| why do I (+ most women) love assholes??
Posted: 1/12/2008 9:43:52 PM | Take away the "most women".
If you attract and are attracted to ***holes YOU are in the minority.
Don't try and drag normal women down with you. | |
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| why do I (+ most women) love assholes??
Posted: 1/15/2008 9:26:54 PM | | My opinion: a man can not be an ***hole to you unless you have put yourself in the position to be treated badly. If you have to wonder " what is going on with this relationship" then girls, open your eyes. There is nothing there. It's time to move on. Yes, we all have met men that we have been attracted to, and maybe they are also attracted to us ( you), but, if you take your time, keep your eyes wide open, use some common sense, you know in your heart if it is right. Really, you can know that pretty quickly. Never lower your standards and keep your beliefs, and most of all be a lady. Things will work out if it is meant to be. | |
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Tootee
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Joined: 2/23/2008
Msg: 230 | |
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| why do I (+ most women) love assholes??
Posted: 3/7/2008 10:51:27 AM | Get a Cape superheroes all wear capes.
women have this thing inside of them that makes them think they have to save the world..
in reality it is just something missing inside, an empty space but rather than focus on that and try to repair themself
it is easier to say the problem is somewhere else.. so they distract themselves trying to make the world a better place.
so, instead of date a nice guy like me who on the surface appears to need no help from them.
they are drawn to losoers who dont want to do anything except get laid and learn new ways to get laid.
so thats why. then you got the looser chicks too, who dont want to do nothin but lay around n try to get laid too.
but. why guys go for them isnt the same reason i dont think. maybe at the root it is
but on the surface, women jsut think they can help. make a difference.
yet are not evolved enough to realise what loving a GOOD deserving man would do in the world.
its like.. comparing praying for a murderer to change his ways
to actively trying to change the murderer by getting invlved directly...
sort of. if you use your own brain a little, i make sense.... and im right :) | |
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adie
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Joined: 6/14/2007
Msg: 232 | |
| why do I (+ most women) love assholes??
Posted: 3/7/2008 10:55:30 AM | You cannot help how you feel. Do what you have to do to avoid calling him or having anything to do with you. He does not have the right to treat you as badly as he doe.
I know it is easy to say, "stay away from him" but that is what you have to do. Believe me I know.
In my own experience, it took me over 4 years to get over a relationship with someone. ALthough I thought about him day and night and wanted nothing else but to be with him, I finally realized that I had under valued my own self worth, in the process of trying to please him.
It takes will power..but stay away from him. At some point he will realize what he lost and will come back to you. That is when you can tell me where to go. When that time comes, you will feel so good.
Believe me, it will be worth it in the end.
Meanwhile, be strong.
My heart goes out to you.
Take care. | |
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| why do I (+ most women) love assholes??
Posted: 3/7/2008 11:18:58 AM | Basically you're a neurotic. You're attracted to certain definable qualities in men that have been ingrained in your psyche since childhood. You're no different from the women who keeps hooking up with abusive difficult men who often have problems with alcohol or drugs (legal of illegal).
Although you don't realize it, you've have met many OK men in your life with whom you could have had a successful life, but you've blown them off for various reasons like they weren't exciting, didn't part their hair correctly (for you), didn't dance the hokey pokey, or for inumerable other unimportant reasons.
Many men and women look for an undefinable connection between themselves and the opposite sex when they first meet. Unfortunately the drunk always recognizes the enabler when he meets her and knows exactly how to manipulate her. The abuser always recognizes the abused and knows exactly the line to lay upon her too.
Many women (and men too) have such a distorted view of love and the elements of what makes a good relationship they'll spend a lifetime of searching for something that doesn't exist except in their own minds and and some screenplay writer's.
Another unfortunate fact is many women are suckers for broken men with the idea of changing, improving, and nursing them back to health. They love the sheer agnoy of their misery.
You can blame your parents (who certainly are at fault but were broken themselves), friends (birds of a feather hang together), and your string of lovers, but the problem really lays deep inside of you (alas poor Yurick the fault lays not in the stars but in ourselves).
It will take several years of therapy to see what you need to do to change. I guess if the drunk can get clean and sober, there is hope; however, the percentage is small who do.
The Eagle | |
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| why do I (+ most women) love assholes??
Posted: 3/7/2008 4:01:25 PM | | has anybody ever asked themselves what all there ex's have in common? i have and they were all a**holes in surtan ways...i swear its the attitude's they have drawn us in then we get hooked on the attitude from them so even after the break up we never seem to meet the "right" one or the "nice guy" we want cause the attitude got us hooked...i always question the guy before considering dating even now if i really really like him cause he's probably an a**hole deep down inside who will only hurt me | |
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| why do I (+ most women) love assholes??
Posted: 3/7/2008 4:08:57 PM | why do I (+ most women) love ***holes??
Because they are tight and sometimes taste good!
Be careful of the ones that don't or that talk a lot of sh1t. | |
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| why do I (+ most women) love assholes??
