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| why do I (+ most women) love assholes??
Posted: 7/13/2006 12:41:50 PM | I think the only reason you want him is because you cant have him and that drives
you crazy but I garantee if you force your self to get out of the habit of liking what
you cant have and appreciating what you can have you will be much happier.Be
different and love only people that love you back.Everybody always wants someone
that doesnt love them because they have an instinctual ego that says He or She
has to love Me because Im so great but in reality nobody has to give a rats ass
about you.So My advice is try to not get bored with people that love you back and
try to focus your energy on giving instead of trieng to take what doesnt want to be given.
new one | |
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| why do I (+ most women) love assholes??
Posted: 7/13/2006 12:59:25 PM | Now that is some good advise^^^
And it works.
Get rid of the jerks.
They will drive you up a wall,
until you want to ball.
and you will absolutely go berzercks!
LET THEM GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO and you will feel much better. I have been there and ever since I got the LET THEM GO philosophy, life has made a turn for the better. | |
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| why do I (+ most women) love assholes??
Posted: 7/13/2006 2:43:50 PM | I really need this pinned. This explains the difference between nice guys, balanced men and jerks. It also explains at the end why women love jerks...
1.) THE NICE GUY: Any man who exibits any combination of the following behaviors,
a.) Low self-esteem; doesn't value himself highly. Might be out of past failures or other deep-rooted emotional issues
b.) Constantly seeks approval/validation/attention from others, usually out of a low amount of self-worth (See a.)
c.) Insecure; doesn't feel that a high quality person should like him (See a. so is constantly fearful that he will lose them
d.) Controlling/posessive/domineering/clingy/suffocating behavior; overcalling, etc.. (See c.)
e.) Idealizes potential mates (overlooks flaws AKA "Puts them on a pedastal") as well as relationships (invests large amounts of emotion/time/energy/money into relationships early on)
f.) Doesn't take responsibility for his actions
g.) Claims he's victimized; attributes his own flaws and shortcomings to external circumstances and/or other people (See f.)
h.) Self-concious/nervous around attrative women; Cares what others think, doesn't want anyone to dissaprove of him (See b.)
i.) Strong amounts of jealously (See d.); makes people feel guilty when they enjoy time WITHOUT him
k.) Kisses-up/trys to be totally agreeable/submissive to try and "score points" with a woman
l.) Doesn't lead; he's submissive, always wants to make sure EVERYTHING he's doing is okay with her; over-apologetic
m.) Doesn't draw boundaries; gives women whatever they want in return for love/sex/approval; accepts second-class behavior for the possible reward of the aforementioned. Doesn't say "No" very often; doesnt want to cause any "waves" (See h.)
n.) Poor/weak body language; little or no eye contact, leans foward out of nervousness, fast/jerky movements, nervous ticks/figety habits, hands in pockets, bad posture/doesn't stand up straight
o.) Is easily emotionally destabilized; gets worked up over meaningless things
p.) Common use of self-deprecating humor to get approval/pity/empathy (See b.)
q.) Feels guilt for his natural sexual desires, maybe even LOOKING an a woman
r.) Whines/complains; usually to get pity/empathy
s.) Favors short-sighted/instant gratification thinking
The "nice-guy" is the personification of attributes in a man that women ultimately DO NOT feel attraction for.
Any man who wants to have genuine sucess with women should AVOID these at all costs
Women all around the globe, despite different backgrounds and upbringing, generally respond the same way to this type of man.
Nice-guys almost always act victimized and attribute their lack of sucess to outside factors they claim are out of their control. They think that it's not their fault (I.E "SHE'S IMMATURE FOR LIKING BAD BOYS" "SHE DOESNT RECOGNIZE GOOD GUYS WHEN SHE SEES THEM" "SHE HAS ISSUES" Sound familiar?). Many nice-guys harbor a [secret] belief that they're better than other men ("I bought her 20 roses on the 2nd date" "I waited in the rain for her for 3 hours" "I lent her money when she went over her credit card limit). However, the reality is that if you're doing something [NICE] to get something in return, you are being MANIPULATIVE. Nice guys will go through their entire lives living in a continual state of self-deception; convinced that they are "Good guys" and that they are better than others.
The fact of the matter is that nice guys do not have traits that make them appealing/attractive to the opposite sex.
The lack everything in a man that practically every woman wants. And that man is...
