java41
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Joined: 6/10/2007
Msg: 49 | |
| What about women my age with a child?
Posted: 11/2/2007 8:58:09 PM | I believe alot of men want to run the show with the kids as I've heard women say that they would not remarry until the last child was in College as they don't want a man telling their kids what to do.
I dated an older man right after I had my first grandchild and he told me that I was taking care of her too much. I was shocked that he felt like he needed all the attention. He was always mouthing about everything and being bossy so we didn't last. A man like that wants too much control and he did have a few dollars, but he was entirely too damn bossy. | |
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| What about women my age with a child?
Posted: 11/3/2007 8:29:25 AM | I believe it's more of a time related issue. I prefer to not have my life revolve around school picnics, plays and teacher's conferences. My time for that is well behind me. And in my age group, the kids are older anyway. When it's a doting grandmother who is one of those women who has no life outside of baby sitting, I'll pass on that too. Let your kids raise their kids the way you raised them. My idea of life isn't sitting at your house while you baby sit so your divorced daughter can go out and get laid. She is supposed to be be home with her kid. It's called "responsible parenting".
When I laugh is when a 56 year old woman actually says "prefer not to say" about "Do you want children" on the profile. In 98% of the cases, hasn't nature pretty much made that decision for you already?
Know that I have no life either, but my version of a kid has 4 legs and a tail and the only baby sitting I need it to take her into the woods behind the house and let her chase squirrels.
Back to topic, you need to segregate "child" from "CHILD" here. 5 years old or 23 years old makes a big difference. And as I said earlier in the thread, it's the loony bin escapee fathers I prefer to avoid. If I have to worry about the kid's father shooting at me or calling the authorities saying I molested the child jut to keep me away from the woman.... no thanks. See: "DOG" above......
And I have to ask why all you women think it's necessary to state that your kid comes first? What kind of DISGUSTING, AWFUL parent would you be if your kid DIDN'T come first? That's as bad as those loser fathers who brag about paying their child support. YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO!!! It's nothing to brag about when you do what YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO!!!
If your kid DIDN'T come first, your local child protective service should remove the kid from your horrible care. That is nothing to brag about. | |
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| What about women my age with a child?
Posted: 11/3/2007 8:58:34 AM | "You child comes first".
Why would anybody want to be a "second"? - especially over 45??
I want a life that goes in phases. The "Child zone" is long since past. I want to do want I have be work toward through my working life = retirement. I don't want to start with the lifestyle of the 20 something or 30 something.
Your child comes first - great - good for you. Now please go raise your children. The fact you don't have an s/o isn't anything to do with other singles. Get back to datingland after your children are raised, or at least find an s/o who also has young children to raise. | |
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| What about women my age with a child?
Posted: 11/3/2007 9:46:13 AM | Hi OP:)
I'm 50 years old, and I have full custody of my 13 year old granddaughter, who is like a daughter to me. I also have two full grown daughters in their early thirties. Having had both my children at a very early age, this isn't exactly the way I had planned to spend my later years. I had envisioned my fifties to be care free and full of "me" time, to compensate for the early years spent caring for them, you know?
Having said that, I can certainly understand someone my own age NOT wanting to get involved with me, knowing full well that my life still revolves around a young teenager...ack!....I'd run too if I was them...haha!
Just kidding here, but I totally understand if they do not want to get involved, as I'm fairly certain that once she's grown, I won't want to do this again...c'mon now...haha!
So it doesn't bother me at all if someone is bothered by the fact that I'm just not free to travel and go away for the weekend like they are.....they're right, I am NOT free, and I won't be for quite a few years....but what can I do, I love that kid more than life itself and I've already made my decision to be there for her. So it's best they move on and find someone whose lifestyle is more compatible with theirs....no harm done and no hard feelings....to each their own:)
Take care OP, and good luck to you:)
Love and peace 
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| What about women my age with a child?
Posted: 11/3/2007 12:40:11 PM | EAST SIDE EDDIE: Wonderful post about parents and children! Thank you so much for including fathers bragging about doing what they're SUPPOSED to do! LOL! I just kinda wandered in here to see what people had to say. I'm a 55 yr old grandmother raising 2 young grandchildren so the topic is interesting to me though I'd already made my own conclusions. I'm almost "afraid" to admit in writing that until a year ago (when I found myself once again parenting) that when I saw that a man had kids...I'd close his profile and run for the hills! I found a LOT of men who'd married much younger women and then when those women left...they left the kids as well! It's not that uncommon to see 50 yr old single dads. It was also not uncommon for me to be considered selfish and a child hater because I didn't want to raise anymore children. I'm neither surprised nor offended that men want to pass me by due to the fact that I'm now rearing a 2nd generation, in fact, I know exactly how they feel! It's not really how I expected to spend my "golden years" either. I do however have one advantage, well, a couple of advantages: 1) if the parents ever get their acts together, I won't be traumatized by becoming a regualar grandma again, 2)I'm retired and financially secure...so I don't need or count on a child support check, and 3)both parents are screw ups in my book and the judge left visitation totally at my disgression so I don't have to deal with "exes" or any of their nonsense!