Posted: 3/7/2008 4:20:11 PM | People think he is an arsehole because you are always complaning and running him down and painting a grim pitcure of him, and they have now come to see him that way exactly as you have painted him.
No wonder he is gone, listen to you........ Every man you date is an arsehole, I have a sister like you,
I used to get phone calls for 6 years about her arsehole boyfriend and it was the same ias you, he is such an arsehole he wont do this he wont do that , this happens that doesnt happen, etc etc etc,
I never once got a pleasant phone call, I didnt realise that I now had an opinion of him, I told her to leave him, get over him etc etc,
I eventually asked her to tell me the reasons she cant get over him and to point to the good he does, and I was so surprised when I got a lsit of all the things he had done for her and learnt more about him, and then asked her to explain why he is such an arsehole.
I know longer give her sympathy, he is ok, he jsut wont do everythign she wants, and wont be manipulated by her.
anyone who calls their partner an arshole is abusive and it you and my sister who have the problem becsue yoru both trying tohang to men who your not happy with and are making
all men are wise to steer clear of you and my sister and the family and friends should stop supporting you and listenign to you running these men down.
Leave him alone, yoru now harrassing him and that is abuse jsut as calling him names is abuse.
you have a serious problem if it was a man doing it to you, you would get a court order to stop him, men dont tend to do this they jsut put up with it silence. | |
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| why do I (+ most women) love assholes??
Posted: 3/7/2008 4:50:44 PM | I dunno....maybe because you that do also are a$$holes too??... there is a saying that "it takes one to like one", and that goes for many character qualities and characteristics. Interesting question, but like always, the answers are found within THEE
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| why do I (+ most women) love assholes??
Posted: 3/7/2008 4:51:32 PM | | I think that I`m an A`hole. I`m 59 and she is 52 we had a relationship for 14 months Sept/06 t0 Nov16/07. She broke up with me because she wanted someone who would jump onto new things and not be reluctant or hesitant to do these things. Many times she would suggest and have ideas to do things and I didn`t. To make a long story short I thought everything was okay and then long weekend in Nov. rememberance day for the vets was the weekend that I think I killed my relationship. Although she said I didn`t do anything I know that I had done something . Tell me if your guys laid on the couch and drifted off to sleep and then got up and without a word go to bed and basically repeat the that same senario the next day in the evening and just go straight to be without even a word or kiss etc would you breakup with him? That`s why I think of myself as the A`hole. Couple of e-mails from her she says that her feelings for me are not strong enough to carrying on and to even live together. Yet 3 weeks earlier in Oct. she asked me about moving in. I of course wanted time to think about it. We owned our own homes and she lives on the other side of the city. I am still hurting for her and I am just so tempted to phone or go by her place. But better judgement prevents me from doing such a thing. Yes I am an A`hole for losing such a wonderful person. We did lots of things together and now I am missing them and her . | |
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| why do I (+ most women) love assholes??
Posted: 3/7/2008 4:52:19 PM | | I think that I`m an A`hole. I`m 59 and she is 52 we had a relationship for 14 months Sept/06 t0 Nov16/07. She broke up with me because she wanted someone who would jump onto new things and not be reluctant or hesitant to do these things. Many times she would suggest and have ideas to do things and I didn`t. To make a long story short I thought everything was okay and then long weekend in Nov. rememberance day for the vets was the weekend that I think I killed my relationship. Although she said I didn`t do anything I know that I had done something . Tell me if your guys laid on the couch and drifted off to sleep and then got up and without a word go to bed and basically repeat the that same senario the next day in the evening and just go straight to be without even a word or kiss etc would you breakup with him? That`s why I think of myself as the A`hole. Couple of e-mails from her she says that her feelings for me are not strong enough to carrying on and to even live together. Yet 3 weeks earlier in Oct. she asked me about moving in. I of course wanted time to think about it. We owned our own homes and she lives on the other side of the city. I am still hurting for her and I am just so tempted to phone or go by her place. But better judgement prevents me from doing such a thing. Yes I am an A`hole for losing such a wonderful person. We did lots of things together and now I am missing them and her . | |
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| why do I (+ most women) love assholes??
Posted: 3/7/2008 9:41:34 PM | | Excellent advise if you ask me! Cut him loose and heal thineself!! Take care of yourself first and forget about him. Do things for yourself! Let yourself heal and get your self esteem back! I've been working on this same process over the last seven years and I have a much better life today than I ever did with the ex. I certainly will never allow him to even come near my life, he isn't worth it and yours isn't either! | |
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| why do I (+ most women) love assholes??
Posted: 3/7/2008 10:56:46 PM | I am not sure that this theory has been proposed as I'd prefer not to wade through the other hundred or so replies. 