-------------------------------------------------
2.) THE REAL MAN: (BALANCED) Any man who exibits any combination of the following behaviors.
a.) Has a HIGH amount of self-esteem; views himself as high-status
b.) Doesnt need any outside approval or attention from ANYONE to be happy
c.) Unself-concious; doesnt care what others thinks of him
d.) Is NEVER insecure or nervous (espcially around desireable women), and he sub-communicates this in every little way
e.) Self-confident; NEVER arrogant or insecure, POSSIBLY slightly-cocky. May tease women in a friendly way
f.) Does not let outside events/other peoples opinions (See c.) emotionally destabilize him; is always in control of his emotions
g.) Takes full responsibility for all of his actions
h.) Never whines or complains to get approval or empathy; always accepts the world for exactly what it is
i.) Judges people based on character and personality.. NOT outward appearance/material items
j.) Can be brutally honest (while still being respectful) with everyone(including himself) and is not afraid to put someone in their place when they are out of line; isn't afraid to speak his mind
k.) Isn't afraid to draw boundaries
l.) Mature.. in every sense of the word
m.) Has a PURPOSE in life that he never betrays and pro-actively/ambitiously works towards
n.) Goal-oriented thinker; favors long-term gratification over short (See l.)
o.) Isn't afraid to lead and take control of a situation; doesnt have hesitancy moving foward
p.) Never feels ashamed for his sexual desires & needs; always sexually confident
q.) Is always "himself", and is content with whatever that is (See a.)
r.) Doesn't tolerate disrespect to himself, his property, or his time
s.) Doesn't let women use their sexual power to get anything (whether it be money, or self-respect) from him
t.) Loyal
u.) Compassionate
v.) Independant
w.) Is perfectly happy and fufilled being single; sure, he'd like to find an attractive/beautiful/intelligent woman to spend time with but he doesnt NEED it
x.) Comfortable in the presence of other high-status and/or sophisticated people
y.) Doesnt experience jealousy; is perfectly fine when a woman exersizes her independence and encourages it; enjoys it when others shine
z.) Strong/confident/powerful body language (Stands up straight, doesnt break eye contact, doesnt have any nervous ticks, doesnt have quick/jerky movements, leans back out of self-confidence and lack of nervousness)
a1.) Doesn't feel the need to compensate for himself through gifts, expensive restaurants (Doing either of these things from a place of confidence and high-value is on the other hand OKAY)
a2.) DOESNT invest all his emotion/time into a relationship too early on. He remains an ambiguous challenge
The real man is the polar opposite of the "nice-guy". He is the manfestation of traits in a man that woman universally & naturally feel the emotion of attraction for.
-------------------------------
There's no denying that women respond strongy to these kind of men. The real man is a archetype for the next kind of man..
3.) "THE BAD BOY"
The bad boy is a man who posses certain appealing qualities of a real-man, but packaged along with negative traits
He may be physically and/or emotionally abusive, harbor bad-habits (drug abuse, alcholism, etc..), objectify or
degrade women, etc..
The bad boy is appealing because he shares traits with the real-man.
The bad boy and real the real man should NEVER get confused. They are two very different creatures; one is a mature man while the other is simply a boy in a mans body; a neotenous adult. | |
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| why do I (+ most women) love assholes??
Posted: 7/13/2006 3:12:49 PM | Wow Jarbarian, you better go take a nap now
Very good post.
I honestly think working very hard to correct your own flaws and making the very best of yourself that you possibly can makes things kind of fall into place naturally. I am sure there are plenty of "hybrids" between the nice guy and the real man out there. Your post makes very good sense.
I find that when you are truly feeling best about yourself, you can apply WAY more from the real man list than you can from the nice guy list to yourself.
Do you think there are any guys out there that meet EVERYTHING on one or the other of the lists or are we more of a mix tending to lean more towards one list or the other?
Just wondering your opinion on that one.
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| why do I (+ most women) love assholes??
Posted: 7/29/2006 6:37:25 PM | | Ok here's my oppinion on that subject. Girls like ass holes because they know that those guys don't have any expectations other than having a good time and well great sex. It's convenient for you girls. You don't have to think about the future. They sure as hell wont. The thing is you get caught up and start liking this moron. You try to change him and in 99% of the cases you fail. The thing is do you want to lower your standards or do you give up and start looking again. Be smart look for a good person they will try to please you if they really want to be with you. Nice guy do like bad girls. You don't have to hide it. We will join you. | |
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| why do I (+ most women) love assholes??
Posted: 7/29/2006 6:53:22 PM | | ^ A real man doesn't think he has all the answers, he knows that life is about constantly learning, changing, and adapting to new situations in his life. Life is about being yourself, and living in today, there are no easy 1,2,3 set answers to life. | |
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| why do I (+ most women) love assholes??