I would however like to add that I've talked to numerous men who don't see my responsibilities as a drawback to a relationship. Futhermore, those who have found it undesirable are so ridiculous you have to laugh at them! They'll ask me if I ever get time to do things alone...and I tell them yes, as a matter of fact...I'm flying to NYC this weekend to go shopping with my cousin, and then they start whining that they can't date me because they can't afford to go to a movie! LOL! Talk about the pot calling the kettle BLACK! What possible difference could it make to them that I have to get a babysitter (the other grandparents) for my grandchildren when they either don't have the time or the funds to date anyhow?!!! | |
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| What about women my age with a child?
Posted: 11/6/2007 4:14:29 PM | | I find it a huge turn off to me when a man states he has a child/children..and doesn't have anything to do with their rearing. The weekend warrior is something we have all become accustomed to hearing about and understand that position. Not having a thing to do with them..sends up a little red flag for me. I appreciate a man who states he has this or that to do with and for his child/children..rather than try to choose between me and them. For me..it should always be them. I find no problem dating a dad with a child/children still in the home. I have 2 grown still in mine. Hasn't really been a problem that I can see. Then again..I never bring dates home with me..or..at least haven't yet! | |
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| What about women my age with a child?
Posted: 11/6/2007 7:24:53 PM | | I've only dated one man that didn't have children, either teens or grown. He was the only one that was a problem in that department. | |
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| What about women my age with a child?
Posted: 6/29/2009 3:40:32 PM | | I'm in the same boat as you.....as soon as I say I have a son and he is only 8 years old....the tone in a man changes....my son is part of the package and some men are already over this scenario....there is nothing more fulfilling for me to come home to my son who loves me unconditionally......perhaps we have to pick a man who is in the same life stage as we are..... | |
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| What about women my age with a child?
Posted: 6/30/2009 1:46:03 AM | There are so many ways to think about this. In the end, it really depends on the children.
I never had an ex husband cause a problem in my relationship with a woman, but I have had children themselves decide they did not want to share Mom with ANYONE and there is no way happiness can result from that.
I have seen mothers want to put me way above the child in importance and that was such a turnoff.
And there have been the mothers who were very busy with the kids.....and maybe that is the way it should be. So, you have to have very patient and understanding mothers, kids and dates......a tall order. But when it works.....it can be great. | |
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| What about women my age with a child?
Posted: 6/30/2009 6:40:46 AM | ready said: I have seen mothers want to put me way above the child in importance and that was such a turnoff.
One of the reasons I did not date after my children's dad passed away young. My children had to be my prime focus.. I do not think they could have accepted another man in our life.. It was not until 14 years later and they were out on their own that I began to think about it.
By that time they just went into shock since they never thought I would contemplate another.. But once they came to terms with it they were fine. They just never saw me in that light.
thecatsmeoww | |
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| What about women my age with a child?
Posted: 6/30/2009 7:30:47 PM |
I call her my blessing child because she is. She's keeping me young at heart and I have discovered life is an adventure.
serendipity1955: You are darn right she is a blessing. All children are blessings.You should be so proud. I bet she's beautiful like her mother too! My grandmother used to always say "Children are loaned to us", so you enjoy every minute with her. She's precious!
So, guys, why the problem with mid-age single moms?
I love children so its never a problem with me. The problem becomes when you and the lucky gentleman want/need to spend quality time together alone. This is where the FATHER comes in. All I have ever asked of any woman that I date that has children is "Do they see their father?" I ask for 2 reasons. 1) Much as I may love your child, I can never be her "DAD". 2) A child should never be relegated to a babysitter becuase the parent wants/needs to be alone with the new person in their life. A child needs to know that they are #1 Priority and that appropriate arrangements need to be in the event that the FATHER cannot or will not be their for his son/daughter.
Just my thoughts here. Good Luck! I'm sure you'll do GREAT!
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| What about women my age with a child?
Posted: 9/14/2009 1:19:22 PM | It really doesn't bother me, afterall i am never going to get married again, so dating a woman with children is just that....a woman with children. You have to make a few more plans due to the fact that her main concern is the kids, but other then that it is all good.
My choice in order of likes would be a lady with no kids at all...but that is kinda hard to find so you make the best of the situation, after all she is getting you( in this case, me) so that might not be what she once thought life would be for her too! lol
Doug | |
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| What about women my age with a child?
Posted: 9/14/2009 1:23:32 PM | | Since I do love and enjoy most children it would be no problem for me. Right now I am casually dating a woman with a 12 year old daughter and another with a 9 year daughter. | |
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| What about women my age with a child?
