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| am I a dick for doing this...
Posted: 2/22/2007 3:10:19 PM | If you date for POTENTIAL, it is a loose loose situation. Let her cut her losses now and find a real man that will like her for ALL of her.  | |
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Jemue
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Joined: 1/26/2005
Msg: 177 | |
| am I a dick for doing this...
Posted: 2/22/2007 3:15:07 PM | | Love someone for who they are apposed to who you want them to be or become, if your trying to change a person and your not clicking on all levels already, leave it, plenty of fish about as they say. | |
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| am I a dick for doing this...
Posted: 2/22/2007 3:25:26 PM | I think that the essential aspect of attraction is connecting with a person on a deeper, non-physical level and appreciating them for who they are and not necessarily what they look like. However, attraction is also more than clicking with their personality; it also has a physical/carnal aspect in that we are both rational as well as instinctual beings. We have higher faculties of reason and logic, as well as desire, and to deny any aspect of this duality is to invite trouble into any relationship.
I don't think you're a****for wanting her to change for the better. I agree: any individual that has an eating disorder or a weight problem should have it taken care of because of the health risk involved. If her being overweight turns you off, then you could very, very gently suggest these changes, or begin to implement them with her gradually so that her feelings are not hurt in the process. If she doesn't want to change, then you have a decision to make; either you're attracted to her as she is, or you aren't. If you are, that's great; if not, then perhaps you should find someone else that is more compatible with you and your expectations.
As for some of the other posts about women not being able to lose weight, that is sheer nonsense. I can guarantee anyone here, man or woman, that if you calculate your BMI and minimum caloric intake, and add in exercise and caloric restriction (eating slightly less calories than your body needs for a sedentary lifestyle), then you will lose body fat. It's as simple as that; healthy diet and exercise can do wonders. Certainly more than excuses such as, "My medication must be the cause!" or "It runs in the family." With that said, I also think it's important to be comfortable with who you are, and if you want to change for the better, then you should do this because it's something you want to do for yourself, not something you think you have to do to impress others. But being comfortable with yourself does not imply making excuses for not improving. In fact, this is a certain indication that you aren't comfortable with yourself, but lack the motivation and drive to do anything about it. | |
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| am I a dick for doing this...
Posted: 2/22/2007 3:28:58 PM | Not at all.
As a matter of fact, I would say it shows how much you care.
Because.....you are worried about her health, and want to make her life better, not worse.
How is that complicated?
Oh yeah......teh telling her part.
Well, good luck with that! If you do get to it, I hope you try REALLY hard to make sure she knows you are coming from a super great place with it. And who knows...maybe she wants to loose some weight and would welcome the support. You just never know.
get some guts and go address it with her! lol. She has all the answers you seek!
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| am I a dick for doing this...
Posted: 2/22/2007 3:35:23 PM | The question is, really, why would you start seeing her in the first place if you weren't attracted to her?
Suggesting to someone that they lose weight is insensitive and cruel. First of all, that is not an easy feat and falls to the stereotype that people are simply overweight because they overeat. This is not the case. You should know that from your weight loss. And second because maybe that girl is comfortable in her skin, and suggesting she lose weight has the potential to shatter her self-worth/self-esteem.
Further, why is it you think that losing weight made you a better/good person? Does this mean that "overweight" people are bad? I think maybe this little (ridiculous and yes, shallow) dilemma of yours should be addressed in terms of looking at yourself and taking responsibility: why is this a problem for you and what is it about her looks/personality that you DO like?
So my advice is to try to figure out what the issue here really is, because you obviously had no problem going out with her for the last month. | |
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| am I a dick for doing this...
Posted: 2/22/2007 3:42:59 PM | | how rude are you for saying this girl should lose some weight. It really does make you a shallow person if you can,t see past this. Maybe she has issues with you and the way you look but wants to get to know you better for who you are not what yoou look like. And yes you have just confirmed all men are ***holes. | |
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| am I a dick for doing this...
Posted: 2/22/2007 3:54:09 PM | Suggesting she lose weight will not be taken kindly. In fact it will probably cause her to over eat and gain more. Critical words, or those perceived as such always have the oposite effect.
Why not take her to low calorie dinners, suggest you walk, swim, ride bikes. I would put the weight issue on myself, suggest that you are not happy with how out of shape you have become, even if it's not true, and ask for her help in getting more physically fit. Ask if she will join you in getting healthier | |
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| am I a dick for doing this...
Posted: 2/22/2007 4:13:48 PM | Wow,
Its really funny how some of these post come across. Dude, you gave it a chance, and I applaud you for that. I too don't think you have the right to ask her to lose weight, so if your not attracted to her you should move on. But I wont roast you like most of these people, what is a month in a life time, not a hell of a lot. So I don't think you took to long to tell this poor girl. Eventually she will meet someone who accepts her for who she is. As will you.
But as for all the other people calling this guy an a$$ because he has preferences, you are all very hypocritical. Everyone has preference to the perfect mate. And believe me the females are just as bad as the males. I have a weight problem, but opposite of most of the people on here. I can't gain weight ( yea I know weird hey). Its not a thyroid problem, its just me. There are lots and lots of shallow women out there. It gets frustrating, but at least this guy gave her a chance. Most people wont even give a chance to see what the person is really about, their personality. Maybe she doesn't deserve him, or vise versa. No one on here has the right to judge that.
Move on | |
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