Posted: 8/18/2006 2:24:27 PM | | Girls don't go for ***holes on purpose. The guy after a while for some reason truns into an ***hole. Maybe it is because the guy really has an ***hole nature and can't handel real honest human contact with a women. It's just that most women are to srong willed for the ***hole type and end up telling them to go **** themselves. Men can't handel a stong women. | |
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| why do I (+ most women) love assholes??
Posted: 8/19/2006 8:36:25 AM | | I think I am a good person as opposed to being a nice guy. I can have a wild, fun, crazy side at times. is it safe to say a good person can get the woman more than an ***hole? | |
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| why do I (+ most women) love assholes??
Posted: 8/19/2006 11:20:30 AM | ****, man. I think the framing of this question should be readjusted. It's a matter of desire, and if you provide too much, I feel like you end up not desiring the safest shot. I talked with my lady-friends about this and they agree that a sweet guy giving too much in a relationship is sort of bland. There has to be something that is unnattainable. It's a game of keep-away, sort of. So, if you give a lot and are really sweet, the other types who are aloof, etc., are just more likely to be desired.
Their words, not mine (except now).
Now, I've decided to join the dark-side, and I suggest that all you nice guys do the same!  | |
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| why do I (+ most women) love assholes??
Posted: 8/19/2006 11:43:10 AM | Hey anita_doobie:
It is SO unfortunate, that woman for one, go through these situations.
Instead of dealing with the problem, which I think that you already know what they are.
Try looking for solutions to the problem.
Are you much happier without him, then being with him?
Would you gain more self-respect, and respect from others, by not being with him.
Do you now enjoy doing some of the things now, that you used to do, without being with him.
If so, let te guy go, and put him in the past where he belongs, and make improvements to YOUR life, that you enjoy doing.
Try not to fall into that trap that some woman unfortunately get themselves into, of trying to change him.
You CANNOT change him.
ONLY HE, can change him, IF, he wants to. | |
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| why do I (+ most women) love assholes??
Posted: 8/19/2006 11:58:15 AM | Most men are born ***holes, and only grow bigger. They start as ***holes and stay that way the rest of their lives.
Ahh, ok atouchoftink:
I would like to rephraze that.
Yes, "some" men, are a**holes, no question of that, and I have seen it for myself.
However, there are some men that are NOT, a**holes, which I have seen as well.
I strongly detesk the men that are a**holes, that treat good woman like dirt.
So if you are looking for a specail guy, atouchoftink, try looking for one, who will love you, and only you, and who will make you feel special, and tingley all over.
A guy that is a pleasure to be with, rather then a pain.
The good guys are out there, but are overshadowed by the a**holes, so it is going to take some careful time looking. | |
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| why do I (+ most women) love assholes??
Posted: 8/19/2006 10:43:36 PM | | Because most women cant tell the difference between arrogance and confidance. They mistake loud obnoxious behavior for confidence. By the time they realize the guy is just a jerk who is insecure its to late. Hence the never ending complaint from women why are all guys ***holes. Were not. Just smarten up and stop picking the same type guy over and over again. | |
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| Where can I get "jerk" lessons?
Posted: 8/19/2006 10:51:29 PM | | Sounds like they have all the girls and all the fun. Or is there a jerk gene? Maybe I should find an all-around town jerk to be my mentor. | |
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| why do I (+ most women) love assholes??
Posted: 8/19/2006 11:36:23 PM | In evolutionary terms, a more aggressive dominant male ensures healthier, stronger, more aggressive offspring who have a better chance of survival.
If a woman is using her brain more than her biology, she will know that such a man does not make a good long-term companion. Unfortunately that knowledge comes with age and maturity. | |
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| why do I (+ most women) love assholes??
Posted: 8/20/2006 12:32:42 AM |
MSG 17
So why do girls like a$$holes? The debate of nice guys vs a$$holes is one of the oldest of relationships and seduction issues. The essence of being a "nice guy" however is widely misunderstood. It is believed, that being polite, considerate, friendly, tender, romantic etc is what being a "nice guy" is all about and thus should be avoided, as it is the "a$$hole", the rude, the inconsiderate, he impolite, the rough guy who always gets to shag the girl while the "nice guy" is waiting outside in the pouring rain with flowers in his hand... and waiting... and waiting...