My best friend (a male in this case) was in a long term relationship with a woman and they eventually married. While she had her issues, she remained a loyal and loving girlfriend and wife for many years. At the end of their marriage, her behaviour became erratic and she eventually "fell" for someone else. While he was devastated, my friend almost immediately fell for another woman once the divorce was finalized. This new woman's physical and behavioural characteristics were almost identical to that of his ex wife. Specifically, his ex wife's negative emotional characteristics were a perfect match with his new girlfriend. The new girlfriend was highly materialistic, moody, and downright cruel to him, matching the same behaviour exhibited by his ex wife at the end of their marriage. His friends and his family could all see the striking resemblance however he could not.
I thought about his situation and compared it with my own experiences and those of my other friends. It seems as though many of us will continue to make the same "errors" of the past in an effort to (symbolically?) resolve those past conflicts. In the case of my friend, he was devastated and attempted to reconcile with his ex wife many times before it was over. When it was over in spite of his efforts, he found an "equivalent" to the ex. I thought it more than coincidence that of the few dozen relationships for which he's been involved, he finds the exact match. Particularly, the fact that this new girlfriend is burdened with precisely the same negative emotional traits - he's beginning again with where he last left off.
In my own experience, I've noticed an almost perfect correlation between a woman's history (childhood, family, past relationships) and her ability to function "normally" in a relationship. In other words, those women who were well adjusted and generally happy were always the ones who had the fewest tramautic experiences. With specific reference to your case of "seeking ***holes", I've always found those women to have had serious difficulties in their lives. For example, one friend that I knew was always going back to the verbally and physically abusive ex boyfriend. Not coincidentally, her childhood experiences involved heavy physical and verbal abuse from both parents (particularly the father). Is this a subconscious attempt to make amends with the past or even correct it? Alternately, has the person subconsciously linked love with the experience of verbal/physical abuse?
I know that many of you may think that this is a far out theory but it's one that I've observed time and time again. I would also like to mention that there are always many exceptions to any theory or rule. It's just food for thought. | |
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| why do I (+ most women) love assholes??
Posted: 3/7/2008 11:08:42 PM | | I can't stand a$$holes...there's no shortage of them. I'm sorry you're a magnet for them. It's alright...you'll get tired of them eventually and find a much better man...when you're NOT looking. Love, Titus | |
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| why do I (+ most women) love assholes??
Posted: 3/7/2008 11:25:42 PM | because you do, its life.
you feel attracted to ***holes because its different, its dangerous and exciting.
Though every girl wants a nice guy, its always the same they say that but in retrospect they want the ***hole. It might be different for some but for most its all the same. | |
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| why do I (+ most women) love assholes??
Posted: 3/7/2008 11:32:58 PM | i know that when i used to drink that i was caught in a negative pattern. it sounds to me, like you have a substance abuse problem~ maybe drink too much? mayber go to a reahabilitation center for a 12 step program
or possibly suffer from depression or bipolar and need to see a psychiatrist and a therapist to get unstuck from this behaviorial pattern
usually when a woman is stuck on a bad man there is a reason behind it, and that pattern needs to be broken.
there are women's abuse groups which will offer counselling also.
YOU NEED TO WANT TO CHANGE. | |
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| why do I (+ most women) love assholes??
Posted: 3/8/2008 4:32:35 AM | | I don't love ***holes, if a man shows himself to be one, he is gone from my life. It makes dating very difficult, since it seems that the nice men that I meet always seem to like the ***hole women, and I am not one of those women. | |
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| why do I (+ most women) love assholes??
Posted: 3/8/2008 4:45:38 AM | I personally beleive that it may also be some sort of an illness or disorder. I mean if you think about all the different conditions we have medical names for and that people classify, I think this one may be put somewhere there. It's not too different from someone who keeps trying the same thing over and over again trying to achieve a goal and they never succed, but they keep trying thinking that it will change. I think there is a term for that lol. This may be some sort of an obsession, and maybe even uhmm I dunno insanity? No different then an alcoholic knowing that he or she has a drinking problem, and that it's not good for them, but they drink nontheless thinking it alone will heal things when in fact it is the very thing that is primarily responsible for their problem. The only difference is, atleast with an alcoholic or a drug addict, they do have legitamite excuses for continuing their drinking or drug taking, as it is an addiction and much harder to overcome because it does effect the brain chemistry over time. But here, with liking "***holes", one would think that this would be way more controllable and therefore there is less excuse for this then their would be for alchohol or drug addictions. But thats not saying that this "liking" of "***holes" is not a sickness also, because I beleive it is. Again assuming we understand what one means by the term "***hole". I'm not talking about the assertive guy, who can be tough, and stands up for what he beleives and is strong minded and may play fire with fire sometimes if neccessary, but is essentially a good person....I mean I am like that, and I don't beleive there is anything wrong with that as long as it is controlled and channeled in the right way.
By ***hole, (atleast to me) I am thinking of a real jerk who is just not a good guy or person to be around, they are selfish, self-centered, think they are better then others, narcissistic etc.
Also another thing, as some posters have mentioned, it's not fair to say "most women", as we don't know that and it is unfair to assume that, because that may be getting too generalizing. | |
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