: 6/10/2007
Msg: 48 | |
| What about women my age with a child?
Posted: 11/2/2007 8:50:58 PM | I hate to tell you guys this but when you have a step child you do have the responsibility to take care of that child when the father doesn't. Don't you think that father was a dead beat husband or a father? Otherwise there wouldn't have been a divorce.
You guys want to have your cake and eat it to and you can't do that. | |
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java41
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Joined: 6/10/2007
Msg: 49 | |
| What about women my age with a child?
Posted: 11/2/2007 8:58:09 PM | I believe alot of men want to run the show with the kids as I've heard women say that they would not remarry until the last child was in College as they don't want a man telling their kids what to do.
I dated an older man right after I had my first grandchild and he told me that I was taking care of her too much. I was shocked that he felt like he needed all the attention. He was always mouthing about everything and being bossy so we didn't last. A man like that wants too much control and he did have a few dollars, but he was entirely too damn bossy. | |
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| What about women my age with a child?
Posted: 11/3/2007 8:29:25 AM | I believe it's more of a time related issue. I prefer to not have my life revolve around school picnics, plays and teacher's conferences. My time for that is well behind me. And in my age group, the kids are older anyway. When it's a doting grandmother who is one of those women who has no life outside of baby sitting, I'll pass on that too. Let your kids raise their kids the way you raised them. My idea of life isn't sitting at your house while you baby sit so your divorced daughter can go out and get laid. She is supposed to be be home with her kid. It's called "responsible parenting".
When I laugh is when a 56 year old woman actually says "prefer not to say" about "Do you want children" on the profile. In 98% of the cases, hasn't nature pretty much made that decision for you already?
Know that I have no life either, but my version of a kid has 4 legs and a tail and the only baby sitting I need it to take her into the woods behind the house and let her chase squirrels.
Back to topic, you need to segregate "child" from "CHILD" here. 5 years old or 23 years old makes a big difference. And as I said earlier in the thread, it's the loony bin escapee fathers I prefer to avoid. If I have to worry about the kid's father shooting at me or calling the authorities saying I molested the child jut to keep me away from the woman.... no thanks. See: "DOG" above......
And I have to ask why all you women think it's necessary to state that your kid comes first? What kind of DISGUSTING, AWFUL parent would you be if your kid DIDN'T come first? That's as bad as those loser fathers who brag about paying their child support. YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO!!! It's nothing to brag about when you do what YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO!!!
If your kid DIDN'T come first, your local child protective service should remove the kid from your horrible care. That is nothing to brag about. | |
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