It doesn't however mean, that women prefer rude over polite, inconsiderate over considerate etc. It all becomes clear when we look at a very important issue often overlooked when trying to define, what makes the "a$$holes" beat the "nice guys" when it comes to getting the girls. One reason is sexuality - the "a$$holes" are not afraid to show that they are sexual beings, while for the "nice guys" hiding their sexuality is part of their agenda of being friendly, polite and courteous towards women. Big mistake…
Women fall for **stards because they don't turn off the sexuality. "Nice guys” think women will be terrified of their sexuality, so they turn it off and all they get is women responding to their androgyny - sending all nice guys to Let’s Just Be Friends-land"
Confidence. Another reason why women prefer a$$holes to nice guys is because a$$holes, in all their smug superiority, display more confidence than nice guys, who actually worry about what impression they make. “Nice guys” appear weak/lack confidence when they place a woman on a pedestal, showering her with gifts and flowers, agreeing with every opinion she has, being submissive. Woman like men who have a spine! Who have the confidence to stand by their own opinions. mmmmmm...in all fairness, i once attempted to agree with you, and probably spouted the same sage advice. I'm sure it's still sage advice to you and others. Obviously i currently disagree with this point of view.
There's no "nice guy" and there's no "bad boy"...that's like talking about women and Madonna/Whore complex. It's merely pop psychology. Let's "pop" the thought bubbles shall we and show this 'debate' for what it really is.
(1) "The debate of nice guys vs a$$holes is one of the oldest of relationships and seduction issues." The implication here is that it's the oldest debate running - not. Ask yourselves something different: How did seduction evolve? Assuming we don't all live under rocks, the seduction technique would solidify after a few million years, add in language and bob's yer uncle, fanny's yer aunt. sex.
(2) "One reason is sexuality - the "a$$holes" are not afraid to show that they are sexual beings" The implication here lies in portraying confidence, when the real truth simply lies in the fact "bad boys" think every girl wants them 24/7. it's not hard to miss cues from women when you think EVERYTHING is a cue.
(3) "'Nice guys' think women will be terrified of their sexuality, so they turn it off and all they get is women responding to their androgyny - sending all nice guys to Let’s Just Be Friends-land" The implication here lies squarely in the stereotype of 'Just Friends'...Not to belittle the "when harry met sally" wonderland this concept regurgitates, but i've never seen anyone in this scenario treat each other as friends. In fact, it's kind of hard to swallow the "friends zone" when it's anything but 'DOORMAT' (look, it's a stereotype, plus a really really old lie to boot. And everyone knows it's a lie, subconsciously)
(4) "Woman like men who have a spine! Who have the confidence to stand by their own opinions." The implication is obvious: REAL MEN don't cry {etc, et al., ad finitum} Look, i'll make it simple: There are a great many guys out there who HAVE girlfriends or wives who are perfectly "nice", have great sex, and possibly even be in love (and know what love is)
In closing, anyone buying into the blather about niceguy/badboy fails to realize that some guys really don't want sex 24/7. We can't all be dogs humping the nearest feminine appendage at the drop of a hat. And simply having that urge doesn't convey one iota of 'confidence' (the 'urge' is backed up by millenia of tradition in 'seduction', so i suppose having "one's own opinion" is a big fat lie as well) | |
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| why do I (+ most women) love assholes??
Posted: 8/20/2006 6:48:44 AM |
(2) "One reason is sexuality - the "a$$holes" are not afraid to show that they are sexual beings" The implication here lies in portraying confidence, when the real truth simply lies in the fact "bad boys" think every girl wants them 24/7. it's not hard to miss cues from women when you think EVERYTHING is a cue.
(3) "'Nice guys' think women will be terrified of their sexuality, so they turn it off and all they get is women responding to their androgyny - sending all nice guys to Let’s Just Be Friends-land" The implication here lies squarely in the stereotype of 'Just Friends'...Not to belittle the "when harry met sally" wonderland this concept regurgitates, but i've never seen anyone in this scenario treat each other as friends. In fact, it's kind of hard to swallow the "friends zone" when it's anything but 'DOORMAT' (look, it's a stereotype, plus a really really old lie to boot. And everyone knows it's a lie, subconsciously)
One of the best explanations yet. What happens when a formerly non-aggressive decides to "turn it on"? He is so unpracticed that he is soon marked as a nuisance at best or gets accused of harrassment at worst. | |
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| No thanks to the nasty people.
Posted: 8/20/2006 6:51:05 AM |
Maybe you need one to feel better about yourself.
Maybe. But jerks prefer the company of other jerks. | |
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