Posted: 9/14/2009 2:46:57 PM | I agree that the statement: "my kids come first" is an insult to a man's intelligence and hostile sounding. You're calling me stupid and playing hard ball right off the bat. If you say you have kids and you tell me their ages, I will fully realize, on my own, that they are important to you.
I really appreciate the ladies who take the time to spell out their custody arrangements. Personally, I don't care about the kid's gender but their ages and how many is a must know.
One problem is that most of the profiles say: "Do you have children? Yes", and that's it! I need to know how many, and their ages. I can deal with you having kids but their age DOES matter. I've dated lots of ladies with young kids and we were seldom alone and it caused problems. The ladies need to decide if it is practical for them to be dating with their "child" situation.
Personally, I prefer NOT to meet the kids within the first 6 months. Nothing worse than liking them and being accepted by them, then a break up happens. No, no, no more hurting the kids! They've been through enough already. | |
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| What about women my age with a child?
Posted: 9/15/2009 3:29:04 AM |
Actually, though, I can tell you that Eddie isn't going far enough. The defiant declaration that "my kids come first" is, all too frequently, a hostile marking-out of boundaries, a statement to any man daring to approach, particularly those of us who have no children, "You've got something to prove, buster."
I agree. It is very aggressive and "in your face". How attractive to a potential partner eh?
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| What about women my age with a child?
Posted: 9/15/2009 2:20:59 PM | I think the statement "my kids come first" is really just that...a statement.
It's not unlike someone (like myself) who says they don't want drama or
don't care to carry anyone else's unnecessary baggage.
It might go without saying, but people with young children MIGHT say it
because they aren't always available at the drop of a hat to boogey off into
the sunset. They usually have time constrictions and they usually have to
plan ahead for anything they want to do without the kids.
I don't see "my kids come first" as a hostile anything.
I think it just depends how someone decides to take it and on what
word THEY decide to place the emphasis.
Frankly, my daughters are older, but anyone I'd be inclined to have a
relationship with would also have to have a good relationship with my
daughters. I wouldn't want to have to be put in the situation of making
any sort of stupid choices. Only one person loses in that scenario. | |
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| What about women my age with a child?
Posted: 9/16/2009 10:20:11 AM | I can never wrap my brain around men or women who put that glaring "My kids come first and are the love of my life" bit in their profile. Duh! Isn't that the way it's supposed to be? It's a no-brainer that you love your children. But it's even more annoying when I read it in a man's profile because it's like proclaiming "HEY LOOK AT ME! I'M SUCH A GREAT DAD! I DO STUFF WITH MY KIDS AND I PAY MY CHILD SUPPORT!" Is that what you're supposed to do, dude! You don't have to use that cliched line in your profile. I have a 10-year-old daughter, but I don't feel the need to say she comes first because of course she is going to come first. I do, however, have time to date and to develop a relationship. But there are there kid things that I do with her. But like anything in life, everything needs to be balanced.
To me anyone who feels the need to use that line is saying, you'll (in this case me) will never come first in any way -- heart or mind. I do believe that a certain amount of time needs to have passed before introducing someone to kids and that is when the relationship is a stable, serious one. | |
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| What about women my age with a child?
Posted: 9/16/2009 10:37:25 AM | | I too am 50 and have a sixteen yr old son at home. Sometimes it does make dating hard. I generally don't bring a man home with me until they have all met and there is some kind of rappart between them. And then still can't let them spend the night until I know the relationship is going somewhere. Argh lol | |
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| What about women my age with a child?
Posted: 9/16/2009 10:43:00 AM | my youngest is now out of the home. i fost/adopted my three at age 50 and we were finished being married around age 57. my SO at that time (age 58 for me and i believe he was 56), was first weary of teens, but he felt their pain and he tried. he had never been a dad himself. it got homey towards the end, playing board games together, etc. at first my kids were amazed that i dated, then amused. they treated him nicely. excpet my little one is very introverted. he found that confusing. not sure why as he was that too.
but, he never quite got it, knowing the pain of a child, but not the feelings of the mom. often i had to be stern with them in terms of consequences or responsibilties. he's start thinking back to his "lousy" childhood and get all teary. now that they are grown, he still seems confused about parental issues. my kid lives right near him and i get to hear from both of them and if they have seen each other recently. if they pass him on the street, they say hello.
my next and last serious man in my life, also had no kids. he watched them a bit more silently, as they come to visit a lot. i don't know where it would have gone after a while, because despite his intentions, he was still in mourning.
a man i just met on match pointed out to me that he wanted to retire and move to a retirement community. that would not sit with me. my friends range from my kids ages and all the way up. i need to hear voices and laughter and feel the energy in my house. not quite the type to succumb to the local country club. i guess everyone is different. i still don't see myelf as the retirement community type. stodgy is not me. | |
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